by Kate Hardy
Well, she knew the answer to that one. Probably because he was so charming. She’d been completely bowled over by him, by the dinners out and weekends away and surprise bouquets of two dozen deep red roses. But it wasn’t just being spoiled; she’d done her best to spoil him back, surprise him with good tickets to a show. She’d enjoyed his company. They’d had fun together. And everything had been fine until her grandmother fell ill; then, Toni had found out the hard way that Sean’s charm was all surface and he wasn’t prepared to support her or put her needs first. She’d been so sure he was The One that his ultimatum had shocked her to the core. She’d fallen out of love with him very quickly after that.
Funny, she’d disliked Ben almost on sight when he’d criticised Archie, assuming that he was another man like Sean—the hot-shot and very self-assured doctor from London who threw his weight around. Yet he’d apologised for being short with her and he’d made an effort with Archie, even though he wasn’t a dog person. He’d tried to meet her halfway.
Sean would have expected her to put the dog in the garden as soon as he arrived. Then again, Sean would have objected to a single dog hair sullying the pristine gorgeousness of his overpriced designer suit.
She shook herself. This really wasn’t going anywhere. As she’d told her sister, she didn’t want a relationship. Didn’t need a relationship. She liked her life as it was. Ben was her colleague; he might become her friend, but that was all she could offer him. She wasn’t risking her heart again.
And focusing on work was the only reason why she’d talked Ben into spending his lunch break with her at the harbour to sit on the wall, eating chips and discussing their plans for the project on patient nutrition, she told herself.
‘I hope you can see the irony,’ Ben said. ‘Two medical professionals discussing nutrition for two particular groups of people—’
‘—while stuffing our faces with one of the very things we’ll ask them to avoid,’ she finished. ‘Totally. We’re utter hypocrites.’ She ate another hot, salty chip with relish.
‘But you’re right about the chips.’ He did the same. ‘They’re more than worth the long run I’m going to take after work tonight to burn them off.’
His eyes were exactly the same greeny-blue as the sea in the harbour, and they crinkled at the corners. For one moment of insanity, Toni was tempted to lean forward and press a kiss to his mouth.
Then she realised that he was looking at her mouth. He looked up to meet her gaze, and her breath caught. Was he leaning towards her, or was it her imagination? She felt her lips parting involuntarily, and panicked. This wasn’t a good idea. Yes, Ben was physically gorgeous and he made her laugh for the right reasons—but they’d be crazy to act on this attraction. She couldn’t think about him in romantic terms.
Before they could do anything stupid, she shifted her position on the wall. There was a sudden slash of colour in his face, so she was pretty sure he’d been thinking the same thing. He’d been tempted as much as she was, and had come to the same conclusion: that even if sitting together right now felt like a date, it wasn’t. This had to be work and nothing else.
‘So did Archie fall asleep this morning when the children read to him?’ Ben asked.
She was relieved that he’d let her off the hook and changed the conversation to something safe. ‘Yes—and when one of them got a bit stuck and stopped, he opened his eyes. I explained that meant he couldn’t wait to hear the next bit, we untangled the difficult word together, and everyone was happy.’
‘Sounds good. So do you work part time at the practice?’ he asked.
‘Given that I’m off on Monday afternoons and Wednesday mornings, you mean? No—we’re open from eight until six, and until eight on Thursday evenings. I stay the whole day on Thursday, so that makes up my official thirty-seven and a half hours per week.’
‘What about the nutrition project? If we do it as a course, that will take another couple of hours a week.’
She shook her head. ‘That’s not work. That’s giving something back to the community.’
* * *
Which was what she did on her Monday afternoons and Wednesday mornings off, too. Toni Butler was definitely one of the good guys. Ben couldn’t understand how he’d managed to clash with her at all on Monday.
But this wasn’t about his feelings towards Toni. This was work.
Together, they finished the plan to pitch to Ranjit.
And then Ben asked what had been bugging him. ‘What’s in the bag?’
‘Yesterday’s fish. A little treat for Archie, who absolutely loves fish,’ she said.
‘So the entire village is in love with your dog?’
‘Pretty much.’ She grinned. ‘The dad of one of my Wednesday readers owns the fish bar. So every time I come in he gives me a bit of yesterday’s fish for the dog. Just as Fluffy—the headmistress’s cat—gets a regular delivery.’
Ben had liked the closeness of his community in Chalk Farm, but Great Crowmell was in another league altogether.
‘So everyone knows everyone here,’ he said.
‘And looks out for everyone, too. It’s an amazing place to grow up in.’ She smiled. ‘Sometimes I found it a bit frustrating when I was a teenager—if I was going to a party and I tried to buy a bottle of wine or something, the shop assistants all knew how old I was and refused to sell it to me, and Gran would hear about it on the grapevine before I even got home and then she’d tell me off. But on the flip side it means that when it’s icy, none of the elderly people in the village has to go out and risk a fall because someone will go and pick up their shopping or post letters for them; and, if you break your arm, like my neighbour has, there are people who are more than happy to help by driving you wherever you need to go.’ She smiled. ‘I guess some people would find it a bit stifling, with everyone knowing everyone else’s business, but Stacey and I love it here.’
Ben remembered her telling him why she’d moved here at the age of twelve. ‘Losing your parents so young must’ve been really hard.’ He couldn’t imagine how it would feel to have grown up without his parents.
She nodded. ‘But Gran was here, and everyone in the village was really supportive. It’s nice that I can still talk about my parents with people who remember them—and about Gran. It means that the three of them are still with me, in a way.’
‘What made you go to London for your training?’ he asked.
‘I was a teenager. Although I love it here, when I was eighteen I kind of wanted the whole bright lights city living thing. And I’m glad I went. It gave me a lot of experience, especially in the emergency department.’ She paused. ‘What about you? Did you train in London?’
‘Yes. I grew up there.’
‘You must miss your family.’
‘I do. But I wanted to get out of London.’ He’d needed a fresh start, away from the people who’d hurt him so badly. Ben hadn’t just lost his wife and the baby he’d thought was his, he’d lost the man who’d been his best friend for almost half a lifetime, since they’d met on their first day at university. His best man, who’d been in love with Ben’s wife all along.
Why hadn’t he seen that?
He’d thought that Patrick didn’t like Karen very much but put up with her for his sake. He hadn’t had a clue that Patrick had fallen in love with her the very first time he’d met her, and the three years Patrick had spent in Edinburgh immediately after the wedding had been all about putting some space between them. Ben hadn’t had a clue that his wife had fallen for Patrick, either. Patrick, the hot-shot surgeon everyone loved working with because he did his best for his patients and for his team. The man who worked one day a week in Harley Street—but always pro bono, for children with cleft palates or facial disfigurements. The man who made everyone’s life brighter by just being there.
‘Ben?’ Toni looked concerned.
‘Sorry. Wool-ga
thering.’ And nothing was going to drag his thoughts out of him. He’d make something up if she asked him anything more. Instead, he switched the conversation back to their nutrition project.
* * *
Later that afternoon, they pitched the idea to Ranjit.
‘Brilliant,’ the head of the practice said. ‘If you do a class, where would you hold it?’
‘Hopefully the high school, so we can use their ovens,’ Toni said. ‘If not, the village hall. Or we can start with a blog or something on the website, and then maybe talk one of the local chefs into doing a demo for us. Actually, that’d be a good fundraiser for the village hall, so I’ll bring that one up with the committee.’
‘And that would open it up to all our patients,’ Ben said. ‘People who want to maybe eat more healthily but they’ve read so much confusing stuff on the internet that they don’t know what they should be focusing on.’
‘Let me know if you need anything from me,’ Ranjit said.
‘It’s my diabetes clinic tomorrow,’ Toni said. ‘I can talk to my patients about it and see what they’d like us to do.’
Ben smiled. ‘Once you get an idea, you really don’t hang about, do you?’
‘Life’s very short and I’m a great believer in seizing the day. When I’m old, I won’t look back and have regrets about all the things I wish I’d done.’ She had a few regrets, but she pushed them back where they belonged. You couldn’t have everything you wanted, and she was grateful for all the things she did have. Wanting more was just greedy.
* * *
Over the next couple of weeks, Ben felt that he had really settled into Great Crowmell. He’d got used to his new routines and his team mates at the practice; and, although he missed the stunning views over London from Primrose Hill on his morning runs, he discovered that he really liked the beach, hearing the swish of the waves against the sand and the cry of the seagulls.
On the Monday evening, he made blondies for the team meeting in the morning. This time, at the meeting, Toni took one of the cakes with her coffee. ‘Oh, wow. These are amazing,’ she said.
How bad was it that he felt utterly gratified?
Worse still, when she smiled at him, his heart skipped a beat. Part of him felt as if he was thawing out, coming back to life; but part of him was unsure.
He was really going to have to keep a grip on his emotions. She’d made it clear that she was interested in dating him, but he knew he couldn’t trust his judgement. Although he realised Toni wasn’t the sort to hurt someone deliberately, neither was Karen and she’d still hurt him.
He was still brooding about it when he saw his last patient of the day, Courtney Reeves. She was seventeen, and was in the middle of doing her A-level exams. He guessed that she wanted to talk to him about anxiety management, because she’d refused to tell the receptionist what was wrong when she’d made an appointment.
‘What can I do for you, Courtney?’ he asked.
She bit her lip. ‘I’m in a mess.’
‘OK,’ he said. ‘Do you feel you can talk to me about it? Or would you prefer someone else to be here with you when we talk? Your mum?’
‘I... I can’t tell my mum. Please don’t tell my mum.’ She burst into tears.
Ben handed her the box of tissues on his desk. ‘Anything you tell me is completely confidential. Your medical records are completely private,’ he reassured her. ‘The only time I will talk to someone else about you is if I think you’re in danger, but I’ll always talk to you about that first.’
‘I’ve got a place at Cambridge,’ she said. ‘If I get my grades.’
‘And that’s where you want to go?’ he asked. Or maybe her parents were putting pressure on her to go there and she was finding the extra stress hard to handle.
‘I do.’ She looked miserable. ‘But I’ve messed it all up.’
He waited until she was ready to start talking. Eventually, she rubbed her eyes. ‘I... There was a party. I had too much to drink. I did something really stupid.’ She swallowed hard. ‘It was a month ago.’
Now he could guess exactly what was wrong. She’d had unprotected sex with someone. ‘And now your period is late?’ he asked quietly.
She nodded. ‘I caught the bus to Norwich and bought a test and did it in the loos at the library—if I’d bought one here someone would’ve told my mum.’
‘And it was positive?’ he checked.
She nodded. ‘And I don’t know what to do. I know I should’ve got the morning-after pill but I didn’t want my mum to know I’d been so stupid and had unprotected sex, and then it was Monday and it was too late.’
‘Have you told anyone else?’ he asked. ‘Is there a counsellor at school you can talk to?’
‘Just my best friend. She made me come to see you. She’s waiting outside for me.’
‘You’ve got a really good friend there, and you’ve done exactly the right thing in coming to see me,’ Ben said. ‘OK. So you’ve done the test and it’s positive. Do you have any other early pregnancy symptoms?’
‘Morning sickness, you mean? No. I feel fine. Just that I missed my period. I thought it was because I was stressed over the exams, but I’m always regular. Always.’
He looked at her. ‘I’m not judging you, Courtney, but as you didn’t use a condom it’s possible that you might have picked up an infection, so it might be a good idea to do a swab test.’
‘An STD, you mean?’ She shook her head. ‘It was the first time, for both of us. And I know that for definite.’
‘Have you told your boyfriend?’
‘And ruin his life as well as mine? How can I?’ she asked. ‘He’s supposed to be going to Oxford.’
And he didn’t want the hassle of a baby? Not that Ben would be mean enough to ask. ‘Let’s talk about your options,’ he said. ‘If you want to keep the baby, we can start your antenatal care now.’
‘I don’t want the baby,’ she said. ‘I’m too young. I’m just not ready for this.’ Her face had lost all its colour. ‘But the idea of having a termination... That’s...’ She grimaced. ‘I do Biology A-level, so I know right now it’s a tiny bunch of cells, not an actual b...’ Her voice tailed off. ‘I hate this, Dr Mitchell. I don’t know what to do. Whatever I do feels wrong. Someone’s going to get hurt. I don’t...’ She shook her head in anguish, clearly unable to speak because she was fighting back the tears.
‘It’s a hard decision,’ he said. ‘And you don’t have to make it right away because it’s still very early in the pregnancy. You have options. If you don’t want to keep the baby but you don’t want a termination, you can have the baby adopted and take a gap year between now and university. Or I can refer you to the hospital or clinic for assessment if you feel you’d rather have a termination. Whatever you decide, Courtney, the main thing is you’re not on your own. We can support you here at the practice.’
‘My mum’s going to be so angry.’ Courtney dragged in a breath. ‘She had me when she was seventeen and she’s always regretted it. I mean, I know she loves me, but if she hadn’t had me her life would’ve been so different. I’ve heard her talking to people when she thinks I can’t hear. If she hadn’t had me, she wouldn’t be a single mum. She would’ve gone to university and travelled the world and got an amazing job.’ She shook her head. ‘And now I’ve done exactly the same thing she did. She’s going to be so disappointed in me.’
‘When she’s got over the initial shock of the news,’ Ben said, ‘she might be the best person you can talk to about it. She’s been in your shoes, so she knows exactly how it feels.’
‘I’ve let her down,’ Courtney said. ‘I’ve let everyone down. And I was supposed to be going to study medicine. How can I possibly be a doctor when I’ve done something like this?’
‘You’re human. And plenty of medics I know have had an unplanned pregnancy.’ His ex-wife’s pregnancy hadn’t
been planned, either, and he was a medic. Not that it was appropriate to talk about that to Courtney.
‘You need to talk things over with your mum,’ he said. ‘There’s no rush. You have plenty of time to make a decision. Think about what you want. And if you’d like me to be there when you tell your mum, or if you’d like someone else you know from the practice to be there, we can arrange that.’
Another tear leaked down her cheek. ‘You’d do that?’
‘Of course I would. We want to help you, Courtney. You’re not alone.’
She looked as if she couldn’t quite believe it.
‘Find out when’s a good time for your mum, and we’ll make an appointment to talk to her together,’ he said. ‘It’s all going to work out.’
By the time she left his consulting room, Courtney looked a lot happier. But Ben couldn’t stop thinking about Karen. She must’ve been just as dismayed when she’d realised that she was pregnant. Courtney at least knew who the father was; for Karen, it had been more complicated. Her fling with Patrick had happened while he was away on a course. Given the timing, as soon as she knew she was pregnant she’d realised that there was a strong chance that the baby was Patrick’s. She’d panicked, not knowing what to do and not being able to talk to Ben about it because he was part of the problem.
The truth had come tumbling painfully out the day she’d got the appointment for the twenty-week scan.
He blew out a breath. It was pointless making himself miserable about it and wondering where he’d gone wrong. Karen had told him he hadn’t done anything wrong. She’d just fallen in love with Patrick. They’d both fought against it, not wanting to hurt him—but then he had been sent away on that course, Patrick had taken Karen to a show in his place, and the emotions had spilled over into kissing and that single night in Patrick’s bed.