“Really?” I ask. How’s that possible? I’m sure if I had seen him before today, I would have remembered.
“Yeah sure, you go to Markson East, don’t you?”
“Yeah.”
“We don’t have any classes together or anything, but I’ve seen you around.”
I nod. What else can I do? I’ve never noticed this guy until this very moment.
“But you’ve never noticed me, have you?” he asks slowly, letting the realization sink in. His cheeks turn a pale shade of pink. He’s embarrassed.
“We’d better get to the front of the store. We’re late,” I say, completely changing the subject. It’s not the best tactic, but it’s all I have at the moment.
I walk ahead of him toward the front of the store. This whole night is going to be a complete disaster. I can’t even talk to this guy, how am I supposed to train him?
“Oh good,” Spencer says. “You’ve met each other. Evan, Bree is going to be training you tonight.”
Evan nods. I wonder if he’s thinking the same thing I am, that I’m obviously not capable of civilized conversation, so how can I possibly teach him how to do his job properly.
Spencer turns to me and smiles from ear to ear. “What’s the matter with you, B? Your face is all red,” he points out, attempting to hold back a laugh. He sees how flustered I am, but I doubt he has any idea why.
I feel my cheeks burning. Thanks a lot Spencer. “I…well… it’s…” I stammer. I can’t seem to get anything out of my mouth that is even slightly understandable.
Spencer chuckles and looks to Evan. “I don’t know how you did it, but you made her speechless.”
I manage a small laugh that I swear sounds more like a squeak.
He looks me over questioningly. “What’s up?” he asks, his face growing a little more serious now. He knows the way I’m acting is completely out of character for me. I don’t notice boys. I’m not attracted to them; they certainly don’t make me flustered and act like an idiot in their presence, but Evan is obviously the exception to that and it feels very wrong.
Spencer is the one person who, not only knows about my secret relationship with Skylar, but also completely understands it because he’s been there too.
Back in the ninth grade, Spencer had a secret boyfriend for nearly six months before the whole school found out about them. It was a rough time for Spencer, but it was far worse for the guy he had been seeing. People already knew Spencer was gay, but no one ever suspected that Mark Ambrose, Markson East’s womanizing man-whore, could possibly be into guys. When people found out they were together, the backlash began and took an extremely dark turn when Mark decided to end it all by taking his life.
Spencer was beyond devastated, blaming himself for Mark’s death for years. He became closer to Skylar and me after that, focusing all of his love and devotion toward us.
“I broke his phone,” I blurt out, attempting damage control. He needs some sort of explanation for how stupid I’m acting.
“You broke his phone?” he repeats suspiciously.
“Accidentally. I bumped into him and he dropped it.”
Spencer smirks. “Well, not to be rude or anything guys, but I really have to get going, got a hot date waiting for me,” he says, shooting me a quick wink as he starts toward the door.
Skylar must have invited him over to hang out for the evening. I can’t help but feel jealous that I can’t join them. Spencer works most afternoons instead of evenings at the store now because he’s ahead in his classes, and had the opportunity of only taking half days until graduation, which he gladly accepted. His stepfather is wealthy and because of that, he doesn’t really need this job. But taking the afternoon shifts allows him to avoid his mother and stepdad as much as possible which is something he seems to need, though he’s never actually explained to me why.
I wish we had more shifts together like before, though. The evenings have been pretty lonely since he switched to afternoons, but at least Skylar has someone to hang out with while I’m at work. She’s currently unemployed now that the old hockey rink has been shut down. I know she’ll eventually look for something new, but she doesn’t seem to be in a rush.
As soon as Spencer walks out the door, Evan turns to me, smiling. “He seems nice.”
I nod shyly, avoiding his gaze.
I spend the next four hours showing Evan the workings of the store while trying to avoid eye contact, which is proving to be exceptionally hard since his eyes seem to be trying to make contact with mine. When it’s time to finally start shutting things down and to count the cash in the register, I allow myself to look at him.
“How long have you been living in Markson Grove?” I ask as casually as possible. I don’t want it to come across like I really need to know, but the alternative would be not bothering to ask anything at all, and that would make me seem like a careless bitch. I don’t want him to think I’m not polite either.
“Since ninth,” he replies.
“Oh,” I say. I’m a little embarrassed that he’s been going to the same school as me for the last three and a half years and I’ve never noticed him until tonight.
“We don’t really hang in the same circles or anything,” he adds as if he can read my thoughts.
“I don’t hang in any circle,” I reply, looking to the ground. And it’s not a lie either. Skylar and I don’t usually bother with many other people. Other than Spencer, that is.
“You’re always with your friend, though. You know, the cute Goth girl with the black hair.”
I jerk my head up and look him in the eye. It makes me feel uneasy that he calls Skylar cute. Is it because I don’t like other people looking at her that way? Or is it because I want him to look at me that way? Both possibilities are unsettling.
“Skylar. Yeah, she’s my bestie.”
“Yeah, I know that,” he says with a tiny half-smile.
He thinks Skylar is pretty. Or was it cute?
“You think she’s cute?” I ask. I’m not sure why I do it, but there it is, and it’s too late to take it back now.
He seems a bit caught off guard and thinks about the question a moment before responding. “Yeah, I guess she’s cute.”
I feel my heart sink. I am disappointed that he finds her attractive and not me. What the hell is wrong with me?
“Oh.”
There’s a long silence and then he finally speaks. “I’m not looking for anyone to date. In case you’re trying to set me up with her or something. I… I don’t date.”
This extremely attractive guy ‘doesn’t date’? How can that be? He must have girls hitting on him left and right. Maybe he’s not into girls at all. It’s the only explanation I can think of.
“Oh… so you’re gay then?” I ask. I know I’m being overly curious, if not prying, but the question seems to come out before I even have a chance to notice that I’m asking it.
He immediately looks up from the money he’s counting. “What? No.” He shakes his head, “I’m not gay.”
Now I’m totally baffled. “So why don’t you date?”
“You’re asking some pretty personal questions for the first time we ever meet,” he points out instead of answering my question. He’s right too. It’s not any of my business. So I apologize.
“Nah, it’s ok that you asked. I’m just not really used to the question, I guess. Most girls don’t ask. Maybe they just assume I’m gay and leave it alone… I don’t know.”
I nod to show him that I’m still listening in case he wants to go on.
“I was hurt by someone. A girl,” he adds, putting emphasis on ‘girl’. “It left me… questioning a lot about who I let into my life, I guess.”
The idea of him being hurt and it evoking change makes me think about Skylar. I know what he means all too well, being hurt changed her too. “I understand how that can happen,” I tell him.
Parker Michelson has changed Skylar forever and her wounds are deep. They will always be inside of her n
ow. I wonder, without even knowing what happened to him, how deep Evan’s wounds are?
Evan nods, seemingly surprised but content that I get it. He finishes counting the stack of bills. “Five hundred and fifteen.”
I write the amount down on my sheet of paper and go over to the computer to make a print off of our daily debits. I motion him over next to me to show him where to go on the computer to find the debit sales and get it to print out.
He’s standing really close to me now and our arms touch for a moment. I’m becoming increasingly aware of his body, of our skin touching and causing an electric current to flow through me. I feel tingles everywhere. Absolutely everywhere. This is so unreal. No one, not even Skylar, has ever made me feel this physically aware of their presence before. I pull my arm away.
“Sorry,” he says, noticing my sudden jolt. “Did I scare you?”
I laugh. “You just startled me. I didn’t realize you were so close.”
We finish closing the store and are out the door shortly after eleven thirty. I lock up and, after saying a quick goodbye to Evan, begin down the street toward the bank.
“Do you want me to walk you home?” he calls out after me.
I turn around and notice he’s jogging to catch up, so I stop walking. “I’m fine,” I say. “I don’t live far.”
“I would feel better if you’d let me walk you,” he says once he catches up. His chivalry makes me blush. This guy is an enigma. Is he hitting on me or just trying to be nice? I honestly can’t be sure.
“Well, I guess you can if you really want,” I say and then add as an afterthought, “You don’t have a car like every other guy in Markson Grove?”
He snickers. “I drive my mom’s when she lets me, which as you can see, she didn’t tonight.”
“I don’t have a car either, or a license, so I’m used to walking.”
He laughs.
When I reach the deposit box I use the key to open it. I throw the deposit envelope in and shut it hard, removing the key. I toss the keys in my backpack and we both turn around to walk toward my home.
“Where do you live?” he asks.
“Just at the end of Shaw Street,” I reply. “Close to the rink.”
“The one they shut down a few months ago?”
I nod.
“That’s, like, a twenty-minute walk from here. I thought you said you lived close.”
“Well, it’s not exactly far,” I say with a smirk. “You don’t have to walk me, you know. I’m perfectly capable.”
He laughs, “It’s fine, I’ll suffer through it.”
We continue to walk for the next twenty minutes, talking about school and what classes we are taking. His locker is apparently in the same hall as mine and I’ve never even noticed. This embarrasses me yet again, but he shrugs it off as if it doesn’t matter.
There is an awkward silence after that, and I take the time to wonder how many times he’s noticed me when I hadn’t noticed him. I look up at him. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“What did that girl do to you to make you not want to bother with anyone else?” I realize as I ask this question that I must come across as intrusive. Why the hell would I even ask something like that?
His face turns very serious and for a moment I worry that I might have crossed the line with my curiosity, but before I get a chance to take the question back, he begins to speak. “A couple of years ago I was with a girl who I was sure that I loved. I thought she loved me too, she’d never said it, but I felt like it was getting there, you know? Anyway, in the end, I learned that she never really cared about me at all, and I was a fool for ever thinking she had.”
“Did she dump you?”
He nods. “Not before we slept together, though.”
I don’t know why it surprises me that he’s not a virgin. It really shouldn’t. A lot of people our age have had sex by now, but Evan seems so innocent.
“Did she break up with you right after or something?”
He shrugs, “It doesn’t matter.”
“It does. She’s obviously really hurt you.”
He looks to me as though he’s deciding if he can trust me. I can tell that he’s unsure but after a bit of hesitation he finally decides to reveal his secret. “She was seeing two other guys while she was with me. She was sleeping with them both. They were friends and they were… sharing her, I guess… It was a real wake-up call.”
“Oh,” I say with wide eyes. I want to call her a slut, but I don’t want to hurt Evan’s feelings in case he still cares about her. So instead I ask, “How old were you?”
“Sixteen.”
“Oh,” I say again, and we both grow silent.
My mind drifts off to my first time with Skylar. I’m suddenly feeling pretty blessed to have had my first sexual experience with someone who truly loves me. Skylar made it a warm, and loving experience. I didn’t realize until this very moment how important that actually is. Sex with the wrong person can break you.
“So what’s your story?” Evan asks, interrupting my thoughts as if he’d been able to read them. For a second, I’m scared that he knows about Skylar and me.
I shrug, as casually as I can. “I really don’t have one. I’ve never had a boyfriend.” It’s not a lie, but not telling him the whole truth makes me feel guilty.
“Oh,” he says, visibly surprised. “I find that very hard to believe.”
I look at him suspiciously, wondering if he knows that I have more experience than I’m letting on. “Why?” I ask.
“Because… you’re beautiful.”
Did he just say that? He thinks I’m beautiful? My legs feel like jelly and I stumble a bit in surprise. He catches me by the arm and holds me up so I don’t face-plant into the sidewalk.
“Thanks,” I manage to say as I regain my composure.
He smiles, an adorable half-smile that makes me want to melt, and I’m suddenly feeling sick to my stomach. What is wrong with me? Why is he making me feel like this? I can’t feel like this with someone else. I’m with Skylar. I love Skylar.
“I can walk the rest of the way by myself,” I say, pulling my arm from his gentle grasp. I need to get away from him. I begin to jog ahead.
“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” he calls out after me. I can tell that my behavior is really confusing him and it makes me feel bad, but not so much that I want him walking next to me again.
“No. It’s fine. It’s just that I’m almost home. I’ll see you later, ok? Thanks for walking me.”
He gives me a disappointed wave. “No problem,” he replies, as he turns to walk in the opposite direction.
Evan
Is there any way I could possibly be more stupid? I should have never told Bree that I thought she was beautiful. What was I thinking? I’m a person she just met, telling her something that, judging by her reaction, she isn’t used to hearing at all.
So. Incredibly. Fucking. Stupid.
As I continue to walk toward my house, my phone buzzes in my pocket letting me know that I have a text waiting for me. I quickly fish it out and take a look at the shattered screen. It’s Kelsie.
Kels: How did your first shift go?
Me: Pn.gkt b8gty
Kels: ??
Piece of crap phone.
I let out a loud sigh and shove the broken phone back into my pocket. A few moments later it begins to ring. I yank it out and peer at the screen before attempting to answer it. Not much of a surprise, it’s Kelsie again, wanting to get the scoop. I manage to find a small spot on the busted screen that lets me answer it and I put it to my ear.
“My phone’s screen is all busted,” I tell her instead of saying ‘hello’.
“How the hell did that happen?”
I shake my head even though she can’t see me. “Long story,” I mumble.
“I’m a block away from your house. Are you home yet?” she asks.
“I’m not in the mood for company.”
�
�Too bad. I’m on my way already. See you in five.”
The phone clicks off and I clench my fist around it angrily for a moment before shoving it back into my pocket. Why is she insisting on seeing me tonight? She should know me by now, I’m irritated and that means I don’t want company.
I decide to slow my walking pace down out of spite so that I end up reaching my house fifteen minutes after she hangs up with me.
“Jeez, Evan. What took you so long?” she asks when I finally arrive, putting her phone down on the step and pushing herself to her feet to greet me.
I’m still annoyed. “You know I didn’t have my mom’s car, Kels. It’s sitting right there,” I snap, pointing at the vehicle parked in the driveway beside us.
She doesn’t seem to be affected by my outburst in the least. In fact, I’m not even sure she noticed it. “So?” She tugs at my arm and forces me to the steps with her. “Tell me everything.”
“Kelsie… I’m not going to just sit with you and dish about a girl. It’s… it’s weird.”
Kelsie laughs, shaking her head. “I’m your best friend. Who else are you going to tell? Derrick? He’d just make fun of you, and you know it. You have a pass by having a girl best friend, Evan. You can be as lovesick and corny as you want and I won’t make fun of you. That’s a promise.” She motions her index finger over her heart and draws an invisible X.
I can’t help but smile slightly.
She nudges her shoulder into mine. “Come on, you know you wanna.”
I laugh. “You’re impossible.”
“Impossible is my specialty,” she says with a huge grin, her dyed red hair gleaming in the moonlight.
“I think I scared her off,” I confess.
“How?” she asks, growing serious. Kelsie knows how much I’ve been worrying about being alone with Bree Porter tonight; worrying about how I should introduce myself and try to get to know her. I’ve wanted to get to know her for a long while, but was never able to work up the courage to. So, when I got the job at Pete’s and learned she’d be working with me, I couldn’t believe it. Kelsie called it ‘fate’. I called it ‘damn lucky’. Either way, I’d been sick about it ever since.
Keep From Falling (Markson Grove Series Book 1) Page 3