by Lissa Kasey
“You went to fight. I heard that much from Gabe. Did it help?” Sei and I walked together close to the wall with me glaring at it the whole time. Was I really gonna do this?
“Some. Max has this supernatural fight club on the west side. Mostly lycans, though Luca goes there. I thought if I could get the aggression out everything would be okay and I’d be able to think clearly about what I should do.”
“Do?”
“About Luca.”
“Ah. So you like him.”
Fuck me, but I did. “It was great for a while. We both fed and we danced and kissed and it was good, and then it was chaos.”
Sei reached out and gripped my hand. “Love is chaos. Why anyone does it is beyond me.” The pulse of life poured from him to me, soothing and breath-stealing all at once. I clung to him, opening myself to the power. He was warm, and I wanted to feel human again.
“But you love Gabe,” I pointed out.
“And he still drives me bonkers.”
“Says the same about you.”
Sei nodded. “See, chaos. He shrugged. “Gabe isn’t happy Max is here. But Luca is fielding all his calls. Won’t even let Max and Gabe talk on the phone, and refuses to set up a face-to-face meeting. Any idea why? Does Max seem to have something bad in mind for Gabe?”
“He seemed pretty business focused to me. Didn’t ask me any specific questions about you or Gabe. Not really.” We approached the entrance. There were enough armed guards stationed there to prevent a minor zombie apocalypse, or perhaps just a bloodlust-driven vampire from escaping. I pulled back before we reached the gate. “I can’t, Ronnie. Please.”
“We have to talk to Gabe. He’s already inside waiting for us. Wouldn’t you feel stupid if you put up this huge fuss over something that is not a big deal? Like you walk in and fall asleep and wake up all refreshed like nothing ever happened?”
“You don’t know it will be like that. It looks like a fucking prison.”
“To keep people out. Vampires are at their most vulnerable here. Some zealot could come in and slaughter the lot of them without all the precautions. You’ll be safe here.”
I gulped. “Fuck…”
He tugged me through the open gate. The guards let us pass without question. I couldn’t imagine any of them wanting to tangle with Father Earth.
“I don’t know why you bother trying to help me all the time.”
“You’re right. You’re kind of an ass. But I like you anyway.”
“You’re messed up.”
He nodded. “That’s not news.” Gabe leaned against his car, looking tired, lips in a thin line—an expression of irritation I was quickly becoming used to from him.
“I’m sorry,” I said, clinging to Sei like they were going to drag me off to be buried at any second.
“You don’t even know what it means.” He sighed. “Answer this for me, Sam. Are you tired?”
“Yeah.” I was always tired and when I slept it was because of the sun. Though I never woke up really feeling rested.
“How many times have you blacked out in the past week?”
“Just the two times I told you about.” I looked away and frowned at the icy ground. “You should probably know. I’ve sort of let the red come out. Like in my sight and stuff. Let him do his thing as long as he doesn’t kill, but I’m there. I remember all that.”
“For how long?”
“A couple months.”
Gabe groaned and dry washed his face.
Sei looked back and forth between us. “But he’s gonna be okay, right? We can fix whatever this is?”
“He has to go to ground. He’s young and the vampire side of him is taking control. If it completely takes over there will be no more Sam. He’ll be a revenant. A mindless killing machine and I’ll be responsible for putting him down.”
My whole body went cold, and I took a step back. “I haven’t hurt anyone.”
“Yet,” Gabe pointed out. “Why are you fighting this? I promise it doesn’t hurt. You will fall asleep and even dream. Then you wake up. Usually some time has passed—a few days maybe. You’ll be monitored so we can give you blood as soon as you wake. Then you’ll return to your normal life. But you’ll feel better, rested, and in control. It’s the earth that gives us that.” He reached out and took Sei’s free hand. Some of the exhaustion eased away from his face. I wondered how long it had been for him since he’d actually rested. A couple decades sounded like a really long time. He tugged us forward. “It’s not scary I promise. You’re making yourself sick over nothing. You just lie down and close your eyes.”
We followed him through a maze of buildings, all had individual guards. Inside the walls it seemed like winter hadn’t happened here. Everything was lush and green with life, trees, flowers, planters filled with ivy, all blooming as though it hadn’t been the coldest winter in thirty years. Was it the vampires that did this? Even the air felt warmer. Were there giant heaters somewhere that I couldn’t see?
We stopped at a large mausoleum-like building. The side of the building was etched in what looked like Latin but it could have been Greek for all I knew about ancient languages. The guard opened the door for us and nodded his head to Gabe. Inside the room was just a huge open space with a dirt floor. The walls were thick, several feet of rock on each side. But the interior was warm, the dirt smelled fresh, and pulsed with a welcome feeling of earth magic. I’d feared there would be a grave dug and ready for me to be thrown into, but it was all just semi-soft ground. Maybe I was expected to dig it myself. Only no one had a shovel and there were none leaning on the concrete ledge where we stood.
“So what do I do?” I asked staring at the dirt feeling weirdly drawn to it. It looked really soft and inviting like I could imagine a sandy beach to be. If I sprawled out in all that warmth, would I actually be warm for more than a minute or two? “What if I don’t wake up?”
“You won’t be out long. A week, maybe? If it seems like too long, we’ll soak the ground with blood. Oftentimes that will stir a vampire who’s been in the ground too long. Doesn’t always work, but I don’t think you’ll need that.” Gabe waved at the dirt. “I suggest you strip. Maximum contact with the earth will help recharge you. You just lie down and close your eyes.”
“But what about like bugs and stuff?” I didn’t want anything gnawing at me while I slept—if that’s what I would really be doing.
“Bugs don’t much like vampires. We’re toxic to most of them, and since you’re not in a self-dug grave out in the middle of nowhere, I think you’ll be fine.”
The guard closed the door, probably to give us some privacy. But I wasn’t planning on stripping in front of either of them. I took off the coat since it was leather and Sei’s. “Can’t Sei just recharge me?”
“He can fill you with life, but you’re not really alive, Sam. The grave is death, and while the Dominion doesn’t recognize it as an element separate from earth, death is a different magic. Sei can’t bring people back from the dead, and he can’t bring the undead into new life. He can give us back to the earth, but I don’t think that’s the solution you’re looking for.”
“Yeah, no.” We’d already resolved the whole I didn’t want to die thing. “Will it be like the last time?” All I remembered was the pain of icy water filling my lungs and the final darkness setting in no matter how I struggled. My limbs had stopped responding before my brain knew it was a hopeless cause. I didn’t wish drowning on anyone.
“Not as long as you don’t fight it.”
“But I feel alive.” Fuck did that dirt look good. Why was I so afraid? They had made me this way, hadn’t they? Dependent on them. Used to having others around. What if I was just stuck in the dirt alone for days?
Gabe took my hand. “Your skin is cold and hard. Can you feel the warmth of my skin? No? But Sei’s, you can feel his?”
Sure. Sei always felt warm. Odd that he only seemed slightly warmer than me when he normally ran hot as a furnace. “He’s warm.”
&
nbsp; “He’s standing here as Father Earth and running hot enough to burn footprints in the concrete, but he’s only warm?” Gabe asked.
I glanced down at where Sei’s feet met the pavement and sure enough the ground around him smoldered. Green things usually bloomed at his feet. Was something wrong with him? Oh shit, it was me wasn’t it? I was always fucking with his power. I let go of his hand. The warmth and calm he’d given me vanished. Plants began to curl around the edges of the concrete and pour up from the soil.
“I’m so sorry,” I told him. “I wasn’t trying to mess with you. I promise.”
Sei just shrugged. “It was kind of cool. Usually you’re just static. Today you’re a lightning storm. Like flashes hitting the ground and it sort of tickles. I liked it.”
“Take a step back into the dirt, Sam,” Gabe said. He moved toward me which forced me to take a step back. I almost lost my balance but grabbed Sei’s hand. A hot blast of air hit me hard and strong enough in the small space to blow the door open. Gabe fell back against the wall, hands protecting his face, burns darkening his fingers and cheeks. Shit.
“I don’t know what happened. I’m so sorry.” I told them both. Sei dropped my hand to go to Gabe. A half dozen guards lingered around the edge of the tomb with automatic weapons locked and loaded.
Oh God. I was in a tomb. All the carvings and sleek designs inscribed into the wall suddenly made sense. I sucked in deep breaths, but lightheadedness made me flounder. I stumbled off the edge of the platform and landed on my back in the dirt.
The ground began to pour over me like a living thing, sucking me downward. I fought and screamed fearing that the weight of it would fill my lungs like when I’d drowned. Sei reached for me but Gabe held him back, arms locked around him. I held my breath as the dirt covered my head, sinking me deeper until I was certain it would crush me. I didn’t need to breathe, but my lungs burned as if they remembered that it was better when they had oxygen in them. I couldn’t keep from opening my mouth and instantly the dirt filled my lungs as the world began to blacken around me. It was terrifying and painful right until the moment I died.
Chapter 11
The day I met Matthew had been my seventeenth birthday. My family had too many kids to really celebrate anything, and since I was the oldest it meant I was on my own for pretty much everything. I don’t think any of them even remembered that it was my birthday.
I found my way to the movie theater with the cash I’d stolen out of the apartment’s laundry room. The quarter slots were easy enough to jimmy and always filled with a good chunk of change. I’d escaped the confines of the apartment as soon as the sky grew dark with the plans to enjoy time away from the siblings my parents expected me to raise for them.
I bought a pizza with my quarters—a good one—and spent the day playing Resident Evil on the machine in the back of the rundown theater. There were movies playing that I’d like to have seen, but the cost was too much. Food and fun lasted longer without the expensive screen time. And I’d been pretty involved in the game when Matthew showed up.
He kind of loomed over me at first, like a shadow of someone who was maybe a little irritated that I was playing his game, but when I looked up he smiled. Something bright lit up in his dark eyes. He looked like a soldier just back from war, dressed in fatigues, hair trimmed super short, nice body, strong shoulders, good posture. I’d never been with a guy before but had fantasized about it. A red-blooded all-American boy like him could never have been interested in me, could he?
I think I figured in that moment—because it was my birthday—what the hell? Why not? What was the worst he could do? Kick my ass? Been there done that a few dozen times. I could give as good as I got if we went that route.
“Like something you see?” I asked, daring him to continue staring. He’d looked me over more than once and I’d never met a straight guy who did that to another guy. Seen them roll their gaze over plenty of leggy chicks, but never a short chink from the bad side of town.
“Yeah, actually I do.” He leaned against the side of the game. “You done playing?”
“Depends on what you’re offering? If you want the machine then fuck off, I was here first.”
He laughed and with it showed fang. Vampire. I should have been afraid. Had heard enough evils about them in church and from my family, though the news reported daily that advancements were being made toward equality, but I was seventeen. He was attractive, interested in me, maybe. “I bite,” he teased.
“What’s in that for me?”
He grinned and held out his hand. “Name’s Matthew.”
“Sam,” I told him as I shook his hand.
“Well, Sam. This is what’s in it for you.” He yanked me forward into a kiss. It was brutal, amazing, and invigorating all at once. He fed at my mouth, teeth scoring my tongue. The taste of my own blood should have clued me in that the guy was bad news. But we were all young and stupid once. I followed him home to an apartment that wasn’t much better than the one I lived in.
Whatever dream god worked for vampires, thankfully, didn’t make me relive that first night for which I was thankful. It had been awful. Painful, humiliating, and yet I’d come a half dozen times. Matthew would bleed me until I passed out, and then bleed me some more. When he thought I was halfway awake he’d fuck me or bring in some “buddy” to fuck me. Looking back, it was a nightmare.
Why did I go back to him? I knew I’d gone home at some point because I would go to school all day feeling like a zombie only to have him pick me up as soon as the sun set. On the rare occasion I tried to avoid him he always found me. I guess that would have been the blood. He fed from me so much he could probably have told me to pretend to be a monkey and dance on my head and I’d have done it.
Two months after that first day we met and he took me with him one night. Told me that I would be leaving it all behind. I hated them anyway. Hated my life, so it was okay. I changed my name and became his. Sadly, all I was was a possession to him.
If going to ground was just a replay of the highlights and lowlights of my life it was going to be a short trip. But there was no hashing through Roman’s time or the horrible hours spent in that fucking tower. I did remember the first time I realized Matthew didn’t see me because he really wanted Seiran.
We were watching the news. Well, he was watching. I was on my knees with his dick down my throat while some guy I never even heard his name plowed my ass. Matthew got off on sharing me. It did little for me as proven by my limp dick. He didn’t care so long as I kept sucking.
“Breaking news. Dominion’s Regional Director Tanaka Rou’s son Seiran has been accused of murder. A co-worker has been found dead on his doorstep, and a professor killed with his wards. Police are investigating possible magic for both homicides. The Dominion has claimed that this is an attempt to frame the Rou family and remove them from power. The Director has yet to make a statement.”
Seiran’s picture flashed up on the screen. It wasn’t a mug shot, something from school maybe. He was smiling, long hair, almond-shaped, bright blue eyes, pretty enough to be called androgynous. And apparently some rich bitch’s son.
“Damn that kid grew up fine,” Matthew said. He gripped my hair and forced me to take him in further, gagging me with each thrust. At least I hadn’t eaten that day. The consequences of throwing up on him were never good. “I had him for years. Was his first. Taught that pretty little boy to sing. I bet he misses me.” He came, shooting down my throat at the same moment I stared at Seiran Rou’s picture thinking that I kind of looked like him. It suddenly made sense why Matthew always had me wear colored contacts. At the time I thought it was because he just hated the boring dark brown of my Chinese heritage, but staring at Seiran, and his pretty blue eyes, it all clicked into place. I was a replacement. I’d hated Seiran for that, which was stupid because it wasn’t like it was his fault.
I dozed for a bit, memories leaving me to rest a while before returning. I guess it wasn’t really dreaming sin
ce I was dead. The experience was certainly more relaxed than I recall death the first time around. That had been a cold searing pain until my heart stopped, then nothing until I awoke undead thinking I was still drowning. The fact that I was sort of dreaming meant I was still alive right? It wasn’t a full stop. More like a semi-consciousness. I couldn’t feel the weight of the dirt anymore, or even my body. Instead I just seemed to be in a warm cocoon of random memories. I dreamed of dancing with Luca again, letting that one linger a while and pushing away the intruding thoughts of his anger at the shifter. Yeah, he’d gotten in our space, but I’d handled him. Could have thrown him out myself. Maybe I would apologize and we could start over. Talk it out, set guidelines. If it was a territorial thing I could learn to live with it as long as he learned to minimize it.
I dreamed of kissing Con, though it had never happened. I’d fantasized about it often. Sometimes when he slept at night, he had nightmares. More than once I’d curled around him in his bed, offering him soft words and touch as comfort. Nothing sexual, but it often made me hard lying next to him. He rarely awoke to find me there, but my presence always seemed to calm his nightmares. Too bad the same didn’t work for me.
I sank into a deeper sleep for a time. Dreamed of new things that I knew had to be all in my head because they’d never happened to me. I’d never even been on any airplane and yet I dreamed of flying over the city. When I’d been locked in the tower at Roman’s mercy to fuel his spell against Seiran and Gabe I’d often wished I could fly away from it all.
Seiran, Jamie, and Kelly could all change—escape the human form that bound them by strict rules—I longed for that. Seiran would often forget he was human at all when he changed into a lynx. Kelly never talked about it, but I’d spent enough new moons with him at his parent’s Olympic-size pool to know that it wouldn’t take much for him to lose himself in the wild. He’d turned down an invite by the former water Pillar to spend the winter training with her in Cancun using the excuse that he was in school and didn’t want to fall behind. I was pretty sure he feared that he’d swim out into the ocean and never come back. Humanity really sucked sometimes. I could totally understand wanting to leave it all behind.