She wanted to ask after Jax. She wanted to know if he was in the hospital. She wanted to know what the kiss meant, and where they were headed. She wanted to know if he was taken.
But didn’t ask the first one. This wasn’t the place. This wasn’t the time. Let him deal with his sister first. Then she could—
Nerves jangled like bells of warning. Then maybe she could approach him. Tell him how she felt. Jennifer glanced at her watch. But first things first. She had patients waiting for her at the office and one more to see here. She needed to get moving. Excusing herself, she finished with her charts then headed for the exits. Any longer here, she may run into him.
Jennifer checked the text on her phone screen as she waited for the elevator. A family joined her, their conversation muffled, private. The chime rang, the doors slid open. She looked up and Michael Kingsley walked out.
“Oh!”
He smiled at the sight of her. “Hey, Jennifer.”
“Hello, Michael,” she said, stepping back, watching the doors slide to a close behind him. Dressed in full suit and tie, he was the consummate professional during work hours.
He placed a hand on her shoulder and asked, “How are you?”
“Fine.” She tamped down a sudden swell of grief. “I’m getting through it.”
“Do you need anything?”
“No.” She looked around the hallway and said, “I think work is the best thing for me right now.”
“It’ll do you good.” He rubbed her shoulder. “Get your mind off things.”
“Yes.”
“Laurencia’s going to call you. She’s got plate-loads of food going in the kitchen and plans to deliver it—whenever it works for your schedule, of course.”
“Of course, yes.” The spectacle of more food was the last thing she needed, but she understood it was a gesture meant to support. “That’s sweet of her. Thank you.”
“Did you hear about Beverly?”
She smiled, rolling into the more pleasant topic. “I did. They moved her out of CICU.”
“Yeah, she’s really doing great. Gus told me she’s taking to her meds no problem.”
“Her nurses told me she’s eating well, too.”
He nodded. “It’s really great news.”
She agreed. “I’m going to see her this afternoon.”
“Bearing gifts, as usual.”
She chuckled. Already had one picked out and sitting in the backseat of her car.
“Hey, did you see Jax?”
Jennifer quickly shook her head. She slid her hands into the front pockets of her lab coat and replied, “No, I haven’t.”
“He’s upstairs with his sister. I just came from there.”
She nodded.
“Sold his house.”
Her heart stopped. “He did?”
“Yep. Got a pile of money for it, too.”
Pulse thundering in her ears, she moved aside to make room for a rolling steel cart of food trays. The man commandeering it leaned over and pressed the button for the elevator.
“He’s real excited.”
Did that mean he would set sail soon? Leave on his journey and never look back? “I imagine so...”
How could she insert herself into his life so quickly? It would be awkward, strange—she'd only broken up with Aurelio a week ago! There was no time to take up with Jax. He was leaving.
Michael stepped forward and pulled her into a strong hug. “I gotta run, but call me if you need anything. Anything at all.”
Hope fell away. Disappointment filtered through her limbs. Secure within Michael’s embrace, Jennifer inhaled the scent of his cologne. Spicy, distinct, his was familiar. Comfortable. He didn’t mention the wedding. Didn’t ask if she had plans to postpone. Nothing. He only offered his unconditional support. Grateful for the reprieve, she whispered, “Thank you, Michael.” She squeezed him. “Thank you.”
Elevator doors slid open. Eager to follow the steel cart as it slid inside, she pulled away.
Michael released easily and said, “Catch ya later.”
“Goodbye.” She waved him off and stepped into the elevator. Slipping to one side, she pressed the button for her floor. It lit up immediately. As the doors closed, she stared at the glowing circle. Jax’s image appeared in her mind.
He’s sold his house. Now what was she going to do?
Driving beneath the canopy of banyan, Jennifer couldn’t get home soon enough. Deriving no joy from the ride through the Gables, she noticed none of the natural splendor of her neighborhood. The only bright spots in her day had been Sarah and Beverly.
Sarah had come to see her, accompanied by her daughter, and had been radiant. She felt great, had no pain, no complaints and said she owed it all to her doctor. Whatever miracle Jennifer had performed was working.
Even her daughter conceded the fact.
It had been the boost she needed. She was making a difference in the lives of her patients, helping people as she was meant to do. This was her calling. Like her mother, she was meant to be in the center of strife, saving lives, restoring futures.
They were the same. Isn’t that what her mom said? Mother and daughter, their hearts thrived on the same satisfaction? But it was Beverly that moved her the most. Despite having undergone major surgery, the child emanated energy. When handed the plush yellow rabbit, a sister for Poppy, she was exuberance personified. From her curls to her smile, the only sight that gave Jennifer more pleasure was the pink hue to her skin.
Her life would not be cut short. She would make it.
She would live.
Slowing for the turn into her driveway, she pulled her car around the fountain and placed it into park. Splashing water surrounded by beautiful foliage, an oasis meant to relax—
Stressed. Because of him. Instead of plants and flowers, and the sparkle of water, she saw Jax. Everywhere she looked, she saw his hand, his touch. Him.
Jennifer ambled toward the house, her movements slow and heavy. She paused at the bird of paradise, drawing her fingers along the underside of waxy buds. She lingered over luscious shades of orange-red, a hint of blue as they burst forth in bloom. Admiring the masterpiece of Mother Nature, it occurred to her that this flower indeed resembled a bird. Proud as a peacock, it stood guard outside her courtyard, flaunting its bright plumage, warning passersby of its presence.
She smiled at the comparison. Like Jax, she was beginning to see more in plants than a simple array of leaves and blooms. Today she saw works of art, reflections of life, symbols meant to inspire.
Yes, today was different. Today she saw Jax in every plant, flower, and blade of grass. In the serenity of her fountains, the tranquility of her pool, he was there. Longing wound through her. This home would be a magical place to share a life together...
With him. As it was, it was half his, anyway.
She dropped her hand from the flower. Jennifer filled her lungs with moist, warm air, and repressed the melancholy welling within. She had a funeral to plan. Accompanied by friends and distant relatives, she would pay her last respects to the woman she adored, say her final goodbyes to the woman who had been her everything. Though how one actually did that, Jennifer had no idea.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Wading through her second glass of Cabernet, dressed in T-shirt and boxers, feet tucked beneath her legs, Jennifer sat alone. From the stereo, an earthy Flamenco swayed through the dim light, weaving its instruments through the room, coaxing her mind to let go.
Gaze fixed on the candle glowing from within the amber hurricane glass, she felt defeated. The news regarding the sale of Jax’s home knocked the wind from her dreams. She had expected time. She had expected a chance.
Something. Anything.
Jennifer brought the rim of her wineglass to rest against her lips. She thought she had months before he sold his house. Even convinced herself she could do it. Make the first move and open the door. Life was short. Seize the moment.
With Sam, it all sounded so easy.
&nb
sp; Jennifer loosened her focus from the soft flicker of candlelight. It could still be easy. If she were Sam, someone like her... If she were bold and direct, she could still do it. Time be damned, she could go after him.
The problem was her. Reserved, withheld, she was her biggest enemy. Pulling the glass from her mouth, she allowed the admission to settle deep in her chest. She was the problem.
The song’s tempo slowed. Guitar strings were picked one by one as the delicate solo tiptoed through the room, like a secret. Suddenly a quick strum of lower chords thrust into the rhythm. Together, it was a rich harmony of emotion, a depiction of need... Jennifer could almost see the woman taking long, graceful strides as she moved across the moonlit path, the dance still in her but the drive to leave strong; urgent.
Another drum of chords, another pick of strings... It was a sexy rise and fall in rhythm, a sinuous quality of guitar sound creating a visual artistry in her mind.
Was it a lover? Was she called to see him? In the silk of moonlight, the secret of night, did need drive her?
Or had she been called back by obligation. Duty.
Jennifer’s vision closed. Duty. For too long it had defined her life. It had tied her to schedule, limited her horizons. She cradled the glass in her lap. Sam was right. She needed to break free, go after what she wanted.
Jax. Go after him. With all the pain and loss and near death she witnessed, she of all people should understand the value of living.
She did. She did understand. And she wanted to live. Free and unencumbered, she wanted to experience everything life had to offer.
Taking a deep sip of wine, inhaling the smoky plum aroma as it filled the oversized crystal bowl encircling her nose, she decided. She would do it. Whatever it took, she would try.
The sound of tapping against her door stopped her cold.
“What the—" She yanked the glass from her face. Heart pounding, thoughts colliding, she suddenly remembered: Sam.
Sam was coming by. She called earlier to forewarn she’d be making her nightly rounds. Setting her wineglass on the coffee table, she breathed in to catch her breath, then lifted from the sofa and headed for the door. She grasped the handle and opened. “Lost your key at—“
“Hi, Jennifer.” Jax stood on her doorstep, a slip of a smile in his eyes.
She couldn’t speak, couldn’t move—except for the race of her heart.
“I hope it’s not too late.”
“I don’t understand,” she stammered, instantly crossing arms over braless chest in a stark rush of embarrassment. She hadn’t been expecting company. He on the other hand, appeared freshly showered and shaved in T-shirt and jeans. “What time is it—what are you doing here?”
“I was hoping we could talk.” His voice was satin soft, his eyes windows of emotion.
Sanity scrambled for cover as she stared, speechless.
“May I come in?”
Jittery legs backed aside, giving him silent permission to enter.
Jax closed the door behind him.
“I was just—would you like a glass—“
“Jennifer.” He reached out and tugged a hand from the locked grip of her arms.
Resistance melted. When he reached for the other and secured the shaky hand within his own, her surrender was complete. She couldn’t move a muscle if she tried.
“I hope you don’t mind my coming here. If you’d rather be alone, I’ll make it short.”
That was the last thing she wanted! “No,” she blurted, scared he would leave. “It’s okay.” It’s more than okay. It’s amazing...
“I’m sorry about your mom.”
She nodded.
“And I’m sorry about Aurelio.”
The admission stopped her heart.
“Sam told me you broke the engagement.” He paused, his eyes hovering as he seemed prepared to meet protest.
But Jennifer offered none. She couldn’t.
She had none in her.
“I can only hope you believe me when I say I am truly sorry it happened.”
What? If he was sorry to hear about her breakup, then why was he here?
“I don’t wish that sentence on anyone.”
Jennifer swallowed, the lump in her throat hard and sore. He was being nice. But she needed answers. “Why are you here, Jax?”
“You.”
With arms that felt like straw, she pulled free from his grip and moved away, putting space between them. She needed to be clear. She needed to understand. Willing her arms to regain strength, she crossed them again.
Jax held steady. “I’m here because of you.”
“What does that mean?” she implored, and took a step back. She desperately wanted it to mean what she wanted it to mean—but she kept her mind on guard. Suddenly, she needed him to make the first move.
“These last few weeks have changed things for me.”
What kind of things! Tell me!
“Over the course of this project,” his eyes wandered to the back windows, waded into the darkness of night. “My priorities have shifted.” His face was soft, open. He spoke in supple tones. “Cruising the islands doesn’t seem so important anymore.” He returned his gaze to Jennifer. “Having family close... That’s what’s important to me.”
This was about his sister. Delaney’s experience had scared him. He was reaching out. To a friend. Someone who could sympathize, help make sense of it all. “I understand,” Jennifer said, quick to cap the well of disappointment overflowing in her heart. “Life can be a delicate balance,” the doctor in her replied, hating the lovesick fool inside coming to blows with reality. But Jax had been there for her and she was going to be there for him.
No matter how much it hurt. Holding her arms close to the breast, she continued. “It’s about finding the right mix of living for today, for yourself, and spending time with your loved ones. The challenge is in the not knowing,” she ran on, grasping for the comfort she usually found in consoling people in difficult times. “You never know if death might be waiting around the next corner—for you, for them.”
The blade cut deeper. “I know you don’t want to squander your time with family, Jax, but you can’t stifle your own dreams, either.”
Jax took a step toward her.
Her antennae shot up. Alarms sounded.
“You’re right. But I learned there’s something even more important.”
Her breathing became shallow, her ears razor sharp.
“Love.”
With that one word, he closed the distance between them to mere feet. Her breath came in spurts, her senses on fire.
“I want a love of my own. A woman of my own.” He ventured closer. “And over the last several weeks I’ve gotten to know a very special woman. One with a heart of gold, a will of steel.” A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “She’s honest and forthright and beautiful. The most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. From the inside out.”
His eyes never moved from hers. His voice never wavered. “She’s a better friend than I could ever ask for, always willing to listen, and lend her support. All you have to do is call. She’ll come running.”
He stilled.
She could smell his cologne, his fresh masculine scent as it filled the space around her.
“But there’s one problem.”
Jennifer gulped down a blistering knot of anticipation. All breathing ceased, her limbs a rubbery nothing.
“She’s smarter than I am.” He moved a little nearer. “She has more degrees than I have clues.” He tried to grin, but abandoned the attempt. Instead, he turned somber. “I’m afraid she won’t have me...” He paused. “Because I don’t measure up.” His eyes mellowed to a creamy daze. “Which is unfortunate.”
He lifted a hand to her cheek, caressed the skin with the back of his fingers, a palpable longing hanging in his eyes. “Because I’ve fallen in love with her.”
The declaration was but a whisper, yet swept the legs clear out from under her. Jackson wanted her. W
armth flared low in her belly. He wanted her.
Running his fingers under the curve of her chin, he drew one forward. “Could there be a chance?”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
The tremor in his voice roused a need deep within. It was real. No longer limited to the fantasy of her mind, he wanted her.
Exploring a future with him would be a risk. A big one.
And she could lose. But she needed this man. Beyond explanation, beyond sensibility, this connection had to be investigated. “Yes,” Jennifer murmured, arms unwinding in a slow slide down her body.
“Yes?”
The shackles of self-discipline hit the floor. The last wisp of fear took flight. She was crossing the line of no return. If she consented, her life would never be the same. “Yes,” she responded softly. “We have a chance.”
“You won’t regret it,” he said in a powerful whisper. He tipped her chin upward and her heart hammered in expectation.
She knew what came next and she was ready.
Jax brought his lips to hers and feathered them back and forth. Mesmerized by the intensity of his touch, the sensation of his lips as they glided across hers, she closed her eyes. His lips were tender yet laden with want. He grazed his nose against hers, trailed it faintly along her cheek—as if he were savoring her skin, her every inch—and rested it near her ear.
The music came into sharp focus. Bold and romantic, the gypsy-inspired melody evoked an urge to move, to feel...
To let go. Sam’s words wound quietly through her conscious as the tempo kicked up, the guitar pulsating through her veins.
Feel your way through life...
Let yourself be courted by desire. Yes. It was something she wanted to do. Now, with him.
Jennifer opened her eyes and through the quiet glow of her living room confessed, “I’ve been so afraid.”
A startled surprise crept into his eyes. “Of me?”
She nodded. “Of you, of us, of what it would mean.”
“You have nothing to be afraid of. I won’t ever hurt you.”
His fierce refute made her chuckle. The thought of Jax hurting her was absurd.
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