Twisting straight dark hair into a makeshift ponytail, she gave a quick squeeze and release, wringing the water loose. The rain pounded overhead, fell in droves around them. It filled the silence with its beating.
“Jennifer?” he probed softly. “What can I do?”
Need gnawed at her. There was so much she wanted from him, but not the first idea how to ask. He understood what she was feeling, understood the connection, firsthand.
Jennifer turned and wrapped her arms around her body. There was so much she wanted—from him, from life—but not this way.
A lonesome feeling, the likes of which she had never known, encircled her body like a pack of hungry wolves. She felt lost in the present. No where to go, no one to turn to. By her own hand, she had committed herself to a life of solitude.
Absorbed in her grief and guilt, she had almost forgotten Jax was there until his arms slid around her body. Startled, she made no protest as he secured her within his embrace, cradling her against the warmth of his body.
Surprise evaporated as longing washed over her. Immense longing. The muscled wall of his chest behind her, the gentle rest of his head against hers... Never before had she needed the touch of another human being as much as she needed it now. Like a child seeking reassurance, everything would be okay, the world was not as scary as it seemed, she needed his touch.
She sank into his body. If only for a little while, she would steal this connection and claim it as her own.
If only for a little while...
The sound of rain filled the afternoon.
As the two stood in silence, their common tie threaded through her chest, around her troubled heart, and laced them tightly together. Firm within his hold, she brought her head back and rubbed her cheek lightly against his. He drew her closer and swayed them back and forth in a subtle, calming motion. He stroked her hair, caressed her cheek. He kissed her. A simple kiss, delivered at the side of her head, the way one would do to ease the troubled heart of a friend.
She didn’t object. It felt good. Right. The two were crossing boundaries never before crossed. What should have felt awkward, felt perfect.
Meant to be.
Rain hammered the rooftop, blocking out everything beyond this porch, beyond this moment, as his lips stole their way down to her ear. Moving with feather-light pressure, he drifted to her cheek. He ran a hand up and down her arm, her skin erupting into gooseflesh beneath his fingertips. No longer crying, she moved further into the contour of his body. Matching his rhythm, she swayed, back and forth, back and forth.
She breathed in slow and deep. He pulled her closer and she gave in, into his strength, into his desire. Yes. This felt right. She turned.
She parted her lips in invitation. As she hoped, he dropped his mouth to hers, barely grazing, his movements hesitant, unsure. Dry and bare, her lips pulsed with desire. She moaned. Friendship was no longer enough.
She slid her arms around his waist and met him with a quiet seeking. Kiss me, Jax. She pulled him closer. Kiss me.
He slipped his tongue inside her mouth and groaned.
Longing consumed her. More powerful than she imagined. Like her dream, she ached to fill herself with this man. She abandoned reason and gave in to the kiss.
His desire swelled low between them. His tongue delved deeper, his moves fluid and sure. She grasped hold of him tighter. The sensations streaming through her body were succulent, sweet. Hot. Her loin melted. Her breasts tingled.
Jax moved deeper, harder, his mouth eager, searching.
Surrender. Give in. Let this happen.
He peeled himself away.
Her eyes moved back and forth across his. Jax?
The magic melted, replaced by instant doubt. The repulsion Jennifer saw in his eyes turned her stomach. It had been a mistake. The warmth spreading between them, the emotion she felt pouring from his soul...
He hadn’t meant the kiss.
Only she had wanted it. Standing face to face with the man she had fantasized over, claimed as her own...
He closed his eyes and allowed his head to fall forward.
It was clear Jax regretted it.
Jennifer’s hands flew to her face. She whirled around. What a fool! Harboring fantasies, playing make-believe he wanted the same...
Acting upon it in the flesh. She had made a terrible error in judgment. Jax wanted nothing of the kind. An image of Aurelio surfaced and tears sprang to her eyes. She had cheated him—cheated herself—and for what? A dream, a fantasy—but how?
How could she have been so stupid?
Jax’s hands settled on her shoulders, his touch firm, yet gentle. The move stopped her heart. He stepped closer and her breathing ceased. His forehead dropped against the back of her head. “I’m sorry...”
The choked quality of his voice splintered through her, spilling a ridge of hot tears onto her cheeks. Sorry.
“I’m so sorry, Jennifer.”
He began to massage her shoulders, her neck, working the tension that gripped her thin frame. Jennifer dragged hands down her face, but stopped short at her mouth, shy of abandoning their defense. Jax didn’t say another word. Despite the fact she needed him to say something, he remained mute.
Say something, her heart urged. Anything. Her world was careening off a cliff and she needed him to grab tight, else she’d plummet to the depths below.
But Jax said nothing. His hands stilled. The rain ceased.
Silence stood between them. Heavy moisture filled the air. But neither spoke a word.
Without warning, Jax turned Jennifer around to face him. Powerless to maintain the barrier, she dropped her hands. The repulsion in his eyes was gone, replaced by pain. But the implication remained the same. The kiss had been a mistake.
“Jennifer,” he said, the effort strained. “I was so far out of line...so unbelievably stupid...” He paused. “I can’t even begin to ask your forgiveness...I...” Though his hands maintained a warm hold on her shoulders, his expression closed. “It won’t happen again.”
Jennifer’s heart fell into the pit of her stomach. He asserted the last statement with such ferocity, such sincerity, Jennifer wondered who was most sorry, him...
Or her.
“I only came by to help.” Emotion folded into the depths of his brown eyes, now safely tucked beyond her reach. “Sam didn’t want you to be alone and I agreed. You shouldn’t be.”
Through her eyes, she pleaded for him to stay—to hold her—to continue as he had been. She wanted his help, in his touch, his desire.
There was enough remorse in her life, enough apology.
All of which she had been able to forget, if only for the briefest of moments. Because of him. Jax had given her that escape. To have it stripped away so abruptly was a shock to her system. She hated to beg. “Please...”
But she had run out of options.
“Do you need anything? Anything at all?”
She would have sworn he almost reached for her hair, but his hands didn’t stray from her shoulders.
Though she ached for them to do so. Yearned for him to hold her, kiss her...
“What can I do?”
Kiss me, hug me, hold me like you want me the way I want you. Tell me we have a chance. Convince me opposite lifestyles can overcome the odds, circumvent schedules, obligations...
Silly and as unrealistic as it is, tell me we have a chance, Jax. Before you walk away. Regret lodged hard in her throat. And leave me to myself.
She shook her head. More tears threatened, but she wiped at her eyes and forced them back. She steeled herself for what came next. In real life. The truth.
Jax was leaving.
Rain dripped from gutters. Strands of sunshine brightened the landscape. Sunset eased free from the weight of clouds.
The worst had passed. From the shelter of the porch, she understood. This was Miami. The Gables. Showers swept in and showers swept out. Consistent, steady, she could count on afternoon thunderstorms.
Much
like the roll of life, there was a season for everything; life, death, joy and sorrow. And she’d had enough.
Expectation, disappointment, fantasy, reality...
She’d had enough. It was time to be alone. Nurse her grief in solitude, move on with her life. It was time.
Time for acceptance.
Inhaling slow and deep, Jennifer steadied her gaze. Busying trembling hands, she straightened her shirt. Raising her head as high as she possibly could, she cautiously put thought into words. “I’m fine, Jackson. I appreciate you coming by, but there’s nothing you can do here.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, thank you.” She managed to exert a faint smile. “Your concern means a lot.”
Her appreciation did nothing to lighten the weight of his gaze. “Your mother is a special lady. She’ll always be with you.” A sheen of tears glistened in his eyes. “You know that, right?”
Jennifer nodded, the motion difficult, like slugging through quicksand. “I do.”
“Like you. You’re an amazing woman, Jennifer Hamilton. Your fiancé is a wealthy man, in more ways than one.”
Jax withdrew his hands from her shoulders.
In their place, Jennifer felt a distinct absence, a heavy emptiness. He turned to go and she nearly reached out to stop him. He should know about Aurelio...that it was over between them.
There may be a chance. Hope.
The impulse faded.
Who was she kidding? Telling him now would only complicate matters. Force an already awkward situation.
The irony stung. Had she disclosed the impending breakup with Aurelio during their last visit, when she knew, this moment would have been the most natural way for them to come together.
If he were interested. If there was no one else.
But there was someone else in his life. She could feel it. It explained why he was so ashamed of his behavior. He had betrayed someone. A woman he loved. To turn the tide on him now would be more than uncomfortable. It would be unfair.
“Goodbye, Jennifer.”
As she watched him hurry down the steps to his truck, she couldn’t help feel the possibilities of a lifetime went with him. Then he gunned the engine, the sound of which cut through her chest. The fantasies she entertained went up in a puff of smoke, much like the spit of his exhaust. It was over.
Everything. Her wedding, fantasies of crazy love, the bond between mother and daughter...
It was all over.
Jennifer dissolved into tears.
Jax tore out of her driveway, his truck lurching to its side at the sudden speed. He smacked his hand to the steering wheel. Dammit—how could he have taken advantage like that! How could he have betrayed her trust?
A million regrets slammed through his body, a trail of loathing following in their wake. He clenched his jaw closed. He whipped his head. She deserved better. Far better than his thin guise of support, she deserved a friend she could trust.
Not that he didn’t want to comfort, he did. But he wanted so much more. He wanted to hold her and kiss her, to chase away the demons. Jax wanted to make love to her. He wanted to wrap her in his arms, plunge deep inside, and take her for his own.
But he couldn’t. She wasn’t his for the taking.
Jax pulled his truck over. The grass was rough beneath his tires as he jerked the gear shift into park. He sat.
He couldn’t drive, couldn’t focus. He calmed his breathing. Recalling her eyes, red and bare, her pale face, no makeup, no defense, Jennifer remained the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Delicate. Vulnerable.
He should have stuck to his original plan. He told Sam he would be there for Jennifer and give her support, a willing ear.
But damn it if she hadn’t lingered. Stood so close he could smell her perfume. Hugging her to him had been the most natural thing to do. But the wet strands of her hair did something to him. Pulled him to her in a way he couldn’t control. And he kissed her.
Jax shook his head slowly back and forth. He shouldn’t have done it. But the slender feel of her body, raw vulnerability...
It was more than he could resist. He thrust his head back against the headrest and closed his eyes. One stupid move had ruined everything.
Chapter Thirty-Four
“Has there been any change?”
Jennifer looked up from her bedside post, swamped by relief. Dressed casually in slacks and blouse, her hair a mess of curls, her mascara smudged, Sam looked like she slept the entire flight down. But to Jennifer, she was a beacon; a light in the night, a sense of direction, a tower to lean on. Forget the room full of flowers, glorious bouquets of color and fragrance, sympathy cards, genuine and heartfelt...
Having Sam by her side made it easier to say, “No, nothing’s changed.”
“Damn,” she muttered, and lifted Jennifer into a powerful hug. Though both knew it was to be expected. Once Beatrice succumbed to the coma, death was only a matter of time. Sam pulled away, and scrutinized her pal. “You don’t look so good. Those black craters beneath your eyes tell me you haven’t slept.”
Jennifer shook her head. “I’ll sleep later. When it’s over.”
“Running yourself into the ground isn’t going to help your mom, Jen. You need to eat. You need to sleep. Did Jax come by like I asked him?”
Jennifer tensed. “He did.”
“Was that a problem I called him?”
“No.”
“Well...” Dark brown eyes flashed around the room in question, as if she expected to find him here, by her side. “Was he of any help?”
Jennifer turned back to her mother. Reaching over with calm precision, she took the delicate hand between her own, and gently caressed the deathly pale skin. “There’s nothing he can do.” Still smarting over the incident, she wasn’t ready to divulge what happened. Not yet. She had to get past it herself, first.
“He’s a warm shoulder and a sympathetic ear—both exactly what you need right now.”
Without looking back, she said, “Neither will help.”
Sam pulled up a nearby chair and plopped herself down. “Well they better, cause they’re all I’ve got.”
This drew a small smile and Jennifer turned back to Sam. “From you, they will.” Her expression turned serious. “Thanks for coming so quickly, Sam. I hope Patty can cope without you for a while.”
“She can and you’re welcome.” Sam brushed long bangs from her face and tucked them behind an ear. “Blake has stabilized and is beginning to make progress in his rehabilitation therapy. Patty actually insisted I come. If you ask me, she’s had her fill of sisterly love. I think I was beginning to grate on her nerves a bit.”
Jennifer dropped her glance aside. “Oh come, now. You?”
Sam pressed her lips together and donned a sheepish grin. “Yep, sweet little old sweet-pea-me. But don’t worry. My mom’s there to help fill in so I won’t be missed.”
Jennifer chuckled—for real—and it felt good.
Leave it to Sam. An elixir for the grief, a respite from the pain, she was glad Patty had had her fill—if that were truly the case—which she doubted. She needed Sam. And bless Patty for letting her go. She owed the woman a thousand thank yous, but later. Right now, she needed to get through the night. Number two, and counting.
Sam rubbed Jennifer’s back, but offered nothing. No words, no jokes, she knew her role, knew what was needed. She was here for her friend, whatever it took.
Jennifer appreciated the caress. It was a far cry from the touch of Jax’s hand, but it was safer, reliable. Real.
Your fiancé is a wealthy man, in more ways than one.
She couldn’t let the statement go. Jax sounded so wistful, so forlorn when he said it. Insanity, she knew. It was nothing more than a compliment. A nice guy saying nice things. But still. It felt so wishful. Envious, even.
Frivolous mind-play, of course. She doubted he’d keep in touch, let alone pine for her. His job was complete. He had plans for his future, plans that would take him m
iles from land, miles from her, eons away from possibility.
And it would keep him there. Jackson Montgomery had no interest in a life lived with mortgages and bills, a job filled with responsibilities and obligations. No. His job was a means to an end. He had a dream and he intended to follow it, wherever it may lead. Willful, passionate, his was a spontaneous vision.
She felt the pinch. Now who was envious?
Gliding her hand across the soft skin of her mother’s arm, Jennifer thought about her own future. For her, nothing would change. A tiny ache worked through her heart. Other than there would be no marriage. No wedding, no children. Her life would remain as is. She would do as she always did. She would heal others the best she could.
Sam continued to rub her back, and the touch of a friend never felt better. Well, not counting Jax. That was better. That had been incredible.
Jennifer passed the next three days, tossed about between sleep and phone calls. Dr. Beatrice Hamilton had many friends and colleagues, all saddened to hear the news. Sam made a continual trek between her bedside and the cafeteria, insisting she eat, despite her protest, a spatter of work calls made along the way.
But Jennifer couldn’t eat. She could only pray, willing the end would come soon. Slowly, she grew accustomed to the idea. It was time. It wasn’t right for her mother’s body to waste away in a place that meant nothing to her. She had lived a full life and it was time to let go.
Out with the old and in with the new. Wasn’t that her motto?
Tracing a finger along the delicate outline of her mother’s hand, Jennifer recalled the familiar sentiment, though it didn’t seem right it should apply to a person’s life. Used appliances, worn out clothes, maybe, but not to the most important person in her world.
“Hey.”
Startled by Sam’s soundless entry, she turned. “What?”
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