When he moved his hand to place it possessively on the side of her hip, she watched but did not move. They stood only inches apart and she inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of him. He set his coffee down on the table nearby and did the same with hers before running his fingers up along her arms. The fine hairs there rose to stand on end at his touch and when he slid her dress from her shoulders, she remained still, allowing it. He turned her chin up and their gazes met. She saw arousal in his eyes as they traveled the length of her naked form before settling on her lips. Her tongue darted out to moisten them in anticipation of his kiss but instead of that, instead of the kiss she waited for and wanted, he spoke.
“You want this even knowing your children will be taken from you? Knowing that once the two are delivered, you’ll be taken back to the colony?”
“They will be your children as well,” she said, knowing it would wound him but a part of her somehow wanting to. Wanting to hurt him for not choosing her, not choosing her children, even as she understood wholly that doing so would mean choosing to abandon his son and the people of his village.
Her gaze faltered as he digested her words. The spell was broken, the tender, erotic moment now turning into something else. Something hard.
“Breeders are made to breed,” Silas said, lifting her and laying her on her back on the hard wooden table. He watched her, almost flaunting his power over her as he unzipped his pants and released his cock. “I do not mean you harm,” he said, pushing her legs wide. “But my son’s life and the lives of every man, woman, and child of this settlement depend on this.” With that he pinned her thighs down and thrust hard into her, his eyes on hers all along watching her flinch in pain when he retreated and did it again. “Your fate was determined when you were born. I am not to blame for that and neither my son nor the people of the settlement will pay the price for it.”
Another hard thrust, followed by another had her gripping the sides of the table. He was making a point.
“You come every time I fuck you, you’re wet every time I punish you,” he said, just touching her clit as he did. When she sucked in a breath, he squeezed it hard, calling a cry from her lips. “Come, breeder,” he said, fucking her faster now, pinching her clit between two fingers, pushing her knees up now, his other hand gripping one buttock hard, pulling it wide. “Come,” he said, his own voice breathy as she felt his cock swell inside her. “Or do you need more?” With that, his thumb was at her back hole, touching for a moment before pushing against it.
“Please!” she begged, her voice little more than a whisper as sweat covered her forehead.
He didn’t speak then, but pressed his thumb into her bottom hole while he lifted her and pulled her roughly to the edge of the table, impaling her on his cock, fucking her hard and fast, hurting her with each stroke while bringing her closer and closer to orgasm.
“Come!” he roared, slapping her hip hard with the command as if making her come somehow alleviated his guilt, somehow made her less human. “Come!”
As if on cue, she did, her muscles clamping hard around both finger and cock, milking the latter as it pulsed and throbbed, forcing his seed into her womb, teaching her her place, showing her that no matter what happened between them, she was only a breeder to him.
When he was finished with her, he slid his cock out, any emotion in his eyes masked. He zipped his pants and turned to walk into the house. Rowan stumbled off the table, her legs barely able to hold her as semen rushed down her thighs.
“They will be children too, just like your son,” she said to his back. “Your children.”
He stopped and just glanced at her over his shoulder, his expression tight, torn. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again, his gaze faltering for a moment before it hardened again and he turned and walked to the door. “Do not leave the house.”
A few moments later, she heard the front door slam shut. Left alone in the garden, Rowan picked up her discarded dress. He had taken her virginity just a day before and had used her roughly twice since then, but none of that mattered. She knew where she stood, knew it would be futile to try to work herself into his good graces, into his heart. The latter she doubted if he even had now.
Walking to the bed of herbs, she plucked leaves of the selenium to make into a tea.
* * *
The next few weeks passed quietly. Silas was gone most of the time and it seemed to her he was avoiding her. That was fine by her. She spent her mornings outside in the garden working with her herbs and the afternoons at the clinic. She was pleased to see the pomegranate seeds she had planted had taken root, the tiniest beginnings of a tree just breaking through the earth. The thought made her sad and happy at once.
Kara spent some time with her daily and Rowan was impressed with the girl’s knowledge of the plants. She didn’t know as much as Rowan but she also trusted her own knowledge less, which was probably the biggest obstacle. But she was friendly and it was nice to have someone to talk to, even if it was talk over trivial things.
One morning while she was sipping the selenium tea she had made and sitting in the shade of a tree, Kara walked out into the backyard.
“You startled me,” Rowan said when she saw her.
“I knocked but you didn’t hear. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
Rowan swallowed most of the tea before Kara got the scent of it. She didn’t want her asking questions. Rowan didn’t want to lie but she would if she had to.
“It’s ok. You’re early,” she said, “But I’ll just finish up watering these and we can go to the clinic.”
“Take your time. Honestly, I just wanted to get out of the house.” Kara planted herself on the chair Rowan had just vacated.
“Is everything ok?” Rowan asked, sensing that she wanted to talk about something, not missing the fact that Kara’s expression was more serious than it usually was.
She shrugged a shoulder. “Boy trouble.”
Rowan smiled. At eighteen, Kara was quite pretty and from what Rowan had seen, the only trouble she had with boys was choosing which one she wanted. “What sort of boy trouble?”
Kara looked up at Rowan. “Can you keep a secret?”
Could she keep a secret? Rowan winked and pulled up a chair. “Trust me, I can keep a secret,” she said.
“I’ve been seeing Jeremy,” she said. “You know, the boy who has been coming by the clinic almost daily.”
“I did notice him,” Rowan said. Jeremy was a lanky, awkward eighteen-year-old kid with a crush on Kara. She just hadn’t realized the infatuation was mutual. “I knew he liked you but…”
“You did?” Kara asked.
“Of course. His eyes light up when he looks at you.”
“Are you just saying that? I mean, I saw him walking with Barbara the other day.”
“Kara, from what I’ve seen, he’s like a puppy around you. Trust me on this, he’s got a serious crush on you so don’t worry about Barbara. And if it bothers you that much, talk to him.”
“I don’t want to make a fool of myself.”
“You won’t. Trust me, please!”
Kara smiled. “Ok. I’ll think about it. Can I have some of that tea? It smells good,” she said.
Rowan glanced down at the nearly empty cup. “Not this one, it’s for a belly ache. I’ll make you something else,” she said and rose to her feet, surprised at how easily that lie had slipped from her mouth. As she did, a sudden sharp pain had her doubled over and she clutched her belly.
“Rowan! Are you ok?” Kara asked, jumping to her feet.
The pain was gone as quickly as it came, but it was, in that moment, sharp as a knife slicing through her. Slowly, she straightened. “I’m ok,” she said. “Just got up too fast.”
“Do you want more of the tea?” Kara asked, picking up Rowan’s cup and looking at the damp leaves at the bottom of it.
Rowan took the cup from her hands. “No, that’s ok. I’m fine. Let me just give the plants a little water and
we can go.”
The two walked to the clinic together. As the days passed, the villagers seemed to become more comfortable with her presence, especially as when they came to the clinic, she worked with so many of them making her tinctures. Dr. Stone was a kind man and she enjoyed her time there with him and Kara. She only wished she could reach some similar sort of level with Silas but he wouldn’t allow it. She wondered if she so repulsed him because in the last two weeks, he had barely touched her at all during penetration and always took her from behind as if looking at her face were too much.
* * *
Silas walked toward the clinic knowing he would find Rowan there. The colony wanted a report and they had sent a test to confirm whether or not she was pregnant yet. He was just glad they didn’t send out more doctors to examine her. This was already hard on her and him keeping his distance was, in the end, for their own good. That time in the garden when he had forced himself on her, he’d done it knowing she would hate him for it. Hoping she would. But in a way, she seemed to understand his predicament and somehow, she managed to be kind to him. When he was around that is. He neither wanted nor needed her kindness. It would be easier if she hated him. Her nobility, her goodness, astounded him at times, but it also added to the guilt he already felt.
When he reached the clinic, he pulled the door open and went inside. The reception area was empty but for one waiting patient. He greeted the old man and made his way down the hall and out toward the garden where he could already see Rowan and Kara. They had their backs to him and Kara was telling an animated story. Just as he set foot outside, the two burst into laughter. The sound made him smile. Kara was one of the few girls close to Rowan’s age in the village. With her dad having passed away some time ago, her mom was so busy with Charlie that Kara was treated as more of an adult and it was nice to see her with Rowan. She looked up to her like a big sister.
“What’s so funny?” Silas asked, wanting to participate but awkward in his approach.
The two turned and he didn’t miss the fact that Rowan’s smile faded instantly.
“Oh, just some silly story,” Kara said. “Wait, is it just three in the afternoon and Silas is here? Out and about? Aren’t you supposed to be buried in ‘important business’ or something? Too important to hang out with us?”
Well, she was right. He had been hiding out. Avoiding Rowan and in the meantime, the whole of the settlement.
“I’m here on business,” he said, turning to Rowan. He didn’t miss it when she moved her hand to her belly and leaned just a little forward. “Are you ok?” he asked, concerned.
He saw Kara’s eyebrows go up as if she had something to say.
“I’m fine,” Rowan said, her tone cool.
“It’s an awful long time to have a belly ache,” Kara commented. He could hear her trying for a casual tone as he studied the pair.
“I said I’m fine,” Rowan snapped at Kara. It was completely out of character for Rowan and he could immediately see the regret on her face the moment the words had left her mouth. “I’m sorry, Kara. I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry.”
Kara shrugged. “It’s ok.” She looked down at her feet. “I have to get out of here and get Charlie.”
“Kara…” Rowan began, her eyes wide with worry and remorse.
But Kara only smiled once, or at least tried to, before leaving.
Silas watched her go, then turned back to Rowan. “She’ll be fine,” he said, seeing the guilt on her face.
“I shouldn’t have snapped.”
“Why did you? It’s not like you from what I’ve seen.”
“I don’t know,” she said, hesitating.
He raised his eyebrows.
“I’m tired. Can you take me home?” she asked.
“Are you sure you’re ok? I can have the doctor check you out.”
She shook her head, her eyes panicked for a moment. “No. No doctors.”
“They’re not like at the colony. I won’t let anyone do that to you here.”
“Please take me home,” she said, her eyes suddenly filled with tears.
“Rowan,” he said, walking to her, touching her arm.
She jerked it off. “What do you care? It’s not like you’re ever around other than to fuck me anyway!”
Silas opened his mouth, but closed it again and counted to ten. He exhaled through his nose. She was right, there was no denying that what she said was true. But it had to be this way. It would be easier later.
Hardening himself, he fished out the small box he’d received that morning and held it up to her so that she would see the insignia of the colony on the packaging. Her eyes went wide and she turned them to him, questioning.
“It’s a pregnancy test. You didn’t expect them to just leave you here without checking on you, did you?”
She only narrowed her eyes at him. “What happens if it’s positive? Do I have to go back?”
“I don’t know,” he said, feeling powerless, feeling weak.
“I won’t take it. Tell them you never got it if they ask.”
“Don’t you think they’ll send a convoy out with it the next time then?”
She considered while Silas watched, wanting to comfort her, to tell her he hated this as much as she did, hating himself for holding back.
Rowan nodded. “What do I have to do?”
“The doctor needs a urine sample,” Silas said, taking out the little cup and stick inside. “We’ll know within moments if you’re pregnant yet.”
“Fine,” she said, holding out her hand for the cup.
“The doctor and I have to watch you give the sample.”
She glared. “You have to…?” she asked, her voice rising. He knew from her tone that she knew how pointless arguing would be.
He nodded.
Rowan fisted her hands, her neck beginning to turn red with frustration. “I hate you,” she said, stomping ahead of him into the clinic. She went into the bathroom and Silas followed her along with the doctor. Silas had already spoken to him and explained. Dr. Stone told him he didn’t like it, but also knew he had to do it.
“I’m sorry, Rowan,” Dr. Stone said to her when they closed the door and stood while she took the cup from Silas’ hand.
She didn’t acknowledge his comment. Instead, she squatted down and lifted her dress, holding the cup just beneath her. She kept her gaze down as she filled the cup and when she was finished and stood, he could see the tears in her eyes as she handed it back to him and turned to wash her hands.
The men took the cup and left the small room quietly. Silas followed the doctor to his office and they both watched while the stick colored a pale green. Negative. Silas was surprised to find himself exhaling in relief. She wasn’t pregnant.
“I’ll make the call to the colony,” Dr. Stone said, seeming relieved himself. “Go take Rowan home and take care of her. Pay her some attention. She’s lonely in case you haven’t noticed.”
The tone in the doctor’s voice betrayed his annoyance with Silas but the man didn’t know how much was at stake.
“I don’t like this any more than anyone else,” he defended. “But I don’t have a choice.”
Dr. Stone met his gaze. “It doesn’t mean you can’t treat her kindly while she’s here, Silas. I’m sorry, but she deserves better.”
Silas opened his mouth to speak to his friend, to explain, but closed it again. This was his burden; he would carry it. But there was no denying what the doctor said. “I know,” Silas said. The men looked at each other for a long moment until Silas spoke again. “Thank you for letting her work here, I know she enjoys her time in the garden and with you and Kara.”
Dr. Stone nodded. “You’re a good man, Silas, and I know what you’re doing, trying to keep your distance, but it won’t make it easier when the time comes to send her or her children away. Take care with the time you have.”
Silas smiled a tight smile and exhaled. He nodded and turned to go, finding Rowan back outside in the garden.
Her back was to him and she was picking weeds from between some plants. He was about to call to her when he saw her stop and clutch her stomach, leaning forward, her other hand coming to the ground to support herself. He watched but after a few moments, the pain must have passed because she resumed her work. He’d keep an eye on her over the coming days and if she continued to have pain, he would insist on an exam.
She must have heard him as he approached because she slowly rose, looking expectantly at him.
“It’s negative,” he said. “You’re not pregnant.”
She exhaled and the only way he could describe her expression was relieved.
“Let’s go home.”
Chapter Ten
The following days passed in the same way with Silas disappearing after dropping her off at the clinic and Rowan spending most of her time there helping the doctor. At least now he let her wander about the village on her own. At least people didn’t stare like they did when she had first arrived but she still felt herself an outsider.
When by the end of a full week Kara still hadn’t visited Rowan either at home or at the clinic, Rowan gathered a bunch of wildflowers and headed over to Kara’s house. It was still early when she got there and she found Charlie playing outside, his book bag tossed aside under a tree.
“Rowan!” he called out when he saw her.
“Hi, Charlie,” Rowan said, smiling as the boy ran to give her a hug. His ease with affection made her feel good. At the colony, she had friends among the breeders. She was close with some and if not that, then they were at least friendly to one another, but here, she just felt lonely most of the time. Until Charlie wrapped his arms around her and squeezed, she didn’t even realize how much she missed a tender touch. “How’s your arm healing?” she asked, looking at it once he released her.
Given to the Savage Page 11