When the concert began winding down, I made my way backstage to snap some pictures of the guys leaving the spotlight. They liked to linger, throwing the crowd guitar picks, drum sticks, water bottles, towels and any other items not bolted down to the stage. Kell used to tear off his shirts, but Deena scolded him for causing riots among the fans and giving away his wardrobe.
“We only have so many pieces of clothing for you to wear on stage,” she’d told him.
“I’ll just go shirtless,” he’d replied, dismissing her concerns. She’d just looked resigned.
Feral Silence was on the cusp of hitting it big. Their growth had been organic, and their fans were rabid. The hope was that their sophomore album and secret tour would be enough to catapult them to worldwide stardom.
“Keep up the good work.” Deena clapped me on the shoulder as I walked by, not lifting her eyes from her clipboard. “I’ve seen the stuff you’ve been posting. It’s great. Just the thing we’re looking for.”
“Thanks.” It was good to know I was on the right track. I hadn’t been given any kind of content marketing guidance. They’d mostly left me to my own devices, letting me decide what to post, how and when. I only had one thing left planned for the night. I wanted a few backstage quotes from each of the guys while they were still riding their post-live adrenaline high and didn’t have time to come up with strategic answers. Kell and Jayce especially. I wanted it raw, real.
I waited while the guys threw the last of their tokens to the audience and gave their final waves, goodbyes and thanks. Morris was out first.
“Morris! How was the concert tonight? How did you find the audience?”
“Fantastic. Crowd was screaming so loud. Craziness.”
“Is that good or bad?” I laughed.
“It’s goddamn awesome.” Morris flashed me a smile and wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand, grabbing a towel from one of the assistants.
“Ren, tell your fans how it feels to know they’re willing to trample each other to death to touch you?”
Ren grinned, flashing me a thumbs up, and I quickly snapped a pic. “Let’s keep the death toll to a minimum next time, ‘kay guys?”
I grabbed Kell’s arm as he tried to rush by, practically bouncing, giddy and hyper. I quickly turned my camera to video. I knew I had to capture his energy in motion. “Kell! If a fan threw her panties on stage, would you take them?”
“Hells yeah! Ladies, I welcome any and all undergarments you wish to throw in my direction. In fact, that goes for the fellas as well.” He threw a wink and blew a kiss.
Gold. This stuff was pure gold. Now, I just needed Jayce.
I looked around, but I didn’t see him anywhere. Had I missed him? He should have been right behind Kell.
“Where’s Jayce? I need him next.”
Kell almost did a double take and calmed down a bit. “You probably want to give him a few minutes.”
I was taken aback. “Is he okay?” He seemed fine on stage.
“Yeah, of course.” Kell gave me a thoughtful look. “Jayce likes time to himself to wind down after a concert.” He shrugged and moved on before I could ask any other questions.
I frowned, frustrated. My day’s work wasn’t complete without Jayce. I needed to catch him while he was still hyped up. I grabbed the arm of one of the backstage assistants.
“Hey, did you see where Jayce went?”
She shrugged and pointed. I followed her finger to an emergency exit door. I paused for a second, not wanting to invade his privacy, but I needed to do my job. He’d just come off the stage, playing to a huge crowd. Surely one more person in his face wouldn’t be too bad. I’d get a quote, head back to the tour bus and leave him in peace. I pushed the door open quietly.
Jayce was sitting on the grey concrete steps of an empty stairwell, head in his hands, back facing me. His shoulders rose with a deep inhalation and slowly dropped as he exhaled.
“Jayce?”
He whirled around, entire body tensing up, expression shocked. His eyes were bloodshot, and his face was dull, skin almost yellowed in undertone.
“What are you doing here?” His voice was low and thready as if he wasn’t getting enough air into his lungs.
“I-I’m sorry. I just wanted…” I trailed off, looking at him more closely. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” He turned his back and ignored me. He took a deep breath in and out came a frail, wheezing sound.
“Hey, if you’re sick, you should let someone know.”
“I’m not sick.” He didn’t turn around.
I hesitated. I understood not wanting to show weakness, but I didn’t want Jayce to think he had to hide himself away if he wasn’t feeling well.
“Want me to get someone?”
“No!” He shouted, eyes wide and scared, surprising me with his intensity. He lowered his head and heaved a sigh. “No, don’t get anyone. I’ll be okay in a minute.”
I didn’t want to leave him like that. I contemplated for a moment then took the few steps down and sat next to him.
“If something’s wrong, you can tell me.” I echoed the same words he’d said to me.
He tilted his head back and glanced at me quickly before looking away. His fists were clenched, white-knuckled and trembling.
“Non-disclosure agreement, remember? I can’t tell anybody anything, or else they’ll sue me into the poorhouse.” I tried to give him an encouraging smile. I got a hesitant look back in response. “You don’t have to, though. No pressure.”
We sat in silence for a few long moments. I kept on expecting him to get up and leave, but he stayed sitting next to me, the tension in his muscles slowly relaxing with every second.
I bumped my shoulder against his. “You know, the guys might get worried if the two of us disappear together for too long.”
Jayce huffed out a small chuckle and, slowly, the shaking in his hands stopped.
“This stays off the record, right?”
“I promise.”
“Okay. Right.” He rubbed his hands on his pants as if wiping away sweaty palms. I wondered for a moment if he was going to continue. Then he spoke.
“I get panic attacks.”
CHAPTER 5
HE SAID THE words in one breath, as if blurting them out before he could take them back. I tried to hide my shock. I didn’t want him to think it was a big deal, or he might regret telling me.
Jayce was so extroverted and passionate on stage, always reveling in the attention of the crowd, but I had seen a different side to him these last few days. He was quieter, subdued. What had made someone like that seek the spotlight?
“As long as I’m on stage, it’s fine. I’m playing a part. I can get into character. Photoshoots, interviews, whatever, I can handle it. It’s just that one moment, that line between stage and curtain. It’s almost like I don’t know how to act. I don’t know who I am.”
I’d never seen Jayce so out of sorts. I needed to reassure him.
“You’re Jayce,” I said firmly, placing my hand on his arm. “It doesn’t matter whether you’re playing the cocky rock star or just a regular guy messing around with a guitar.”
He looked down at my hand, but didn’t shrug me off. I realized I’d touched him without his permission and pulled back.
“You may act a little different in person than when you’re on stage, but it’s not like you’re two completely different people.”
“Sometimes that’s how I feel.” He dropped his head and blew out a deep breath. “I go from being on stage, where everyone thinks I’m this invincible idol, to backstage, where all the staff and crew are waiting for me. I never know exactly who they’re expecting to see. I get lightheaded, cold sweats, the works. The only thing that calms me down is being alone.”
“I’m sorry I intruded.” I started to get up, but he put a hand on my thigh, squeezing it firmly.
“No, it’s okay.”
The heat of his hand on my skin ignited a fi
re between my thighs. I pressed my legs together and shifted where I sat. I had to cool it down. This was neither the time nor the place.
“A lot of famous people have social anxiety and panic disorders, you know,” I told him, trying to calm the storm raging within me. “Jim Carrey. Johnny Depp. Even Abraham Lincoln apparently had severe anxiety.”
“I feel like such a fake. Like I’m pretending to be this person I’m not.”
I could sympathize. I was always second-guessing myself when it came to my online presence. Did I sound cool enough? Genuine enough? Or did it sound like I was trying too hard? I worked hard to put on a persona of this cool, badass industry insider, but I was just some girl tapping away on her keyboard in her sweatpants. Would my followers still like me if they got to know the real me? I wanted Jayce to know that I understood.
“Everyone has a public face they show the world that’s different from their private face. Being a celebrity just heightens your situation.”
Jayce blew out a slow breath. “I’m sorry if I’ve been sort of lukewarm about your whole social media thing. I can handle the film crew. They’ve got a script, a schedule. I can prepare myself to be on camera.” He looked me up and down. “It’s harder with you. I didn’t expect to have someone following me around all summer.”
“I’m sorry.” I glanced down at my feet. “If it’s any consolation, I didn’t expect to be following around a rock band this summer, either.”
“What were you planning on doing?”
I was surprised he had asked, but if he wanted to know more about me, I would gladly tell him my life story.
“I was going to take some summer college courses. I want to graduate early.”
“What are you taking?”
“Business, with a minor in marketing. Ideally, I’d like to do this kind of stuff for a living.”
“You’d be great at it. You’ve got a unique voice. It’s different from the other stuff out there.”
“Other stuff? You pay attention to the online music scene?”
“Yeah. Before we got picked up by Dark Sound, Feral Silence was just another garage band. I started watching out for what people were saying online, hoping to hear something about us. I started following a lot of music reviewers, especially the amateur ones. They didn’t care about stepping on toes. They said what they thought because they weren’t worried about being blackballed from the industry. It was refreshing.”
“I do try to be as honest as possible.” I hesitated before deciding to ask the question I’d been wondering. “Do you like the stuff I’ve been posting?”
“Yeah, sort of.”
It wasn’t the enthusiastic response I’d hoped for.
“I’m sorry if I’ve posted anything you don’t like. If you want me to take something down, just let me know.”
“No, it’s all fine. It’s just…” Jayce trailed off and gave me a considering look. “There’re a lot of music reviewers out there, but there’s one I’ve been following for a while. I kind of expected you to post the same kind of stuff she does.”
“What’s her name? Maybe I know her. The music scene is pretty incestuous sometimes.”
“The guys know I’ve got this hard-on for some girl on the internet,” he continued, ignoring my question. “They always used to tease me about a musician being a groupie himself. I stopped talking to them about it, but I kept on following her, even after we hit it big. She was so smart and funny. I wanted to know what she thought of us. She always had something insightful to say.”
My heart clenched in a fit of pique. Jayce liked someone else? He had such glowing words for this other girl. What about all those moments we’d shared together? I was beginning to think maybe he had real feelings for me.
Disappointment filled my chest, but I stomped it down viciously. I had no right to be jealous. Jayce and I were just friends. He was free to have a crush on whomever he liked.
What would a friend say in this situation?
“I know a couple girls like that. Who is she? Maybe I could introduce you.” I felt heartsick even as I said the words.
“I think it’s because I stopped talking about her that the guys haven’t figured it out yet.”
“Figured out what?”
Jayce looked amused.
“Aimee Lee. Ailey. AudioAiley.”
I choked. “What?”
His eyes caught mine, trapping me in that fiery gaze.
“I always wanted to message you. I was worried, though. Your reviews were always so carefully unbiased. Sometimes I couldn’t tell whether you even liked my music or not.”
My mouth gaped open, trying to process what he had said. Jayce followed me online? He had wanted to contact me? He didn’t think I liked his music? I didn’t know which part to react to first.
“Are you kidding? I love your music! You’re amazing, you’re a genius, you’re—”
“I’m just another musician,” he interrupted.
“You’re not just another musician. You’re Jayce of Feral Silence. You’re not like other artists. You’re special.”
He shifted on the concrete steps, looking uncomfortable.
“That’s what all my fans think. I’m grateful to them, I really am, but I’m never going to have a normal life. I’ll always have to play the rock star god, the fantasy husband. Sometimes I wish I was just a regular guy.”
“Why? Why would you want to give all this up?”
Jayce turned to me and reached out, cupping my cheek to draw my face close to his. “Because then I could do this.”
Then he kissed me.
CHAPTER 6
I BARELY HAD time to register the stroking of his fingertips against my skin before Jayce pressed his lips to mine.
I inhaled a sharp breath and held it, frozen in shock. He seemed to pause, as if waiting for me to protest or pull back. I didn’t. I just waited, anticipating his next move, not wanting to ruin this moment, not wanting to wake up from this dream.
Jayce’s lips were soft but firm, pressing against mine incessantly, not hesitant at all. He smelled like leather and earth, a musky masculine scent that drove a spike of heat through my body.
He licked the inside of my upper lip, seeking entrance to my mouth. I gave it to him, his tongue slipping in and exploring the wet heat. I moaned at the touch of his tongue to mine and clutched at him, fingers scrambling for purchase on his bare front. My hands slid down his chest, feeling the shifting of every firm muscle. His skin burned under my fingers, reflecting the heat growing inside me at his scorching kiss.
Jayce tangled his hand in the hair at the back of my neck and tilted my head to get a better angle. I succumbed to it, going limp and letting him take me however he wanted. He bit my bottom lip, teeth nipping lightly, the sharp sting breaking me out of my haze. My breathing stuttered, and I almost pulled back. What were we doing? What was he doing to me?
He laid one hand on my thigh, caressing and squeezing before moving it upward, and all intent to flee rushed out of me. I couldn’t pull away from him, from his touch, not even if the building burned down and fell into rubble around us.
He explored the shape of my hip and the curve of my waist before continuing onward to my chest. He curled one large hand around my ribcage and stroked the side of my breast with his thumb. My breath hitched as he found a nipple through my shirt and thin cotton bra. He circled it slowly until the nub was raised into a sharp peak, visible through my blouse. I let loose a sharp gasp into his mouth. He let go of my hair to repeat the process on the other side, rubbing and stroking until I was breathless with need.
Jayce finally released my mouth, but continued kissing my cheeks, behind my ear, the curve of my jaw and, finally, my throat. The barest hint of his stubble scratched my skin and I relished the sensation, savoring the roughness.
He pressed his lips against my racing pulse. His lips seemed to curve up into a smile, and I knew he could feel my rapid heartbeat. He flicked his tongue out to taste, and I couldn’t stop t
he moan that escaped.
He silenced the noise with another blistering kiss, tugging me closer with one arm. My breasts pressed against his chest and our legs tangled together. He gripped me tight around the waist, shifting me up and over until my knees were on either side of his thighs, straddling him. He continued kissing me the whole time, crushing my lips with the intensity of it.
I sighed out another small sound of pleasure as the palm of his hand drifted from the small of my back to the swell of my ass. He cupped me, lifting me to press my body close up against the zipper of his pants. My skirt rucked up around my waist and I could feel the hardness of him through my thin cotton panties. I throbbed with need, wanting to feel him against my bare skin, soft and iron-hard at the same time. I shifted my hips and bucked against him, pushing up harder against his front. He gripped my hips on either side, pressing me down onto him. I rocked my hips back and forth, wanting more, wanting to rub myself all over him like a cat in heat.
Jayce let out a growl into my mouth before tearing himself away. He placed his hands on my shoulders and held me at arm’s length.
“I’m sorry,” he rasped out, breathing hard.
“I’m not complaining.” I continued to grind my hips against his.
He stifled a groan and leaned forward, resting his forehead against my neck. I pulled back, worried, trying to see the expression on his face, but he ducked his head away from me.
“What’s wrong?” I wrapped my arms around his wide shoulders. Instead of continuing the embrace, Jayce lifted me up and off his lap. I made a small sound of disappointment, not wanting to let him go, not wanting the moment to end yet. He settled me beside him on the cold, hard concrete steps, tugging my skirt back into place for me.
“I shouldn’t have done that.” He put his head in both hands, mimicking the same position I’d first found him in.
I stared at the back of his head. My heart was still racing. My lips were still stinging. There was a fire burning within me that I couldn’t extinguish—not without Jayce to help me. I wanted to pull him back down to meet my lips again.
Bad & Bold - A 7 Book Bad Boy Romance Collection! Page 31