Now she smiled and gave him that big-eyed look. The Saski-Blue look, as her friends back home had called it. “Is being a gentleman what you're worried about? Or are you afraid that acknowledging your needs would be another loss of control?”
Saskia had done a lot of things to Fabio since they had become a couple. But this was the first time she'd truly had him at a loss for words. He stood dumbstruck, replaying what she had said. It seemed so obvious, yet he had never even thought of it.
“Wait here. I want to try something.”
Saskia slipped into her walk-in closet. Several minutes later a completely different woman stepped out. She looked like Saskia, but the black leather bodice and matching thigh-high black boots were new. The disturbing confidence with which she handled the riding crop in her hand was a new addition to her persona as well. On her black leather belt he caught the glint of nickel plating: serious handcuffs, the twins of the set he had first used on her.
“What?” He felt like a fool, gawking, but he could not help it. Not with her looking so unbelievably hot in the dominatrix getup. “When did you get that?”
Saskia laughed musically, “Oh, who would have thunk that Ruby had some wild days back when she was married to Zane? Turns out, the shop she went to was still there in Greenwich Village.”
“Oh, you must mean Diablo. I've shopped there. Great management--” Fabio had to violently shake his head to get his mind back on track. “Saskia, I get what you're trying to do, but I don't think it's a good idea. I'm not a switch, believe me. Trying it's just going to end badly for both of – Ow!”
Saskia had interrupted him with an expert snap of her riding crop to his shoulder. Had she been practicing with that thing? “Saskia, this isn't funny. We really shouldn't try – Ow! Cut that out!”
“We're going to start with spanking,” she said coyly. “It's basic and everyone understands it.”
“Saskia--”
Before he could say more, she reached up and pressed down on his shoulders. For reasons Fabio could not understand, he let himself be made to kneel. The idea should have abhorred him. It violated all he was. Instead it aroused in him a wild curiosity to see where she might be going with this.
“Actually, I've changed my mind,” she announced, her small frame suddenly towering over him. “I want you to lick my legs. If you're very good at that, I might let you lick something else.”
“Really?” he asked, beginning to play along. “And what might that be?”
Saskia slashed the riding crop at him, stopping short enough of his face to make him flinch. “Lick. Or get another taste of this.”
Things had gotten very confusing very fast. One concrete truth emerged though: Saskia was picking up the dom's art much faster than she was picking up cooking. Indeed, in this role she awakened hungers in Fabio he had not known he had: awakened and satisfied in turns. Pain was nothing to Fabio. Knowing how to dish it out meant knowing how to take it. The endorphin rush as she whipped and scratched him was unparalleled. He'd had his share of narcotic experimentation in his teens, but it had all been a waste of money. Saskia's fiendish, innate skill was where the real rush lay. But she had far more in mind than floggings and scratches. Those steel handcuffs at her waist were not just for show.
Could Fabio really cross that line? No, the question did not matter. He merely forced himself to wonder about it because he thought that he should. After all her teasing, taunting, and all-too-brief touches he was mad for anything Saskia wanted to do with him. Saskia's first dominatrix game had been brilliantly orchestrated. She had wrapped him up so thoroughly in it that Fabio had forgotten to worry about losing control. By the time he remembered to worry about it, it was already gone.
She shoved his naked body down onto her bed, shackling his hands above his head to the bed's frame. With him out of the way for the moment Saskia unbuckled most of the leather, letting it hit the floor. She left the boots on, however, and his engorged manhood throbbed in gratitude for it. She looked good enough in those things; he thought he might just have a fetish for them. It was something he hoped to explore more in the future. Saskia put her hands on her hips, modeling for him. In turn she admired him, her lover, godlike in his bonds.
“Are you going to show me all that I taught you, Saskia?”
She took up the riding crop again, slapped it against her palm. “Wrong. This is me teaching you.”
Saskia did not need candles or feathers. Using only her hands and her mouth she made Fabio feel like all the tools he preferred were those of amateurs. With her body she sweetly tortured his, no part of him off limits to her fingers or her tongue. Fabio was sure he was in for the blowjob of his life when her tongue finally ran up his shaft and she gave a nice hard suck to the head of his cock. She had tormented him for hours and he was ready for release. She did not follow up, however. Not that way. Instead Saskia straddled him, positioning herself for penetration.
“Condom, Saskia,” he urged. “Condom!”
“Oh yeah, that's another thing I've been waiting to surprise you with,” she said, grinning. “I started birth control.”
Always being in control meant that Fabio had never had intercourse with a woman without a condom. He was careful, practical, and never emotionally intimate enough with anyone to take this crucial step of paramount trust. Saskia had made the choice for him now, and his surrender to it was total, wonderful. She was wonderful. She rode him slowly at first, knowing the heights to which she had raised him and that she must be careful, lest it end too soon. Fabio De Lucca was not so easily vanquished, however. Steeling himself, he bucked his hips, urging her to go faster.
What followed carried with it all the mystery and intensity of their first night together. Having her in control was as good as making her lose it. Maybe, just maybe, control was not an enemy to be mastered and battled at all times. Maybe, just maybe, half its power was in knowing when to banish it and whom to banish it for.
This time, it was Saskia who climaxed first, if only by half a second. She held him within her for long moments afterward, savoring the feeling of his seed within her and him still hard and strong besides. Knowing how good it made her feel, Fabio used his willpower to stay hard long after he should have rested. But by then it felt so good again that the only thing for it was to begin again. This time, she let him go, and they enjoyed making love easily, gently.
Maybe, just maybe, losing control was not a bad thing. Especially when you knew how, in an instant, to get it back.
******
Saskia Bergen's simple little life in her Bronx apartment was getting crowded. Making a living as a blogger was still hard, but her star was rising. Eventually, her peers in the field began to take notice. Being interviewed by a leading fashion and entertainment news website had felt like the pinnacle. Being referred to in the article's text as “makeup expert Saskia Bergen” had been even better. There was less time for goofing off during the day, as answering emails from followers and comments on her blogs took up more and more time. At the end of her eighth month in New York, she was contacted by a respected underground filmmaker who was trying to put together an original web series. He wanted to know if Saskia would be interested in serving as lead makeup artist. His usual makeup crew was committed to another project, and with the buzz growing about Saskia, she seemed like the first place he should try. The offer was flattering, astounding, and scary all at once. Even with months crawling by, it felt like things were happening too fast.
Through it all, there was Fabio De Lucca. He had not been wrong, for he was changing as much as she. The taciturn, frightening man he had once been had opened up, and he was coming to terms with the darkness of his past, looking forward to a bright future -- a future with her.
That was the problem.
One thing Fabio could never change about himself was that all his success in life had come as a result of always wanting more. And he always would want more. Saskia was finding that she was wanting more too. What kind of commitments c
ould she make when something like a film shoot could remake her life in a matter of days? What kind of commitments could he make when work with his firm demanded so much, and ghosts from his old life still lingered?
Just the previous month she had gone with Fabio to a charity banquet. Dominique Presnal had been there. She had approached them and chatted, she and Fabio acting like nothing had ever happened between them. It led to one of the few real fights she and Fabio had had. They had made up quickly enough, but it still ate at her. She hearkened back to the sounds that had once come from upstairs and how she had wondered at what they were and how she might become a part of them. It had all been simpler then.
On a Wednesday in January, Saskia braved the Manhattan cold and met with the filmmaker. The guy had really good ideas. She had educated herself on his work over the previous few days and was pleased to find that he didn't take makeup for granted in his films. He knew what he wanted and had very specific ideas. Saskia appreciated that. The budget was tight, and the money would not be great, but he stressed that it could open doors. Saskia already knew that, but she admired his realism. This was not just some pretentious nerd with a camera who thought he was the next Martin Scorsese. She took the job and made her way home, trying to get her mind around this bewildering addition to her already unorthodox career. Her friends in the building knew what was up, of course. Ruby, Leo, Suzy, and Kayla were waiting for her at Ruby's place, ready to celebrate with her, just as they had on the day she'd gotten the advertising from Azul. Just like old times.
The thought made her chuckle as she watched New York's streets float by the window of her taxicab. How quickly new times become old!
When she sat down with her neighbors in Ruby's kitchen, however, it really did feel like nothing had changed. Fabio had to work late at the law firm that night. When he arrived shortly after eight o'clock, the party was in full swing. He had apparently stopped to change along the way. That was odd. Fabio looked no less like a Greek god in jeans and a sweatshirt than he did in a power suit, but he never changed clothes before getting back to his apartment. It was odd enough to be worth commenting on.
“Hey gang, can I interrupt and steal my girl away for just a moment? Saskia, can I talk to you in here?”
“Fabio, what are you up to?” she asked as they went down the hall into the living room and out of the others' earshot. “I thought you were at the office.”
“Saskia, this day's been kind of complicated. I know a lot of things have been complicated lately.”
She crossed her arms, looking over her shoulder to make sure the others really could not hear. “Fabio, can we not do this now? This was supposed to be my big day. I'm trying to have a good time.”
“I've been trying to have a good time my whole life, until I met you,” he said. “Or at least that's what I thought. It turns out I was fighting against it. Now everything's different, and it's made things different for both of us. That charity ball last month got me thinking a lot about it...”
She cut him off. “Oh God, don't you dare mention that woman's name. No, don't say it. You want to go back to the dom life. I understand.”
The look in his dark gold eyes was fierce. “You're all the dom life I need, Saskia. I think we established that.”
“Then why mention--”
“Because I was never happy with it. What was missing was you. What I was trying to say about seeing Dominique at that stupid party was that it made me realize I could never go back. Not to the way things were and not without you. I'm in love with you, Saskia.”
A catch formed in her throat. She really could not believe the others could not hear them, but they carried on in the kitchen, seemingly unaware. “Why are you telling me this now? Why tonight? I just wanted to have a good time with my friends.”
“Because I need to hear you say it, too, before tonight can go any further.”
Why force this out of her now? Why show up from the office looking different than he ever had on any other night? Why make her doubt, when she had almost accepted the idea that she might break up with him, or him with her?
Maybe she had always been more like him than either had realized? Maybe he saw that she, too, needed to learn how to let go of control. “I'm in love with you too, Fabio. Dammit, I'm so in love with you, and the reason I haven't been able to be totally happy, with all this great stuff in my life, is because I'm afraid you won't be there with me on the other side of it.”
He smiled. “Then why throw a party?”
She nodded back to the kitchen. “Ruby and the gang's idea. You know how they are.”
Fabio's bronze complexion looked odd when he blushed. It wasn't something he did often. “Actually, Ruby didn't organize it. I did and got her to act like it was her idea.”
“What? Fabio, why would you do that?”
“Because this isn't just to celebrate you getting the web series.” Without warning, he raised his voice. “Guys! Can you come in here?”
Saskia thought he meant Ruby, Mr. Podolski, Suzy, and Kayla, who all filed into the living room. But then to her surprise the front door opened. Into Ruby's apartment stepped, not only her father and mother, but her best friend Stacey as well. Before she could express her shock and ask for explanations, Fabio got down on one knee, producing a small velvet box with the flourish of a skilled magician. “It's your engagement party. Saskia, will you marry me?”
Saskia felt like a bigger fool than she had in the apartment lobby the day of their first meeting, not due to clumsiness, but due to her tears of joy. She accepted her beloved's proposal with cheers and applause from all. Fabio, as it turned out, had not been working late at all. He had been at LaGuardia airport picking up Stacey and Mr. and Mrs. Bergen, whose trips he had arranged and paid for - all without Saskia's knowing. Here she had thought she had gotten him out of thinking he had to be the master of everything at all times, yet he had masterminded an incredible proposal scenario right in front of her; and she had never suspected a thing.
That night both Saskia's father and her best friend Stacey told her how much they had missed her blue-eyed gawk. It was a look she had tried so hard to get rid of during her adventures in New York. It had earned her the nickname Saski-Blue. She had once thought the big-eyed gawk had to go. Yet somehow, she had achieved her career dreams and won the heart of an amazing man simply by being the girl she already was, and in doing so, she had become the woman she always wanted to be. Ruby's living room became an impromptu dance floor. As Fabio and Saskia gazed into each other's eyes, hers blue-green, his brown-gold, they rejoiced in the equilibrium they alone understood. Each had control of the other in their own way, and together, they would face a life where each could help the other let go.
The End
Further Books By Scarlet Brady Can Be Found At;
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Captive Heart
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