“I love that when you’re with me, you’re really with me,” he said, curling his hand around her cheek. “You’re not distracted, thinking about patients or what the day has in store for you tomorrow. You talk to me. You listen to me. You’re… present.”
It would be impossible to be with a man like Dec and think about anyone or anything else. His presence commanded undivided attention, and when they were in the same room, she had a hard time taking her eyes off him. Or keeping her hands to herself—not that he seemed to mind.
“That’s because I love being with you,” she admitted, feeling vulnerable. “When, um, we were together before, I felt we had something special. But when I started reading up on you, I began to think it was all one-sided.”
“Is that why you didn’t answer my calls or respond to my texts? Because you read some bullshit stories about me online?”
She was almost ashamed to admit it now. She wasn’t the type to read gossip rags or listen to trash talk, but when it involved the first man she’d slept with in a long time, she couldn’t help but listen… and wonder if it might be true.
“Those people don’t know me,” he said, resting her hand over his heart. “They don’t know how I feel when I’m with you like this.” She could barely hear him when he said, “They don’t know that I’m falling for you.”
“Dec…” She closed her eyes, absorbing his words.
She was falling for him too. Hell, she’d already fallen. It was the way he’d taken care of her that night at the fund-raiser, the fact that he’d brought her back to his hotel room last night just to hang out then spent the night holding her hand at the hospital while she waited for her best friend to deliver a baby. It was the incredible clothes and shoes he’d filled his closet with, the huge donation he’d made to her brother’s charity. It was the food when she was famished, the coffee and massages when she was dead on her feet. It was the way he looked at her, the way he made love to her, and always put her first.
“You don’t have to say anything,” he said quietly. “I didn’t say that because I expected a response. I just wanted you to know.”
“I’m falling for you too.” She could feel his heart racing, as if he was anxious. Didn’t he know? Couldn’t he feel what he did to her, the way he made her feel?
“You are?”
“Of course I am.” She tipped her head back, and he kissed her. “In fact, I’m worried you might become quite the distraction. How am I supposed to stay focused at work when I’ve got you on my mind?”
“I don’t mind being your distraction.” He flashed those pearly whites, making her heart race. “In fact, I kind of like it.”
***
Marika wasn’t quite sure how to extend the invite, but she really wanted to. Her parents had invited her to dinner tonight. Her brother, sister-in-law, niece, and nephew would be there. And she wanted Dec to be there too.
But there was a little problem. Her mother knew about Dec, that he’d been the one to get her pregnant. She was the only one in her family Marika had told about the pregnancy, and that was only because her mother was the one trying to help her cope with the idea of being a doctor and a single mom. She was the one who’d promised to step up and do all she could to help… since the baby’s father wasn’t willing.
Ugh. Her mother was going to hate Dec. Not that Marika could blame her. If her daughter came home pregnant and the guy wanted nothing to do with her and the baby, she’d be pissed too. But Dec wasn’t that guy. If only she could convince her mother of that.
“You look gorgeous,” Dec said, wrapping his arms around her from behind.
She smoothed her hands over the jade-green dress he’d bought for her. “You have great taste.”
He winked at her in the mirror. “Especially in women.”
Marika turned into his arms, trying to figure out how to extend the invitation and issue a warning at the same time. She couldn’t let him walk into her parents’ house blind, if he wanted to go at all after she explained. “So my parents are having a dinner at their house tonight. My brother will be there with his family too.”
“Hey, why weren’t they at the fund-raiser this time? I remember meeting them last time.”
He’d not only met them, he’d wowed them. Especially her father, who was a huge baseball fan.
“They had to go to a funeral out of town.” She walked over to the nightstand to pick up the simple gold hoop earrings she’d worn yesterday.
“I’m sorry. Was it someone close to your family?”
“An old neighbour of theirs. They hadn’t seen them in some time, but they kept in touch on the phone and by email.”
He stretched out on the bed, stacking his hands behind his head. “It would have been nice to see them again.”
“You could see them tonight.” She slipped the earrings in while her heart beat faster. It had been a long time since she brought a guy home to meet her family, and it spoke volumes about her feelings for Dec that she was willing to take that leap of faith so soon. “If you want to come with me, that is?”
“Seriously?” He sat up and tugged her closer, his arms wrapped around her waist. “I’d love to.”
“But there’s something you need to know first.” He’d been so great and they were trying so hard to put the past behind them that she hated to even bring this up, but she had no choice.
“Sounds serious.”
“I had to tell my mom you were the one… um, that you were the father of my baby.” She winced when he blanched, letting his arms fall away. “And she also knew you weren’t too thrilled with the prospect of me being pregnant.”
“Shit.” He swiped a hand over his head. “She must hate me.”
“I wouldn’t have told her at all, but I was kind of freaking out.” She sat down beside him on the bed, reaching for his hand. “I needed someone to reassure me that I could handle it. You know, my career and being a single parent.” She was transported back in time to that day when she cried on her mother’s shoulder, feeling like a scared little girl all over again. “I knew I couldn’t afford a nanny and I sure as hell couldn’t afford to stay home with the baby. My mom was the only one I knew who could help me. Who could babysit and—”
“God,” he said, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her close as he leaned his face against the side of her head. “I hate that I put you through that. You should never have had to consider shit like that for a second. I should have let you know right from the beginning that I’d pay for everything, that we’d figure out together how to make it work.”
She was done blaming him for his reaction to the news. It had been a surprise. He’d been in shock. Now that she was getting to know the kind of man Dec was—a caretaker who protected the people he cared about—she had no doubt he would have stepped up and done right by her and their baby.
But could she convince her parents of that? She had no doubt her mother had confided in her father about Dec after her miscarriage. They told each other everything. And even though Marika had asked her mother to keep it under wraps, she was certain her mother hadn’t seen reason to keep it to herself after the miscarriage.
“My parents and I are close,” she said, burying her face in the crook of Dec’s neck. “Their opinion is important to me, but there’s nothing they can say or do to make me reconsider this. Us. I feel good when I’m with you. Better than I have in a really long time. And I know it can’t last, but I’m going to enjoy it as long as I can.”
“Why do you say that? That it can’t last?”
She hadn’t meant to offend him, but she was nothing if not a realist. “Long-distance relationships might work when you’re in college, but we’re way past that stage, Dec. We’re adults and we’re… I mean, I’m at the stage of my life where I’d like to think about marriage and kids someday. Not in the immediate future, but eventually.”
“And you don’t think I want that too? To settle down and find someone to spend the rest of my life with?”
&nbs
p; “I’m not sure what you want.” She only knew that four years ago, he sure as hell wasn’t ready to be a dad.
“I want you.” He shifted to face her, prompting her to do the same. “I’d like to say it’s been a long time since I’ve felt this way about anyone, but honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way.”
She hadn’t either. She’d known Dec was special even after their night together. That was why she’d been so hurt when he reacted the way he did to her news, because it forced her to face the fact that she’d been wrong about him.
He held her hands as he seemed to grapple with his thoughts. “When you called and told me you were pregnant, I was stunned. That day, I was in denial. But once I had more time, and thought about it more, I realized there was no one I’d rather have a baby with.”
She allowed herself a small smile, but her heart was still breaking. She didn’t want to think about that time or the way she’d felt when she found out she’d lost their baby.
“Even though I didn’t know you well, I knew you were someone I wanted to be with. I didn’t know if you could ever love me or if you’d agree to marry me, but I knew I wanted to be a part of our baby’s life in any way I could.”
She nodded. “I know you would have.” She hadn’t known it then, but she did now.
He looked at her, his eyes soft and affectionate. “And I knew I wanted to be a part of your life too.”
She held her breath, waiting for him continue. Afraid of what he might say next but hanging on every word.
“When I found out about the miscarriage, it hit me hard.” His breath was shaky as he rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. “I felt like I was in a daze for weeks afterward. Then I went through this really self-destructive phase where I just wanted to block it out. During the off-season, I drank too much, went out with too many women.”
She withdrew her hands, inching back on the bed. She didn’t want to hear about his other women or how he’d used them as a coping mechanism to get over the pain of losing something he’d never wanted in the first place. She knew all about not being able to function. In the days after she got the news, she’d closed her office door and cried between appointments, feeling the loss so acutely, she could barely breathe.
“I’m sorry, I know you don’t want to hear this. But I need you to understand.”
She nodded. She wanted to get up and walk out, but she couldn’t. If they were going to build something real, even if it was only for the short-term, she had to be willing to listen if he felt the need to talk about his feelings. She didn’t know much about relationships or how to make them work, but she did know communication was the cornerstone of any relationship.
“I was trying to distract myself, trying to bury myself.” He shook his head. “Hell, I was trying to punish myself, I think. It wasn’t until the regular season started and my manager pulled me aside that I realized I had to get my act together. I’d been an everyday player my entire career, but he told me I was gonna be riding the bench if I didn’t get my head out of my ass.”
“So you started focusing on what was important again,” she said before trying to draw a deep breath. “Your career.”
“The women were still… a part of my life. No one special. Just nameless, faceless bodies in different cities. Just someone to stave off the loneliness when the lights went out. Because I don’t know what happened to me, but all of a sudden I started to feel so damn alone.”
“I understand that,” she whispered then cleared her throat. “For a few weeks, every day, I imagined building my life around this little person. Then all of a sudden they were gone. Even though I’d never even known them, never got to hold them or see them…” She closed her eyes when a tear slid down her cheek. She’d thought she was over this, that she’d cried enough tears, but apparently she’d never put it completely behind her. Whenever she thought about it, she still hurt.
He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I hate that you had to go through that alone.”
She hadn’t been alone. She’d had her mother and Lorna. But she would have given anything to feel his arms around her and have someone to share her burden of grief.
“My point was,” she said, pulling back, “I understand why you felt lonely. I did too, for a long time after.”
“Does your life ever feel kind of empty?” he asked quietly. “I mean, I know you’re too busy to think about it most of the time because you work so hard, but when you’re lying in bed at night, on the verge of falling asleep, do you ever wish someone was there to wrap their arms around you and tell you they love you?”
Only all the time. “Sure. I know being single is a choice, but it’s not always easy. I think we all want someone to go through life with, but it’s not easy to find someone who shares our values and wants the same things we do.”
His sigh was deep and so weighted she felt it. “And then when you do find someone, they live in another goddamn country. How is that fair?”
That highlighted all the things that were wrong with their relationship. He didn’t live a short drive from her. She’d have to hop on a plane and take a passport if she wanted to see him. And he was gone most of the year, so she’d have to settle for phone calls and texts when she was missing him, which she suspected would be often, given how strongly she already felt about him.
“I don’t know. But that’s something we can’t control, isn’t it?”
“I love being with you,” he said, closing his eyes. “But am I being a selfish bastard, staying here like this? Falling for you, letting you fall for me, when I know we’re going to have to deal with some serious separation anxiety when spring training starts?”
He was asking whether she wanted him to leave. Try to forget she ever met him? That wasn’t possible. “If you’re being selfish, then I am too because I don’t want you to go. Not until you have to.”
“Mar…” He kissed her. “I am so crazy about you. I know it’s too soon—”
“It’s not. I feel it too.” And it scared the hell out of her… but it was exhilarating too. She hadn’t felt so alive in a long time, if ever.
“I want to be a part of your life, every part of your life. But this thing with your parents—”
“You don’t have to come to dinner tonight. It was probably a bad idea.”
“I get that they probably hate me. They have every right to, but I’m more than willing to man up and let them say what they need to say to me, because I want them to know how sorry I am. How wrong I was to turn my back on you the way I did.”
She couldn’t believe he was willing to put himself on the chopping block that way. Her dad was fiercely protective. A former military man who only saw things as black and white, he believed a man lived up to his responsibilities, no matter the cost.
“Are you sure you want to do that? You’ve met my dad, Dec. He can be pretty rigid.”
He chuckled until he saw how scared she was. “Don’t worry, I can handle it.”
Chapter Seven
Dec had shared strained pleasantries with Marika’s parents and learned her brother’s family wouldn’t be there to act as a buffer because his kids had the flu. Which left just the four of them.
He was nervous as hell as he sat on the patio with her dad, who was grilling steaks and smoking a cigar while he sipped a scotch. He’d been a fleet commander in the navy, and while they’d had a great conversation the first time they met, Dec had never met anyone more intimidating.
“So why don’t you tell me what the hell you’re doing here with my daughter,” he said, holding the cigar between his teeth as he looked down at Dec, who was sitting on a lawn chair while Mr. Boyd stood by the grill.
“Uh, Mr. Boyd…” He’d been told to call him Carl the last time they met, but Dec didn’t think he had that right anymore. “I know you must have a lot of questions—”
“Damn right I do. Like how the hell does a man get a woman pregnant and just walk away like it ne
ver happened?”
Dec swallowed before reaching for his beer to coat his dry throat. “I’m not going to sit here and make excuses. What I did was wrong. Dead wrong. I wanted to make it right, but it was too late. Marika had already miscarried.”
“You wanted to make it right,” he said, looking unimpressed. “How were you planning to do that? By throwing money at the problem?”
“I didn’t see it as a problem, sir.” It was cold outside, but Dec was hot as hell. “Okay, maybe I did at first, but after I had time to think about it, I was excited about the idea.”
Mr. Boyd looked disgusted as he flicked his cigar ashes before raising the lid on the grill. “I’ve watched my daughter work her ass off all her life. The things she wanted didn’t come easily. She knew that. But I never once saw her think about giving up. I've seen her crying at the kitchen table plenty of times because she was so stressed out or couldn’t figure something out, but not once did she tell me she wanted to quit.”
“She’s an amazing woman.”
“Damn right she is,” he said gruffly. “And she deserves a man who understands the meaning of commitment.”
“Sir, with all due respect, I do understand commitment. I wouldn’t have gotten where I am without hard work and determination too.” He couldn’t equate his career to saving lives, but it sure as hell hadn’t been easy to get that pro contract. “You know how many little kids grow up wanting to be pro athletes, but few make it. Some don’t have the talent. Most don’t have the work ethic. They just don’t want it bad enough.”
“You know what pisses me off?” he said, stabbing a finger at Dec. “That’s exactly what I thought the first time I met you. I liked you because I respected and admired you. I thought we were cut from the same cloth. But I never would have done what you did to my daughter. You should be ashamed of yourself.”
“I am.” There was no sense hiding the truth from her father or anyone else. “But I spent a lot of time punishing myself and I realized that wasn’t getting me anywhere, so I decided I needed to do something to fix this.”
Wild One (Summer Rush #5) Page 7