by Ian Hay
II
"I forgive you both," he said, smiling serenely, "for not sending tomeet us. Well, to return to the goat--"
Veins began to stand out upon Lady Adela's patrician brow.
"Richard," she exclaimed, in a low and vibrant tone--"for the last time,_who is that young woman_?"
Dicky stared down upon his afflicted parent in unaffected surprise, andthen dissolved into happy laughter.
"I must tell Tilly about this," he roared. "Of course, now I come tothink of it, you don't know a thing about her. You never got my letter!Fancy you two poor old creatures sitting there as good as gold andwondering why I had brought her down here at all! Oh, my saintedMother!"
"Who is she?" reiterated the sainted Mother, fighting for breath.
"She is my little girl," replied Dicky proudly. "We're engaged."
"I knew it," said Lady Adela, in a hollow voice.
"And I have brought her down here to make your acquaintance, that'sall!" concluded the happy lover, apparently surprised that hisrelationship to Miss Welwyn should ever have been a matter of doubt toany one. "We met the goat outside the station--"
Lady Adela uttered a deep groan. Mr. Mainwaring rose from his seat andadvanced upon his tall son, who still leaned easily against themantel-piece, with his feet upon the hearthrug and his head above theclouds.
"My dearest boy," he said, patting Dicky affectionately and coaxinglyupon the shoulder, "do you realise that you are our only son, and thatas such we take a not unreasonable interest in your welfare? Would youmind postponing the goat for a moment and giving us a more explicitaccount of the young lady? I had only the merest glimpse of her justnow," he concluded, doggedly avoiding his wife's eye, "but she struck meas charming--charming!"
Dicky's air of cheerful inanity fell from him like a cloak. Exultantlyhe took his father by the shoulders.
"Dad," he shouted, "she's the most blessed little darling that everwalked this earth! She's a princess! She's a fairy! She's a--"
The rhapsodist broke off short, and flushed red.
"Forgive me," he said, "for waffling like that, but I don't quite knowwhat I 'm doing just at present. Dad, I'm the happiest man that everlived!"
"My boy, my boy," cried little Mr. Mainwaring, "I'm glad--I'm glad!"
And father and son, regardless of the feelings of the unfortunate ladyupon the sofa, proceeded to shake one another violently and continuouslyby both hands.
At last they desisted, a little sheepishly.
"Abel," said a cold voice, "be seated. Dick, take that chair."
Both gentlemen complied meekly.
"I see," said Lady Adela, looking up from a rapid perusal of her son'sletter, "that the girl's name is Tilly Welwyn. Tilly, I presume, is anabbreviation of Matilda?"
"I don't know," confessed Dicky. "But Tilly will," he added brightly."She knows everything."
"I notice," continued the Counsel for the Prosecution, still skimmingthrough the letter, "that you have known one another for a short time--"
"Seven weeks, five days, four hours, and a few odd minutes," confirmedthe defendant, looking at his watch.
"--And you became engaged as recently as last Sunday." Lady Adela laiddown the letter. "Where?"
"On the top of a 'bus."
"H'm!" said Mr. Mainwaring uneasily.
"A rather unusual place, was it not?" enquired Lady Adela coldly.
"Unusual," agreed Dicky readily, "but not irregular. Oh, no! Besides,Percy was there, three seats behind. Perfect dragon of a chaperon, oldPerce! Yes, the proceedings were most correct, I promise you."
"I note," continued Lady Adela, taking up the letter again, "that you donot say where you made Miss Welwyn's acquaintance."
"That was on the top of another 'bus," explained Dicky, with a disarmingsmile.
"And was her brother," enquired Lady Adela, ominously calm, "present on_this_ occasion?"
"Percy? Rather not! Otherwise I need not have interfered."
"Int--" began both Lady Adela and Mr. Mainwaring together.
"Yes," said Dicky glibly. "It was like this. The rain began to comedown hard, and a rather poisonous-looking bounder sitting beside heroffered her his umbrella."
"Any gentleman would have done the same, Dick," interposed Mr.Mainwaring quietly.
"Yes, Dad. But I don't think any gentleman would have insisted onpaying a girl's fare for her; and I don't think any gentleman would haveconsidered a half-share in a three-and-ninepenny brolly an excuse forputting his arm round a girl's waist," replied Dicky, with suddenpassion.
"He did that?"
"Yes."
"What did you do?"
Dicky grinned cheerfully.
"I did a pretty bright thing," he said. "It was no business of mine, ofcourse, and I naturally did n't want to start a brawl on the top of aPiccadilly omnibus--"
"Dick, what were you doing on the top of an omnibus at all?" demandedLady Adela unexpectedly. "Such economies are a new feature of yourcharacter."
Dicky nodded his head sagely.
"Yes," he agreed, "that's a sound point--a sound point. What _was_ Idoing on the top of that omnibus at all? That's the mystery. I wasextremely surprised myself. I have spent whole days since, wonderinghow I got there. I have come to the conclusion that it was Fate--justFate! That's it--Fate!"
"My dear boy, don't talk nonsense," said Lady Adela impatiently.
"But I am quite serious, dear Mum," persisted Dicky. "I don't as a rulego following unprotected young females onto the summits of omnibuses--"
Lady Adela's fine eyes began to protrude, crabwise.
"You _followed_ her?" she gasped.
"I did. What else was there to do?" said Dicky simply. "I might neverhave seen her again if I had n't. Fate does n't as a rule give a mantwo chances. I got this one, and I took it. One moment I was walkingalong Piccadilly, bucking about something to old Tiny Carmyle. Nextmoment there she was, stepping on to that Piccadilly 'bus. In aboutfive seconds I found myself up on top, too, sitting on the seat behindher. I tell you, it must--"
"What became of Mr. Carmyle?" asked Lady Adela, ruthlessly interruptinganother rhapsody.
Dicky smiled vaguely, and rubbed his head.
"Upon my soul, I don't know," he confessed. "It's the first time thematter has occurred to me. I expect he went home. He's a resourcefulold creature."
"How did you dispose of the man with the umbrella, my boy?" enquired Mr.Mainwaring.
"Ah," said Dicky, abandoning Carmyle to his fate, "that was where I didthe bright thing. The fellow looked as if he made rather a hobby ofthis sort of game, and that gave me an idea. When he started amusinghimself, I tapped him on the shoulder and said, right in his ear: 'Lookhere, my man, do you remember what happened to you the last time youwere rude to a lady when you thought no one was with her?"
Mr. Mainwaring rubbed his hands gently.
"Well?" he said.
"At that," continued The Freak with relish, "my sportsman went a sort ofripe gorgonzola colour, grabbed his filthy brolly, and slid heavily downthe back stairs of the 'bus."
"And what did you do then?" enquired Lady Adela.
"I," replied Dicky triumphantly, "got up and took his seat and gaveTilly my umbrella!"
"Ha! ha! ha!" crowed Mr. Mainwaring delightedly. "H'm! h'm! h'm! Honk!honk! honk!" he concluded hurriedly, coughing laboriously and pattinghimself upon the chest, as his consort turned menacingly in hisdirection.
"And where did you part company?" asked Lady Adela.
"Well," explained the culprit, "I offered to see her home. She wasrather shaken up by what had happened."
Lady Adela nodded her head as if she had expected this.
"I see. And what did the young woman--
"Don't you think, Mum dear, that you might start calling her 'lady'now?" suggested Dicky gently.
"--Say to that?" she enquired, without taking the slightest notice ofthe interruption.
"As a gift?"
"No," said Dicky with a twinkle; "as a hostage."
"And you gave her your address?"
Dicky's radiant countenance clouded for a moment.
"Not quite," he said. "I meant to, of course; but I can't have beenquite my own calm self; for instead of giving her my own address, Iasked for hers."
"She gave it, I suppose?" said Lady Adela dryly.
"No. She hesitated badly. I ought to have realised at once that I wasnot quite playing the game; but I was so mad keen to see her again thatthe idea never occurred to me. I simply thought she had forgotten whereshe lived, or something, and waited."
"But finally," said Lady Adela, "the young--lady did confide her addressto you?"
Dicky nodded, and his mother continued:--
"Where does she live?"
"Russell Square," said Dicky rapturously.
"Russell Square? Ah! I know it. One drives through it on the way toEuston. In Bloomsbury, I believe?" said Lady Adela.
Her infatuated son corrected her. "Not Bloomsbury," he said reverently;"Heaven."
"Quite so," agreed Lady Adela, entirely unmoved. "What number?"
"I have forgotten the number long ago," replied Dicky, "but I could findmy way to the place blindfold by this time."
"Don't you ever write to her?" asked his mother curiously.
"Every day."
"Then you must know her postal address," was the crushing rejoinder.
Dicky merely shook his head, and smiled serenely.
"No, I don't," he said.
"Then where do you address her letters?"
"I walk round every night after bedtime, and drop the letter into herletter-box. Is it likely I would let a postman touch it? Anyhow, onthis occasion Tilly told me that if I asked for my umbrella any time Iwas passing it would be handed out to me. Then she thanked me again,the darling, and went into the shop."
"Front entrance?" enquired Lady Adela swiftly.
"Was it?" said Dicky vaguely. "I don't remember. Yes, I do. She wentround and in at the side somewhere. Why?"
"Nothing," said Lady Adela. "And did you call at Russell Square?"
"Rather! I went there next afternoon."
"Were you invited in?"
"As a matter of fact, I met her coming out, with her father. A splendidold chap! Apparently Tilly had told him the whole tale, and he hadexpressed a desire to make my acquaintance. A lucky desire for me, what?He took us both out to tea."
"Where?"
"Gunter's. Said he was sorry he could n't ask me into the house atpresent, as they had the paperhangers in. After that visitation wasover, I was to come and make the acquaintance of the rest of thefamily."
"And did you?"
"Yes."
"What is the house like inside?" was the next inevitable feminineenquiry.
"To tell you the truth I have n't been inside yet, except the fronthall. But I met the rest of the family at a very friendly littleluncheon given in my honour at the Criterion on the following Saturdayafternoon."
"And what are the rest of the family like?"
Dicky pondered.
"Now I come to think it over," he confessed at length, "I'm not veryclear about the rest of the family. Collectively they struck me asbeing the most charming people I had ever met, but I don't seem to havenoticed them individually, if you know what I mean. You see, Tilly wasthere."
"How many are there?" pursued his mother, with exemplary patience.
"Four or five, I should think, but I have never counted them," repliedthe exasperating Richard. "Tilly--"
Mr. Mainwaring came timidly to his wife's aid.
"Is there a mother, my boy?" he asked.
"Yes, there is a mother," replied Dicky hastily. "Oh, yes," he repeatedwith more confidence, "certainly there is a mother."
"Any sisters?"
"There is a small girl--a dear. And I have a kind of notion there aresome twins somewhere. Tilly--"
"Any brothers?"
Dicky smiled, apparently at some amusing thought.
"Yes," he said, "there is Percy. A sterling fellow, Perce! I wonderwhere he is, by the way. If he were here he might be able to dosomething with the goat. Any one would respect Percy--even a goat."
Lady Adela sighed despairingly. Mr. Mainwaring, taking the goat by thehorns, so to speak, asked his son to elucidate the mystery once and forall.
"Did n't I tell you about the goat?" asked Dick in surprise. "Well, itwas like this. When Tilly and I were hunting for a cab in the rain atthe station just now, we met a woman with a goat, in tears."
"The goat?" said Lady Adela incredulously.
"No, its mother--I mean, its proprietress. She had missed the market, orsomething, owing, to her pony breaking down, and she had come to thestation as a forlorn hope, to see if she could catch a departinggoat-merchant and unload Maximilian on him."
"Maximilian?" interjected Lady Adela giddily.
"Yes--the goat. We had to call him _something_, you know. Her husbandwas very ill in bed, and Maximilian had to be sold to defray expenses,it seemed."
"And so you--er--purchased Maximilian?" said Mr. Mainwaring.
"We did," replied The Freak gravely. "That was why we had to walk. Thecabman would not allow us to take Maximilian inside with us, and Maxabsolutely declined to sit on the box beside the cabman--which did n'taltogether surprise me--so we all three had to come here on our archedinsteps. I wonder where Tilly is."
"Where is the animal now?" enquired Lady Adela apprehensively. She wasquite prepared to hear that Maximilian was already in the best bedroom.
"We left him on the lawn, tethered to the rain-gauge," replied Dicky."Ah, there she is!"
Forgetting the goat and all other impediments to the course of truelove, he hurried to the foot of the staircase.