by Zee Monodee
She turned those wide eyes on him, and he sucked in a breath. He couldn’t deny her anything when she looked at him like this.
Did she know it, and thus acted out a ploy on him?
Abruptly, he released her.
“Tell me what this is really about, Neha. You owe me an explanation.”
“I owe you nothing—”
His blood shot to boiling point upon her exclamation. He reached out and clasped her shoulders, hard. Then, he brought his mouth down to crash upon hers, to silence her with a brutal, conquering kiss.
She parted her lips under his and returned the kiss, only to freeze seconds into it. She stiffened, and he released her when she made it appear like he were forcing himself on her. Damn woman!
“I’m getting married again,” she said.
The words had the same effect as a hurl of burning, stinging acid on him. He let go of her and moved a few steps back. At the same time, a flurry of fists pummelled his stomach.
“What did you say?” he asked.
She brought her arms up and hugged her sides. “I have to look at the future, Logan. For me and the children. We were in limbo before, but now, we can turn the page on Rahul’s death, and I have to do what’s best for us all.”
“And this means you getting married,” he said softly.
“Don’t make it so hard on me!”
He was making it hard on her? In what world did the woman live?
“I am a widow, Logan. I come with three grown-up children. Children who need a strong father figure in their lives. I need to find someone who’ll take me and my baggage, who’ll help me shoulder this life.”
“And you’ve found someone to take you and your baggage.”
She flinched under his softly uttered words.
What about me, Neha? I want to take you, and your children, too. He’d never thought of them as ‘baggage.’ Didn’t she know this?
“There isn’t anyone yet, but I will find someone—”
“Who will you find, Neha?”
“A good man,” she said.
And what am I? The devil’s incarnate? Aren’t I good enough for you?
“Logan, I am a widow. I haven’t been discarded like a divorcee. I’m not used goods like a mistress.”
She had been his mistress. But no one knew it.
“Can’t you get it? I’m not tainted. I can thus find someone to take me,” she continued.
You don’t even have to look beyond the tip of your nose to find such a man, he died to say, but what good would it do when she couldn’t see or acknowledge this?
“Listen,” she said. “What happened between us … we have to forget about it.”
Like hell. His heart accelerated, almost knowing what she’d utter next. Don’t say it, he wanted to warn, but couldn’t.
“It was a mistake,” she concluded.
You shouldn’t have said this.
Logan didn’t stand for melodrama, but in that instant, it really did feel as if something was being ripped from his innards and crushed under the grip of a cold iron fist.
His heart pumped faster, sending a rush of blood to his head, making his pulse beat stronger in a deafening and blinding surge inside his whole body.
Listening only to the anger inside him, paying heed only to the bitter, burning hurt torching his every muscle, he grabbed her hand and pulled her to him. He stalked out of the sitting room, into the lobby, up the stairs, until they reached the upper floor.
“What are you doing?”
He paid her panicked tone no heed as he pulled her in his wake.
Going down the corridor, he reached the room he’d been searching for and dragged her into it. Once inside, he turned and closed the door, securing the lock on it. Then, with a hard tug, he pulled her until she lay flush against him.
Almost as if by instinct, she melted against him. Her curves settled against the hard planes of his body, and a soft moan escaped her lips.
Damn her if she thought she’d moan like this for another man. Damn her for even thinking another man could bring her the satisfaction he could.
The words she had expressed downstairs danced in his mind, clouding his perception with a blur of obliterating madness.
He brought his mouth down upon hers, stifled the sounds she made. With his tongue, he parted her lips and delved into the moist recesses, taking her for everything she had. He lifted his hands up and cradled her face, unable to escape the certainty of how right the curve of her jaw line felt moulded to his palms.
She broke away, panting for air. He still held her face in his hands, and he refused to let her break free from his grip. She had incensed him with her talks of finding someone ‘proper.’ He wouldn’t let her go so easily.
“Logan, please,” she moaned.
Oh, no, you don’t. She wouldn’t worm her way into and around his heart with such a soft inflection. “Tell me you feel nothing for me, Neha.”
“Don’t do this.”
“I’ll do this and much more, too. Have you already forgotten, babe, how good we are together?”
“That had been wrong.”
“It bloody hadn’t.” His loud bark made her jump. “When you were writhing under my mouth, urging me to bring you to orgasm, you hadn’t thought it wrong then, eh. What’s different now?”
“My husband—”
“Is dead!”
“I am a widow, Logan,” she added more forcefully.
“As you are my mistress, Neha. Have you forgotten this?”
Fury beat in a steady rhythm inside every pulsing beat of his heart and blood. How could she be so cold and detached? How could she not see she was killing him with her words?
How could she not know he loved her?
“You and I are lovers, and I won’t hesitate to tell the world about it if I have to.”
She gasped, but he didn’t heed the sound, because even now, she refused to look at him.
“You are tainted, Neha, if these are your standards. And I’ll taint you all I want because you are mine.”
“No.”
The sound came out strangled and weak, and he gave it only a fleeting consideration as he kissed her again. Hard, possessive.
Under her muffled protests, he released her mouth to travel his lips to her neck. Repeated whispers of “no” turned into jumbled gibberish as he kissed the column of her throat. Reaching for her blazer, he pushed the frock off her.
His fingers then encountered the thin straps holding her dress in place. He tugged them down her arms, and the swoosh of the garment hitting the carpet rang like a detonation in his mind. Pulling her to him hard, he tightened his arms around her and walked them both to the bed.
He laid her down on the mattress, and the breath knocked out of him at the sight of her naked body against the dark green duvet. Bloody hell, she hadn’t worn a bra, and nothing except a scrap of lace covered her hips. How could she be so tempting when she drained the life out of him with her words?
Pain erupted inside him, and he recoiled. How could she do this to him? She shouldn’t be allowed to wreak so much hurt and turmoil. Didn’t she know she made him whole? All his life, he’d lived as if on the side-lines, with an invisible line keeping him from the other people who found their fulfilment in this world.
With her, he’s thought he’d found his place.
How wrong he’d been.
Logan let his gaze roam over her, and his body tensed. Bugger, he wanted her. No, he craved her. She was his fix, more potent than even a shot of alcohol, and he’d move Heaven and Earth to make sure she remained in his life.
Listening only to the siren call of desire, he stripped and crawled onto the bed, over her prone body. Her eyes seemed wide in her face, her lips parted. The silent invitation in her non-verbal language called out to a primal instinct inside him, and he lowered himself and kissed her.
She returned his kiss, her body arching into his. From a heated clash, the touch of their lips slowed and settled into a sensu
al, even sweet rhythm that nearly split him in two.
This is what it should be like between us.
He broke away from the kiss, his forehead touching hers. I love you. Never had he thought he’d feel this for a woman, or want to tell her as starkly and as vulnerably as then.
She hitched in her breath.
“Stop.”
The word made him freeze.
He plunged his gaze into her eyes, felt himself getting lost in those dark pools. Peering down at her face, he couldn’t deny how her lips looked swollen, how they still seemed to beg for his kisses. But she’d asked him to stop, and he’d never force himself on a woman.
This is Neha, his mind screamed. She’s yours.
“Say you don’t want me, and I’ll stop.”
Her eyes pleaded with his. Yet, no word escaped her lips.
“Say it, and I’ll let you go. Say you don’t feel anything for me, and I’ll be out of your life.”
He was taking a huge risk with that statement. How did he know she wouldn’t speak the words? He wouldn’t go back on his word then, and that would ultimately spell the death of him.
“Logan ...” she moaned.
“Say it,” he whispered as he pressed his forehead to hers.
He heard a sob, and he moved so he could gaze down at her.
I can’t, her eyes seemed to say.
Then tell me, he silently begged. End this torture, because you are slowly killing me.
“You have to let me go.”
The dull red haze of fury, combined with the sharp edge of unbridled passion he felt for this woman, descended over his eyes and shrouded his senses.
That’s not what he wished to hear. Bloody hell, that’s not what he’d asked her, even. She needed to say the words, to discard him from her life proper, for him to let go of her.
She hadn’t done so. And wouldn’t do it, either, he was sure.
You can’t have everything, Neha. There always was a price to pay, a compromise to be made.
He moved over her. His hips touched hers, and he inhaled sharply when her thighs brushed against his. Damn her, she had met him there. The hardened tips of her breasts grazed his chest, and his blood skyrocketed in his veins.
Her body all but called out to him, yet, one glance at her told him how she wanted to be rid of him, how she resolutely clung to the warped idea of being untainted and worthy of marrying some nameless idiot who would make her feel lucky he’d ‘accepted’ her and her ‘baggage.’
So not how it works, babe.
He lifted his head, staring at his reflection in a big standing mirror close to the bed. Without pausing to think, he slid his arms under her and flipped her onto her stomach. He then brought his body on top of hers, pinning her down to the mattress.
“Look up,” he said.
She did, and gasped when she encountered their image in the reflection.
“This is us, Neha. You and me. How it was. How it is. How it’s supposed to be.”
He travelled a hand on her shoulder, watching her eyes follow the movement in the mirror, at the same time a small puff of air escaped her parted lips. He trailed his fingers up until he had her chin cradled in his palm. Keeping her in this position, making her stare at their reflection, he bent and kissed her neck, lightly running the tip of his tongue against her skin from the dip of her collarbone to the soft line of her jaw.
Her eyelids grew heavy, and not only did she lower them, but she closed them tight.
You’re not getting away so easily.
“Look at me,” he commanded in her ear. There was no room to refuse acknowledging his tone.
“Please,” she said in a begging tone.
“Please what?” he asked in a whisper, at the same time he parted her thighs with his knee and dipped his body so his erection touched her warm, wet folds.
“Logan,” she moaned, and closed her eyes again.
He moved off and turned her over onto her back. Then, he settled on top of her again. “Open your eyes, Neha.”
Holding on with restraint he gathered from Heaven knew where, he held himself poised over her as she stared at him.
“Please, Logan, what?” he asked.
She shook her head, refusing to answer him.
He shifted his hips, so he lay at her entrance and waited there.
“Say it,” he ordered in hushed words.
A low wail sounded from her lips.
Don’t cry. If she did, he’d lose it completely, because it would mean he had hurt her.
“Please, Logan, take me.”
Her gaze settled into his, and he lost no time honouring her plea. As soon as she parted her thighs, he slid into her.
Home. That’s what it felt like.
She brought her arms up and hugged his back, lifted her legs to curl them over his. Her whole body pressed against his, and he flowed into the move as seamlessly as they had done so many times in the past. Her hips met his thrust for thrust, and she tilted her head back at the edge of the bed so the long, graceful column of her throat lay exposed to his gaze and mouth.
As the seconds ticked by, his climax drew closer and closer. For her, too, because she clamped down on him and hugged him tighter, as if taking him with her in the downward, bottomless spiral they would soon jump into.
Pleasure and pain shot through him shortly after. She came, too, at the same time as he, because strong contractions rocked through her as he emptied his seed and his soul inside her.
At the last minute, though, Neha turned her head away, and the sound she made got buried in the thickness of the duvet.
It took a while for him to come down from the high. As he shifted his body over hers, he heard something that made him recoil into himself.
Neha was crying.
He didn’t dare reach for her, instead watching how the silk seemed darker near her eyes. Stained by her tears.
How long had she been crying?
How come he hadn’t noticed?
He rolled off her and shot to his feet. She didn’t move, keeping her face averted. Sure enough, sobs racked her body.
At that moment, his world along with the whole universe came crashing down on him. Never before had he taken a woman against her will. Had he done so with Neha? No, she had asked him to make love to her.
You didn’t make love to her. You took her.
He tried to reach out for her, but he couldn’t move to do so. As if his brain still functioned but had been cut off from his nerves.
As he roamed his gaze over her, another notion crashed into his mind. They hadn’t used protection. Bloody hell. How could he have allowed something like this to happen?
Bugger, he’d been a total arse with her. He needed to apologize, talk to her.
So she’d find another opportunity to ditch him like worthless scum? No bloody way!
Still, he made an effort and forced his legs to move and take him to the edge of the bed, where he sat down.
“Babe, I’m sorry.”
She clamped down on a sob, but he heard the sound, nevertheless. Wanting to make amends, he reached out and touched her shoulder.
She recoiled from his touch, and he withdrew his hand and tightened it into a fist.
“Neha, we need to talk this through.”
“There’s nothing to say.”
Her voice thrummed loud, clear, and cold.
He jumped from the bed as if stung. So she was back to being the saintly widow again. Damn her!
“There’s everything left to say, babe, and believe me when I tell you this is far from over.”
He went to where he had discarded his clothes and put them back on. All the while, he didn’t turn towards her. He couldn’t, because if he did, he would be too tempted to go to her, take her in his arms, and beg her to have him.
Logan had never begged for anything, and he wouldn’t start today. She wanted to ditch him? Fine. Nothing said he had to make the task easy for her.
As the fire in his mind and heart c
ooled down, solidifying like hard rocks inside him, he stopped on the threshold of the door after he’d undone the lock and opened the panel.
“Five o’clock at the station. Don’t be late,” he said without turning.
*
Neha heard him leave. The hard treads of his footfall on the carpet of the corridor, on the polished wood of the stairs and lobby, followed by the thump of the closing front door and the sound of an engine gunning on and tearing out of the driveway in a hiss of splattered gravel.
Long after any noise had died down, she still remained as he had left her on the bed.
Who was she trying to kid? She couldn’t let go of Logan, because she had him inside her every cell. His touch flowed through her blood, and his seed lay inside her womb. He hadn’t used a condom this time. There hadn’t been any time to think about protection. She lay fully branded as his now—in her eyes, there didn’t exist any connection more indelible than this one to happen between a man and a woman.
He’d said he was sorry. About what? About this oversight on his part? He needn’t be worried, since she was covered on that end. After Rishi, she hadn’t wanted any more kids, and had had an IUD inserted.
Could he have been sorry about something else, though? Not likely. Logan never apologized.
She brought her legs up and turned onto her side. Her body hurt, yet it melted into the thick quilt with a languor that came only after the sated completion of lovemaking.
Neha closed her eyes tight. Whatever she did, Logan would undo her with one touch. The worst was how he knew it, and wouldn’t let her go.
Her heart had almost sung with joy when he’d taken her, when he’d so forcefully put his point across as to how she wouldn’t be complete without him.
Yet, he hadn’t said the words she needed to hear. She still found herself stuck in the same place she had been in when in limbo. His woman, but nothing more than his bed partner.
Why, oh why, couldn’t he have desired more? Why couldn’t he have said anything?
But the thing she berated herself about most amounted to how she could never be rid of Logan Warrington.
Truth was, she didn’t want to.