Sam started out the door, leaving Matt to ponder how it must have been for him to witness his woman marry another man. “I’m so sorry,” Matt whispered, staring after his father.
Six
Could they become a family? Could it be done through sheer force of will? Matt pondered such questions as he watched his mother-in-law go about Gledhill’s miniature graveyard without so much as a glance in his direction. After placing a Sonia rose on the marker inscribed Stone Baby 1899, Janie Stone dusted off her hands and moved back to her car. Matt stood on the front porch and watched her departure, contemplating exactly what he was going to do about the newest abyss between himself and his wife.
So. What does this baby mean to a six-month marriage? he wondered as he journeyed up the stairs. Turning toward the bedroom, Matt realized he knew the answer to at least one of the questions drifting around in his mind. He didn’t want his marriage to end in six months. He wanted them to continue on as a family.
Being Matt Ransom, he didn’t pause to reflect on why he might want to keep Perri as his wife. Instead, his finely tuned skills at strategy quickly worked out how best to present this change of heart and get her to agree.
What kind of a husband can I be to her? Matt wondered as he entered the master bedroom. He paused as his gaze fell upon her. She didn’t look particularly delighted to see him.
Turning to search his face for answers of her own, Perri said nothing. She grimly stood by the brass bed and watched him remove the sportcoat he had worn for their appointment with the doctor. His dress shirt had made its way to the doorknob of the closet before she finally found her voice. “I am not thrilled about this,” she stated, gesturing around the room.
The man had already given her such a headache, just looking at him hurt. Perri gingerly lifted the back of her neck. If she could just get the pain at the back of her head to let up, maybe the pounding in her temples would lessen as well.
Perri scolded herself into not throwing something at him. Matt had been careful, even methodical, she noted as she looked around. He hadn’t just dumped her stuff in his room. He had paid attention to what he was doing with her property when he’d moved her things out of the little bedroom facing the backyard.
He had certainly been busy in the interval between the doctor’s and Sam’s. Even the humidor for his occasional cigars had thoughtfully disappeared. Matt had truly made an effort to subdue his own presence upon the space.
Some thought had gone into the way he had hung her clothes in his closet, and how he’d carefully placed her clock and journal on top of the nightstand. It looked as if a swift but determined effort had been made to create a shared bedroom.
“Perhaps you’d be kind enough to explain why my things have been moved in here,” she stated waspishly. “Is this your subtle way of telling me that we’re going to be sleeping together?” Now her shoulders were beginning to throb. Her eyes definitely felt smaller and filled with grit. Perri hugged herself and started for the door. Matt immediately blocked her.
“Please put everything—”
“You have a headache, don’t you?” he asked softly. “You need an ice pack. I’ll get it,” he said, gently leading her to that enormous brass bed. “Let me,” he urged, quiet but determined.
Perri lay on the bed and watched him solemnly remove her shoes. Matt rubbed her arms and hands. She batted fretfully at him when be began to unbutton her blouse. “I’m just going to massage your neck and shoulders,” he said, ignoring her efforts. “Come on, honey, on your stomach.”
Feeling slightly foolish, Perri sighed dramatically, removed her blouse and turned to grip the ornate brass bars in stoic obedience. Matt chuckled as he gently caressed where neck and skull joined. The way he proceeded to slowly stroke the column of her neck didn’t really qualify as massage, but she didn’t mention it. His hand was so warm, so familiar. His strength so real. Her breathing was beginning to shorten, and her fingers curled more tightly around the brass.
Perri bit back a moan as he slowly began to work on her shoulders. A tiny spark of heat flickered low in her belly, growing steadily. She sighed, remembering. He had always had such great hands. And even though he used them now only to soothe, she knew he could feel her bones begin to melt. She fought the impulse to curve into his touch.
“That’s right, hon. That’s good.” He patted her bottom easily. “I’ll be right back,” he said, pulling on a dark green T-shirt. He found an afghan to cover her against the air conditioner’s chill before heading toward the hall.
Matt and a baby. The look of triumph he had quickly damped down when he had pinned her to the fridge the other day had confirmed something she’d known intuitively. Matt wanted this baby. And he needed a caretaker for that child. So, for the present at least, he considered her essential. Her husband might not love her, but he knew he needed her. She realized she hadn’t let go of the bars.
As it welled up within her, the overwhelming desire she felt to have Matt’s baby brought tears to her eyes. She had always slammed down on, danced away from such need before. The need for this, this child. Wanting Matt’s baby had been the source of her continuing to run. She could see that now. The combination of unacknowledged longing and actively moving on had kept the past reserved. No wonder I never married. The thought came uninvited.
A new generation. A Stone-Ransom baby. The thought of it caused her throat to close. The child would have to be told how it all came about. A child of love, she thought fiercely, knowing she would always make that clear. What she and Matt were doing to preserve Gledhill gave this baby a special heritage. It made them a part of the claim upon this land.
Well, they were going to have to talk about what would happen when the six months were up. They would have to think of the baby. Perri had never felt a greater need for Gannie’s strength and wisdom than she did at the moment. She could hear Matt ascending the stairs.
He came in with an ice pack and a damp towel. She rolled over onto her back and studied him a little warily as he tended to her needs. “How did you know?” she inquired softly. “How did you know so suddenly that I was pregnant?”
“I’ve known you a long time, hon,” he remarked as he gently settled the back of her head against the ice pack. “All I really had to do was to see what was in front of my eyes. That’s all.” He paused briefly as he realized how inapt that remark sounded, in light of what he had learned about his mother.
“And the food projects,” he added as an afterthought She looked puzzled. “Per, you made chih con queso and that cheese football-thing at the same time.” He breathed an exaggerated sigh in response to her look. “Am I the only one here who knows anything about being pregnant?” Matt asked. He chuckled as she glared at him. “Figures.”
Matt reached into the drawer of the nightstand and pulled out a little velvet box. “I want you to have this, hon,” he said softly. “It belongs to you. I’ve kept it for you a long time.”
Perri had to swallow hard as she silently took the box from him. Opening it, she carefully removed the familiar locket. It weighed with the years between them as it rested in her hand. She could barely look at it; it meant too much. “Thank you, Matt. That was thoughtful of you,” she said formally. Somehow, even though the air-conditioning cooled the room, the necklace burned her with remorse.
Perri gripped the locket tightly, as if she could physically grasp hold of a second chance. Was there a way, ever, to bring love back to what it had been? Especially when it was clearly being forced into existence through duty?
“Last time you wore it, it meant we were engaged,” he said as her eyes got even bigger. The green glints did not contain their usual clarity.
Twelve years lost, he thought sadly. Matt had wondered how to go about giving back the antique locket It signified so much hope and despair. He watched as unwittingly Perri touched her throat.
The fragile, involuntary movement went through him like a knife. When he had stormed into Gledhill and broken up with her that d
readful night, he had grabbed the chain as if to rip it off. The only thing that had kept it from breaking had been the fact that it was so heavy. The gold necklace was plain enough not to attract much notice. But inside, the locket sheltered a small diamond. Her hand moved with regret from her throat as he carefully pressed the damp towel to her forehead.
“Perri.” Nerves had him clearing his throat. He couldn’t do anything about the awkwardness. “I would like to see a future that means more than horses and hard work,” Matt said quietly. “Whenever I’ve thought of you, secretly dreamed of you, you’ve always symbolized family and home to me. And I want that. I want this marriage to continue past the six-month arrangement.”
The very air seemed to still at his words. Matt could see he had her full attention, even through the pain of her headache. She froze, staring hard into his eyes. “I want that very much,” he said. “I don’t think I have much to give you. But I want a chance for something that doesn’t feel like it’s covered in dust.” It took him some time to continue. “Can we make it work?” he asked softly. “Can you forgive me?”
“I can forgive you,” Perri said simply and without hesitation.
Matt stroked her hair as he searched her eyes. “How can you forgive so easily, Perri?” he asked.
“You’re the father of my child, Matt,” she replied. “And I love you. And most importantly, I want it done. I want it behind us so I don’t have to be pregnant with the past over me and my baby.”
Matt desperately wished he could tell her that he loved her. But it hurt even to try. The anguish that accompanied each attempt to express love just about ripped him apart.
So far, each attempt had been brought to a halt by the sickening realization that there was nothing down inside where heart, soul and loving feelings were said to reside. The insight brought a tight, sad feeling to his chest and throat. A feral wariness came over him as he searched inside himself once again for some feelings of love.
There had to be some love in him, didn’t there? It couldn’t all have been reduced to duty and sexual desire. If that proved to be the truth, then his mother had won. And by damn, he didn’t want that to happen. He reached for Perri. He had to hold her.
Cradling her in his arms, Matt buried his face at her throat. “Then we’ll call it done,” he said finally, moved by the ease with which she had declared her love. “And as I told you back then, to me the old scandal over our grandparents was just that. Old news. When I asked you to marry me, I didn’t really understand how serious it was to Mom. Not that I gave a damn,” he added more calmly.
He stroked her hair and allowed the familiar scent of her skin to soothe his heart. “I loved you too much to care. I’m sorry, Perri. I really believed everything she told me that night,” he vowed. “I swear it.
“I cut myself off from my father the same night I cut you loose. And I never told him what was wrong,” he added, sorrow in every word. “He was so bewildered with me. I hurt my father And I hurt you.” Perri felt the muscles-in his arms bunch, as, on an involuntary movement he gathered her even more tightly to him. In that moment her heart broke for him.
“When I think of how it must have felt, listening to my accusations. Well, I’m just grateful you can forgive me.” Matt’s eyes, for once, seemed almost black enough to give off light rather than to absorb it.
“Matt,” she began, “why did you move my things in here?” She could feel his body tense.
“Because you’re the mother of my child. And because.” It cost him to continue. “I’d like to explain further,” he said, “but I’m just no good at this.”
“You used to be,” she replied simply, without any intensity to the words. Only the force with which she still clutched the locket betrayed any emotion.
“Well, I’m not,” he answered. “I don’t know how anymore. Maybe with you, I could learn.” Matt paused to study her closely, checking to make sure she was all right. “I’ll let you get some rest. We’ve got some owners coming.” he said as he kissed her lightly.
He headed for the door, only to halt and try again. “Because I need to make amends as best I can. Perri—” Matt started to say a great deal more. At the last moment he caught himself. Now wasn’t the time. Those oddly colored eyes had revealed too much of her soul.
“Don’t get all worked up over it, hon,” she said lightly. “I may love you and I may forgive you, but I don’t expect to hear of love being returned. And my loving you does not mean I want to be around you right now. So go,” she commanded, waving him off. “And let me work through this headache.”
Matt smiled, grateful she understood him so well; and sorry that there was need for it. He wanted to say more. But he just couldn’t. He couldn’t explain how it all weighed on him. The obligation to feel something, in the midst of such upheaval, could bring him to his knees if he let it.
Then there was the hollow knowledge that Perri was better acquainted with—and more a part of the life of—his own grandfather than he was. He couldn’t even begin to explain to himself why that hurt so. “Are you saying I didn’t get the job done on your headache, darlin’?” he inquired with a lightness that belied his feelings.
“Oh, I don’t know, darlin’. I’m in your bed, aren’t I?” she asked just as lightly.
For an instant he studied her. The rumpled blouse he’d unbuttoned and left on the bed, her lacy bra exposing honey-colored skin and her hand clutching an old locket as if it held the truth. “You’re where you’ve always belonged, Perri,” he replied. “And where I need you to be.”
“I wouldn’t go up there, if I were you,” Donnie called out when Matt entered Gledhill and made his way toward the stairs.
He couldn’t bear that tone as anything other than a challenge. Probably, because it was just that. “Oh?” he inquired, studying her from the doorway of the dining room.
Donnie never looked up from her scrutiny of Gannie’s tapes. “She’s on the phone with her father,” she said on a sigh. “Trying to convince him how wonderful it is that he’s going to be a grandpa.
“Allowing as how you’re the daddy, Uncle Mike is being just a bit of a hard sell,” she reported. “My advice is to stay down here where he can’t reach through that phone and rip your lungs out.”
Matt had the grace to wince. “Good point,” he answered.
Donnie took some pity on him, but not much. It wouldn’t do to go soft now. Honor was at stake. “It will be okay, Matthew,” she replied. “It won’t take Mike Stone long to remember be has too much hard pride to land himself in jail over a Ransom.”
Curious, Matt entered the room. “What are you looking for?” he asked.
“Gallahers,” she replied. Donnie turned back to study the wall. “They’re out of order.”
“Figures. Well, I’ll leave you to it,” he answered impatiently as he started for the stairs. “Don’t worry,” he added as sharp blue eyes whipped over him. “I’ll tread lightly.”
A tiny smile played upon that Kewpie-doll mouth. “You would want to, Ransom,” she said, her attention divided between Matt and the tapes. “I enjoyed telling Perri what a low profile you kept in the waiting room today while she was having her exam.”
His face hardened into sharp, unforgiving angles. “You’ve heard already? They’re talking about her?” He looked around as if the offenders were present.
“No. Not like they did, anyway.” Donnie considered his puzzled expression and judged now to be the time to elaborate. “Not like they did twelve years ago,” she said, “when she left so unexpectedly for Raleigh and everyone assumed she must be pregnant.” She saw that start to sink in. “Since no one knew about you,” she added, “Gannie and Janie were able to nip that kind of talk in the bud.”
Donnie made him wait, just a bit, as she moved casually along to inspect a different section of the shelves. “You may not remember how it was, since you were so busy getting yourself married. Here we go,” Donnie exclaimed cheerfully as she snagged a set of tapes. “Okay, I�
��m out of here.”
“Perri, I’ll call,” she shouted up the stairs, receiving an answering goodbye. Donnie then halted as Matt blocked her exit
They knew each other too well. The dance was not quite done. “No, she’s not today’s hot topic, mister. You are. What did you say to Mrs. Sullivan?” she demanded, poking him in the chest.
“Not nearly enough, apparently,” Matt muttered as Donnie hit the screen door and he headed up the stairs.
Matt took in the sight of Perri in the middle of their bed. Then his eyes rested on the book she was looking through. He winced. The title read Labor: A Contest of Courage.
“Your headache must be gone,” he observed in a dry tone. “What is that about anyway?” he demanded. “Birth among the Amazons?” The green in his eyes reflected the color his face had turned just glancing at the title.
“Donnie brought it,” Perri smiled as she sorted through some pamphlets the doctor had pushed on her earlier in the day. “She said it was all over town that you sat in the waiting room discussing babies with Mrs. Christian. Or was it Mrs. Sullivan?” she muttered. “I was too horrified to give my full attention to the details. I’m resigned to the fact that by now they’ve heard about this baby all the way to the Panhandle.”
“It was Mrs. Sullivan, not Mrs. Christian,” he answered as he carefully studied her for signs of fatigue. “Mrs. Christian stopped speaking to me when I was still in high school.”
“What’s this?” A gift-wrapped package rested on top of the chest he had claimed for himself.
“Your wedding present,” she answered a little uncertainly. “It was finally ready. Donnie picked it up for me. I was sort of unprepared on our wedding day, Matt. It never occurred to me you would give me something,” she said as she used a pamphlet to mark her place in the book. Perri didn’t see Matt flinch at her words. “I apologize for that. Do you like it?” she inquired hopefully as he worked his way through paper and ribbon.
The Bridal Promise Page 11