His tongue played with mine and a soft moan escaped me.
I thought I’d wanted Trent at sixteen years old, but my feelings then in no way compared to how I felt now.
His hands were all over me, just as mine were with him. Both of us were feeling, tracing, and exploring the other’s body. I didn’t feel shy or hesitant like I thought I would.
My hands skimmed his chest, pushing up the shirt he wore until he sat up to tear it off. He flipped over so he was above me and kissed over my naked stomach.
His fingers found the button of my jeans and he stopped.
He looked up at me and his blue eyes met mine. He braced himself above me, his eyes flicking to my lips and back to my eyes as his fingers lifted my chin.
“Are you sure?” He asked, his eyes closing as if the question pained him. “Are you sure you want this?” He swallowed thickly. “Say the word, and we’ll stop. But if this goes too much further…I don’t know if I’ll be able to. I need you to stop me right now if you’re not okay with this.”
“You’ve tempted me this far, why stop now?”
That was answer enough for him. His lips descended to touch mine as his fingers easily found the button of my jeans.
He pulled them down my thighs and I helped by kicking them off.
“You. Are. Beautiful,” he enunciated each word while staring at a different part of my body. My lips, my breasts, and finally the skin peeking out above the top of my panties. When he looked at me like that, I believed him, in fact I would’ve believed anything he told me in that moment. “I want to love you in so many ways,” he confessed, kissing his way down my stomach. I couldn’t control the shiver that rocked my body. “But I’m scared I’ll end up pushing you away.” His blue eyes lifted to meet mine, stealing my air, my heart, my very soul. “I can’t survive losing you,” he admitted, and I could see how much it killed him to confess those words. “You’re not the one that got away. You’re the one.”
It wasn’t until the words had left his lips that I understood how much I had needed to hear them. A part of me that I fought hard to silence had wondered if that's all I was—the one that got away. He told me I wasn’t though. A weight was lifted off me, a weight I didn’t even realize I was carrying, and I could breathe.
He looked at me, like he was waiting for me to say something, but I didn’t know what.
I reached up and my fingers tangled into the hair at the nape of his neck. “Show me how much you love me,” I swallowed thickly, shocked that the dreaded L word had passed my lips. But neither of us were declaring anything—we were simply showing—and there was a difference, right?
Trent’s eyes closed and when they opened…what I saw there scared me. That kind of look…it consumes you, it changes you, it ruins you. Oh yes, I was definitely ruined.
“Kiss me,” I pleaded. A part of me hated that my voice sounded so breathless with want, but the bigger part didn’t care. I did want him, and I had nothing to be ashamed of.
He was more than happy to oblige.
He kissed me.
He touched me.
He loved me.
He didn’t have to say the words, but I knew how he felt. I could see it clearly in his eyes. Unlike most girls, I didn’t want to hear those three words—they’d only send me running again. In my opinion, there was something so much more…magical, about seeing his love, rather than hearing it. Words are lies, but actions speak the truth.
He kissed me thoroughly, his lips exploring every crevice of my body, and eventually the last of our clothes fell on the floor.
Just when I thought I’d explode with want, he stopped.
“Trent?” I gasped his name, on the verge of begging. Jeez, since when did I beg?
“There’s no turning back now,” he growled low in his throat, his teeth lightly biting the skin of my neck.
“We reached the point of no return a long time ago,” I breathed, closing my eyes as he leaned over me, grabbing a condom out of the drawer of his nightstand.
He fixed it on, and then pressed into me. A gasp escaped my parted lips and my hands sought something to hold, settling on the bed sheets.
“Fuck, you’re tight,” he gritted his teeth. With a joking smile, he took my cheek in his hand, “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were a virgin.”
He braced his hands on either side of my head, easing into me a little bit further. I tried not grimace, but I couldn’t help it.
“Rowan…” He paused, unsure if he should continue with his question. After a brief hesitation, he found the courage. “How long has it been for you?”
“Five years,” I admitted.
“You mean…?”
I nodded.
“You have no idea how happy that makes me,” he lowered his head, kissing me so deeply that I couldn’t think about anything else as he inched the rest of the way inside me.
His fingers entwined with mine and he pinned my arms above my head as he gently rocked in and out.
There was nothing rushed about his movements. Everything was slow, sweet, and sensual. It was perfect. Somehow, even more perfect than the tent.
He didn’t make me feel like I was just another girl beneath him. He made me feel like I was the girl as he worshipped my body.
“You’re mine, Rowan,” he breathed against the skin of my neck, “one day you’ll see that.”
“I already know,” I gasped, my hips lifting to meet his.
“Good,” his lips crashed against mine, drawing a long moan from me.
His lips left mine, as he trailed kisses down my body, his mouth closing over my breast. His hands still clasped in mine as he continued to slowly rock into my body, my legs falling open.
What I saw in his expression scared and exhilarated me all at the same time.
“I feel like I’ve been waiting forever for this,” Trenton confessed, his lips brushing against mine. “Please, don’t run from me this time.”
In that moment he was so…vulnerable, and vulnerable certainly wasn’t one of the words that came to mind when you thought of Trent.
I didn’t say anything, because I wasn’t sure that I could make that promise.
I tilted my head up and kissed him, hoping that would suffice.
He kissed me back, his tongue brushing my open lips before caressing my tongue.
He released my hands and they skimmed down my body, making me shiver. His thumb found my clit and I clenched around him. “Trent,” I gasped, clawing at his back like a wild animal.
His eyes were dark with pleasure as he watched me. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
A blush dotted my chest, running up my neck, and over my cheeks.
“Your hair fanned out around you like this,” he picked up a long strand, “the desire in your eyes, and those kissable lips,” his thumb brushed over my bottom lip and slightly into my open my mouth. “I never want to let you leave.”
He shut up then, kissing me deeply, as his thumb found that special spot again. I gasped beneath him, my hips jerking. “Trent, I’m gonna—” My words ended on a gasp, and my arms wrapped around him, holding him tight like I was scared I might float away and he was the only thing keeping me anchored. My muscles were coiled tight, but I’d also never felt so relaxed.
Trent pumped into me a few more times and then his release stole over him.
He kissed me deeply, sucking on my bottom lip. He released it with a pop and rolled over.
I didn’t think I could move, but I didn’t want to either.
I closed my eyes, fighting a smile. That had been…amazing. I hadn’t expected him to be so sweet and tender. I should’ve known though, it was Trent after all…it wasn’t like him to be rough, although something told me he could be when he wanted to, and that excited me.
The bed creaked and I knew Trent had gotten up. It dipped again a minute later, and he pulled me against his body. With his other hand he pulled the covers up over us.
He brushed my hair away from my nec
k, pressing kisses to the area where my neck met my shoulders.
“I don’t deserve you,” I whispered so low I was sure he couldn’t have heard it.
“Why do you say that?”
All of my lies clung to me like a dirty, sinful, second skin that wouldn’t wash away no matter how hard I tried.
Trent couldn’t see it, but once he did he’d never look at me the same.
I had lived this lie for so long that it felt like the truth.
It wasn’t though.
And once it was out in the open, none of our lives would ever be the same.
“No reason,” I finally said, letting his warmth wash over me. “You’re just too good for me.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” he said, his lips gliding over my shoulder. “You’re unable to see the goodness that resides right here,” he placed his hand over my heart and it sped up at his touch, “you’re one of the kindest, most giving people I know. I wish you could see that. Until you do, I’ll have to remind you every single day,” his words were punctuated by light kisses to my arm.
“I should go,” I mumbled, trying to pull out of his arms.
“You’re not going anywhere,” he tightened his hold. “You’re staying right here until the last possible second.”
I closed my eyes, clasping my hands under my head. “You’re bossy, you know that right?”
“Not bossy,” he snuggled close, burying his head into the curve of my neck, his breath tickling my skin pleasantly. “I just know what I want.”
I rolled over, so we were face to face. I lightly traced my finger over his cheek and around his lips. There were so many things I wanted to say to him, but when I opened my mouth no sound came out.
He tucked my head under his chin and I decided that it wasn’t time to say any of those things. Unfortunately, there probably never would be a good time.
chapter eleven
I closed the door to the library and eyed the stack of books I still had to put away. I’d been unusually slow working today, my mind distracted with a million and one thoughts. I hadn’t seen Trenton in three days. We’d talked on the phone and texted, but the kids Christmas break had started and it made it nearly impossible to get away. I didn’t want to leave them home with my mom if I didn’t have to, and I couldn’t bug Colleen every day.
I hated to admit it, but I missed him. Damn Wentworth. He was impossible not to succumb to. He was just so…Trent.
I changed into my favorite loose gray sweater and jeans, before I grabbed the cart of books and began putting them away. Since we were on break, I obviously wouldn’t be staying to work on homework, but I had hoped to get some personal reading time in. It didn’t look like that would happen now.
I hummed a song I’d heard on the radio this morning, inserting a word here and there.
Somebody laughing had me jumping out of my skin. Everyone was supposed to be gone and I hadn’t heard anyone approach.
I turned sharply, a book clutched to my chest in case I needed to use one of the sharp edges as a weapon.
“Trent,” I gasped, unable to hide my smile. I rarely smiled, but Trent seemed to always be able to make me happy. “How’d you get in here?”
“Some idiot left the door unlocked,” he eyed me.
“Shit,” I cursed. “I normally lock it. I forgot,” I shrugged, still holding tightly onto the book for some reason.
“I was planning to text you to let me in, but since the door was conveniently left unlocked,” he stalked towards me, lowering his head, “there was no need.” His lips brushed against my jaw. “It feels like forever since I’ve seen you,” he placed a hand against my neck and grinned crookedly when he felt my pulse jump.
“So…you thought you’d just stop by?” My fingers grasped his leather jacket, drawing him closer.
“Mhmm,” he nodded, his eyes hooded.
“To talk…?”
“I just wanted to see you,” he said huskily, his breath tickling my neck. “But now that I’m here,” his fingers dug into my hips, “I want to do a whole lot more.”
My heart skipped a beat. “You mean—”
He didn’t wait for me to finish. He claimed my lips with his, asserting his dominance and control. He lifted me up, my legs wrapping around his waist, and he braced one of his hands against the bookshelf my back was pressed against. It certainly wasn’t the most comfortable position, but it was hot as hell, and frankly I didn’t care. It felt so good to be in his arms again.
“I want to take you right here,” he growled, nibbling on my earlobe.
“Do it,” I pleaded, desire filling my body at his words.
He didn’t have to be told twice.
He had us undressed in under a minute and put a condom on. My body was already buzzing with want and need. He lifted me up again and I sank down on him, both of us moaning in response.
I took his face between my hands and lowered my mouth to his. I never would’ve thought I’d be into something like this, but the spontaneity had me feeling like this was pretty damn hot. For once, I wasn’t thinking. I was letting myself go and doing what I wanted, not what I felt like I should do.
Being in Trent’s arms felt so good—better than I wanted it to.
I had been trying so hard to guard my heart all these years, but there was nothing I could do to prevent Trenton from staking claim. I belonged to him.
He pressed my back against the shelves and the books began to rattle. I might have laughed if I hadn’t been enjoying myself so much.
This was definitely…rougher, than the other day, but with Trent there was always an underlying sweetness.
He sped up his thrusts and—“Oh my God!” My head fell back as a soft cry escaped me. “Trent!”
Trent watched me with lust filled eyes, smiling at what he was doing to me.
“I like it when you scream my name,” he whispered, lightly biting my neck before placing a kiss there. “You have no idea what seeing you like this does to me.” His eyes were dilated, only a thin ring of blue showing.
“I think I have some idea.” My voice was breathless as I wiggled my hips, my fingers finding the soft strands of his hair.
“Oh, fuck, you feel so good,” Trent gasped, his hands on my hips as he guided me up and down. My eyes closed as I let myself succumb to the pleasure coursing through my veins.
Trenton holding me like this, it was like he filled every part of me, and our eyes rarely strayed from each other’s—creating an intimate bubble.
He grasped my thighs in his hands, and said, “Hold on.”
I held on tightly to his muscular shoulders as he started carrying me, and I soon found myself lying on a table. The wood was cool and my sweat dampened skin wanted to stick to it.
Trent pushed into me and I gasped, my nails digging into his arms.
“Did I hurt you?” He stilled.
I shook my head. “No, it feels really good. Do it again.”
He did, and my back arched off the table as he reached down and took my breasts in his hands. “You have no idea how happy it makes me that this,” he stared at my body, “hasn’t been seen by anyone but me.”
I didn’t answer, because I didn’t have anything to say except, you own me, and there was no way I was saying that out loud.
“I never want anyone else to see you like this, spread out beneath them,” he continued. “I want you to belong to me and only me,” he growled, lowering his lips to mine as he staked his claim. He didn’t need to though. I had been his from the moment I met him. There were too many other circumstances standing in our way, keeping us from a happy life together. I had made so many mistakes and my regrets continued to pile up, slowly suffocating me from the inside out.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, gazing down at me with a puzzled expression. “You look upset.”
I shook my head, reaching up so my fingers wrapped around the back of his neck.
“Rowan…” He pressed.
“Make me forget,” I whi
spered in his ear.
“Forget what?” He questioned, looking at me worriedly.
“Everything.”
Trent had definitely been able to make me forget. After the table, we’d sunk to the floor and started the whole process over again.
Now, we lay spread out on the floor, still naked, and my body was wrapped around his. I never wanted to move, because once I did I’d have to return to my messed up life.
His lips pressed against my forehead. “I have something I want to ask you…and please, don’t get mad, hear me out.”
“Okay…” I ventured hesitantly. “Usually when someone says ‘don’t get mad’ it’s because you’re going to get mad.”
He swallowed thickly, looking up at the ceiling of the library. “Come to New York with me.”
I was not expecting that to come out of his mouth.
“Trent, you know—”
“I know, you have to look after your siblings. But can’t you find someone else for a week? We could go over Christmas,” he tucked my hair behind my ear, “and return in time to go to my family’s annual New Year’s Eve party, then I would reluctantly take you home,” he chuckled.
I bit my lip, chewing on it nervously. Since I’d been able to drive, I’d been taking the kid’s to our grandma’s and spending a few days to a week there for the holidays. That’s what I had been planning to do this year, but…I could always drop them off and go with Trent. I knew they’d be in good hands with her. I wouldn’t have to worry, and I could enjoy myself. I deserved to do something for myself, right?
“I…I need to think about it,” I whispered, tracing my finger along his chest and down his abs.
“Well,” he sighed, “thinking about it is certainly better than a flat out no.”
I really did want to do it—even though the thought of being alone with Trent for a full week scared me. I knew that winter break would end soon and he’d be gone for a while. His University was only two hours away, but when you have classes and homework, it could be hard to find time to visit. I certainly didn’t want to be one of those clingy girls begging him to come home every weekend. I would miss him though, and I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could.
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