by Casey Morgan
I try to entice her to desire, but she stares daggers at me and roars, “Knock it off!” She rolls her eyes, lets out a sighing growl about how fucking useless I am to her.
That’s it! The wolf within me growls. I am an alpha. I will be respected.
I put the heat of my dominance in my eyes as I answer. Ava looks wary, distrusting of me, as she should be at this point in the night. I send her another wave of dominance. I need to remind her that I am her mate and leader, and she will obey me.
I hook my arm into hers and guide her towards the bathroom, then barricade the door behind us. She looks up at me with resentful blue eyes. For so long she has been the controlling one and now, I’m here to control her. I can dominate her with my will, just as I will dominate her physically and sexually, knowing how much she wants me to. Also, knowing how much she wants to slash my face, and possibly rip out my throat to drink my blood, all of that makes me want her more, not less.
A fact I’m keenly aware of as I take her by a part of her shirt and drag her unceremoniously into a stall with me and close the door. There, with very little more than the sound of my own blood singing in my ears, howling like an invisible wolf chorus, I command her to follow my wishes. A desire has lodged itself in my brain ever since she started eating her bratwurst in a threatening, violent manner and I want her to act it out.
“You’re going to suck my cock for me, Ava,” I say, as I push her to her knees. I say it with such eerie, lazy certainty, it’s like free will has never been an option. Like free will has never been a thing any God ever gave us, particularly not my mate. Not my love, who is currently stuffed in the stall with me, looking like she’ll do more than that. She looks like she will suck the life out of me, and then eat me whole.
Of course, my beloved growls. She curls her lips back at me and stares up at me like she’d like to see me try to force her, but deep down she knows I will. Like I can’t resist wanting her in this way, she can’t resist my commands. She must and will obey them, just like I’m obeying my instinct to challenge her. I unzip myself in front of her and give her a further order.
“You will suck my cock until I come, Ava. And no biting,” I emphasize as I finish unzipping, and pull my already-thickening cock out of my underwear and through the opening in my pants. I lock eyes with her, wiggling my hips and thrusting my shaft at her. As I do, she watches my penis and her eyes get bigger and shinier. She’s ready and willing to take it, taste it, hesitation and revulsion be damned.
This is particularly true of my mate. Even though Ava’s trying to stare at my large, heavy cock with anything but lusty, smoldering eyes, that’s exactly what she does. She even licks her lips and drools some, despite her best efforts not to. It’s betrayal of her body; she growls and snarls but doesn’t stop me as I move closer to her. I start rubbing and brushing my cockhead on her lips and then around her chin and cheeks, urging her to take a taste.
My mate resists. She pulls her mouth and face away, trying to give me a convincing scowl, a dark look, which ends up faltering over and over. Especially as I grab her, force her closer to my cock, using her dark curly hair as a natural leash.
“You can’t resist me, Ava. You can’t disobey me,” I say, the rumble in my own voice stiffening me further. It wets my tip in anticipation of Ava taking all of me in her sweet, little mouth and down her throat. “I’m your alpha. Your future husband, and I won’t be ignored or dismissed.”
My mate gives a cute, adorable whine here. Uncontrollably, she’s agreed with me. She also makes no move to try to get off her knees, which lets me know she really has no desire to escape or to not listen to me. She’s just fighting me because she’s not used to being subordinate.
To encourage her to let me in, I start stroking my beloved’s neck. The back of it, where her shirt doesn’t protect her from my touch, from my gentle encouragement. The moment I brush her with my fingertips, it has the desired effect. Her mouth parts in the tiniest, smallest bit of a sigh, and that’s when I take that opening and fill it with my large, stiff cock; my heavy, hungry tool.
To my groan of pleasure and surprise at how warm and tight her mouth is, my mate gives a moan of surprise and irritation, but it’s not anything I believe. In the next half second, her lips tighten around me, her tongue begins to dance around my shaft, and I don’t even have to ask her to start sucking. She just does it, as if she didn’t just finish eating dinner and stuffing herself with food.
But, as I’ve already mentioned, just as she’s compelled to love and hate me in this moment, I’m compelled to dominate her. I will force her into more and more servitude. So even though she’s behaving herself and serving me properly, I can’t stop myself from grabbing the sides of her head and using them to start ramming her mouth up and down on me by ramming her head up and down in my hands. To this invasion of her personal space, this violation of her free will, my mate does nothing but drool more and moan and growl like she loves and hates me more than anything in this world.
And I savor every minute of it. I feel her anger boil and seep into my shaft from her wet, hot mouth, and give my own growl, a soft snarl of pleasure and dark joy. Then I force her to pleasure me faster, longer and harder, before I let her breathe. I actually stick my cock up and down the length of her silky, defiant throat a few times before I let her suck in a breath of air and get his bearings.
But then it’s back to pleasuring me. Back to me holding her head, though now I’m pressing down on the back of it, while I’m having her take my full length again. I squeeze a few inches of my cock past her gag reflex, and down into her warm, inviting throat.
My mate groans with a bit of discomfort, but mostly pleasure. I say “mostly” because as I ease my shaft down and up from the limits of her throat, I’ve noticed she’s started to thrust her pelvis. She moves her hips, and I know she’s horny. She’s ready and willing to fuck me, or get fucked, if I let her.
But I don’t play that nicely. I mention something about it to her, ordering her to stop. I torment her with the excitement she’s feeling but have her continue deep throating me. Faster and harder now, since I moments away from coming.
Dismissing and downplaying her needs has an immediate, desirable effect, at least to my black-hearted self right now. It makes me and my balls clench. Warm, tickling fluid pools in me and then spills upward. Not with fiery, intense urgency, but with liquid certainty towards an unavoidable fate.
“Swallow it,” I bark to my mate, as I feel my semen pumping up and through my shaft and toward my head, toward freedom. Towards its final resting place in the back of Ava’s throat, then the bottom of her belly. “Swallow my cum, Ava. All of it, every last drop.”
As I say this, I pant, grip her hard and hold her in place, though I feel her start to tremble and try to pull away, as I pump and spasm.
The first splash of cum lands in my mate’s mouth. I feel her playing around with it with her tongue. I shove myself deeper, feeling more splashes surge out of me and into her mouth.
“Swallow it,” I bark again, sounding rougher and angrier than before. I actually feel it now too, not just sound it. “I am your alpha. You will obey, Ava.”
After saying this, I feel my mate try to pull back, but I hold her. She resists taking any more of me, at the same time she can’t get enough. I grunt, feeling the last of me release into her mouth and pour down her tight, virgin throat. After I do, the room erupts in an unmistakable angry, hungry growl.
Suddenly my mate’s mouth is no longer on my cock. It’s in front of my face, snapping with furious, heartbroken words. “Stop telling me that,” she yells. “You can’t order me! I barely even know you! I hate you! Leave me alone!” She dashes out of the bathroom.
And I’m left dumbfounded, and, for the first time in my life, speechless.
Chapter 14
Cole
Dammit, Ava!
Left in the bathroom after my mate’s outburst and forsaking of me, now it’s my turn to growl and rage. I snarl and b
ark in my annoyance. I’m so angry and confused by her anger and confusion, I don’t know whether I should follow after her, capture her and make her see reason, or leave her alone.
Dammit and you to hell, girl! I stalk around the bathroom, pacing. Growling, I run my hands through my hair, so I can pull it. It makes my scalp hurt and I cry out, trying to drown the pain and suffering in my heart. Damn everything I’ve been working for. After everything I’ve gone through, and you just want me to leave you alone? You want nothing to do with me? You want to only hate and despise me, all because I ordered you to obey me?!
I wander towards the door of the bathroom, kicking the garbage can again. This time it doesn’t withstand the abuse. It swoons against the wall, before dumping onto the ground and losing pieces of itself. I can’t help but compare myself to the trash, to the loose ends, the discarded pieces, now without peace or purpose.
Even without looking at myself in the mirror, I can feel myself starting to transform. I’m going wild. My teeth extend in my anger. My nose elongates. But I hold the change back. Internally, I rage at all my wasted effort and all my wasted time. And not just over the last twenty-four hours, but over the entirety of my adult life, tracking down this little wayward wolf. This uncontrollable, unconscious shard of my happiness. And for what?
For nothing. Except for her to literally run out of my life and say she wants nothing more to do with me. She says that she despises and hates me. She can’t bear for me to dominate her. She is so used to being the one in control, she feels insulted and destroyed by me. I snort at her fear. I laugh at it cruelly, at the same time I curse the cruel twist of fate dealt me. And at the hands of the one woman I traversed an endless stream of time and hopeless nights for.
While some foolish and lovesick part of my soul tries to remind me that part of her dislike and hatred of me is the awakened wolf coursing through her veins. The fact that she hasn’t been able to tame the wildness in her soul, but I brush it away. I stomp it away, as I leave the confines of the bathroom.
What spoke to me just then wasn’t my beloved in the middle of a transformation. What she said to me just now was her true, unadulterated feelings. She truly wants nothing to do with me. She wants me to disappear. Fade into myth and legend, after everything I’ve been through. After everything I’ve done, she wants to just let me die. Let me live out the rest of my miserable life alone without her!
Storming through the restaurant, I leave a pile of cash at our table. It’s too many bills, but I don’t care. I surround everyone in the restaurant with a bubble of my frothing energy, forcing them to move out of the way and avoid me.
That done, I storm the rest of the way outside. The moment the cool air touches my skin, I transform. I give myself over to the angry, wiry beast inside. My wolf form, which I know will stand out like a bright, vengeful ghost in the night, in the moon beginning to rise high and fat in the dark sky. Its roundness only makes me angrier. Crazier, as I dash into the night, howling loud and long. As I do, I vibrate my lungs, so the sound terrifies.
If my once-mate is anywhere within a five-mile radius, I want her to hear it and be afraid. I want her to be filled with regret that will not leave her in this life, or in the next. She should never be allowed to rest easy, not after what she did to me. Not after everything I did for her.
Continuing to speed through the streets and over the sidewalk, I head toward the bit of forest that exists in this town. I bark and snarl at anything that gets in my way.
I’ve been a fool. I was a fool to think that any part of my mate would be subordinate. I should’ve known better. I should’ve known better than to bother with her. I should’ve let myself starve to death of loneliness. I should’ve given it all up, and just settled for being a lone wolf.
I loved you, Ava. I fought to remind you of what you are because I know the wolf in you is not happy. I sensed the anger and isolation in you. I sensed the rage. I wanted to soothe all that, but you rest me. You resist my help. But I guess this man was a fool. I was stupid to believe you were ever going to be mine.
The woods come around my racing wolf form in mere seconds, hiding me from view, but not for my feelings of despair or stupidity. Those consume me harder and deeper with every bit more I run, every bit deeper I go into the forest.
I run and run, trying to escape the heartache and devastation I feel inside of me. The tears I want to cry but cannot in wolf form. So, I howl. I unleash my voice, wailing that way. Raging that way, as I have for years. Exactly as I did the night I was taken from my pack as a child to be trapped in the camp. When I debated whether to throw myself into walls and walls of guns, just to end my loneliness. Just to show the humans I could not be controlled or trapped.
But then, just as now, I couldn’t do it. I was too afraid. To overcome by hope; misguided belief, as I know it now, that I would somehow become part of a pack again. I would find a mate, remind her of her true nature, and she would be the saving force in my life. But that was all foolishness. All illusion, I realize now, and with that in mind, I continue to run. I camouflage myself deeper into the cold and dark forest. I let loose another howl.
I’m not sure when, but at some point, during my mindless, goalless run in the forest, I transform into a man. When I do, it’s to rage at the silent forest. At Ava. I act as though she is in front of me, willing and able to withstand my barrage. My insults. My anger and hatred.
I let Ava have it, imagining she is standing right there. “You wanted me once! You said so yourself, Ava!”
I imagine her standing there, emotionless. Impassive. Cruel. Uncaring. Unacknowledging of my effort. My commitment. My love for her, something that should be strong enough to defy the years. Defy society’s laws and supposed order.
“You were supposed to to beg me to be with you! To never leave you, and now you leave me?” As I scream this, I feel rage and arrogance consume any last bit of pain and suffering. I switch on “predator mode” now, stalking toward my imaginary mate, like I have the ability to bend her ghost, her essence, to my will. “You don’t get to leave me like that! I’m going to leave you, Ava!” As I say this, my voice leaves me. It cracks betraying me, bringing me to my knees. My drowning heart threatening to bury me alive.
Staying silent in this for a moment, I regain my courage. My wrath. My strength and domineering aura, remembering that I’m in control. I’m the boss, the alpha of all of this. If not for my will and devotion, none of this would’ve happened. And it can stop happening on my whim, too. Just like that.
I get back up on my feet, imagining I’m facing Ava again. “I should’ve never tried for anything remotely like happiness. I should’ve never tried to defy the fates by thinking you were worth the effort!” I jab my finger at my imaginary deserter, noticing the thick, black claws forming on each of the fingernails. Where they should be. “You aren’t you now, and you weren’t you then! You were just a distraction! A bit of fakery made by some devil worse than me to ensnare me!”
I spit on her, imagining how much she dislikes it. How much it disempowers her. Makes her cower and regret angering me, which is what everyone should feel.
I pause a moment, grappling with anger again, but also sadness and despair. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. She wasn’t supposed to reject me, and yet she did. After everything. She walked out on me. And I’m not the one to be left. I do the leaving. The disappearing, not her! Not anyone else! Me! I come and go as I please, not the other way around! I snarl, tearing my way into a tree trunk. A huge chunk of bark flies off, disappearing somewhere in the woods.
In the next second, I’m back to reasoning with her. With myself. With my loathing of her. I was a fool to try any of it. To remind a werewolf of the wolf inside and an alpha female at that. She was never going to give me control. She was always going to fight me tooth and claw.
I snarl again, hating the hiccup of sorrow I hear there as well. It’s tagging along for the ride, as if, after tonight I will be plagued equally by both. I should’
ve left you thinking that you are human. I should have left you to this waste of life, where you belong.
But I couldn’t, this thought slides in traitorously. It makes my breath catch. I didn’t. And now, this is so much worse. You hate me. These thoughts are even worse than the last, damning me. They condemn me. I sink down on my knees again, unable to resist the gravity. Unable to fight the well of despair opening up in me. You’re choosing to leave me adrift! You’re choosing to abandon me to my loneliness, after I’ve suffered at its hands longer than anyone should wish to!
I scream in sorrow and anger, jumping back onto my feet and off the ground. As I do, I feel feverish. I’m high on adrenaline and crazy; burning thoughts ripping through my mind. Thoughts of ending it all. Of finding a silver bullet and putting it through my head. Plunging my brain full of them, like I should’ve done long ago. Like I should’ve allowed to happen back in the containment camp.
Badly, I want to do it. I want to end it. Put a bullet through my miserable head and become dust. But even as I move feverishly through the forest trying to make this a reality, trying to plan it out for maximum, tragic effect, I can’t go through with it. I know I can’t, despite my feelings.
And all because of her. Of my vision of Ava looming over me. Like a ghost. A specter. A friend and tormentor, filling me with the barest edge of hope. I don’t want to, but part of me starts to believe she might still need me. She might still desire me.
A noise rips through the air and through my chest. It tears into my beating heart, threatening to still it. A howl. My mate is shifting for the first time and I must go to her.
My mate still wants me. She still needs me, but I won’t allow myself to think anything else. She will come crawling back to me. She calls me into her life this time, not the other way around.