Gilbert and Louis Rule the Universe: First Impressions

by Rebecca Heller

  “Merry Christmas,” he says.

  “Merry Christmas,” we all answer back.

  “Mom, this is Ralph. Ralph, this is my mom,” Gilbert says. They say hello. Kate walks over at the same time as my mom comes back from the bathroom.

  “Mom, this is Ralph and Kate. They are the ones who moved in up the street from us.”

  “Oh, hi!” My mom has her annoying high-pitched telephone voice going. “I am so glad to meet you. I just love your house. I can’t wait to meet your parents at the New Year’s Eve party.” I wish my mom would just shut up. The Deutchmans invited the whole block to their New Year’s Eve party. My mom is so excited. She loves a reason to dress up and embarrass me.

  “Oh, yeah, it should be fun. My parents are over there.” Kate says and points at her parents. Mr. and Mrs. Deutchman wave to us from the ticket line.

  “What movie did you just see?” Kate asks us.

  “We saw Save the Date. It was cute.” I say.

  “So cute,” Gilbert's mom agrees.

  “That’s what we are going to see, too. Ralph doesn’t want to but he was out voted,” Kate says. Ralph looks a little embarrassed.

  My mom breaks in. “It has such a nice love story. It’s just so romantic. Didn’t you girls think?” Why do parents have to speak in front of other kids? They are so totally mortifying.

  Somewhat annoyed, I agree, “Yeah, really cute”.

  “Have you talked to Dylan?” Ralph asks Gilbert.

  “Ew, no!” Gilbert turns bright red. “Why would I talk to him?” I can tell Gilbert is freaking out.

  “Who’s Dylan?” Gilbert’s mom asks. We can’t let her mom know they are dating.

  Gilbert jumps in, “No one. Just some boy from school. I had to do a school project with him. That’s all.”

  I try to think of something to say to help her. I can’t think of anything. All I can come up with is, “Well, we will see you guys later.” I say as I grab Gilbert and head for the exit.

  I can hear our mom’s say to Kate and Ralph, “nice to meet you,” as our mothers trail after us.

  Whew, that was close!

  Chapter 16

  Saturday, December 26

  Today’s horoscope: Major changes are afoot.

  The day after Christmas, the girls and I are hanging out in my room, sitting on the floor, and playing with our Christmas presents. Gilbert, Riley, and I are checking out apps on our new cell phones. Rowan is trying to get us to play the board game she brought over. “Come on guys, it will be fun.”

  Poor Rowan, she had asked Santa for a new phone, too, but her parents bought her the limited edition Teen Trivial Pursuit set. So lame.

  “You guys you have to check this out,” Riley says and shows us a new gizmo on her phone. Rowan is squirming and I worry she is getting bored. I am about to put my phone down and play the good hostess when Rowan quietly says, “You guys, I think I need to tell you something.”

  “What,” Riley says still looking at her phone.

  “Well, there is this guy that I kinda like and he kinda likes me.”

  Um, excuse me. This is good gossip. With that, we all put our phones down.

  “Oh my God, who?” Gilbert jumps in. We are so excited.

  “I don’t think you guys like him very much,” Rowan continues. No really, she is killing us.

  “Who?” we insist.

  “Never mind. Forget it. It’s totally lame.”

  I am not going to let her get out of it. “Rowan, you can tell us. We’re your best friends.”

  “Okay, remember when we went to the movies with Winston and his friends?”

  “Yes.” Of course we did.

  “Remember how scary the movie was, and I don’t really like scary movies?”

  We are all holding our breath. Where is this going?

  “Jimmy was so nice to me that day.”

  “Jimmy!” I blurt out. I can’t help myself. Gilbert slaps me on the leg.

  “Sorry, but… Jimmy?” I say in a much lower tone. “That’s, that’s… cool.” I can’t stop myself. “Really?”

  I am just trying to get my head around it.

  Rowan goes on sheepishly, “Yeah, he walked me home from school the Friday before Christmas break. And we have been texting each other and stuff. We even went to the movies together on Tuesday. He’s really nice.”

  You could have heard a pin drop in the room. None of us knew what to say. I mean, I guess Jimmy is okay.

  Rowan is saved. Riley blurts out, “Leah, I have to talk to you about something.”

  “You, too?” I laugh.

  “My family had a Christmas Eve party. You know the one I told you about, but you couldn’t come because you were going to your aunt’s. Well, Winston came because my brother had invited him.” She stops.

  “And?” I need her to go on. This is definitely topping Rowan’s news.

  “It was late. We were all hanging out in the basement and, well, it was kind of romantic being Christmas Eve and all.” She pauses again. I am about to kill her.

  “We kissed,” Riley blurts out.

  “What?” Everyone in the room says at the same time. I haven’t even kissed Winston and now Riley has?

  “You, you…bitch!” I yell, get up, run into the bathroom, and slam the door.

  I sit on the edge of the tub. I am furious. I keep waiting for tears to come to my eyes, but they don’t. Gilbert knocks on the door.

  “Louis, are you alright?” she asks.

  “I’m fine!” I yell back. From my tone, you can tell I am not fine, but I can’t think of anything else to say. I am hurt and angry and jealous. I am so annoyed at Riley. She knows I like him. What a crappy move. I can’t believe she would go behind my back like that.

  Riley came to the door next. “I am so sorry, Leah.”

  I stay quiet. I am embarrassed that I made such a scene over liking Winston and here I am locked in a bathroom, and Riley is the one who got to kiss him. There is no way I am coming out and facing my friends.

  I hear my mom approach. “Alex, what’s going on?” she asks Gilbert. Gilbert gives her the Cliffs Notes version. Now it is my mom’s turn; she knocks on the door. “Leah, are you okay? Do you want me to send the girls home?” I am not sure what I want so I don’t answer. After a minute, I hear my mom’s footsteps walking away and I hear her talking to Gilbert. I can’t tell what they were saying.

  Gilbert is back at the bathroom door. “We’re going to go. Are you sure you are alright? Do you want me to stay?”

  “No thanks,” I say through the door. “I’ll be fine,” I whisper mostly to myself. The funny thing is I sort of am okay. I mean, Winston is hot and all, but it has been almost a month since I saw him last. And I guess Sophie was right, obviously he is a player. But something inside still hurt. I just can’t put my finger on it.

  Once all the girls had gone, my mom came back to the door. This time she opens it and comes in. She sees me sitting there dry-eyed. “Are you alright?” she asks again. I looked up at her. “Yeah, I am. Can we go get some fro yo?” I ask.

  “Of course.”

  Nothing cures a broken heart, or even just a fractured one, like frozen dessert.

  Chapter 17

  Monday, December 28

  Today’s Horoscope: Be kind to a friend in need.

  Gilbert and I are hanging in the driveway. I am determined to master my new skateboard. This time I have all the pads and the helmet on. I am practicing wheelies while Gilbert watches.

  “Are you so pissed at Riley?” Gilbert asks me.

  “Yeah, I guess so.” I am still not sure. I push off the sidewalk and roll a few feet. I put my weight on the tail of the skateboard and lift the front wheels off the ground for just a moment before I lose my balance and have to jump off. The board goes straight into the bushes. “But more importantly, can we talk about Rowan and Jimmy?”

  “Yes, what the heck is that about?” Gilbert and I laugh.

  “It sounds like they really li
ke each other,” I continue, still giggling.

  That’s it, we are in hysterics. We both fall down and roll around on the grass cracking up.

  “What’s so funny?” I look up into the sun and see Jason’s shadow. We sit up.

  “Hey, Jason. What are you up to?” I ask, as I catch my breath and shield my eyes from the sun.

  “I was just on my way back from Ralph’s house.”

  “Cool, what were you guys up to?”

  “Not much, just hanging out. We talked to Dylan up in Tahoe. Ralph set him up with some super hottie he knows up there. He is going to have a great Christmas break.” Jason laughs and heads home. I turn to Gilbert. She is no longer laughing and she looks suddenly pale.

  “Gilbert, are you…” I start to ask, but she holds up her hand for me to stop.

  “Gilb.” I go in to hug her. She gets up quickly before I can get to her.

  “I think I am going to go home,” she says quickly.

  I don’t know what to do. Should I stop her? “Are you sure?” I ask and spring up from the ground as well.

  “Yeah,” Gilbert says, and heads off towards her house. The world is turning upside-down. Riley is with Winston, Rowan is with Jimmy, and Gilbert just got dissed by Dylan. I stand in my driveway not sure what I should do.

  * * *

  The next couple of days are total dullsville. Gilbert is too depressed to hang out. Rowan and Jimmy are hanging out and apparently so are Riley and Winston, although I still haven’t spoken to her since she left my house the day after Christmas. My social life is totally sucking. To make matters worse, the Deutchmans' New Year’s party is tonight. My mom insists I go since she wants to be there wearing her new black dress that shows off her Pilates curves. Oh, brother.

  Chapter 18

  New Year's Eve

  Today’s horoscope: The best defense is a good offense.

  I pull on my black fuzzy sweater and a pair of black pants. My mom is already hollering at me from downstairs to hurry up. I still can’t believe she is making me go the Deutchmans', and what I really can’t believe is that I didn’t have anything better to do. Gilbert has decided to stay home (she is still heartbroken) and the only ones I will know at the party are Ralph (ew) and Kate, who has apparently invited the Fabulous Five.

  We walk up the street to their house. They set up luminarias, there are white Christmas lights in all the trees, and huge plastic candy canes decorate the lawn. At our house there is a wreath we bought at the grocery store on the door. As we approach, the front door opens and I can see Kate standing around with Emma, Chloe, Sophie, Hannah, and Olivia. Oh, boy. I follow my mom into the house. Mrs. Deutchman is there to greet us. My mom brought a house warming gift of a small funky cactus which looks totally out of place in their exie home. My mom begins to go on and on about how grateful we are to be invited. Mrs. Deutchman looks uncomfortable and tries to change the subject. “And you must be Leah,” she says looking at me. “Ralph and Kate have told me so much about you.” I smile politely but am thinking this lady is full of it. I can’t imagine she knows who the heck I am. “Oh, I think I hear someone calling me from the kitchen. The caterer is totally useless. Enjoy the party,” she says and bee-lines it for the kitchen. Funny, I didn’t hear anything.

  My mom wanders off to mingle with other adults and I walk over to the Fab Five. They all have on their designer gear, clothes I had been admiring on the pages of magazines for the past couple of months. All of them have some fancy bling in their ears and on their wrists they have matching charm bracelets.

  “Cute,” I say, motioning to the bracelets.

  “Aren’t they? We got them for each other for Christmas,” Emma says. I noticed even Kate has one. I guess they were going to go by Super Six from now on.

  “How was Vail?” I ask.

  “Oh my God, it was so great…” “The snow was beautiful…” “The chair lift guys were so hot…” They all started talking at the same time; I am not really listening to their answer, just nodding my head and looking around the house. It is really nice; they have done a lot since the Baileys lived in it. We are standing on a plush white carpet that doesn’t even have any stains on it and they have a huge flat screen TV on one wall surrounded by fancy books and beautiful vases that looked like they would break if you just brushed up against the shelves. It’s kind of amazing to think that kids live here. The massive fireplace is going and I can see out the French doors the pool all lit up with floating candles.

  The girls are still talking. I pick up something about Chloe thinking she looked fat in her snowboard pants, but, really, who cares. They are all tolerating me alright, but I feel like a square peg. I am looking around the room ready to make a break for it. I see Ralph and Jason in the corner sipping on punch. It is the worse of two evils. I decide to hang with the girls. Kate’s mom calls her and as soon as she walks away the rest of the girls immediately began to talk about the boys.

  “No, you go over and talk to him,” Emma is saying to Olivia.

  “No way, you,” Olivia responds.

  “Fine,” Emma says as we all watch her walk over to where Ralph and Jason are standing. She stands there talking to them for like a minute and then heads back to our group.

  “Oh my God, he is so cute!” Emma exclaims.

  You can I have him, I think. The girls all giggled like a flock of birds. I have to get out of here. My mom is in the corner flirting with some guy so I walk into the kitchen to find Kate.

  “Can I help you at all?” I ask. I need to keep busy if I am going to make it to midnight.

  “Sure, thanks. One of the caterers called in sick so my mom is totally freaking out.” Kate hands me a tray of caviar and asks me to put it on the dining room table. “It’s

  Beluga,” she says, like I have a clue what she is talking about. I run that errand and go back into the kitchen for more. The Deutchman mother and daughter keep me busy cutting veggies and putting ice into pitchers. At least the time is flying by.

  “Leah, would you be a doll and run into the pantry to get some more crackers?” Mrs. Deutchman asks. Their pantry is more like a huge walk in closet. I scan the shelves for crackers. During my search, I feel someone walk in behind me. I turn and there is Ralph.

  “I was looking all over for you,” Ralph says.

  “Why?” I ask.

  Ralph stands silently, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

  “Where’s your friend, Alex?” Ralph finally asks.

  “Why do you care?” I ask.

  “Because you two are always together.”

  “Well she is my BFF.”

  “BFF?” he asks like he didn’t know what it meant. Can he really be this stupid? Well, he does go to boarding school.

  “Best Friends Forever.” I say and Ralph laughs out loud. I decide to tell him.

  “She was too depressed to come.”

  “Too depressed about what?”

  “Like you don’t know,” I say.

  “No, I don’t know,” Ralph says with an

  arrogant laugh. Boy, this guy gets on my nerves.

  We stand around in awkward silence. Where are those damn crackers? And why is my face flushing just being close to this jerk?

  “Seems like the Fabulous Five has their eye on you,” I tease him.

  “Yeah, I guess so. I’m not really into seventh graders,“ Ralph says.

  “Like you are so much older. When’s your birthday?” I ask.

  “I turn 15 in September.”

  “Well I turn 14 in April, so we are less than a year apart.” I am proud of myself for doing the math that fast.

  “I just meant those girls are pretty silly.” This guy is so conceited. But he is right, they are pretty silly.

  “So you agree they like you?” I tease.

  “That’s not what I said. Girls just make it pretty obvious when they like a guy. That’s all I meant.”

  “So you think girls don’t know how to talk to guys without making it clea
r that we are in love with them?” I tease him.

  “No, I know of one girl in particular who makes sure I know she doesn’t like me at all.” Ralph says and hands me the box of crackers off of the shelf (damn, why hadn’t I seen them?) and turns and walks out of the panty. I stand there for a minute with the crackers in hand, breathing a little heavy.

  I bring the crackers out to Kate and her mother then go to find my mom.

  “Mom.”

  “Oh there you are, honey, do you know Mr. Trapp?” she says. She is standing very close to some man with a receding hairline and bad shoes. The both look like they have drunk a little too much eggnog.

  “Mom, my stomach hurts. I think I am going to go home.”

  “Oh, I am sorry, baby.” Boy she is really putting it on for this guy. Normally she would just tell me to suck it up. “Do you want me to go home with you?” I know there is no way she would.

  “No it’s fine. I’ll just walk home.”

  “Okay, baby, nighty-night.” She says and waves me off. “Call me when you get home and lock the door behind you.”

  “Uh, huh,” I say. As I walk away, I notice her phone is in her purse, which is sitting on a chair near the front door. Nowhere near earshot. Safety first, Mom.

  I walk right by the Fabulous Five who are still scheming up ways to go talk to the boys. My head is swimming.

  As soon as I am out the door I text Gilbert. Coming over.

  We spend the rest of New Year’s Eve on the couch not saying much, with a bowl of popcorn and a bag of Reese’s Pieces (totally the best combo ever) watching the ball drop with Ryan Seacrest.