by Jason Letts
“Don’t do that. You’ll start to look like him,” I said. Keenan glared at me with a playful smirk.
“The thing is they told me they want all of the company names for the first campaign launch by tomorrow morning if they’re going to be ready in time. I know. They just told me. That’s going to take hours. Will you help me pick the ones to be included?”
I paused and took a look at Keenan, who was nearly begging.
“Couldn’t Lena maybe do it? I’m not exactly feeling it,” I said. I still hadn’t told him about what was going on with my mom and was hoping to get by with vague comments about my mood being off. Keenan shook his head.
“She does a ton already and it’s just so far from her responsibilities. Nobody knows these companies as well as you do. We could get this done in a couple of hours if we bang it out. I’ll treat you to dinner,” he said.
I blinked, wondering if the mention of dinner meant anything more than just a reward for some extra work. Since we’d had our walk in the park, I’d noticed Keenan stealing glances at me, but I’d had my mind on other things and just figured I’d been looking good. Was I wrong?
“You don’t have to bribe me to help you. Yeah, we can get this done,” I said.
“You’re a lifesaver,” he said, getting up from the chair and leading the way back to his office, where he had something up on his computer allowing us to flip through all of the companies we had under our wing.
Keenan dragged a chair around the back of his desk and set it as close to his chair as possible. We began the long process of evaluating each company, their spending levels, their traffic targets, and the audience they were trying to reach. I was immediately confronted by the feeling that I had limited time left and didn’t particularly want to spend it sorting out advertising campaigns, even though I knew Keenan hand-picked all of these companies because he felt they contributed positively in the world and that it was his way of making things better. I knew it wasn’t for me.
“What do you think about the company eTracknTrust? Do you think they have enough retail appeal to attract nonbusiness customers?” Keenan asked, reluctant. We’d already been through about ten percent and I was already missing that trip to the gym. Everyone else in the office was long gone.
I glanced over the page at the various details of their model and customer segments, but I could feel Keenan’s eyes on me. Which people would care about a company that monitored customer service and complaints of large corporations? Some certainly, but I had to admit I wasn’t one of them.
“I’m sure they wouldn’t mind the traffic as a form of validation, but casual visitors in this demographic aren’t going to contribute anything to their bottom line. All they really do is help big companies address outstanding issues with their customer bases,” I said.
“Hmm, I think you’re right,” he said, though it sounded like he hadn’t really heard what I was saying. Mostly I just felt his eyes on the back and side of my head as I scanned what was on the computer screen. I turned my head to see him sitting back a bit with his arms out comfortably to the side, a suspicious little grin on his face that I knew from recent experience meant that he had his mind on heavy play and not hard work.
He was endearingly handsome and smart to boot, but I remembered all too vividly agreeing with him that getting back together wasn’t a good idea and that we should stick to our jobs. That seemed to go out the window as I felt his hand brushing against my shoulder and putting his fingers into strands of hair. I looked over with eyebrows raised.
“What’s this about?” I asked gently. It was nice to be touched, to feel like someone appreciated my existence, but the last thing I needed was my personal life getting out of control and subsuming my career again. Keenan had an innocent, puppy-dog look on his face.
“What, this? Force of habit. Just feels natural, doesn’t it? I’m not hurting you, am I?” His hand moved to the base of my neck, massaging me more deeply. I knew what he was doing, and I was afraid it was going to work. Of course it didn’t hurt, but that didn’t mean this was OK unless the circumstances made sense for it.
“What happened to making sure we weren’t trapped together all the time again? I thought we couldn’t be together and work together.”
Keenan exhaled. His hand did feel good, and I was beginning to tingle.
“This is just a little rub,” he said.
“Unless I’m mistaken masseuse isn’t listed in your job responsibilities,” I said.
“It could be. I’m the boss and can edit that in right now,” he said, but joking aside I knew where this was leading. One massage, one night, then another night later on, and soon he’d feel like he could have me whenever he wanted and I’d be forced to make more demands about the nature of our relationship. He’d either accept them and we’d be back to being chained together, or he’d say no and I’d feel used.
“I think we can get through this faster,” I said, trying to draw his attention back to the screen. “Let’s just gut-check these rather than overthinking them all.”
“How about we leave it? I’m more than ready to balk at some of these ridiculous demands. They’re not going to walk away if it’s a day late,” he said.
I winced, wondering why he’d been so interested in having me stay late if he felt that way about it. It was an easy question to answer. I finally shrugged away his hand.
“I don’t think I can do this,” I said, standing up. “You were right when you said we were hitting overload with each other, and that’s the only thing I’d want if we got back together.”
It drained some of the pleasure from Keenan’s face. He looked at me expectantly, almost in disbelief that I was getting in the way of his release.
“We can figure that stuff out later. Why don’t we just enjoy right now?”
I pursed my lips, knowing he was a man with strong desires and the need for gratification.
“If we’re going to be together, we need to be together,” I said. Keenan twisted his neck and tapped his fingertips on the desk. I could see he had a counterargument in mind, and it didn’t take me long to sort it out. No, I hadn’t acted that way at the festival, but Seth didn’t have the history Keenan and I did. He was disposable and long gone.
“You’ve been kind of down lately,” he said, leaving me relieved that he’d found a less inflammatory argument. I tried to dial back my frustration.
“Yes, there are some things going on that have been hard. It’s been tough to work through them and I’d rather not talk about it, but I don’t feel comfortable just going for it without having the foundation set. If you feel like you need someone, I know what kind of risk I’m taking,” I said, wondering if I was really inviting him to get back into bed with Cassie or anyone else.
Keenan took a deep breath.
“There’s no one else like you,” he said. As sweet as it was to hear, that wasn’t going to green light this rendezvous.
“If you need more help with work, let me know,” I said, turning on my heels and walking out of the office.
I had an uncharacteristic evening full of doubts in which I wondered if I was asking for too much from Keenan, from everyone, from life. Everything seemed to be hitting me at once. My mother was dying. I was marching toward death doing a job that didn’t have much meaning for me, even though six months earlier it would’ve been a dream. I’d published another blog post about hiring a few days ago and there was barely a ripple. Nobody seemed to care about me unless I was being outed in public for having slept with someone.
It crossed my mind in my fit of despair that I was being too demanding of Keenan. Maybe I needed to just take what was given to me and hope for the best that it would work out. Because for all of my fighting for the kind of life I wanted with a career and the respect of a man who loved me, it still hadn’t gotten me out from between the walls of this decrepit shoebox apartment.
My mind kept coming back to second-guessing how I’d been with Keenan at work the next day, which he spent
with us on the office floor while going through the accounts. He offered to take me out to lunch, and with my last ounce of resistance I told him I needed to go for a walk alone, fully expecting to use the time to convince myself to accept whatever terms of a relationship he’d give me.
By the time I got back, my state of mind had improved slightly and I actually felt like maybe I didn’t need to be with anyone. If the cost of having even a moderately successful career was that it never worked out with the charming, handsome men around me, so be it. I couldn’t give up enough to accept being someone’s fling or losing my appreciation for my man because of over exposure.
There were plastic wrappers around the office; they’d ordered wraps. But Keenan was no longer among the rest of the staff. His office door was open and voices were emanating out. I happened to cast a curious look at Lena, who’d been sipping from a long plastic straw in what seemed to me a nervous state.
“Someone you know is here,” she said.
For a second the voice caught my ear, the one that wasn’t Keenan’s, and I wondered if it was my ex-boyfriend’s from Visonic, and if not that someone from college.
But as I walked to Keenan’s room toward the back and approached the doorway, I caught a glimpse of a large figure with short black hair wearing a thick brown sweater that almost made him seem like a bear. The sense of recognition sent a tremor through me.
Seth turned to me with a beaming, carefree smile, while Keenan seemed aggravated or at least on edge.
“Ahh, Sarah. Good timing. I believe you know our guest,” Keenan said. I couldn’t think of what to say and just blurted out anything.
“What are you doing here?”
Before Seth could speak, Keenan answered for him.
“He says he wants you.”
CHAPTER 8
I looked back and forth between Keenan and Seth so many times that I thought my head would swivel off. Seeing them both in the same room felt like worlds colliding.
“Wait, back up,” I said, a hand up. “What is going on here?”
Keenan cleared his throat.
“I got an unexpected visit from an old friend,” he said, not seeming exactly thrilled. Seth on the other hand had a sly smile and relaxed vibe as he leaned against the wall and looked me up and down.
“I can see that. But why are you here?” I asked Seth, who was going to watch us as long as he could, but his time was up. I needed answers. He scratched the back of his neck.
“You said I should come to New York, and here I am,” he said, shrugging. I was shaking my head at him.
“What about the other part?” I asked.
“He came for you,” Keenan said, clearly simmering.
“Yes, that part!”
Seth again dragged out his response for the maximum amount of time possible. From the way he was looking at me, I got the impression he was already imagining going back to a hotel room.
“You said it’d be a good idea for me to be here, so here I am. I thought you could be a part of that,” he said. The vagueness was getting infuriating.
“Can you just say exactly what you want?”
Seth nodded and cast another look at Keenan, who had his arms crossed over his chest.
“I thought the idea to come to New York was good, and so were the rest of your ideas. All of that stuff about why BitCoin isn’t widely adopted and why women would never use it. So we’ve got our mining operation back in East Wanatchee and I’m opening up our new headquarters here to pursue the very important initiatives we discussed.”
“OK,” I said, taking a deep breath and trying to sort it all out. It was flattering that he liked my ideas and remembered them, but on the other hand they seemed like a pretense for coming here and undressing me with his dark brown eyes.
“Great, so that’s settled,” Seth said, clapping his hands together and broadening his smile.
“Wait, you misunderstand me. I was just saying that I understood the words that came out of your mouth. What I don’t understand is how I have any business playing a part in any of it,” I said.
“That’s a good question,” Keenan said, peering hard at Seth. A part of me wasn’t exactly sad that Keenan was forced to endure the presence of someone who was interested in me.
“What I’m thinking is that you step in to get this new initiative off the ground and running. I’m envisioning something called BitGirl, you know, women who use our cryptocurrency tools to take control of their finances and empower themselves,” he said. I didn’t bother to restrain myself from cringing.
“Despite what Darla might’ve told you, there are actually other ways to appeal to women than putting the word “girl” in the title,” I said.
Seth shrugged.
“But let’s be honest, it’s the most effective, right? Anyway, whatever it’s called, you help me get it off the ground. This could be a huge opportunity for you.”
I noticed Keenan shaking his head. His fists were clenched.
“I’m not sure if you noticed, Seth, but I already have a job,” I said. “I can’t work here and be the backbone of this new thing you’re talking about.”
“Of course not,” Seth said, grinning. “You’d stop doing this and come help me.”
“Arrogant and obnoxious as ever,” Keenan said.
“And you’re still too uptight. Why don’t you tell us more about your feelings? I know you love to do that,” Seth said.
I released a deep breath, aggravated on Keenan’s behalf that someone would talk to him like that right in his own office. But Keenan didn’t hesitate to come to his own defense.
“And what makes you think I’d let her go help you. She’s our chief of operations here. We can’t do without her,” he said. Seth wasn’t deterred in the slightest.
“Well, you’re going to have to,” he said. Keenan chuckled.
“I’m not going to give you one more minute of her time than it takes for us to throw you out of here,” he said. “You can try to con women into using your funny money by yourself.”
Seth laughed heartily.
“Be careful, Keen. You’re going to have to eat these words.”
“And why’s that? I wouldn’t help you if a hair on my head would save your life.”
Seth laughed again, displaying the kind of lighthearted mirth from his belly up. But as he turned his head to accentuate it, he became deathly serious.
“Because you owe me.”
The mood in the room changed immediately. Keenan was as still as a statue, and I sure as heck didn’t know what was passing between them.
“You’re kidding,” Keenan said at last.
“Not even close. You remember, I can tell.”
Keenan shifted uncomfortably onto the other foot.
“Of course I remember. That doesn’t mean…”
“Doesn’t it? I guess that’s what it all hinges on. Are you the kind of person who has that happen and then turns a cold shoulder when it’s their turn to ask for something? I for one would think that only the most callous, ungrateful person with absolutely no self-respect or sense of responsibility would do that. It doesn’t surprise me I didn’t get a warm welcome here from you. We’re not best friends and never were, not old buddies either. But I didn’t think you would turn your back on that,” Seth said.
My eyes were widening, nearly entranced. He had Keenan on a string like I’d never seen before. My strong, mentally tough boss seemed on the verge of falling apart.
“What happened?” I asked, barely a whisper. Seth raised his eye brows at me.
“You want to tell her, or should I?”
“It was a long time ago,” Keenan said.
“On second thought I think I should. You might not do it justice. This might surprise you to hear, Sarah, but back during freshmen year at Ohio State, Keenan wasn’t the smooth talker he is now. In fact, he said some downright stupid things. What did you mutter within earshot of one of the guys on the baseball team?”
The gaze he directed
at Keenan was withering. Keenan had his lips pursed, but he nodded slowly and faced it.
“I said that the most exercise they got in their sport was when they took showers together. In my defense, the guy had literally just stolen some of my clothes from the drier,” Keenan said.
Seth shook his head.
“But you couldn’t have waited a second longer to say it until he couldn’t hear you. Instead you pissed off an entire group of hyper-masculine young men, and it didn’t end there. That night you decided to walk out to the bars alone. I was in the library, being the studious and observant person that I am, and I saw the car jump the curb as you were walking by and saw it expel a handful of half-drunk baseball players, some of them wielding bats. They wouldn’t have been able to stop themselves from killing you.
“You broke into a run, leading them away from the road and across the lawn. One of them had you by the shirt and was reaching back with his bat. I charged straight through the bushes and plowed him clean off his feet. You jumped back in and we managed to turn the tables on those guys so fast that they didn’t know what hit them. Does that sound about right?”
Keenan shrugged in a distracted sort of way, that drew Seth’s attention. He stepped forward with his hand up.
“No, we need to get this right. Do you dispute that those guys would’ve been unable to stop themselves from doing a life-threatening amount of harm to you?”
“No,” Keenan said begrudgingly.
“And do you dispute that it was I who prevented that from happening?”
“No,” Keenan said again, this time shaking his head. “You saved my life. Is that what you want to hear? It’s been established.”
Seth nodded and raised both hands.
“Good. Now we come to the crux of the whole thing. Are you the type of person who has someone do that for you and then you turn him down when he asks for something?”
Seth was laser focused on Keenan, who was nearly swaying as he seemed to fight with the memories. But his resistance was cracking. I saw his furrowed brow relax and in that moment I knew he’d conceded.