by Lily Evans
Abandoning my search, I opened the passenger side and climbed in. "Yes, you bloody well should've," I muttered, twisting in my seat to watch him put my suitcase in the boot. But then I knew full well he couldn't have contributed a bean.
Daniel was a dreamer. He'd tell anyone who'd listen that one day he was going to make it big. And if the power of his conviction was anything to go by, well, maybe someday he would. But in the meantime, he worked in telesales for a stationary company and born charmer that he was, he was good at his job. It was just his pay that was less than spectacular.
Growing weary of the 'some day soon' promises and emboldened by a bottle of wine one evening, I'd pointed out to him that in order to make it big he might need rather more than blind ambition. It might actually require effort on his part. Naturally, I'd been shot down in flames. Accused of being unsupportive, I'd spent the rest of the night apologising. I hadn't bothered to offer my opinion since. But privately I remained convinced dreams remained mere fantasies without a plan of action. To my mind it was like expecting to win the Lottery without ever buying a ticket.
It was only as we pulled out of the car park I finally spotted Luke's car, the sight causing my stomach to lurch. So he was close by after all. Had he discovered I was gone yet? Should I have thrown caution to the wind and left him a message?
No, it was probably better this way, I tried to assure myself, taking one last glance back at the hotel as we drove up the hill. After all, Luke had made it very clear there was little chance our time together would turn into anything more permanent. He'd said himself he doubted we'd ever see each other again after the weekend. So I'd had a fling. A holiday romance. A one night stand.
"What a stupid thing to do."
"What?" Startled by Daniel's choice of words, I turned to look at him, my heart rate quickening. He knew?
"I can't believe I was so stupid. You and me—we were great together."
I began to breathe again, my relief at not having been found out switching to irritation at the note of self-pity in his tone. "Daniel—"
"I can't believe I threw it all away." He shot me a mournful glance, using the puppy dog eyes that had got him out of many a tight corner in the past. "How could I have done that to you? To us? How could I have—?"
"Do you really think I want to talk about that?" I couldn't believe he thought now was the right time to be having this conversation. "Do you honestly think it's something I'll ever want to talk about with you?"
"But Becca, we need to talk. I need to explain."
"Oh, I'm sure you do. I'm sure you'd like to clear your conscience, get it off your chest. But newsflash, I don't want to hear it, okay? You made your bed, well, you can fucking well lie in it." Hearing my own words, I gave a snort of humourless laughter. "Well, you fucking well fucked in it, didn't you?"
"Becca—"
"No, Daniel."
"You have to know that I didn't see it coming. I didn't go looking for someone else, I swear to you."
"I'm not listening."
"It just happened, okay? I met her in the bar, the night we arrived in Kavos. She told me she'd just split up from her boyfriend. The guys were late coming down, so in the meantime I bought her a drink and we got talking—"
"La-la-la-la-la!" I sang tunelessly, sticking my fingers in my ears and squeezing my eyes tightly shut. It wasn't enough. I could still hear him.
"—and I don't know how it happened—why it happened—but it did. We just clicked. And I don't know how to explain it—the only way you could ever understand is if it happened to you, Becca. It just felt right. As though we were supposed to be together. Meant for each other."
I stopped singing, my hands falling back into my lap as I turned to look at him. "As though—as though you'd known her for years?" I ventured, the oddest sensation prickling down my spine, making the hairs stand up on the back of my neck. Because, as it turned out, I understood exactly how that felt.
He nodded emphatically, squeezing then flexing his fingers over the steering wheel. "It shouldn't have made any difference though, should it? I was engaged to you. I was marrying you. And it's over now. It was over before it began, really." He paused, looking more miserable than ever. "And I don't know if you'll ever be able to forgive me. But believe me, I know. I know I've made the biggest mistake of my life."
I stared at him, this time at a complete loss for words. "Daniel," I faltered at last, only to be interrupted by the sound of his ringing mobile phone. Saved—quite literally—by the bell, I snatched it up from the dashboard tray and examined the display. "It's Sarah," I told him even as I flipped it open and held it to my ear. "Hello?"
"Becky? Is that you?" The relief in my sister's tone was palpable. "Oh thank God."
"Mum?" Suddenly I couldn't draw enough breath to frame the question.
"Still with us. She's holding her own. Oh, Becky." Sarah sounded so distressed my stomach contracted with fear. "I knew something like this would happen. She's been so stressed. So worked up. Are you on your way here?"
"We're in the car. We're coming, Sarah."
"Daniel's with you? Look, Becky, I'm so sorry. I know he was the last person—"
"It's okay," I interrupted, a quick sidelong glance confirming he could hear my sister's end of the conversation. "It doesn't matter. It's Mum that matters. We're coming as fast as we can, okay? It's going to take us…" I hesitated, looking to Daniel for guidance.
"Two and a half—three hours, so long as we're not held up by traffic."
I stared at him, shocked. "That long?"
He nodded.
"Okay." I swallowed, closing my eyes briefly. "It's going to be a couple of hours or so. But we're coming, okay? Tell Mum we're coming."
"I will." Sarah sounded a little calmer now. "Though she's away with the fairies right now. They put her on so much morphine for the pain, she's as high as a kite."
Morphine. I blinked away the unexpected reminder of Luke. "Do we know—has anyone said how bad it is yet? Whether—whether she's going to be all right?"
"No, they're doing loads of tests. Apparently it takes a while to get all the results. But oh God, Becky, they had to resuscitate her in the ambulance. She actually died on the way to hosp-i-tal."
I bit my lip, hearing Sarah lose her slim grip on control. "I know, Sarah. Daniel told me."
"Daniel was great. If he hadn't gone round when he did—if he hadn't been there when she called…"
"I know." Silently, I had to concede it was maybe just as well Daniel hadn't moved out like I'd told him to. "Are you okay? Is Graham there?"
"Yeah, he's here. But Becky, where were you? Why did you switch off your mobile phone? We couldn't get in touch with you. Mum called me last night to see if I'd heard from you. She said you'd been calling every night."
A surge of remorse washed through me. "I—I didn't switch it off. It got wet. It doesn't work any more."
"Wet?"
"I lost my bag. On the beach. It—fell into a rock pool," I finished on a lie, not wanting to go into the details of what had really happened with Daniel sitting beside me. Could the sea be classified as a rock pool? A very large one, maybe. "My phone was in the bag. And then—I cut my arm trying to get it." Oh great, a lie on top of another lie. I was beginning to hate myself. "So I ended up at the local hospital having it stitched up."
"Bloody hell, Becca," I heard Daniel mutter, feeling his gaze on my bandaged arm.
"And by the time I got back—" by the time Luke had caressed me to a rip-roaring orgasm in the bath "—it seemed too late to call."
"Well I wish you had! Maybe this wouldn't have happened if you had. Becky, she's been so worried about you, got herself so worked up about you cancelling the wedding."
I stared straight ahead as she broke down into sobs, a tsunami of guilt crashing over me, this time causing physical pain in the pit of my stomach. This was my fault.
There were numerous rustlings coming from the phone. I could hear urgent, low voices, Graham eviden
tly finding it a struggle to comfort his wife. Then Graham himself came on the line. "She's just upset, Becky. She didn't mean that."
"Right."
"No, really, she didn't. She's just not thinking straight. What with the baby and all."
"I know." I felt another heavy pang of guilt. If Sarah went into labour early, that would be my fault too.
"Just get here as soon as you can? I mean, tell Dan not to speed like a maniac or anything."
"I won't. I promise to keep her safe, mate." I jumped as Daniel spoke, having quite forgotten he could hear every word. He sent me a small smile and suddenly I felt his fingers close over mine. "We'll see you in a couple of hours."
I sat completely motionless for some time after the call disconnected, the weight of Daniel's hand heavy against the back of my own.
"I still love you, Becca," he said at last, sounding sorrowful. "I never stopped."
"Daniel!" Aghast, I pulled my hand from his grasp, shaking my head helplessly. "I can't do this now. I can't have this conversation with you."
"But—"
"No, I can't! My mother may be dying, okay? We might not make it back in time."
"We'll make it. You heard what Sarah said, she's holding her own. But Becca…" It was Daniel's turn to shake his head. He drew in a deep breath then exhaled lengthily. "You have to let me explain. You wouldn't even talk to me last week."
I groaned, covering my face with my hands. "Stop the car."
"What?"
"I said, stop the car. If you're going to insist on telling me all about what a fucking big mistake you made, then let me get out. I'll get a taxi." I could hear the pitch of my voice rising, could feel the hysteria steadily mounting within me, crushing the breath out of me even as I realised procuring a taxi on a country road in the middle of nowhere might be something of a tall order. "If I can't get a taxi, I'll hitch hike. I don't know, whatever it takes. Anything other than having to sit here listening to poor, poor Daniel. Stop the bloody—"
"Okay!" He shot me an uncertain look, as though half afraid I was losing my mind. "All right. You win, okay? You win. We won't talk about it."
Oh yes, that really made me a winner, I thought bitterly. What a victory.
"But we're going to have to talk about something."
Not if I could help it. I closed my eyes and leaned back, slumping down in my chair in an attempt to get comfortable. But this wasn't Luke's car. I'd struggled to stay awake in the Mercedes' plush leather seat, its contours fitting every curve of my body perfectly. And I'd felt safe there, listening to the soothing sound of Luke's deep voice as he calmly negotiated the narrow Cornish lanes. Driving with Daniel had never been what you might call a relaxing experience. Generally he drove much too fast, his driving style universally acknowledged to be aggressive at the best of times, hence Graham's admonition to take care.
"How's your Mum?" I asked at last, keeping my eyes firmly closed despite conceding that on this occasion, sleep was unlikely to be my refuge.
"Oh…" Daniel seemed startled to hear my voice. And relieved. "Still not speaking to me. I think it might be some time before she does."
I grimaced. I liked Kathy a great deal and the idea I'd hurt her by not marrying her son still tore me apart. Like my mother, she'd been a widow for years, having lost her husband to cancer when Daniel was in his early teens. Unlike my mother though, she'd been left virtually penniless.
When it came to the reading of my own father's will, we discovered he'd taken out numerous life insurance policies. Coupled with the money he'd inherited from his parents, my mother, in theory at least, became a very wealthy woman on his death. Mum had insisted on locking much of it away for the future, though sums had been set aside and withdrawn for both Sarah's wedding and my own. I felt guilty about that too, considering Daniel and I never made it down the aisle.
In contrast, Daniel's parents hadn't even owned the house they lived in. A proud woman, Kathy had taken on as many jobs as she could manage, sometimes working round the clock to bring in enough income to support her two children.
"Mind you, Chloe's news might just be enough to let me off the hook for a while."
"Chloe's news?" I opened my eyes, curious to hear about Daniel's elder sister.
"Mmm. She's pregnant again."
"Really?" This really was news. I turned to look at him, intrigued. "But I didn't think she was even with that guy any more—what was his name—Jake?"
"Oh, it isn't Jake's baby."
"What?" I frowned. "Then who—?"
"D'you remember she met that guy at a New Year's Eve party? She was really taken with him, went on and on about him."
I nodded. "Yeah, someone called David, wasn't it? But then she found out he was married. She was gutted."
"Well, he's still married."
"No." Seeing a grim smile curving his lips, I gazed at him in disbelief.
"Oh yes. It seems they've been seeing each other, on and off, ever since. And now…" He lifted a hand off the steering wheel to make a dismissive gesture.
"Oh." I continued to stare at him, thinking fast. "And your Mum knows?"
"Not yet. Chloe wants to get to at least three months—you know—just in case. Before everyone starts to make a fuss. Even though she was four months gone last time."
I nodded, understanding without him having to explain. A few years before I'd met Daniel, Chloe had become involved with a guy she'd met at a nightclub. As far as I could make out, he'd been none too happy when she fell pregnant with his child, so much so, things had apparently turned violent. Not that I knew the details, and to be honest, I'd never wanted to hear them, but Chloe had ended up losing the baby. I did know Daniel and a few of his friends had 'gone round to sort the bastard out'. Again, I wasn't sure I wanted to know what that meant either, but it'd certainly sounded like the guy had deserved everything he got.
"So, what's she going to do? Is this bloke—David—going to support her?"
He shrugged. "She says he's going to leave his wife."
"Right. But he hasn't left her yet?" Daniel shot me a 'what do you think?' glance and I frowned. "I take it the guy's loaded?"
"Becca!"
"Oh come on, Daniel." A week ago, I might have shied away from making unkind comments about his sister, but a lot had happened in a week and I'd never been all that sure I liked Chloe very much. We certainly hadn't a lot in common. "When was the last time she showed any interest in someone who didn't have money?" I wasn't going to go as far as saying she was a gold-digger but to my mind it was a fairly accurate description.
He sighed. "He's a merchant banker."
I rolled my eyes as he caught my gaze, knowing I didn't need to say anything else. "Your mother's going to go mad."
He nodded, glancing over his shoulder to pull out on to the motorway. "Yep. Like I said, it might just let me off the hook for a while."
Now we were out on the open road, Daniel could do what I knew he considered he did best—drive fast. Weaving in and out of the traffic, overtaking everything in sight, forcing other cars out of our way by pulling right up to their bumpers and intimidating them into the other lanes. For once, I made no attempt to stop him. It was hair-raising but my desire to see my mother again far outweighed any misgivings I might have had.
As a result, it was just a little after three o'clock when we finally drew up outside the hospital. Yet somehow, the last part—the journey from the car park to the coronary care unit—felt like the longest walk I'd ever taken.
"Becky!" Sarah, looking more enormous than ever, heaved herself to her feet as soon as we turned the corner into the waiting area. "Oh Becky." She flung her arms around me as best she could, the baby between us rather impending the hug. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said those things. I didn't mean—"
"It's okay," I murmured, hugging her back. "None of that matters. But—" I pulled back slightly "—why are you out here? Is Mum—?"
"They're just changing her bed," Graham put in, standing up to put h
is arm around me in turn. "She got rather sweaty. She was really uncomfortable. But she's going to be so pleased to see you." He smiled at me reassuringly and I attempted to smile back, appreciating the gesture. "She's been asking about you all day. I tried to explain it was going to take a while for you two to drive back, but I don't think she really got it. It's all the morphine you see. I think she's lost all sense of time."
I nodded, looking into the ward, seeing the curtains pulled around one of the beds. "Is she going to be all right? Has anyone said whether—you know—?"
"They said she's stable at the moment," Sarah said, following my gaze. "They said the next twenty-four hours are critical, though."
So she could still die, a little voice said in my head. And if she does, it's all your fault.
As I watched, a smiling nurse emerged from behind the curtain and began to draw it back, beckoning to us as she did so. With Graham's arm still around my shoulders and Daniel moving to my other side, we walked together down the ward, stopping at the foot of my mother's bed.
I'd never seen her looking so frail, so pale, her face seeming even whiter than the sheet beneath her. But as I stood there watching her, tears welling up in my eyes as I took in all the machinery around the bed, the intravenous drips snaking beneath the covers, she opened her eyes and looked straight at me.
"Becky," she said, her voice sounding so horribly weak. "And Daniel." To my dismay, I saw her eyes filling with tears. "I never thought I'd see you two together again."
"Oh Mum," I choked, finding it almost impossible to speak. "I'm so sorry."
"It's okay." As I watched, I saw the beginnings of a smile brightening her face. "Just tell me this means you're getting back together? Please?"
I stared back at her, powerless to stop the tears rolling down my cheeks, that enormous wave of guilt crashing over my head all over again.
And as she continued to look up at me, her eyes full of hope, I found myself beginning to nod.
Chapter 6
"Becky?"
I smiled as I finished wiping toast crumbs away from the kitchen counter tops, hearing the slight wheedling tone to my sister's voice. "Yes?"