Earthling Ambassador

by Liane Moriarty

  "Moooooom!" yelled Shimlara.

  Katie took control of the situation. "That's right, Squid, you can't stay out there and have fun with your toys," she said, taking him by the arm. "You must come into Shimlara's room and sit very quietly while we talk about boring things for a long time. Come in here right now!"

  "NO!" Squid's face crumbled. "I PLAYING WITH TOYS!"

  "Well, okay then." Katie let him go. "You win. Off you go."

  Squid ran for his life.

  "You're a genius," said Shimlara, locking her bedroom door behind them. "Have you got a little brother, too?"

  "I've got three of them," said Katie. "Reverse psychology works every time."

  "Right," said Nicola as everybody settled down, sitting on the floor or on Shimlara's funny ball bed. "I'd like to call this meeting to order."

  "Don't take yourself too seriously there, Nic," said Sean. "You might be the boss, but you're not the Queen of England."

  "Are you going to start by calling the roll?" asked Greta. "That's what I'd do. Have you even got a list of our names? I mean, you've got to be organized, Nicola, no offense or anything, but I've seen your locker at school, and you're not a very organized person."

  "QUIET," said Nicola. Keeping these people in line was going to be an even tougher job than meeting the princess. "The reason I decided I needed more than one person to complete this mission is because I have an idea. It could be dangerous and it's definitely against the law."

  "Now you're talking." Sean grinned.

  "But I think it's the only way we're going to save Earth from becoming an intergalactic garbage can."

  Everybody looked at her expectantly.

  "My idea . . ." began Nicola hesitantly. Tyler gave her a little nod of encouragement. "My idea is to kidnap the princess."

  CHAPTER 19

  For a moment there was silence, then everybody burst out talking at once.

  "AWESOME!" said Sean.

  "Oh, but that seems so mean," said Katie.

  "But how would we ever get past the guards?" asked Shimlara.

  "Is that really your best idea?" asked Greta.

  "How would kidnapping the princess help accomplish the mission?" asked Tyler. "She could just pretend to agree to do what we want and then change her mind again when we let her go free. I mean, we can't kidnap her forever."

  Everybody stopped talking when they heard Tyler's question and looked to Nicola for an answer.

  "I think Princess Petronella is bored," explained Nicola. "She's coming up with these stupid laws just for something to do. If we take her to Earth, we can show her how fun it is! She can swim in the oceans and we could take her to the zoo and show her giraffes and kangaroos and koala bears and, and . . . stuff! And then maybe she'll realize what a terrible thing it would be to destroy such an amazing place."

  "Mmmm," said Tyler doubtfully. "I guess that might work."

  "The princess is probably upset that her parents didn't take her with them on their vacation," said Katie thoughtfully. "Georgio told us she didn't have any brothers or sisters, so she must be pretty lonely."

  "You might be right," said Nicola. "She probably just needs some friends to help make her nicer."

  "What if the princess is just a nasty person?" asked Shimlara. "Some people are nasty all the way through."

  "In that case we could torture her!" said Sean enthusiastically.

  Everybody stared at him until he mumbled, "Just a little bit--not so it really hurts her. Can't anybody take a joke around here?"

  "I don't want to question your idea or anything, Nicola," said Greta. "But how are we going to kidnap the princess? Have you got a plan? I mean, I don't think kidnapping is that easy, you know.We could all end up in jail. I don't want a criminal record! It might affect my chances of being school captain next year."

  "Yes, I am aware that kidnapping a princess isn't going to be easy," said Nicola. "That's why I formed the Brigade. I knew I couldn't do it on my own, but I thought together we could come up with some ideas." She put on a honey-sweet voice. "If you think it's too hard, Greta, then you don't need to be in the Space Brigade.You can just go and wait outside with Mully and Georgio and Squid."

  "Of course, I can think of some ideas." Greta looked miffed. "Everybody always says I'm excellent at coming up with ideas."

  "Okay," said Nicola. "What's your idea?"

  "Give me a minute!"

  "Got it!" Sean snapped his fingers. "I'll rappel down into the castle from a helicopter late at night, with, like, black stuff on my face, and dressed all in black, and I'll talk to you on the two-way radio and let you know how I'm going, and I'll just knock her out and toss her over my shoulder and then, ummmm, let's see ...Who wants to take it from there?"

  Shimlara said, "Don't forget the princess is a whole lot taller than you, Sean.You'd probably have trouble tossing her over your shoulder."

  "You'd be surprised at what I can do." Sean cracked his knuckles and Shimlara snorted, unimpressed.

  "Shimlara, did you say something about guards around the palace?" asked Tyler.

  "Yep, lots of them," said Shimlara. "I don't want to sound negative, but you're all pretty small compared to the palace guards--even I am! They wouldn't think twice about shooting us if they caught us kidnapping the princess."

  "Bulletproof vests." Sean pointed at his chest as if he wore a bulletproof vest to school every day.

  "We've got to find an excuse to get her out of the palace," said Tyler.

  "Okay, but how do we do that?" asked Greta.

  No one spoke.

  "We could invite her to a party," suggested Katie tentatively. "Nicola says she's bored, so she might be happy to come."

  "Like, a birthday party?" asked Shimlara. "I don't think she'd come to a commoner's birthday party. She would think it was beneath her."

  "The party would have to be about her," said Greta. "It would have to be something that appealed to her ego."

  "What about a Praise the Princess Pool Party?" asked Nicola. "We could have it right here in the backyard."

  "Would she fall for it?" asked Tyler.

  "I think she might," said Nicola. "We could say it's to pay tribute to her wonderful beauty and talent, blah, blah, blah."

  "So we get her to the party," said Sean. "And then I rappel in through the roof . . ."

  "Sean, I don't know if we're going to need any rappeling," said Nicola.

  "Okay, so let's say we get her here to the pretend party," said Shimlara. "She'll probably bring at least one bodyguard with her."

  "We'll have to distract the bodyguard, and then find a way to tie her up and tape up her mouth," said Nicola. "The problem is that if she screams, the bodyguard will come running."

  "What if we hypnotized her?" said Katie. "My grandma does hypnosis--I think I could work out how to do it, at least for a few minutes.Then we could get her to tie herself up!"

  "So we get her to the party, we distract the guard, we hypnotize her--then how do we get her to Earth?" asked Greta.

  "We'll have to use Georgio's spaceship," said Nicola. "Do you think Plum would fly it for us, Shimlara? We could hide the princess so she wouldn't know we were doing anything illegal."

  "I think so," said Shimlara. "She's pretty easygoing."

  "Okay," said Nicola. "We've got a plan. Do you think it will work?"

  She looked around the room.

  They all shook their heads sadly.

  "No."

  "Not really."

  "Probably not."

  "Should we try it anyway?"

  "Yes!"

  "You bet!"

  "Let's go for it!!"

  CHAPTER 20

  PRINCESS PETRONELLA

  is cordially invited to be GUEST OF HONOR

  at a PRAISE THE PRINCESS POOL PARTY.

  This REALLY FUN, NOT-TO-BE-MISSED-OR-YOU-WILL-REGRET-IT-FOR-THE-REST-OF-YOUR-LIFE

  PHENOMENAL POOL PARTY IS TO HONOR THE

  EXTRAORDINARY job the princess is doing while
her parents,

  the king and queen, are away on vacation. AMAZING, RARE,

  and UNUSUAL GIFTS will be presented to the princess.

  There will also be speeches PRAISING the princess for her

  many PRODIGIOUS talents, her INEFFABLE beauty, her

  STUPENDOUS wit, and her general all-around EMINENCE!

  Where: 3087105804158 Madagaskaravargera Drive,

  Paragaskarville

  When: Two P.M., Friday, June 29

  "Too many big Nicola words, as usual," said Greta dismissively. "Not everybody talks like a dictionary."

  She handed back the invitation. Nicola had written the words and Shimlara had done the design on her computer. It was on a thick white scroll of paper with gold engraving and a red wax seal.

  "I think it's a beautiful invitation," said Katie.

  "She won't be able to resist," said Tyler.

  "Okay," said Nicola. "So now we post the invitation--"

  "Oh, NO!"

  Everybody jumped as Shimlara clapped her hands over her face.

  "What is it?" asked Tyler. "What's wrong?"

  "I just remembered something Mom and Dad said when they sent their first petition to the princess about saving Earth."

  "Ye-es?" encouraged Nicola.

  "Well, they said the princess gets so much mail, it would be weeks before she would even see it."

  "Can't we just take it ourselves and deliver it to her?" asked Tyler.

  "Everybody tries that." Shimlara slumped down on her bed, looking despondent. "There are whole wheelbarrows of mail every day. I'm so sorry I didn't think of this earlier."

  "Yes, you really should have thought of it," said Greta.

  "No worries.We just ring up the princess and ask her to the party," said Sean.

  "You can't just ring up the princess," said Shimlara."She has servants to answer her phone. She would never talk to us."

  "The best thing would be to deliver the invitation to her personally," said Tyler.

  "But you need an appointment to see her," said Shimlara. "Dad made Nicola's appointment weeks before he'd even gone to Earth to pick the Ambassador."

  "Oh," said Tyler.

  Everybody sat silently, staring at the floor, trying to work out what to do.

  Nicola glanced at her countdown watch. It said:

  JUST A BIT OVER ONE DAY LEFT--

  ALL YOUR CLEVER PLANS SHOULD BE COMING TOGETHER NICELY BY NOW!

  Grrrrr.

  There was a slight rustle as a handwritten note slid under Shimlara's door. It was a note from Mully saying: do you WANT SOMEHING to EAT or DRINK?

  Shimlara wrote on the bottom: YES, PLEASE!!! She slid it back under the door.

  "That would be a good way to get the invitation to the princess," commented Katie. "If we could just slide it under her bedroom door."

  "Why don't we just sneak in while she's sleeping and put it on her bedside table," said Greta in a sarcastic voice. "Be realistic, Katie."

  "Actually," said Shimlara slowly, "maybe that's an option."

  "Really?" said Nicola.

  "Yep." Shimlara turned to Sean. "We might need you to do some rappeling after all."

  CHAPTER 21

  It was the middle of the night.The members of the Space Brigade were dressed from head to toe in black (or at least their darkest-colored clothes), with black beanies and thick black stripes of paint on their faces.

  Sean was so excited, Nicola thought he might explode. Katie, on the other hand, was so nervous and pale, Nicola was worried she might faint.

  Georgio and Mully had gone to bed hours earlier, leaving the Space Brigade asleep in sleep-pouches (Globagaskar's high-tech, softer, snugger version of sleeping bags--they even had their own built-in thermostats so you could adjust the temperature to suit) on Shimlara's bedroom floor. Nicola had felt bad about telling them that the Brigade wasn't taking any new action until the morning, but Shimlara had said they'd understand once Earth was saved.

  Everyone reviewed multiplication tables in their heads during dinner to make sure Georgio didn't read their minds and work out what they were doing. He hadn't said anything except to remark that he'd always found the "one times" table hardly worthy of reviewing, giving Sean a pointed look, and that nine nines were not and never had been eighty-two, if anyone happened to be interested.

  They had stayed awake for what seemed like ages until the house was still and quiet except for the sound of Georgio snoring.Then, they'd all crept on nervous tippytoes outside to the garage, where Shimlara apparently kept her very own helicopter, in the same way that most Earthling children would keep a bike.

  "You've got a helicopter?" Tyler had said when Shimlara had mentioned this.

  "Oh, yeah, I got one for my last birthday," said Shimlara. "Everyone in my class has got one. Most kids have got their own mini spaceships."

  "And you're allowed to fly this helicopter?" Tyler was barely able to contain his envy.

  "Of course!" Shimlara paused, then said honestly, "I'm not very good at it, though."

  This was proving to be true.

  They'd all crammed into the helicopter, with Shimlara behind the controls. Now they were flying to the Rainbow Palace to personally deliver the invitation to the princess. Sean would rappel down from the roof into the princess's bedroom and leave it sitting on her bedside table. Simple--as long as they made it to the palace without crashing.

  The helicopter kept swooping down dangerously close to the tops of buildings.With a cheerful "Oops-a-daisy!" Shimlara would pull on the controls and next thing they'd all be pinned to their seats as the helicopter shot straight up into the starry night sky.

  "I think I'm going to be sick," moaned Katie.

  "Are you going to be able to land the helicopter on the roof without knocking the palace down?" asked Greta.

  "Who knows?!" Shimlara swung the controls violently to the left and Nicola's head knocked against the window.

  "I see the palace!" said Tyler. He had a pair of binoculars pressed against the helicopter window. "Gosh. Is it made of . . . jewelry?"

  "Precious stones," explained Nicola.

  The palace looked even more beautiful at night.The rubies, emeralds, sapphires, and diamonds glittered mysteriously in the turquoise moonlight shining from Globagaskar's two moons.

  "Okay," said Shimlara. "Time to go into Camouflage Mode. Can you pull that lever there, Sean?"

  Sean pulled the lever and all of a sudden the noisy sounds of the helicopter blades vanished and the lights went off, plunging them into darkness and silence.

  "None of the guards should be able to see or hear the helicopter now," whispered Shimlara. "Assuming we can trust the instruction book, of course. Some of the other features of the helicopter haven't actually worked that well."

  "Oh great," muttered Greta.

  "Ah, Shim, I think now might be a good time to land," said Sean. "That looks like a helicopter landing pad to me."

  They were hovering over the very top of the castle and Nicola could see a large flat area with a circle marked on it.

  "Okey-dokey," said Shimlara.

  She did something with the pedals at her feet and the helicopter began to nosedive toward the helipad.

  "Straighten up! Straighten up!" shouted Tyler.

  "I don't want to die!" cried Greta. "I've got to finish my term as class captain!"

  "Greta, you're really starting to bug me." Shimlara did something else to the controls that caused the helicopter to veer crazily to the left as they hurtled down toward land.

  "OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!" everybody said in unison as their heads banged against the side of the helicopter while it bounced along the helipad.

  Finally it stopped bouncing and was still.

  For a few seconds no one spoke as they all rubbed their heads.

  Then Katie said, "Well done, Shimlara."

  "Thank you," beamed Shimlara.

  "Okay, let's get this show on the road." Sean opened the door of the helicopter and jumped
lightly to the ground.

  "Remember to stick to the plan!" ordered Nicola.

  "Actually, I do have some suggestions about changing the plan," began Greta.

  "Too late," said Nicola firmly.

  The plan was that Tyler, Katie, and Greta would be the lookouts.They were to station themselves at different parts of the palace roof and keep an eye out for the guards. If they thought a guard was becoming suspicious, they would make a "meow" sound.

  There had been a lot of arguments over this because Greta thought it would be preferable for the warning signal to be an owl's hoot. Sean suggested laughing like a hyena, but Nicola thought he was probably just throwing out that idea because he enjoyed arguing. In the end, the cat's meow had won.

  In the meantime, Shimlara and Nicola would be responsible for operating the rope system that would lower Sean into the princess's bedroom so he could drop the invitation next to her bed, where it would be the first thing she saw when she woke up.

  Hopefully she would assume it had been delivered by one of her ladies-in-waiting.

  "Now we just need to find the princess's bedroom," said Shimlara. She pulled out the map she'd downloaded from the palace website and studied it carefully.

  "Huh?" she said confusedly, turning it the other way around.

  "Let me see," said Sean. "Everyone knows girls can't read maps."

  He took the map from her."Huh?" He twisted it around and brought it up close to his face and frowned."Ummm. Okay. So right now we're ... ummmm, mmmm, let's see ..."

  "Oh, for goodness sake." Greta snatched the map from him and examined it. She immediately looked up and pointed to a triangular vent on the far side of the roof next to a ruby-encrusted turret. "That vent over there is the top of the princess's bedroom."

  "Good work!" said Nicola generously.

  "Yes, well, that's why I should have been the Earthling Ambassador in the first place." Greta flounced off to her lookout point.

  Sean, Shimlara, and Nicola went over to the vent and looked down at it apprehensively. Nicola put a finger to her lips, reminding them that the princess was asleep just beneath them.

  Shimlara pulled Georgio's toolbox from her backpack and they each selected a screwdriver.Working quietly and efficiently, they unscrewed the corners of the vent's covering and lifted it off.

  They gave one another quick thumbs-ups and got down on their stomachs so they could peer into the opening.

  At first Nicola couldn't see anything, but when her eyes adjusted to the darkness she could just make out the princess's four-poster bed and her head on a mound of pillows.