‘His mother is over from the UK so he’s taken her to the Venetian for supper.’
‘Nice.’ I’ve met Phil’s mum. The image of her fuzzy white hair and floral frocks is a stark contrast to the flashing lights of Las Vegas.
‘It really is great to see you, Kat,’ he says. ‘We’ve all missed you so much. Don’t get me wrong, this has been quite a wild ride and we’ve loved every minute, but you should have been a part of it.’
I reach out and rub his arm. I hate that he feels guilty. ‘Don’t worry about me. I could never have taken you this far and I’m proud of you all. I really am happy for you.’
We’ve come through an alley beside the hotel, and facing us is the Flamingo. The strip is lined with cars, bumper to bumper and going nowhere. The shining lights of the hotels and casinos are like nothing I’ve ever seen before, and I’ve been to the Blackpool Illuminations – several times.
‘It really is a crazy place,’ I say. ‘Intimidating even.’
‘You get used to it, and once you have your bearings it’s not so bad; it’s actually a lot of fun.’ He grins wickedly.
‘I’ll take your word for it.’
‘You’ll do no such thing,’ he says. ‘You’ll see for yourself! We’ll make sure you have a great time, starting tomorrow.’
‘Thank you,’ I say, thickened with meaning. He heard how Jay reacted and I’m grateful to him for discreetly letting me know I’m not alone out here.
‘Okay, meet us at the Grand Lux Café in the Venetian at eleven tomorrow morning and we’ll kick off the sightseeing.’ He kisses me on the cheek and waves me off.
When I get back to my hotel room, I can’t shake the look on Jay’s face. Maybe my mind has morphed it into something much worse than it was, but his tone was so cold that I can’t be sure. I slump on the bed, unable to focus on taking off my shoes, never mind getting ready for bed. He hates me. I could have handled him being with someone else – that would have been awful timing and my own fault – but him hating me is too much to bear. Jay has obviously started to move on and I’ve just come and whacked him back to square one like a giant piñata. My stomach churns the curdling sadness; I’m a terrible, terrible person. With no other lifeline, I dial Andrea.
‘I shouldn’t have come; I need a flight home ASAP.’ My breathing hitches, breaking up the words.
‘Kat? What’s happened?’ Andrea says with concern in her tone.
‘I’ve just ruined everything for Jay. I’ve messed him about and it’s not fair. I told him I wanted to be with him, then broke it off and let him fly all the way to Nevada and then I changed my mind again and came to see him and he’s confused and hates me and it’s all my fault.’
‘Whoa, Kat, slow down and breathe.’
I sniffle and wipe my nose on my sleeve because the tissues are out of reach.
‘Sorry, what time is it there?’ I don’t have my bearings yet and hadn’t even thought to check.
‘It’s early but I’m up, don’t worry. Now, back to you.’
‘I need to leave here and forget about Jay. He deserves someone normal.’
Andrea laughs.
‘Oh, so I’m a joke now, am I?’
‘No,’ she says firmly. ‘You are not a joke but leaving Las Vegas now is exactly what you shouldn’t do. That’s what Jay is struggling with – all this changing your mind. Leaving when things get tough just proves his point. I get that you had a bad marriage and you don’t want to end up there again, but this isn’t just about you anymore. You need to show Jay that you know what you want and you’re all in. Tell him you’re there for a week and you’re going to prove to him you know what you want.’
I press my palms to my face. ‘How do I do that?’
‘Just show him.’
‘How? Am I supposed to follow him around like a lost puppy? He doesn’t want to see me, Andri.’
‘He loves you, Kat and love doesn’t just go away. He’ll come around. He’s wounded and probably in a state of shock. Just stay there through this awkward time to prove that you can stand it when the going gets tough.’
‘Okay, so I’ll just stay in Las Vegas when he said “I’ll see you around”, which is obviously code for “don’t bother trying to talk to me”. Great advice.’
‘Kat, calm down. You’re lashing out because you’re scared of rejection. That proves to me how much you don’t want to lose Jay. Now all you have to do is show him that.’
I don’t say anything. I feel terrible for shouting at Andrea but I feel constricted like I’ve been squished into a corner and there’s no easy way of getting out.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say, eventually. ‘I’ll stay. Of course, I’ll stay.’
‘Good! Now go get him.’
I put the phone down feeling no better. Andrea is right of course; I can’t run away from this but staying isn’t going to be easy.
Chapter 41
When I wake up, I’m groggy. I feel like I spent all of last night partying, which is a little way away from the reality of one (admittedly large) margarita and a midnight bedtime. It must be jet lag. There’s a message on my phone from Andrea telling me to stay strong and that I can do this. I hope she’s right. I take a deep breath before going to have a shower. Today is a new day.
The Grand Lux Café is exactly that: grand and luxurious. It has a traditional New York vibe, if that’s a thing? Not that I’ve ever been to New York – this comparison is purely based on my imagination and the fact that the yellowish lighting is slightly Tiffany-inspired. I spot Marcus first, sitting at a table with the others.
‘Hi,’ I say apprehensively, taking the empty seat.
The chorus of ‘Morning, Kats’ is just like things used to be in Tenerife and relaxes me a little. Most of them are already eating. Jay, who’s shovelling scrambled eggs into his mouth, has his eyes fixed on his plate.
‘It’s a buffet, so fill your boots,’ Paul says. Feeling the prickly weight of Jay’s presence, I take Paul’s statement as a cue to leave the table and get some food, breathing a sigh of relief when I get to the hot food station.
I ponder the eggs and hash browns and decide on a pancake with some streaky bacon. I’m drizzling on thick maple syrup when I sense someone come up beside me.
‘Experiencing the culture?’
I look up to see Jay standing there.
‘Something like that.’ I prod at the sausages with some small metal tongs but stop short of taking any. I don’t have the appetite for them.
‘Look, I’m sorry for being so off with you last night. It was a bit of a shock to see you here and, if I’m honest, I don’t really get why you’re here – it’s not like the flights are cheap and I know Andrea isn’t paying you that well.’
I feel awkward and almost say that I came to see the boys, but my mum’s words ring in my ears and all I can think about is communication. I have to be honest.
‘I saw you on TV.’ I hold his gaze and watch as the cogs slip into place. It takes a while but, granted, they’ve been on a few shows now.
He gets there eventually. ‘Celia O’Donnell?’
I feel my cheeks flush. ‘Yes.’
‘I was on live TV. She pressured me.’ He makes a sweeping gesture with his hand.
My chest deflates. ‘Oh.’
He rubs his face with his hands, ‘I’m sorry, Kat. I don’t know how to feel. Of course I meant what I said on Celia. I didn’t know you’d see it and I never in a million years expected to see you here. Did you come all this way to admit that you were wrong?’
‘Well, as good as they look, I didn’t come for the pancakes.’ I’m backed into a corner here really and although this isn’t the way I planned to tell Jay how I feel, I’m done playing games.
He stares at me intently and rakes his hands through his hair. His expression is so pained I can almost see his two halves: the one wanting to push me away to protect his heart and the one wanting to believe we have a chance.
I want to reach out and wrap him in my ar
ms but I can’t. Instead, I add some extra maple syrup to my pancakes, rendering them inedible. Then, picking up my plate, I turn to him before heading back to the table.
‘I know. I get that you’ve probably moved on, maybe met someone else or whatever, but I had to come over and at least tell you how I felt because I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t and it isn’t fair to you to not have all the facts but I totally understand if—’
He places his hand lightly on my shoulder. His touch is enough to freeze my entire body. Still clutching my plate, I’m rigid.
‘I just need to think, Kat.’
My heart leaps but I don’t want to seem too hopeful.
‘Do you think we can talk somewhere more private? Preferably not over greasy bacon?’ I ask, chewing my lip nervously as I await his reply.
‘We have a rehearsal in a few hours and then the rest of the day off. When you’ve finished here you won’t want lunch, so how about a bit of sightseeing?’
A smile builds on my face. ‘I’d love that.’
‘Meet me at the Bellagio fountains at three.’ He pulls a tourist leaflet out of his back pocket and points to an area. ‘I’ll wait around here, on the sidewalk.’
‘Okay.’ I stop myself from saying ‘It’s a date’ because I don’t want to jump to any potentially embarrassing conclusions.
We head back to the table and Paul raises his eyebrows questioningly. I give a slight shake of my head to indicate ‘not now’.
‘Pancakes look good,’ he says, and I’m glad he got the message.
‘So, I want to hear all about Vegas,’ I say, taking the first, cold bite.
The guys revel in sharing their exploits. Gambling, women, drunken escapades – you name it, I hear it all.
‘Sounds like you’re having a ball.’ I snap a piece of crispy bacon and put it in my mouth, enjoying the salty taste.
‘It’s a whole other world. Brad has been fantastic, and the brand name has started to really get out there,’ Marcus says before adding, ‘Couldn’t have done it without you though, Kat.’
‘Listen.’ I cover his hand with mine. ‘You don’t need to keep attributing your success to me. You guys are the ones with the talent – I didn’t teach you how to sing or backflip and I sure as hell didn’t show anyone how to do the splits. You guys are the talent.’
‘But still,’ he says, patting me on the back.
Once breakfast is over, we part ways and agree to meet at Caesars Palace for a late dinner. I leave with a feeling of fullness that I haven’t had for a while.
Chapter 42
I spend the next few hours exploring the Venetian. I watch in awe as a bride and groom sail along one of the hotel’s canals in a gondola, and for a moment, as I cross a bridge beneath a fake blue sky dotted with fluffy white clouds, I feel like I could be in Venice. I browse some of the fancy shops and visit the casino before spending a good forty minutes trying to find the exit. When I finally break out onto the Strip, my eyes need time to adjust to the iridescent sunlight. When I check my watch, I realise it’s time to head to the Bellagio. I walk as fast as I can through the throngs of tourists, feeling a bit like a salmon swimming upstream. I’m not sure how long I’ve been walking, but I haven’t even reached the Flamingo yet. I’m convinced the sidewalk is actually a treadmill.
When I cross the bridge over the Strip near the Venetian, I have to take a second to compose myself. I’m warm and sweaty from the speed-walking. Since I don’t want to meet Jay for the first time in months looking like I’ve cycled twenty miles through the desert to a Bikram yoga class whilst eating a vindaloo, I powder my shiny face and pop a bit of lip gloss on. It’s the best I can do with the tools that I’ve got in my messenger bag.
When I reach the meeting point, it’s more crowded than I expected and I can’t get a glimpse of the water, never mind Jay. The music starts and the crowd start to cheer. I stay on the outskirts, craning my neck to try and spot Jay.
‘Kat!’ His recognisable voice comes from somewhere to my left but I can only see a swarm of heads facing the other way.
‘Kat!’ he calls again; he sounds nearer now but more to the front of me. I move my head left and right trying to spot him. Eventually, I lock on to his mesmerising brown eyes. He fights his way through the throng of people until he reaches me.
‘Sorry, I didn’t think. Three p.m. is the first show today and I forgot how busy it gets. Let’s go for a walk around the edges and come back in ten minutes or so.’
Above the sea of heads, huge jets of water leap hundreds of feet into the air to the tempo of Lady Gaga’s ‘Bad Romance’. I let Jay lead the way and I can tell he’s been here a while; he dodges tourists like a pro. On one hand, his mission takes away from any awkwardness there may have been, but on the other, it’s undoing all of my good powder work – I’m melting.
We end up in an impeccably well-looked-after garden area near the main entrance to the hotel.
‘Let’s stop here for a minute,’ Jay says when he reaches a small but still impressive traditional round fountain with a central spout.
‘At least we can see this one,’ I joke, even though I can’t because the sun is blinding me.
‘So …’ He takes a breath and puts his hands on my upper arms, guiding me into a shaded spot. It’s an instant relief – I can open my eyes properly. When he’s satisfied I can see, he starts again, ‘I brought you here because I really did want to show you the fountains.’
I nod. ‘I know,’ I say, trying not to appear too disappointed.
‘But now you’re here and I’m actually looking at you, I don’t care about the fountains. I don’t know what it is, but you do something to me, Kat. You suck me in and make me want to be around you … be with you.’
A shiver ripples over me. I don’t know if it’s from Jay’s words or the cool spray blowing off the fountain beside us.
‘I know coming here has upset the apple cart. It’s completely my fault you’re confused. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I had to let you know that what I said back in Tenerife was wrong. It took you leaving for me to realise that. I know I put you through hell and you’ve spent the last month adjusting to your new life here … without me, and I don’t want to ruin any of it.’
‘Then why did you come?’
The words are like a fishhook in my gut. I can’t answer. What am I supposed to say?
‘I’m selfish,’ I say. My mouth is freewheeling.
‘No.’ His tone softens. ‘I get it. This connection we have means something. I’m glad you’ve realised that it’s too strong to ignore.’
My chest lifts in hope.
‘I’ve been imagining this scenario almost every night since I got here. I haven’t been able to sleep because I lie in bed going over conversations in my head, planning what I’d say to you if I ever saw you again.’
And then it deflates again. When I try to speak, the words stick, so I nod in agreement.
‘Listen, should we go and get a drink? I don’t think that we should be having this conversation whilst we’re standing right next to the valet-parking attendant. Let’s go inside and sit down.’
‘Okay,’ I croak.
We walk through the revolving doors into the huge, impressive lobby. The echoes of the clatter and chatter of people passing over the ornate marble flooring gives the space a vibrant feel. Everywhere I look, something grabs my attention. Above us is a huge sculpture of colourful glass flowers. There must be thousands of them of all different sizes.
‘I wouldn’t fancy dusting those,’ I say to Jay, who isn’t really listening. I think he’s trying to focus on finding a place to sit and have a drink. We continue through the lobby, past some marble pillars to a conservatory area at the back. The room is much brighter thanks to the glass ceiling that floods it with natural light. It isn’t until I look down that I notice the flowers.
‘This must be the botanical gardens,’ I say. I read about them in the in-flight magazine.
‘We’ll head in the
re.’ Jay points to a green entrance with gold lettering above that reads ‘Sadelle’s’. It looks fancy but I suppose he’s earning the big bucks now.
We walk into the grand restaurant and the waiter takes us up some steps to an elevated bar area. She seats us at a small dark wood table with two wooden chairs with wicker inlays.
‘I haven’t been in here before,’ Jay whispers. ‘I think it’s a bit posh for me.’
‘Well, how much can a cup of coffee be?’ I say, picking up the menu. My eyes bulge when I discover the answer. ‘Crikey – they’re double what I’d normally pay!’
‘We’d better make sure we get our free refills then.’ Jay grins and something in my chest leaps.
‘At least it’s a nice place,’ I say.
‘I saw my mum when I went back to England,’ he says. Pain rips through me. How did I not know that?
‘How did it go?’ I ask gently.
‘She’d opened my letter but wasn’t sure what to do. It was frosty but we talked.’
‘That’s good, isn’t it?’
He nods. ‘It’s going to be a long road but in time I think we’ll patch things up. I’m glad I did it.’
I give him a reassuring smile.
Jay orders two coffees and two glasses of water as I take in the elegant duck-egg blue and white surroundings.
When the waiter leaves us, Jay draws a breath. ‘I was awake most of last night thinking of what to say to you. Like I said I’ve been through the scenario so many times … sometimes I yell at you to leave me alone and others I wrap you in my arms. Last night was the first time I had to think about this for real.’
I pick the skin around my nail as I wait for more.
‘My first reaction was to miss the breakfast today and spend the week avoiding you.’
I cock my head to the side. ‘Jay.’
‘Well, isn’t that what we do?’
‘Touché.’
‘Then I realised I had too many unanswered questions for that, so here we are.’
‘Ask me anything you want,’ I say as the waiter places our drinks on the table.
Sun, Sea and Sangria: Escape with a feel good romantic comedy in the summer sun! Page 25