Your Perfect Life

by Liz Fenton

  The girls giggle. “I bet,” Audrey mutters under her breath and snaps a picture of us with her cell.

  “Audrey,” I call after her, but they take off, arm in arm.

  Charlie wraps his arms around my waist as they huddle over Audrey’s cell phone, laughing. “They’re adorable.”

  “They are, aren’t they?” I say as I start to gently release myself from his grasp, but he holds my arm firmly.

  “You’re not trying to pull away again, are you?” He looks down so I can’t see the hurt in his eyes. “I thought you invited me here because you want this to work.” He pauses and touches his finger to my cheek. “Do you trust me?”

  I wish Casey did trust him. I hope Casey will trust him. I know I do. But I don’t know what it feels like to have a man hurt you in the way she’d been hurt. And then to have to give up her baby; I might have never recovered from that. How can I expect her to jump into Charlie’s arms and ride off into the sunset? I want to wrap my arms around him and wipe away the hurt look on his face, but will Casey understand that I’m doing it for her? I catch John’s eye and he waves, having no idea that I’m his real wife.

  “Charlie,” I begin. “I do want it to work.”

  “Sure doesn’t seem like it.”

  And then I decide that I have to listen to my instincts and hope I’m right. I touch his forearm gently and lean in and whisper, “Please trust me. There’s no one who loves you more than Casey Lee does.”

  He looks up, startled. Before he can reply, Destiny prances up, juggling three drinks. She hands one to each of us and we toast. “You never stop taking care of me, do you?” I ask as Charlie recovers from my proclamation of Casey’s love, something he’s probably been waiting to hear for a long time.

  “Nope, that’s why you pay me the big bucks!” Destiny laughs.

  I smile, having no idea what Destiny actually makes. Will she get a raise when we go to New York? I know from glancing at the contract the messenger sent over that Casey was getting a substantial one. Not that it mattered. No amount of money in the world was going to make up for how alone I would feel.

  “Hey, I heard what that bitch Ava did to you. I’m sorry.” Destiny smiles at Charlie.

  “Thanks. But I’ll be fine. I’ve still got a few tricks up my sleeve.” He runs his hand across my back and finds my free hand and I squeeze it. He will be fine. He’s the type of guy who deserves good things.

  We’re standing so close that I can feel his iPhone buzz in his pocket. He pulls it out and glances at the number, his face turning serious. “Excuse me, I’ve got to take this,” he says, before pushing through the ballroom doors to the hallway.

  “So, are you in an Empire State of mind yet?” Destiny asks as she pokes me in the arm while giving the eye to a tall twenty-something waiter with olive skin and dark eyes. Feeling her gaze, he looks over and rewards her with an inviting smile.

  “He’s cute,” I say.

  “For me, not you, missy!” Destiny laughs. “And don’t try to change the subject. Why do I get the feeling that you’d rather gnaw your own arm off than move to New York?”

  “Not true,” I say, trying to muster up some excitement for Destiny’s benefit. “I can’t wait!” I lie.

  “Don’t bullshit me,” she says.

  “What?” I ask as I throw my hands up. “I’m fine,” I add as I glance around the room for an escape. This was not the time or place to have this conversation, my heart breaking into tiny little pieces as I imagine leaving Los Angeles and my family.

  “Casey, we don’t have to go.”

  “Yes, we do,” I say forcefully. “We’ll both be out of a job if we don’t.”

  “Hey, don’t take this job because you’re afraid I’ll lose mine. This is your life. No matter what you decide, I’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.” She tucks my hair behind my right ear, something she always does right before I go on air. “Got it?”

  My heart fills with love for her. Because I know she means it; she’d rather be out of a job than see Casey unhappy. “I wish it were that simple.” I sigh.

  “Why can’t it be?”

  I look over and see John walking toward us. “Long story.”

  “Little C!” he exclaims with glossy eyes and a slight slur. He’s buzzed, I think, and wish he’d place one of his drunk, wet kisses on me. The same kisses I would have pushed off in the past, annoyed by the smell of his whiskey breath.

  “Happy birthday!” I put my arms out and let him engulf me in a bear hug, leaning my head against his shoulder for just a beat too long. “There’s someone very important you need to meet,” I say as I grab Destiny’s hand. “This is my very good friend Destiny, and she helped Rachel plan this party.” Destiny gives a small curtsy and John kisses her hand.

  “I can’t thank you enough. This is the best party ever!” His college roommate walks by and they high-five. “Seriously.”

  “It was my pleasure. Your wife is great; you’re a very lucky guy.”

  “Yes, I am,” he says as he searches the room for Casey and I feel my stomach fall. I’m right here! I’m sorry I stopped caring whether you found me in a crowded room. I promise to never take you for granted again! I squeeze my eyes shut and make a silent wish. Please, give me my life back.

  “Let me get you a drink, birthday boy,” Destiny offers. “I made sure the bar is well stocked!” John gives her his order and she saunters off, the waiter she smiled at earlier falling in step beside her.

  “Open Arms” by Journey begins to play and the memory of dancing with John at our high school prom is overwhelming. I can still remember clearly the smell of the butterscotch schnapps John had been sipping all night out of the flask in his pocket when we danced. I never wanted the song to end, wanted John to hold me with that urgency forever. “Want to dance?” I ask him now.

  Looking over my shoulder quickly, he says, “Sure. Rachel might get a little jealous, though!” he says with a laugh, clearly not meaning it.

  When was the last time I really got jealous or felt territorial or even got butterflies?

  “I think she’ll be thrilled,” I say, the butterflies I hadn’t felt in years swelling in my stomach as I lead him onto the dance floor and he takes me into an easy embrace of an old friend.

  “I love this song,” I say, thinking about the green taffeta prom dress I begged my mom to buy me, the hours Casey and I spent on each other’s makeup.

  “Me too,” he says as he spins me playfully. “Rachel and I danced to it at senior prom. And then it was our song all through college.”

  “You remember that?” I ask, shocked.

  “Of course I remember that! Why don’t women give us more credit?”

  I had started to think you were the one who had forgotten all the little moments that made our relationship special. Maybe I was the one who had forgotten. Either way, there was no doubt we had lost our way the past few years.

  “Sorry!” I say. “I just didn’t think guys cared about the little things like women do.”

  “Let me tell you something,” he says seriously. “Your best friend, Rachel? I loved her since the minute I first met her at that water tower. I love the way she gives every homeless person she sees five dollars, even if they look like the biggest crackhead on earth. I love that she cries every time someone gets kicked off American Idol and the way she has to fall asleep with her ankle wrapped around mine. Our relationship may not be perfect—in fact, it’s taken a freakin’ beating the past few years—but it’s those little things that remind me of why I fell in love with her a million years ago.”

  We’ve stopped dancing and we’re standing together in the center of the dance floor, me trying not to fall apart at his words. “That’s beautiful,” I whisper. “I hope to have that someday.”

  His eyes glance at something behind me. “You will, Little C. I promise,” he says as I feel someone tap my shoulder.

  I turn around to see Charlie, an odd look on his face. “Can I speak to you for a moment?” He p
ats John’s shoulder and wishes him a happy birthday before pulling me away to the large window overlooking the ocean. “What the hell did you do? And how long did you think you could keep it from me?” he asks.

  He’s finally figured out I’m not Casey. “What do you mean?” I ask innocently.

  He holds up his phone. “I just got off the phone with Ava. She says you turned down the job.” He laughs. “She actually accused me of talking you out of it! Little did she know, I had no idea.”

  My mind starts racing. What the hell was going on? Last time I saw Ava, we were drinking from paper cups filled with champagne and masquerading as best friends. How could this have happened? “I don’t know what happened,” I stammer.

  “Come on, don’t play coy. You had the balls to give the executives the middle finger. At least take some credit for it!” Charlie’s smiling.

  “But she’s lost her job,” I say, more to myself than to him.

  “Oh, don’t worry about her. I think she’ll be okay.” I look up when I hear my own voice and see Casey, a knowing smile on her face. She hands Charlie her empty glass. “Charlie, would you mind getting us refills please?” she asks as she nods toward the bar. “I need a minute alone with my bestie.”

  “You got it,” he says before practically skipping away.

  “He seems pretty happy,” Casey says sadly.

  “How could you not tell me?” I accuse her.

  “I could ask you the same thing,” she says quietly.

  “I knew you wouldn’t let me take the job if I told you about it, and I didn’t want you to get fired.” I look out at the waves crashing on the beach, feeling incredibly relieved that I didn’t have to move to New York, yet worried that Casey had just thrown everything away just so I could stay.

  “Rachel, if I’ve learned one thing since we switched, it’s that family is more important than any job. And I could never let you be taken away from them.” She leans against the glass and sighs. “Although I have to admit, I’m going to miss Charlie.”

  “He’s not going to New York. He didn’t get the job.”

  “What?” Casey grabs my shoulders. “What are you talking about?”

  “Ava fired him. Now you’re both unemployed!” I say loudly. Casey starts to laugh and I join in, both of us laughing so hard that tears begin to stream from our eyes.

  “Oh my God, I just peed a little bit.” Casey looks at me wide-eyed, spitting out some of her drink.

  “Ah, that’s what giving birth to three kids will do to ya,” I say and we break into a fit of laughter all over again.

  Casey finally composes herself. “Well, we’ve really made a mess of things, haven’t we?”

  I think for a moment before answering. “Depends on how you view it. Some may argue that you’ve just made the best decision of your life. You can’t keep up this pace forever,” I add, thinking about how easy it was for me to sacrifice time with my friends and family since I’d become Casey. Maybe it was time for her to take a breather too.

  “And I have you to thank for it. You helped me realize what’s important. The saddest part? I had no idea what I was missing.”

  I nod to the dance floor, where John’s dancing with Audrey and Sophie. “I know exactly what you mean.”

  “Hey, you two, don’t get all teary-eyed on me.” Charlie walks up with two shot glasses filled to the brim with a bright purple liquid. “Are you having a moment?”

  “What are those?” Casey asks, glancing quickly at me. It couldn’t be. The shots we drank at the reunion were the same color.

  “The bartender said to tell you he whipped these up just for you guys. He made me promise not to even take one sip! Not that I would. I’d lose all of my man cred if I drank a purple shot. What the hell’s in these anyway?”

  Our lives, I think.

  We both swing our heads toward the bar. Brian’s there, quietly wiping down the mahogany counter. He looks up, smiles, and gives us his signature wink.

  “Oh my God,” I say. “We did it.”

  “Hold on,” Casey interrupts. “We need to take the shot first before we get too excited.”

  Charlie steps in. “What are you guys talking about? It’s just a shot.”

  “Shh,” we say in unison as we take the shot glasses gingerly out of his hands and hold them up, careful not to let a drop of liquid spill.

  “To my perfect life,” I say, thinking of John and the girls.

  “To my perfect life,” Casey echoes, looking at Charlie, who furrows his brow, confused. We clink glasses and I feel the sweet purple liquid slide down my throat and then everything goes black.

  • • •

  I wake to complete darkness and struggle to adjust my eyes. Fumbling around in the dark, I can feel another person in bed next to me. I exhale deeply as I run my hands through the wavy hair that I’d know anywhere. John.

  I sprint out of bed and make my way through the dark to the bathroom, gently shutting the door and flipping on the light. Tears spring from my eyes when I see my face staring back at me. My crow’s-feet. My hair sticking up in five directions. I grab my belly and laugh out loud. We did it! I run my hands over my thighs, and arms, the soft flesh that I had always cursed after having kids now seeming like heaven. I’m me again.

  I grab my cell phone off the bathroom counter. Did Casey switch back too? I breathe a huge sigh of relief as I click on the picture text she sent me thirty minutes earlier, her face beaming into the camera, her eyes shining with a light I hadn’t seen in a very long time. Woo hoo! reads the caption beneath it. I hold my phone up and smile as the camera flashes and send my own picture in response. Best selfie ever!, I write and hit send.

  I crack the door open and take in the sight of my husband sleeping soundly on the bed. Funny how true that saying is—that you don’t realize what you’ve got until it’s gone. I tiptoe down the hall to Charlotte’s room and stifle a laugh when I see her asleep, her bottom sticking up in the air. I rub my hand along her back and she stirs, turning over on her back to face me. “Hi, sweet pea,” I whisper. “Mama’s home.”

  “Mama!” she squeals her first word, her face beaming as I pick her up and she takes my face into her tiny hands, staring deep into my eyes.

  She knows. And now she’s able to say what she’s known all along.

  I squeeze her tight. “I promise to never leave you again, baby girl.”

  “Mama,” she repeats, her eyes getting sleepy. I set her down gently back in her crib and pull her favorite blanket over her.

  “Night, night,” I say softly as I watch her eyes flutter, and then shut. I wait, watching over her until I hear her breathing become heavy with slumber.

  Back in my bedroom, I slide back into bed and inch my way over to John, grabbing his long arms and wrapping them around me tightly, wiping the tears from my eyes on my pillow. I promise to never forget this moment.

  He stirs. “Hey there,” he whispers as he kisses my bare shoulder, turning his body and engulfing mine.

  “I’ve missed you,” I whisper back, trying to conceal the sob rising in my throat.

  “I’ve been right here the whole time. I was just waiting for you to notice me,” he says as he runs his hands through my hair.

  I slide my hands under the covers. “Come here. I’m ready to give you your birthday present,” I say and kiss him like it’s the very first time.

  Epilogue

  Six Months Later

  “Got it, yes. I understand. Thank you!” Casey says before hanging up the phone and spinning her chair around to face Rachel, a huge smile on her face. “We did it!”

  Rachel leaps over the stack of Entertainment Weeklys and Varietys on the floor next to her desk, grabs Casey, and they jump up and down like two schoolgirls who’ve just won a foursquare match. “I told you we could make it happen. C&C Productions is now officially in the game!” she cheers, referring to the meeting they’d just secured with HBO to pitch their first television series.

  When Destiny and Char
lie walk in a few minutes later, they’re greeted with a shout. “We got the meeting with HBO!” Casey yells and they all embrace in a group hug. “Thank God for Destiny and her contacts!” Casey adds. From her long stint with Casey, Destiny knew the assistants in practically every office from West Hollywood to Santa Monica, and understood they held the coveted key to their bosses. Thankfully, she’d leveraged many of her relationships and called in several favors that helped get the production company off the ground, earning her the long overdue title she deserved: vice president of development. “I’m not getting your coffee ever again, bitch!” she’d said, laughing as she spun around in her new desk chair, holding her hands over her head like a child riding a roller coaster.

  Destiny had been Casey’s first call the morning she and Charlie decided to go into business together. “We can’t do this without you,” Casey pleaded, knowing full well that to make this work, they’d need someone like Destiny to keep them on track.

  “You can’t afford me!” she joked before agreeing to join them for brunch to discuss coming on board. Casey told her that she’d be an equal member of the team, giving her a percentage of equity in the company as a bonus. Destiny had been loyal to her for years, even when Casey may not have deserved it, and Casey wanted to repay her with more than just money.

  Destiny walks over to Casey’s desk and high-fives her. “I still don’t know where you got the idea for this, but I think it’s genius,” she says, referring to the series they were pitching about two childhood best friends who switch bodies at their high school reunion.

  “What can I say?” Casey says lightly. “It just came to me one day.” She recalled the meeting where she and Rachel passionately outlined it to Charlie and Destiny, Charlie staring intently at her the entire time, prompting her to wonder if he had any suspicion about what happened.

  Casey plops down into her chair and feels Charlie’s hands on her shoulders, expertly rubbing the tension away. He leans down and whispers into her ear, “Good job, babe,” and goose bumps instantly appear on her arms. Part of her was still pinching herself that she was with Charlie after everything that had happened. But when she admitted as much to Rachel the other day, Rachel had encouraged her to never stop feeling that way. “Then you’ll never forget how lucky you are to have each other,” she had said, thinking of the mistakes she’d made with John.