“You are?”
“Yes. I know it’s been a long time, but I feel like there are some things we should settle between us and get out of the way now so we can both enjoy this wedding,” he said, with a hint of and edge to his voice. Suddenly, I felt overwhelmingly nervous.
I cleared my throat. “Okay, but can I go first?”
He half-smiled. “Sure.”
I took a deep breath, and looking down at my hands, I quietly said, “Luke, I’m so sorry.”
He lifted my chin with his index finger and said, “For what?”
For what? I looked at him, a little confused. “Um, for that last night before I left town. For sneaking out of your bed like a coward. For not saying goodbye.” We sat in silence for a good two minutes. I felt like was going crazy.
Finally, he spoke. “Lilly, I am not sorry for that night. The only thing I was sorry for was not telling you how I felt sooner.” Okay, I didn’t think he was going to say that. “Was I crushed to wake up and find you gone? Yes. Did I feel for a moment like you used me? Yes. Was I hurt that after the spending the night with the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, I didn’t even get to wake up with you in my arms? Absolutely.” Maybe he is still mad. What was I thinking asking to come out here? Now I feel like shit. And a little slutty. “But, I only felt that way for a little while. You know why? Because I was a kid, Lilly. I’ve grown up since then. I was a kid, and so were you.”
Well…I wasn’t expecting him to say that. “Um…huh?” That was all I could say.
Luke smiled reassuringly at me. “That night may have not ended like I wanted it to, but I don’t regret it happening one bit. How can I be sorry for getting the chance to be with my first love?” Wow, I was his first love. I guess I knew that, but hearing it out loud really made it sink in. “It should happen that way for everyone. More or less,” said Luke, with a smile escaping his lips.
“I guess you are right. I’m not sorry it happened with you either,” I said, and I could see a smile spread across his face. “But you have to understand, I had no idea how to handle that situation. I had never, ever had a boyfriend, or hell, even a first kiss up to that point.”
Luke lightly laughed and said, “Wow, a first kiss and first sexual experience all in the span of two hours. You always were a girl that knew what she wanted.”
I playfully shoved him. “Hey now, easy.”
“Well, I’m one to talk. That night was my first time too.” Wait, what? I was his first? He told me he had been in love with me since seventh grade, but I was truly shocked that we both each other’s first. He was gorgeous, popular, gorgeous, smart, charming…and gorgeous! How could he have staved off all that attention just for me? Also, he was so confident and passionate and careful with me that night, I would never have thought he hadn’t done that with anyone else. He really knew what he was doing…how could he have been a virgin too? Wow. Interrupting my thoughts, he said, “I’m happy for you Lilly. Sounds like you got everything you wanted,” Luke said.
I lightly nodded my head. “It looks that way. Apparently, so did you. I can’t believe you are a doctor now. How did that happen?”
“Well, I went off to college that fall not knowing what I wanted to do. But, my parents were so adamant that I get an education, so I just started taking some core classes. It was halfway into my second semester of my freshman year that I had decided to go into medicine,” Luke said.
“And how did you come to that decision?”
His face suddenly changed, and he looked sad. “Well, it was almost spring break, and I decided to head to Florida with a couple friends. I was in the middle of packing…” he paused, waiting a few seconds before continuing, “when my cell phone rang.” He stopped speaking again, clearing his throat. I patiently waited for him to continue. He took a deep breath, and went on. “It was the police. Turns out my mom and dad decided to drive up to school to surprise me before I went on my first spring break without them. They were almost here when they were hit by a drunk driver.”
I instinctively placed my hand on top of his. “Oh, Luke, no.”
After a moment, he cleared his throat again and continued. “Dad was killed instantly. Mom was in a coma for three weeks after the accident, but her internal injuries were too severe, and she was taken off life support. I never left her side the whole time.” He paused for a long moment, and I just sat there holding onto his hand. Eventually he spoke again. “After that, I vowed to myself that I would do whatever I could to save every life I could. So that no person would ever have to feel the pain that I felt. I chose pediatrics because in that moment, when I lost my mom after I’d already lost my dad, I felt like a helpless child. I was scared and alone, and I knew that I didn’t want another child to feel like I did. I know that probably doesn’t make any sense and must seem childish and silly, but-”
“It’s not childish or silly at all. Luke, I am so, so sorry,” I said. We sat in silence for a moment, and I was stunned. A single tear slid down my cheek. I can’t believe Rob and Maggie were gone. They were such amazing people…my heart was broken for Luke. How did I not know this? Why didn’t someone tell me? “Why didn’t you call me?”
He sighed. “Lilly, you were out on your own. This wasn’t your life anymore. Besides, honestly, at the time, if I’d seen you then I think it would have just added to my pain. I don’t mean to hurt your feelings by saying that, it’s just the truth.”
“Well, I would have come anyway. Despite what you might have wanted back then, I would have been there for you because after all, you were still my friend if nothing else.”
He smiled at me. “I know you would have. You always were a stubborn girl. And a good friend.” We sat there on the porch swing for a moment, just looking at each other. Just then, Luke seemed to realize that I had touched his hand, and he turned his over to lock his fingers with mine. I felt like I had been mildly electrocuted; I could feel the electricity shooting through me down to my fingertips. With the thumb of his other hand, he began to lightly trace the back of my hand that he was holding. I felt my pulse begin to race, and it suddenly felt very warm to me again. And we were sitting outside, in December. In my mind, I felt embarrassed at how my body was reacting to him. How can this man do this to me after all this time? I felt as nervous as I did that night, and we were only sitting side by side. Just then, Luke’s pager beeped. He reluctantly took his eyes off mine, and looked at his beeper. “That’s the hospital. I have to return this call, would you excuse me?”
“Oh sure, no problem,” I said, and he quickly got out his cell phone and dialed the number on his pager. I wiped my tear stained cheeks with my hands, and I took a deep relaxing breath. Come on Lilly, I thought, get it together. I was so surprised that someone I hadn’t thought of in a long time could still make my blood race like this. My body was betraying me, and I hated it. Of course I could never forget Luke, but I was just so wrapped up in my life and what I wanted that I just didn’t want to stop and think about him. I wouldn’t let myself. If I had gone down that road mentally I was afraid I might second guess myself or the choices I had made. I don’t regret any of my decisions since leaving home because they have made me the woman I am today. I just wish that after eleven years of thinking of myself as a self sufficient and independent woman, I wouldn’t immediately start to get weak in the knees around the only man I have ever really been attracted to. I still get goose bumps when I think of that night at the lake house. I know my love life since has been pretty empty, but I don’t imagine sex being better than that.
Thankfully, before my mind could further wander, I heard his voice in the distance. “Yes, go ahead and administer another round of antibiotics, he should be due for another dose. Yes, and how are his vitals? Excellent. No, don’t worry about it, thank you for calling me. If anything else happens, even if you think its minor, call me. I don’t care what time. Okay, thanks again for letting me know. Tell his parents I am going to stop in tonight to check on him, and give him a high five fo
r me. Okay, thanks Leticia, you have a good night, goodbye,” he said, hanging up his phone.
“Everything all right?” I asked, feeling a chill shiver down my spine. I definitely knew it wasn’t from the chilly air.
“Oh yes, that was one of the nurses taking care of my patient,” said Luke, walking back to the porch swing and taking his seat next to me again.
“Is he okay?”
“Yes, he’s already awake and talking. She was calling with a dietary question. Seems the little guy already wants ice cream,” he said, chuckling.
“Aw, that’s great. Kids are resilient, that’s for sure. I’m happy for you, you look relieved.” I said.
“I am. It’s still early, but I think that he’s going to be okay.”
“He must be if he already wants junk food. Typical boy,” I said, laughing. “So, did you let him have some?”
“Well, he did just get out of surgery, so I think his stomach needs to take it easy for one night. He gets to have some for breakfast.”
“That’s nice,” I said. “Luke, you are just amazing. Just seeing you smile talking about your patients…I just know your parents are proud of you. I must admit I am.”
He inched a little closer to me. “You are?”
I cleared my throat. “You know, I am in the way a friend is for another friend, you know what I mean.”
His mouth turned up at one corner. “Yeah, I know what you mean.” Just then, he glanced down at his watch. “You know, it’s getting late, and I have an alert little boy to check on. I should probably go.” He said, standing up.
“I guess it is getting late. I must have lost track of time,” I said, standing up as well. I suddenly felt nervous again. I didn’t want him to go. Out of nowhere, I blurted out loudly in a squeaky voice, “Hey, you want to hang out tomorrow?” Oh. My. GOD. I must have gotten a sudden case of word vomit.
“Um, yeah sure,” he said, laughing. “Yeah, I’d like that. Do you want to maybe meet for lunch?”
“Lunch sounds great.”
“Can I get your number, and I’ll call you in the morning about a time?”
“Sure, it’s three seven eight, four eight three two,” I said. “Should I write it down?”
He smiled, grabbed his cell phone from his pocket, and began touching the screen. All of a sudden, my phone vibrated inside my dress pocket. I had several text messages, but the most recent was from an unknown number. Sent three seconds ago. I smiled and read, “No need, I got it. I’ll call you in the morning.”
I smiled brightly. “Okay, well then, I guess this is good night.”
“Yeah,” he said. “Can I have a hug before I go?” he asked, holding out his arms. “You haven’t given me one of those yet, you know.”
“Oh, you’re right, I didn’t. I’m sorry. Of course you can. It was so great seeing you again, Luke,” I said, wrapping my arms around him and hugging him tight. Oh dear lord, he smelled so good. His scent was intoxicating.
“You too, Lilly. I’ll see you for lunch tomorrow. Can you tell your parents goodbye for me and thank them for dinner?”
“Of course. Drive safe, okay?”
“I always do. Goodnight Lil, until tomorrow,” he said, and gently leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. My breath caught in my throat, and I could feel him smile.
“Goodnight,” I whispered. He was still smiling when he stepped off the porch. Then he got into his car, and drove away, the smile still on his face. Shivering slightly, I walked back into the house.
Chapter 5
Late Night Chat
Mama looked up from her book. “Hey, darlin’. Where’s Luke?”
“He said he wanted to check on his surgery patient, so he left. He asked me to thank you for dinner and tell you and Daddy goodbye,” I said, still a little dazed from our talk. I went out there clear the air and apologize, and I ended up asking him to lunch. I’ve been back for less than eight hours and I was already acting like a completely different person. It must be the air here.
“Now that you mention it,” Jack said, “it is getting pretty late. I don’t have anything planned tomorrow, but I am just tired. Nothing admirable about me at all,” he said, with a laugh. “The food was delicious, Ros, thanks for having me over,” he said, and leaned down and kissed my mother on the cheek.
Mama smiled, and replied, “Oh, you’re welcome honey, thanks for coming. You go on home and get some rest. Make sure you take some apple pie with you.” I smiled. Typical Southern mother, feeding you even after you leave.
“Already got some, I wouldn’t leave without it,” he said, holding up a Tupperware container full of pie. He turned to me, and said, “Well, Lilly, it was great seeing you again. We are all going to need to get together like this again and catch up some more. I want to hear about all the trouble you have gotten into in the big, bad city.”
I grinned at him and said, “Oh I don’t know about that. It would be a pretty short conversation.”
“You know, you’re probably right. You always were boring,” said Jack, and he pulled me into a brotherly hug. “I’ll see you soon.”
I hugged him back. “You too, good night. Drive safe.”
He gave a wave to everyone and shook my dad’s hand. As he walked toward the door, he lightly rested his hand on Daisy’s shoulder and quietly said, “Good night, Dais,” and walked out the door. He almost sounded a little curt. I glanced at Daisy and she rolled her eyes.
Violet set her magazine down on the coffee table and stretched her arms. “Well, if everyone is heading out, Evan and I probably should too. I lost track of time. I forgot what it felt like to have normal, adult conversations that didn’t involve a child’s education plan,” she said, sweetly. “Hey, Lilly, do you think we could meet for breakfast tomorrow? Maybe go over some of the plans? You are in this wedding too, and I want you to be involved.”
I looked at Daisy, and she looked like she was silently pleading with me to come. “Of course, that sounds good. Where you want to meet?”
“Is Grady’s Diner okay?”
I lit up. I used to work in Grady’s Diner when I was in high school. Alvin Grady, the owner, was always like a sweet old Southern grandpa. He and his wife Janine never were able to have children, so he always doted on the young people of our town. However, he always told me he had a soft spot in his heart for the Harrington girls. He was one of the people in my life that encouraged me to go into culinary, telling me often I had a talent for it. He taught me so much about food, and I have carried his advice with me ever since then. “Oh my, yes. It will be wonderful to see Mr. Grady again. Besides, no matter how hard I try, I have never been able to make my apple cinnamon pancakes taste like his. That sounds great.”
“Great, should be meet around nine or so?
“Nine sounds good,” I said, and then instantly regretted it. Nine in the morning here is like six in California. No wonder I didn’t feel tired.
“All right, then. It’s a date. I’ll see you in the morning. So glad that you are home, Lil,” she said, hugging me.
“Thanks, I am too. And, Evan, it was great to meet you,” I said, giving him a quick hug.
“It was my pleasure, Lilly. We will see you all soon,” he said. They got their coats, and walked out the front door. And then there were the four of us.
“So, Daisy,” I started, “are you heading out too?”
“Ah, no. My apartment building has had some plumbing issues lately, so I’m staying here until it’s livable. Looks like we are neighbors again,” she said. Daisy’s room was next door to mine.
Mama came up and hugged us both around the arms. “My girls. Here again. I don’t even want a Christmas present, ‘cause I got what I wished for.” We hugged her back.
After Mama and Daddy had gone to bed, I took a shower and got dressed in my pajamas. I wore a pair of black shorts with a dusty rose pink lace pattern on them, and the camisole that matched. I thought a hot shower would make me feel more tired, but I was wrong. I was too keyed up to
sleep. I can’t believe that I acted the way I did around Luke. I mean, I didn’t make a fool of myself or anything like that, but it wasn’t like me to be nervous around a man, even if it was Luke. It must be something in the air around here. I think the thing that made me the most uncomfortable was the fact that I didn’t feel that uncomfortable at all. I really thought that it would be a lot harder to fall back into my life here after being gone so long, but it wasn’t. Everything here felt so right and complete, and that bothered me. After trying to get comfortable for thirty minutes, I decided to go downstairs and look for a book to read. Something good and boring that would make me sleepy. Maybe one of Daddy’s medical journals. As soon as I walked out of my bedroom, I met up with Daisy in the hallway.
“Couldn’t sleep either?” I asked.
“No, actually I was just sleeping so great, I just thought I’d get up and try it in the kitchen,” she said, playfully shoving me. “I was going to make some tea, do you want some?”
“Sure, I’ll help you,” I said, and we walked down the stairs. I decided to break the ice about the collective men in our lives. “So, you and Jack again?”
“What? No way,” Daisy protested.
“Oh come on, Daisy. I know I haven’t been home in a while, but you are my sister. I still know you better than you think I do. Tell me about it,” I said as we walked into the kitchen.
Daisy sighed and shook her head. She didn’t say anything and grabbed Mama’s teapot, poured water into it, and set it on the stove. Finally, when she ran out of things to do to distract her, she sat down at the kitchen table. “It started about four months ago,” she admitted, and I immediately sat in the seat next to her, eager to hear more.
“What started four months ago?” I asked, playfully innocent and batting my eyes.
“Oh come on, Lilly. Grow up, we’ve been sleeping together.”
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