And Lord Caspian might be a good, honest lord if he’s given a chance. He might prove to be a true man, too.
Her father would be upset if he learned of her meeting with Lord Caspian. Terribly so. And although Lady Newhost was far more patient and more understanding, Gwendoline doubted she’d be any more accepting of Gwendoline’s alliance with Lord Caspian.
Gwendoline felt a spark of guilt. Despite her excitement over doing such a daring thing as sneaking away from the ball and waiting in the darkness for Lord Caspian, she knew that she was disobeying her parents. They would not be pleased with her, and even if they didn’t know about her disobedience now, they surely would soon.
But perhaps, it will be worth it. Maybe once Lord Caspian and I learn what really happened between Lord Charles and Lady Helena, our families will be friendlier with one another. Maybe Lord Caspian and I can be proper friends, then.
It was such a wonderful vision, the future she saw for them. But Gwendoline knew the feud between their families surely wouldn’t be so easily resolved.
And what if we do learn everything that there is to learn, and that still isn’t enough to end this? What if Lord Caspian and I discover everything, and our families still won’t agree to resolve the matter peacefully?
She would be at a loss, then, and she suspected that Lord Caspian would be, too.
Still, we must hope for the best.
Surely, they owed that to Lord Charles and Lady Helena, if to no one else. Gwendoline felt a sharp ache and a profound sadness as she imagined all the missed opportunities for friendship and reconciliation between them.
It all seemed so silly, so absurd, knowing what she did.
Footsteps slapped against the stone trail, and Gwendoline stiffened. Was it finally Lord Caspian, come after her? She drew herself up and clasped her hands in her lap. In her mind’s eye, she imagined how she must look in the gardens. Beautiful, if it was not too vain of her to say.
But since her friendship with Caspian, Gwendoline had begun to care more and more about how she looked.
And there he was. Gwendoline’s toes curled in her slippers. She fought to keep her breathing steady despite the lightning-quickness of her pulse. Color rose to her cheeks. “My Lord,” she said.
Lord Caspian grinned. “My Lady,” he said. “What a delightful surprise! I’d not anticipated you being here, so far away from everyone else.”
Gwendoline smiled. “No? Then, you must not be good at recognizing a lady’s intentions when they’re directed toward you.”
“Perhaps, you’ll endeavor to teach me how to recognize such subtleties, then,” he said, “So I understand them more.”
“I might be inclined to do that,” she replied. “Would you like to join me, My Lord, or would that be too untoward?”
Gwendoline shifted further down the bench. She saw Lord Caspian glance around, searching to see if anyone might be about.
“Well, it would be much worse to leave you unattended than to join you,” he said, sitting neatly on the opposite end of the bench.
“So what brings you so far away from the ball, My Lord?” she asked teasingly.
“Well, I was told that there might be a beautiful lady in the gardens,” Lord Caspian replied. “Perhaps, one with information regarding my aunt?”
Gwendoline drew in a deep breath. Of course, that was what Lord Caspian thought this was about! She felt suddenly very foolish.
“I have nothing else,” she replied. “I just thought…”
His eyes sparkled with mischief, and Gwendoline felt quite grateful for the cover of darkness. It meant that Lord Caspian would not notice the bright, uneven flush which spread across her cheeks.
“Then, this is merely a friendly visit, My Lady? How charming.”
“I have made you break your promise to refrain from all mischief,” Gwendoline said. “I hope you aren’t upset over that. I’d hate to make you a liar.”
“Oh, I suppose that is a problem. I should have expected that of Lord Newhost’s daughter.”
Gwendoline chuckled. “Yes. It’s a part of my intricate plan to ruin you, My Lord. Alas, you have found me out. Now, what am I to do with all my wicked plans thwarted?”
“I suppose you’ll have to repent,” Lord Caspian said.
Gwendoline smiled. “I don’t know if repenting is feasible for me, My Lord. Repenting generally implies that I regret my actions, and I feel a rather unfortunate lack of regret.”
“That is true,” Lord Caspian mused, “And I do feel as though it would be worse to feign regret and repentance than to forgo it entirely.”
“Precisely, My Lord.”
“This is quite pleasant for a wicked plan, you know,” Lord Caspian added. “You chose a lovely spot, My Lady.”
“I have been here a few times before. I like the solitude of the place. It reminds me now of your secret lake.”
Lord Caspian looked thoughtful. For a few moments, they sat in silence, listening to the wind and the frogs which crept from beneath the hedges and hopped about the grounds.
“It does feel similar,” he admitted. “I think there’s a sort of beauty in nature, don’t you? And in the pristine loneliness of it.”
“Yes. I think so.”
Lord Caspian nodded. “How many places like this do you think Lord Charles and Lady Helena met at? We might very well be visiting their favorite places. How many balls do you think they sneaked away from?”
“It would have been more scandalous for them than for us,” Gwendoline said, “with your aunt’s engagement.”
“Yes. But they evidently found those risks worth taking,” Lord Caspian said softly.
“And look what happened to them. They aren’t here now.”
“No, they aren’t. But we don’t know if they’re unhappy wherever they may be,” Lord Caspian said. “Perhaps, Lord Charles and Lady Helena are together still and love one another.”
“That sounds like something from a novel,” Gwendoline replied, “One that both my father and mother would say was too fanciful and unrealistic.”
“I think that life ought to be more like it is in novels,” Lord Caspian said, “And if Lord Charles and Lady Helena are so happy wherever they live, I think it is to their credit.”
“I agree, My Lord,” Gwendoline said.
She tried to imagine loving someone that much, so much that she would be willing to risk her parents’ fury, break an engagement, and abandon everything she’d ever known for. What would it be like to love someone so passionately?
“I hope they’re happy,” Gwendoline said.
“I do, too,” Lord Caspian replied. “But I wonder if we find them…well, I doubt they want to be found.”
No, they probably don’t want to be found. But I want so badly to know what happened to them, and surely, if it might end this feud between our families, we ought to seek them out anyway.
“Do you think Lord Woodmore will still hold a grudge?” Lord Caspian asked. “It was so long ago that my aunt was meant to marry him, and he’s wed now.”
“I don’t know. I’d like to say I doubt it, but then, both of our families have held a grudge, have hated one another because of this.”
“That’s fair,” Lord Caspian conceded, “But we’ll find a way to end this. I don’t know precisely how just yet. We’ll keep looking and see what secrets we can find. But we’ll end it.”
Gwendoline nodded. Her gaze drifted to his lips, and her breath caught in her throat. She remembered the feeling of his skin beneath her lips, and she wondered if the Lord might be willing to kiss her. But how could she ask for such a bold thing?
And he’s not yet mentioned my kiss to him. Perhaps, it was neither as bold nor as exciting as I thought.
But here he was, in the darkness with her. Surely, that indicated some interest, didn’t it?
“How is the estate with your father away?” Gwendoline asked.
“I’m managing it sufficiently well,” he replied, “Although my father maintain
s steady correspondence to ensure that I’m not doing anything untoward with the estate.”
“And he’s away for how long?”
Lord Caspian rubbed his jaw. “It’s been a week. So I’ll be managing the estate for another fortnight. He may come back, then, or he may not. My father often extends his trips longer than he initially plans.”
Gwendoline nodded, although she didn’t entirely know what to say to that. Her own father traveled as often as any other gentleman, but his travels were all planned well ahead of time. And his holdings were only in Britain. He never needed to journey to Spain or France, save for his own pleasure.
And even though Lord Elderdale is only in Oxford now, I should imagine that he wouldn’t extend his stay there.
“I’m glad you could take some time away from your many responsibilities to join me tonight,” Gwendoline said, trying to lighten the Lord’s suddenly dark expression. “I have no doubt that Lord Elderdale would expect you to greet his business partners tonight.”
“I did. Before you arrived, incidentally.”
“Then, I hope your father appreciates such devotion. If not, he surely ought to feel fortunate to have such a wonderful, considerate son.”
“I don’t wish to speak of my father any longer,” Lord Caspian murmured, his tone soft.
Gwendoline winced. “I apologize, My Lord.”
“Don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything to be sorry for.”
And those quiet words caused a fluttering of heat to curl and uncurl in her chest. The intensity with which Caspian stared at her sent a shiver of delight through her. Gwendoline’s old fire, the same passion which had led to her outburst earlier in the season, rose inside her.
She wanted to kiss him again, ached to kiss him again. But she’d already done that. It was time for the Lord to decide what he wanted. It was time for him to be bold, as she knew he could be.
But perhaps, he does not feel the same as I do.
And even Gwendoline could not quite explain what she felt. This fiery feeling curling and twisting inside her was entirely foreign. It felt like attraction, but she’d been attracted to lords before. It was only that none had ever inspired such raging, powerful feelings.
“What do you wish, then?” Gwendoline asked.
She leaned toward him. Her eyes suddenly couldn’t meet his and flitted everywhere. Gwendoline let her gaze linger on his fingers, his hair, and his jaw. Lord Caspian raised his hand. His thumb traced the line of her jaw and found her lower lip.
Gwendoline shivered and let out a small, breathy noise that didn’t seem very much like her. “My Lord,” she whispered.
“I wish to show you something,” he said.
She swallowed and nodded. The lord slowly lowered his hand and coaxed her chin up so that their eyes met. Gwendoline tried not to tremble like a sheltered, starry-eyed maiden, but still her lips shook.
Lord Caspian leaned in and tilted his head, so his breath fell in hot, damp pants across her cheek.
“What is it that you wish to show me?” she murmured.
“Only this.”
His lips pressed against her cheek. Lord Caspian’s touch was soft and light, nearly shy, but it still sent fire coursing through Gwendoline’s veins. Her fingers twitched. She longed to touch him, to thread her fingers through his hair to press her body to his.
“Did you enjoy my kiss?” he murmured, his lips close to her ear. “I thought I would return your…own evidence of affection.”
“I’m glad you did. I enjoyed it very much.”
When he pulled away and tipped his head back, Gwendoline ached inside for the return of his warm breath and the gentle caress of his lips. Lord Caspian stood suddenly and offered his hand. Gwendoline placed hers in his.
“I would escort you back,” he said quietly, “But that wouldn’t be conducive to our goals. It would be difficult for us to claim we hadn’t planned on this if we both returned together, wouldn’t it?”
Of course, it would be. But Gwendoline was still tempted to insist that they try. Lord Charles and Lady Helena would have tried. But no. They wouldn’t have. The two of them would have had to keep their relationship a secret. Lord Charles and Lady Helena would have parted ways there in the garden, just as she and Lord Caspian would have to part.
“Well, it was a pleasant evening,” Gwendoline said, “And I’m glad that you came out to join me.”
“I’m glad I did, too. I’ll go further along the way and enter from the opposite end, so no one suspects.”
He squeezed her hand, and flashing a final, radiant smile, he walked away. For a long moment, Gwendoline watched his retreating back. Then, she slowly raised a hand to her cheek, her fingertips against the place where Lord Caspian’s kiss had been. She felt as though the heat of his touch still burned through her with all the heat and light of a raging fire.
He’d kissed her.
And I enjoyed it.
Very much. Gwendoline gathered herself and turned away. She walked slowly back. As she neared the manor, the sound of laughter drifted through the air. The night had grown long, and more couples drifted out. Longing stirred in Gwendoline’s belly. She’d have liked to have Lord Caspian walk back with her.
And then, a realization struck her. It should have been obvious, but it caught her unsteady. It wasn’t that she liked Lord Caspian or considered him a potential ally. No, the truth was much stronger and far more terrifying.
I think I love him.
The one person in the whole ton who she must never, ever like or feel any ounce of good will toward, and yet Gwendoline felt in her heart that she and Lord Caspian were something nearer to friends than they really ought to be.
Chapter 16
There were many things that a gentleman was expected to know, and among them was that love seldom had a place in marital negotiations. Love was a pleasant surprise, something desired but unexpected. But marriage was primarily about negotiations and building alliances.
And as a gentleman, Caspian knew also that forbidden relationships seldom ended well. He’d seen enough plays and read enough poems about forbidden love to know that such things usually ended in tragedy.
I’m not sure there has ever been a love as forbidden as that of my beloved aunt and Lady Gwendoline’s uncle.
Caspian sat across from his mother. It was a pleasant, sunny day, so they’d chosen to spend the morning outdoors. Lady Elderdale had taken her embroidery, and Caspian had taken his father’s letter. Noah had declined to join them. Instead, he’d gone to the market to oversee the purchase of fish for the coming ball.
It was their turn to host for the ton, and Lady Gwendoline was not invited. None of her family was, and they had not been for as long as the feud between their families continued. And wouldn’t it be wonderful if they final placed aside their exhausting differences and instead pursued a proper, courteous relationship with one another?
And really, that ought to be our course of action. Perhaps, a great wrong was committed unto my family, but it seems unfair to fault Lady Gwendoline as though she herself committed the terrible deed.
Caspian glanced at his mother, trying to decide if he ought to mention Lady Helena again. While he was certain that his mother knew something about the situation, something more than she had said, Lady Elderdale was also clearly unwilling to reveal the truth of what that might be.
But what if my mother knows about our mystery and has the key to solving it? Surely, a creature as tender as she would rather our family not dwell on some foolish thing which occurred so long ago. That is not in her nature.
Guilt and desire warred in Caspian’s chest. As much as he wanted to know what his mother knew, could he really endure the guilt of having caused her any distress?
“What does My Lord have to say about Oxford?’ Lady Elderdale asked, pausing in her embroidery. “You have stared at that letter long enough to have committed it to memory.”
Caspian smirked. “If only you had a son so obedient and studious.
”
In truth, he’d glanced at some of the letter before his thoughts wandered to Lady Gwendoline, and they’d become lost there for a long, pleasant amount of time.
Caspian’s eyes darted over the letter, although most of it was instructions for him. Already, he’d completed most of his father’s commands, but it would do no good to write his father and tell him that. If anything, the man was likely to be angered that Caspian dared insist he’d already known something.
“The weather in Oxford is agreeable,” Caspian offered. “If you have interest in such pertinent information, My Lady.”
The Earl That Overruled My Destiny Page 14