by Sonya Writes
When he saw her, the first words out of his mouth, as usual, were, “I’m sorry,” and Ayita realized that somewhere along the way he formed a habit of apology rather than a habit of identity.
“Ayita,” she said. She watched him for a while and studied his expression. While Ayita’s mind was on serious thoughts and the deeper workings of life, Dakarai’s mind was on his own carefree existence.
“I was planning to go for a swim. Do you want to join me?”
“I’m not a very good swimmer,” she reminded.
Dakarai smiled widely, ignoring her comment and going straight to the water. He stood at the edge and gestured for her to come along.
Ayita walked over to the same place she’d entered the water before. Dakarai remained standing and watched as she lowered herself in, slowly as before, allowing her body to adjust to the temperature of the water. She held on to the side and practiced kicking the way he taught her. When she felt confident enough, she let go of the ledge and started treading water completely on her own.
“This is as much as I know,” she said. “What else is there to swimming?”
“Movement.” He smiled a flirtatious smile. Dakarai removed his shirt and dove into the water. There was no sign of him for a while, until he popped up inches behind her. Ayita jumped at the feeling of water rushing up her back and she turned around.
“Don’t do that,” she said, but there was hint of a grin on her face.
“Are you really bothered?”
“Yes.”
“Then why are you smiling?”
Her smile spread wider. “No more.”
“No more smiling?”
“No sneaking up on me!” She laughed and playfully pushed on his shoulder, which in effect moved her backward more than him. “At least until I get the hang of this.”
Dakarai nodded without the slightest attempt to hide that he was amused by her. He disappeared again under the water and came up about three arms-lengths from her toward the center of the lake. Ayita remained where she was, every couple seconds placing a hand on the ledge, then letting it slip off.
“You don’t want to stay in that one place all day, do you?” he asked.
“No.”
“So come over here.”
“How?”
“Swim.”
“Yeah, but-”
“Shh! Don’t ask. Do.”
Ayita shook her head.
“Come on.”
“But-”
Now Dakarai was shaking his head. “No buts,” he said.
Ayita took a deep breath and looked uncertainly at the ledge.
“You don’t need that,” he told her.
Ayita leaned forward and spread her arms out before her, moving them in wide outward semi-circles. She continued to kick her legs in small alternating circles, which proved to be awkward while leaning forward the way she was. She had trouble moving closer to him, and it showed on her face.
Dakarai chuckled. “You’re still using the same kick, aren’t you?”
Ayita stopped and reverted to treading water. “Yes.”
“Try something else.”
“Such as?”
“Oh, sure, I could tell you, but I think it would be more effective if you figure out on your own what works.” He smiled that flirtatious smile again.
“You explained it to me last time!”
“Maybe you needed it last time. This time, you know enough to keep your head above the water. Now, focus on yourself, and on the water, and move your arms and legs as feels right until you’re able to swim out to me.”
Ayita tried again, this time just kicking her legs without thinking about it. She tried to imitate the way Dakarai had lifted his arms out of the water while swimming the first time she saw him, but her sleeves were heavy and it was difficult to lift her arms above her head. The clothes they made here weren’t like the clothes she had at home. They were thicker, and not quite as soft. The clothes at home were made from cotton, but she didn’t know what these clothes were made of.
“It’s easier with less clothes on,” Dakarai said.
Ayita scoffed. “I’m not about to undress in front of you.”
“I didn’t say no clothes. I said less.”
“Still. What else would I have to wear?”
“What do you have on under that?”
Ayita raised her eyebrows. Her thoughts wandered to the books with pictures of people swimming and what they wore, and she realized that the chestnut camisole she had on beneath her blouse was more modest than Earth’s bikini. Still, it wasn’t near anything she’d ever worn in public. On Zozeis, those things were reserved for married couples, but she wasn’t on Zozeis anymore.
“You’re blushing.”
“Oh, quiet. And stop looking at me.” Ayita rolled her eyes out of embarrassment. She reached out to grab the ledge and pulled herself closer, removing her blouse over her head and contemplating whether she should remove the skirt also. It went just above her knees and wasn’t particularly in the way; Ayita was more comfortable with keeping it on.
“All right,” he said, “now swim to me.”
Ayita tried this again, leaning forward but not quite horizontal and kicking her legs in a shallow flutter kick while reaching forward and pulling with her arms. Her arms naturally reverted to the wide outward semi-circles as before, but her kick stayed the same.
“Lean forward more,” Dakarai told her. “The closer you are to being horizontal the more efficient your stroke will be.”
She tried to follow this, but she couldn’t make herself lean forward more than a slight diagonal.
“It’s actually more efficient if your face is in the water.”
“Not going to happen,” she said.
“Just saying. If you really want to do this right….”
“I just want to be able to do it.”
“Get your face close to the water, then. As close as you can without going in.”
Ayita was moving, albeit slowly, but she looked silly halfway between vertical and the way she should have been positioned. She had her arms swinging out of the water then slapping into it as she struggled to move forward. Dakarai watched her struggle for a short time, and then he started laughing again. “Ayita, stop. Just tread water for a while, and watch me.” He leaned completely forward until his face was in the water and his legs were just below the surface, and he kicked a quick-paced flutter kick while correctly alternating his arms up behind him and depositing them into the water. He turned his head from side to side, breathing every third stroke. He swam beautifully.
“Now you try,” he said.
She stared at him skeptically. Sure, he could make it look effortless, but he’d spent a lifetime practicing it. When he realized that she wasn’t going to copy him and swim as he demonstrated, he decided to try something else. He swam to her and showed her what he wanted her to do.
“Hold onto the ledge here, with both hands. Okay, now raise your legs up behind you until you can feel the backs of them coming out of the water. You can keep your head up, but it’s not going to be particularly comfortable that way.”
Ayita did this, and then he told her to kick, helping her to know how fast was too fast, or how slow was too slow, saying “You’ll wear yourself out,” or, “You won’t go anywhere, and you’ll sink.” It was a strain swimming into her arms, but Dakarai was right: she became more comfortable leaning forward this far because she could control it and keep herself up, though she still had doubts. Now that she seemed to have it down, Dakarai disappeared under the water and popped back up toward the center of the lake.
“Now swim out here,” he said.
Ayita took a deep breath. She held the ledge behind her with one hand, then kicked off from there, imitating the way he had moved his arms in and out of the water, and kicking, until at last she was no less than an arm’s length from him.
Dakarai smiled. “I knew you could do it,” he said.
Ayita was excited; it sho
wed through her beaming smile and bright eyes. “I did!” she exclaimed. “I swam all the way out here, and I could do it again.”
They stayed there for a short time, treading water and talking. It was apparent Ayita wasn’t entirely comfortable, but she became more at ease as time went on. After a while, though, she was kicking more slowly and breathing more quickly.
“Are you getting tired?” Dakarai asked.
“Yeah,” she said. “I’m going to get out soon.”
“No, no.” Dakarai shook his head. “You can relax in the water without tiring yourself further. Lie back.”
“What?”
“Lie back.”
“What do you mean lie back?”
“Don’t ask; do,” he said, with a grin. “Trust me. Lie back.”
Ayita thought about this; then she shook her head. “I don’t think you understand. My head will go underwater.”
“It’s not as scary as it seems. It’s actually quite nice.”
“No.”
“Lying back doesn’t mean your head will go underwater.”
“I’m not doing it.”
Dakarai swam closer. “If you don’t believe me, then I’ll stay right here and make sure.” He moved to her side and placed his hand on the small of her back. “Trust me,” he said. “Lie back. There won’t be a single moment when you can’t breathe.”
Ayita took a deep breath and exhaled before nodding and slowly leaning backward into his hand. She could feel him holding her up while he continued treading water. His hands felt so strong and comfortable against her skin and she thought she could melt into his arms. But when the back of her head touched the water, she flinched and bounced upright.
“You know, I’m really tired. I’m going to just get out.” She started to move toward the edge, but Dakarai gently held her wrist and pulled her back to him.
“Come on. You can do this.” He looked into her eyes and replaced his hand on her back. “Now lie down as if you were lying down to sleep.”
Ayita sighed and nodded her head.
“It’s okay if your head touches the water. That’s how it should be.”
She laid back slowly, flinching slightly when her head hit the cold water, but not resisting it this time. Before she knew it she was lying flat on the water and Dakarai had removed his hand from her back.
“Close your eyes,” he said.
“Why?”
“Don’t ask. Do.”
Ayita smiled and quietly laughed. She closed her eyes and tried to ignore the spots she could see in her eyelids. One by one they went away
“Now what?” she asked.
“Just listen to yourself breathe.”
“Why?”
Dakarai smiled, suppressing his laughter.
“I know, I know,” Ayita said. “Don’t ask, do.” She stopped thinking, stopped worrying, and paid attention only to the sound of the rushing water tumbling down the fall. She tried to focus on her breathing and after a while it almost drowned out the sound of the water. Ayita smiled, and she almost felt as if she could fall asleep there. After nearly drowning, she would have never thought she could feel so relaxed in a body of water like this, but here she was, doing it, and it was only because of Dakarai’s encouragement that she managed to face her fears. As her body became more relaxed it began to sink. Water moved up her cheeks until it touched her lips, and as quickly as her eyes were opened Dakarai was right there to make sure she didn’t submerge.
“Be careful not to fall asleep, now. It’s about relaxing, not sleeping,” he joked.
Ayita smiled. “Thanks for that.”
He nodded. “Do you want to get out now?”
“Yeah.” She made her way over to the edge and reached up for her blouse. Something about putting it back on in the water felt more modest than getting out of the water to get dressed, so she quickly slipped it on before climbing out of the lake.
“Your clothes were almost dry,” Dakarai pointed out.
“I know.”
Dakarai shook his head. He pulled himself out of the water and walked over toward the table-top tree. Ayita got out of the lake and walked toward him as he was returning with a blanket. “Here,” he said, holding it out.
“It’ll get wet,” she told him.
“It’ll dry.”
She took it from him and wrapped herself in it. “Thanks,” she said. It was beginning to get dark out now and the sun was completely hidden behind the vast array of trees. They sat down together in-between his home and the lake. Ayita broke the silence.
“You know, I used to daydream about swimming,” she said. “There were times when I wanted nothing more than an opportunity to swim in a lake. I would have given almost anything for that.” She turned and looked at him. “Thank you for showing me that I could relax and feel safe in the water.”
Dakarai smiled, but he knew she wasn’t as comfortable in the lake as she wanted to be. It was plain that the thought of being completely underwater still terrified her. “Why are you so afraid?” he asked.
“It’s hard to look at something the same way after it nearly kills you.”
Dakarai didn’t ask. He was both embarrassed that he didn’t remember what she was talking about, and a little disinterested. “Maybe if you ignore those thoughts,” he said.
“I’m sure I’ll be able to look past them someday, but now….”
“What?”
“Have you ever almost drowned?” she asked.
Dakarai shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know,” he said. “I don’t think so.”
“It’s the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced.” She lay down and closed her eyes. “Every time I touch the water I’m reminded of it.”
“Yet, you actually go in.”
“I’m drawn to it,” she said. And I’m drawn to you.
Dakarai lay down too, with his eyes on her and when she opened her eyes he looked up at the stars. “Do you ever wonder what else is out there?” Dakarai asked.
Ayita smiled and didn’t say anything. She wanted to hear his thoughts, unclouded by her history.
“I do. All the time,” he said.
“What do you imagine is there?” she asked.
“I don’t know. Something else. Something better.” He sighed. “What about you? What do you think is out there?”
“Anything’s possible,” she said.
“Do you think there are other planets like this? Planets with other people on them?”
Ayita nodded. “I’m sure there are,” she said. “And other creatures, too.” She smiled. So much for leaving her history out of it.
“Other creatures?” he asked. The confused look on his face was priceless. “Like what?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” she said.
“I think you do know. Describe something to me. Some other creature that might exist somewhere.”
She thought for a moment and remembered the small wooden turtle her father had given her. It was knocked out of her hand when the spaceship crashed, and now, she thought, she would never have it back. Still, she would always remember the way it felt to have her fingers wrapped around it, and the look of love on her father’s face when he handed it to her. “A turtle,” she said.
“A turtle? What is that?”
“It’s a little creature that exists somewhere,” she said. “On a planet called Earth. They’re small, and green, with four legs and a cute little head, and their body is a shell.”
“A shell?”
“Yeah,” she said. “A shell.”
“I’m having a hard time picturing this,” Dakarai told her.
Ayita picked up a stick and walked over to his table-top tree where there was no grass, and she scratched into the dirt as best she could the image of a turtle. “See the shell?” she said. “And the four stubby legs, and its head.”
“And that’s a turtle?”
“That’s a turtle.”
“Huh,” he said. “You’re very creative, Ayita.”
&
nbsp; “Don’t give me the credit,” Ayita said. “I didn’t create it.”
“No? Then where did you learn about it?”
“A book,” she said.
“Must be some book,” Dakarai responded. “Did it have other such creatures in it?”
Ayita nodded. She had a huge grin across her face. Dakarai was so inquisitive, and she liked that. She described for him other animals that she’d seen in the picture books of Earth. Finally, she let out a yawn and stretched her arms and legs. “Well, I think I’ll go now,” she said. “It’s kind of late.”
Dakarai smiled. “Goodnight, Ayita.”
“Goodnight,” she said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Dakarai nodded. He looked away from her for a moment as she stood to walk away. “Hey, and Ayita?” he said, turning again to her.
“Yes?” she asked.
“Forgive me if I forget you.”
Ayita nodded. “I will.”
It was mid-afternoon when she woke the next day, and she didn’t understand why, but she still felt tired enough that she could turn over and sleep for another hour. Ayita resisted that urge and she brought herself to a sitting position, with her back against the trunk of the tree. To her right lie the lake and beside that the forest in which Dakarai resided, and to her left the settlement of table-top trees where everyone else lived. Here she sat between them, unsure where she belonged. The settlement was busy with people at this time of day. They always seemed so busy, but she was unsure what they did with all their time. Occasionally she heard music playing but none of it enchanted her the way Dakarai’s music did. Ayita realized how little she knew about this society, even after living on the planet for so long. She found Ziyad and was ready to get to work. He would teach her everything he knew about the people, and she would teach him everything she knew about memory and how the brain works.
“There’s a part of the brain called the hippocampus,” she told him, “where long-term memories are formed. If that part of the brain is damaged, a person can’t build new memories, but I don’t think damage is the problem we see here. I think it’s a lack of the hippocampus being fully developed in childhood. The only reason I can think of that you wouldn’t be developing it is because you’re not using it. Your brain and body develop and adjust according to how they’re used, and you live in a culture of forgetfulness.”