by Cindy Kirk
Even though Anna had tried to guard her heart, she now conceded she’d failed miserably. Perhaps she should call off this fake relationship right now. But the second the thought crossed her mind, she cast it aside.
How could she walk away from Tripp now? And why? Whether their “relationship” ended today or in several weeks, she’d still be devastated.
“Carpe diem,” she murmured.
When Tripp nodded, Anna realized with a start she must have spoken aloud.
“Seize the day.” He shot her a wink. “That’s exactly what we’ve been doing this past month.”
The last thing she wanted to do was to continue talking about the relationship-that-wasn’t, so Anna made a great show of taking in the serene alpine beauty surrounding them.
“I never would have gone hiking if you hadn’t asked.” She inhaled the fresh mountain air. “I’d have missed all this.”
Anna gestured with her free hand toward the endless blue of lake, somehow encompassing Tripp in the gesture. Her skin prickled beneath his intense stare.
When their eyes locked, she inhaled sharply at the connection. It was as if she’d been transported back to when she was fourteen.
Anna remembered the day. She’d been carrying branches to the street for the garbageman. Seventeen-year-old Tripp had arrived to pick up Gayle. When he’d seen her stumbling to the curb, her arms overflowing with brush, he’d hurried over to help.
As he’d taken the branches from her arms, their eyes had met. She still remembered the jolt of awareness. She’d stood there in the hot sun, frozen for a heartbeat, maybe two, staring into his eyes. Her well-ordered world had tilted on its axis. That was the day she’d fallen in love.
For a second she was certain he’d experienced the same jolt. But then, like now, he’d blinked, then grinned.
“There’s so much I want to show you,” he said as they resumed walking.
Okay, so maybe this dating charade could be a learning experience for both of them. She could broaden her horizons and he could...
Well, there was no way she was going to be happy about watching Tripp swim off after being the one to ease him back into the dating pool. Still, she didn’t have much choice. It was either seize the remaining days or walk away now.
For now, carpe diem would be her mantra.
Regrets, well, they could wait for another day.
Chapter Fifteen
By the time they walked around the entire lake and enjoyed a leisurely early dinner, Tripp decided this would be a good opportunity to lighten the mood by sharing his love of fishing with Anna.
Yet, when he told her he’d bought her a permit at the lodge and suggested they head over to Yellowstone Lake to see what they could catch, she looked at him as if he’d lost his mind.
That was when the excuses as to why it wouldn’t work had started. But he had an answer for each of her concerns. This morning he’d tossed a couple of fishing poles in the back of the truck, they had their permits and he had extra sunscreen in his tackle box.
When she finally admitted she was afraid of worms, he stifled a smile and promised to bait her hook. Soon they were basking in the sunshine, waiting for a fish or two to take the bait. He was glad he’d included a couple of lawn chairs because he had the feeling Anna wasn’t quite ready to sit on a dusty bank.
The sun glimmered against the rich walnut strands of her hair. Her green eyes were covered with dark glasses and, because of the heat, she was down to shorts and a tiny T-shirt.
Even though she looked stunning, Tripp knew there was so much more to this woman than her beauty. She was intelligent and caring and she fit in well with his family. But earlier, when his eyes had locked with hers, he’d started rethinking what came next.
He could no longer deny that these past weeks had irrevocably changed things between them. To go back to simply being friends was impossible. But where to go from here was the burning question. Until he could sort things out, the intimacy they’d shared in that truck bed couldn’t happen again. Regardless of the depths of his feelings for her, physically he must keep his distance.
Holding hands. A kiss or two. That was as far as it could go. He needed to make sure she understood that it wasn’t that he didn’t want her; he just had some hard thinking to do and needed a clear head.
A hastily constructed speech formed on Tripp’s lips. He cleared his throat.
She lowered her glasses and peered at him, her eyes a vivid emerald-green.
“I have to touch you,” he heard himself say as he reached over and took her hand.
A smile played at the corners of her lips. “Like last night.”
Yes. No. It was time they speak about what had happened and what couldn’t happen again. Not just yet anyway. Instead of immediately jumping into the speech, Tripp stroked her palm with his thumb. “I took it too far.”
“You didn’t do anything I didn’t want you to do,” she assured him in a soft voice.
“When we first discussed our...arrangement—” Tripp paused then began again “—something was said about keeping physical intimacy to a minimum.”
Had he set that parameter? Or was that one of Anna’s stipulations? Did it even matter?
Anna pulled her hand from his and stretched, her cotton shirt pulling tight across her chest. “That’s the nice thing about verbal agreements.”
With great effort, Tripp forced his gaze from her breasts, his mouth dry. “It is? I mean, what is?”
“They can be easily modified.”
He swallowed. “Are you saying you want to modify our no-touching rule?”
She gave a throaty laugh that shot straight to his groin. “News flash. I think we already did.”
Tripp couldn’t stop himself from grinning.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve been intimate with a man,” Anna admitted, her cheeks pink from the sun. “Just as you’re using our time together to get you ready to date, perhaps I can use the opportunity to jump back into the, well, the sexual side of things.”
Tripp stilled. His smile vanished. Had she really just told him she would be using him for sex practice? His thoughts raced. Who would she be practicing for? A single name shot to the top of the list.
Winn Ferris.
He opened his mouth to tell her he didn’t feel that was at all appropriate. Then it hit him what she was proposing wasn’t really much different than his using her for dating practice.
Except that’s not what I’m doing.
“I’m sorry,” she said when the silence lengthened. “That didn’t quite come out the way I intended. What I meant to say is there’s no reason that our remaining time together can’t be mutually advantageous.”
Tripp knew most men would jump at this chance. He could practically guarantee that if she’d said these same words to Winn Ferris, he’d be on top of her by now.
But Tripp didn’t want Anna for a couple more weeks; he wanted her—
“You remember what we decided will happen once the month is over,” he heard her say.
“We’ll remain friends,” he said automatically, parroting their earlier agreement, “but go our separate ways.”
“That was the deal,” she said, an odd catch in her voice.
When Tripp lifted his gaze and stared into those beautiful emerald eyes, he realized he’d been a fool. Thirty days wasn’t enough time with this woman.
It was time to renegotiate.
* * *
Despite their talk over fishing poles, once the week started there wasn’t time for any sexual encounters with Tripp. Besides, Anna had just been jerking his chain about getting some experience. It had been a way of protecting her heart, of not wanting Tripp to see she’d fallen in love with him.
When he invited her to join him for dinner with hi
s parents on Tuesday, she eagerly accepted. As always, the second she walked through the front door, a feeling of warmth and caring wrapped around Anna like a favorite sweater. She liked his father’s gentle teasing and the way his mother’s smile widened when she saw her. Lately, and for the first time since her parents had died, Anna felt part of a family.
Tripp’s sister, Hailey, greeted her warmly as well. Prior to becoming “involved” with Tripp, all Anna knew about his sister was she was a speech pathologist who’d worked in Denver before returning to Jackson Hole. Hailey had mentioned she was hoping to get a position with the hospital or the school system, but so far nothing had come through.
Yesterday, while his sister had been at the hospital for a follow-up interview, she and Anna had met for a quick lunch in the cafeteria.
“You should have seen how Anna’s eyes lit up when we ran into Tripp,” Hailey told her mother later when the men stepped outside for a second. “They had this cute little glow.”
Anna gave a nervous laugh. “My eyes don’t glow.”
“Yes, they do,” Hailey teased. “Tripp’s eyes do the same thing when he sees you.”
“I think it’s sweet.” Kathy handed Anna a cup of coffee with cream and sugar already added, just as she liked. “A woman should be happy to see someone she cares about.”
It was obviously a case of people seeing what they wanted to see. At least Anna hoped she wasn’t wearing her heart in her eyes. How embarrassing would that be?
Thankfully, Tripp and his father returned and over a delicious meal of veal parmigiana, the talk shifted to his mother’s committee work and a change his father had recently instituted in his cattle-breeding program.
Throughout dinner, Anna caught Hailey and Kathy exchanging smiles whenever she looked in Tripp’s direction. Even though she enjoyed the conversation, she was relieved when the meal ended. Once the table had been cleared and the dishwasher filled, Tripp asked if she wanted to sit outside with him.
“What a beautiful evening,” Anna said, taking a seat on the wooden porch swing.
“You’re beautiful.” Tripp’s arm slipped around her shoulders. “Inside and out.”
“Thank you,” she said in a light tone, trying to make sense of his behavior. Since their trip to Yellowstone on Sunday, she’d felt an increased closeness between them that she couldn’t explain.
It was as if the wall that had loomed so large between them was crumbling. The way Tripp looked at her was now different. Perhaps his mother and sister had been right about the “glow.”
“I like you, Anna,” he said unexpectedly.
There had been no qualifier at the end. No I like you...as a friend. And the look in his eyes, well, it wasn’t the kind you’d expect from a man who thought of you only as a buddy.
“I like you, too,” she stammered.
Without warning she was in his arms and his warm, sweet lips were on hers. The kisses quickly grew more urgent. He was practically on top of her in the swing when the front screen door flew open.
“Oh.” His mother blinked rapidly, her hand rising to her chest. “I didn’t realize I was interrupting—”
Anna pushed Tripp off her and sat up, brushing her disheveled hair back from her face. The top button of her dress was unfastened. “We were just—”
“I know what you were doing, dear.” Kathy offered Anna an understanding smile. “Frank and I have spent many a lovely evening doing the same thing on this swing.”
“Where’s Dad?” Tripp asked, trying to banish that image of his mom and dad from his brain.
“He wasn’t feeling well, so he went to bed.” A worried look crossed his mother’s face before her smile returned. “He said to tell you both good-night.”
“Please sit,” Anna urged, patting a space next to her. “It’s too beautiful a night to be inside.”
His mother glanced questioningly in Tripp’s direction. He shot her a reassuring smile. “Join us, Mother. There’s plenty of room.”
Even though Anna could be shy with strangers, Tripp had never seen her be that way with his parents. In fact, she talked easily with both his mom and dad, and seemed to revel in their attention.
He’d always wished Gayle and his mother had enjoyed a better relationship. But his wife had been very close to her own mom and his mother’s overtures had been often mistaken as getting into her business.
As Anna and his mother continued to talk, Tripp felt himself relax and his heart filled with hope.
Hope that he might finally be able to bury the guilt and embrace a real relationship with Anna.
Most of all, hope that this might be the beginning of something that would last a lifetime.
No charade.
No games.
Starting now.
* * *
The next day, jazzed after delivering a healthy baby girl to a couple who had struggled with infertility for years, Anna decided to stop by Tripp’s office and see if he was free for lunch.
It’s something a real girlfriend would do, she told herself, as she made her way down the shiny hallway toward the executive suites. She’d barely started out when she ran into Paula, Tripp’s personal assistant, headed in the opposite direction.
They chatted for a few minutes before Paula glanced at her watch.
“Sorry to cut this short, Adrianna, but I’m meeting my sister for lunch.”
Anna glanced in the direction of Tripp’s office.
“He’s just working on paperwork.” Paula smiled. “I’m sure he’ll welcome the interruption.”
Anna was almost to the door of Tripp’s office when she heard voices coming from inside and realized he wasn’t alone. Someone must have stopped by after Paula left. Anna paused, unsure whether to knock or come back later.
“I’m sorry you didn’t get the job, Hail,” she heard Tripp say. “You’d have done a fabulous job.”
“Apparently they hired someone with more experience,” the female voice said, her words heavy with disappointment.
Anna immediately recognized Hailey’s voice. Her heart sank. His sister was supposed to hear about the position at the hospital today. It appeared she’d heard and the news hadn’t been good.
Knowing Hailey wouldn’t mind the interruption, Anna put her hand on the doorknob. Her fingers froze in place when she heard her name.
“I adore Anna,” Hailey said in a sweet, earnest voice. “I hope the two of you stay together.”
Even though Anna strained to hear, his response was a low rumble she couldn’t make out.
“Gayle is gone,” Hailey replied in a firm tone. “This is now. I like Anna a whole lot more than I ever did her.”
For a second Anna couldn’t hear anything, but did she really need to listen any longer? It was obvious Tripp had told his little sister he was still desperately in love with Gayle. His next words confirmed that impression.
“Do you believe in soul mates?” This time Tripp’s voice came through loud and clear.
Anna inhaled sharply. Turning quickly on her heel, she quietly slipped back into the hall where she paused, her heart thumping in her ears. After this weekend, she’d been hopeful things were changing between her and Tripp. It was as if they were standing on the verge of something spectacular. But the bit of conversation she’d just heard told her nothing had changed.
Tripp was still hung up on Gayle. Perhaps always would be. Even if she and Tripp got together, would Gayle always be number one in his heart?
And more importantly, could Anna be content with being number two?
* * *
“I’m happy you stopped over.” Betsy settled her infant son into the stroller. “And that the weather cooperated so we could take a walk.”
“It seems like forever since I’ve seen you.” Anna experienced a rush of emotion. Sh
e’d missed these chats with her friend. “You’ve been so busy with the baby—”
“And you’ve been so busy with Tripp,” Betsy said with a sly smile, starting down the driveway, leaving Anna no choice but to follow. “Tell me, how’s that going?”
“I love him, Betsy.” The words slipped past her lips before she could stop them.
“I know.” Betsy turned the stroller down the sidewalk.
“You know?”
Betsy chuckled. “It is rather obvious.”
“Really?” Apparently that blasted light in her eyes had betrayed her again.
Betsy nodded and waved to an older couple walking on the sidewalk across the street. “I’m happy for you, Anna. I always thought you and Tripp would make a perfect couple.”
“It’s hard to compete with Gayle.”
Surprise filled Betsy’s eyes. “Gayle is his past. You’re his future.”
“She was perfect for him.” Anna gave a heavy sigh. “They’d been together forever. They had all this shared history.”
“One day you’ll have decades of shared history together, too.”
Anna thought for a moment. She supposed Betsy did have a point. “I want to be with him so much it scares me.”
Betsy jiggled the carriage when the baby started to fuss. Once he quieted, she turned to her friend. “What frightens you?”
“That I won’t be enough for him. Or that I’ll always be second best. I think they were—” Anna swallowed hard “—soul mates.”
The thought hurt far more than it should.
As expected, instead of tossing off some platitude as other friends might, Betsy paused and met Anna’s gaze. “Those are serious concerns.”
Anna had given the matter a lot of thought. She’d tried to convince herself she could be happy with just a tiny portion of Tripp’s heart, but she knew that wasn’t true.
“I don’t believe you’ll be happy being second best,” Betsy said softly.
The corners of Anna’s lips dropped. “I won’t.”
“You need to speak with Tripp,” Betsy urged. “Tell him your fears.”