by Giselle Fox
“And here we are in your apartment. The look in your eye tells me you want to forget all the superficial bullshit and just make love. You’re not careful or apologetic. You’re the woman that walked up to Debbie Harry and planted a kiss on her that made every photographer around take notice. Don’t apologize for something you can’t control, Rocky. Don’t apologize for being who you are and where you are in your life.”
“Alright,” I sighed. “I’ll stop worrying about it.”
She smiled gently and kissed me. “It’s been pretty cool to meet my hero, even better to find out what an amazing person she is and better still to have her turn out to be such an incredible lover. I like your experience. I like that you know more than me. How dull to be with someone that doesn’t challenge you.”
“I think you might be smarter than me,” I said.
“Then we’ll challenge each other.”
I looked into the fire and considered how challenged I’d already been. “So… did you get a chance to finish what you were doing before the cop showed up?”
Candy grinned. “Yes, as a matter of fact, I did.”
“Are you going to tell me what it was?”
“You’ll see it tomorrow.”
“How about you recreate it on my wall over there,” I said and nodded toward the blank wall above my workbench. I’d used it for ideas before and routinely painted over it.
“With spray paint?”
“Sure, I don’t mind. That wall has at least a hundred layers of paint on it already.”
“Okay,” she said and stood up. She walked over to my workbench and picked up a tin of gold paint. “No pink?” she grinned.
“No, but I’m beginning to like it more these days. I think I just might pick some up.”
Candy stood in front of the wall and shook the can. “You asked me something tonight. I thought it sounded like one of your Burning Questions. Do you remember?”
“Yes,” I said.
She sprayed a series of letters on the wall and then finished it off with a question mark. How do I know?
She knelt down in front of me again. “How do I know that I’m not going to run off with someone else?” she asked.
“Right,” I said quietly.
Candy lifted my hand to her lips and kissed it softly. “And the answer is, I see my future when I look at you, Rocky. I feel like I’ve known it since the day I clipped that picture and put it in a frame.”
I took a deep breath. “I got jealous tonight because… I’m falling in love with you. I’m…”
Candy held my face in her hands and kissed me. Her warmth and love radiated through her lips and flowed into me. Whatever I’d feared suddenly didn’t matter.
She pulled back and smiled at me as she smoothed her thumb over my lips. “Whether there’s a divine conspiracy behind all this or not, I’m falling in love with you too.”
“I’m sorry I got jealous. I have heroes too,” I said softly.
“Tell me who inspires you,” she asked as she sat back.
I thought back to the images that I had collected on my wall of inspiration at work. Some were eternal favorites, others I’d loved but weren’t as relevant to me anymore. I appreciated all of them.
“Swoon, Viola Doucette, Faith47, Veda Smart, LadyMax,” I began to list them off.
“LadyMax?”
“Sure. Her work will always inspire me. Every time a new piece is documented, I think, wow, this woman just gets it every time.”
Candy smiled and nodded. “So… the first picture I had of you was that photo in your studio in San Francisco, right?”
“Right,” I said.
Candy smiled. “There were a lot of pictures and clippings on the wall behind you in that shot. Some were in frames, some not. There was a big one, a photograph.”
“That was my wall of inspiration,” I said. “That photo is at the shop.”
“I know, I’ve seen it.” She smiled broadly.
“I took it when I was in New York. LadyMax had just put up that piece. It was painted over about an hour after I got there. I felt lucky to have seen it.”
“So here’s another interesting coincidence,” she said. “When you took that photo, I was in New York too.”
“Really? That’s sort of… strange,” I said slowly.
Candy shook the tin of gold spray paint again and headed for the wall. “It is… but the really interesting thing is, while I was at OCA trying to model myself after a certain sexy black-haired graphic artist, she was running around in the dark trying to model herself after...” she turned her back to me and sprayed a signature on the wall that I knew very, very well. She turned around and smiled. “... yours truly.”
My mouth hit the floor. “You’re LadyMax?”
Candy just kept smiling. “Neat huh?”
“But you must have been...” I tried to do the calculation quickly in my head but Candy beat me to it.
“Seventeen when I did my first piece. I did the piece on your office wall just after I turned nineteen.”
“You did that when you were nineteen?!” I sat back and contemplated that for a moment.
“You did the cover for Gravity Burns when you were nineteen.”
“Yeah but...” I was stunned.
Candy shrugged. “I was inspired.”
I shook my head and laughed. I shouldn’t have been surprised. The entire week had been one giant, freaky coincidence after another.
“You can never tell anyone. Only three people know who I am, including you. I’m wanted in three countries,” she said seriously.
“I can’t believe you took the chance tonight!”
Candy batted the air with her hand. “I wasn’t going to sign it. Everyone thinks I’m in France right now.”
I stood up and went to her. “Baby, you’re my hero,” I grinned.
“And you are mine,” she said as she put down the can of spray paint. She wrapped her arms around me and looked up into my eyes. “Isn’t that completely perfect?”
I held her and stared at her signature on my wall. It had fueled my passion enough to climb fences and scale rooftops, to stand up and say things that I believed in. It had been my inspiration and my teacher. And at that moment it was painted all over my heart.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
It was early December. A blast of cold air had swept over the city and the three of us had woke to a thin layer of frost on the ground. At the dog park, Skip played in it as if it were snow. He snuffled his nose into the frosty grass and tossed the little crystals into the air. Candy attempted to make snowballs with what she could gather but settled on painting I love you on the ground with her footprints instead. Winter and the holidays were upon us and I was more in love than I’d ever been.
Later that afternoon, I drove up and down 4th Avenue trying to find a parking spot. Holiday shoppers were out in full force and the streets were bustling with activity. I walked toward Christa’s salon and took a few breaths of cold air. I wondered for a moment whether what I was about to do truly needed to be done, whether closure was that important or even possible between us after everything that had happened. As I grabbed the handle of the salon door, I figured I had nothing to lose.
“Hey,” I said. Christa looked up from the front desk and stared at me with her big green eyes.
“Hey,” she said. “What are you doing here?”
“I thought... maybe we could talk, if you had time. Brady said you had a cancellation.”
Christa nodded. “Yeah, sure. Do you want me to...?” she pointed to my hair.
“Does it need it?”
Christa looked at my head from a few angles and then shrugged. “Not really. Who have you been seeing?”
“Jeremy,” I said.
She knew him well. He’d worked for her before he got his own place. She nodded. “Ah… yes.”
“Want to go for a walk?” I asked.
“Okay. Let me get my jacket.” She walked to the back of the salon and disappeared. James looked up from
his client and smiled at me. “Hey, Rocky. How have you been?”
“Great, actually. How about you? How’s Brett?”
“He’s good. He’s in Prince George right now visiting his parents.”
“Nice. Say hi to him for me.”
“I will,” he said. “It’s good to see you again.”
“Yeah, it’s good to see you too.”
“Don’t be a stranger.”
“Okay,” I said.
Christa emerged from the back with her phone in her hand. I imagined she’d probably texted Sam about me being there but it didn’t matter.
“Ready?”
Christa and I weaved through the steady flow of shoppers until we hit a cross street and headed north toward the water. Walking with Christa was like walking with her at any point during our time together, familiar and predictable. I knew her steps and her pace. I knew how she would weave and turn. I knew each of her movements because I’d watched them for so many years. But that cord that had bound us together, that line that I’d struggled so hard to let go of was gone. It felt good to just walk and not be caught up in her wake. The sting of what had happened was finally gone and it made me smile.
“What?” Christa asked as she turned and looked up into my face.
“Nothing,” I said and grinned back at her.
“I know that look.”
I didn’t answer. It would have been too much to explain anyway. I looked down the long hill toward the water. The snowy North Shore mountains looked beautiful on the other side. I never tired of that view. I realized that I was thankful that she’d brought me there, that I’d followed her back to her town, even though I’d regretted it so many times before.
“How’s your girlfriend?” Christa asked with a discernible tightness in her voice.
That really made me smile. “She’s great,” I said.
Christa looked at my face again and studied it for a few long seconds while she held onto the edge of my jacket. “You’re in love,” she said finally.
“Yes,” I agreed.
Christa sighed and turned away dramatically. “I don’t want to hear about it.” This was her act. I’d seen it a hundred times. I watched her little bum wiggle ahead and chuckled to myself. She turned around and eyed me suspiciously. “Is she even old enough to have a girlfriend?”
“Yes, she’s old enough.”
“Hmph,” Christa said and spun on her heel again. I caught up with her and we walked in silence for another half a block. She tucked her hands into her pockets and I could tell she was trying to figure out what to say.
“It’s nice to see you happy,” she said finally as she focused out toward the water. “I’ve missed it.”
“Thanks, Christa.” I could tell it had taken her a lot to say that.
“I’m... sorry,” she said and looked down at the sidewalk. “I never wanted to hurt you like that. I was just trying to be happy.”
“I know,” I said.
“It was hard on me too.”
I chuckled a little. “Well, I’m glad to hear it.”
She nudged my arm.
“So did it work? Are you happy?” I asked.
She looked up into my face. Her eyebrows knit together for a moment and then she looked away.
“It’s okay. I want you to be happy,” I said. “At least then it was all for something, you know?”
“You know me.”
“What does that mean?”
“Sam says I’m a grass-is-greener kind of person. Do you think she’s right?”
I tried to think of a delicate way of answering and then decided the truth was probably best. “Yes.”
Christa sighed again. “Shit.”
“Trouble in paradise?”
“Maybe. We’ll see.”
I sensed there was a lot going on but didn’t care to press for information. It didn’t matter anyway.
“Sam thinks I’m still in love with you.” She met my eyes briefly but then looked away. “I told her there’s a difference between love and being in love.”
“How did that fly?”
“She agreed with me. She said she thinks I love her but that I’m not in love with her... because of you.”
“That has nothing to do with me,” I said flatly.
“That’s what I told her.”
“Sam really wants this to work out. She’d have fucked up a good thing if it doesn’t.”
“We both fucked up.”
I sighed and tried to figure out how I was going to say what I was going to say. “I didn’t know how to end it any more than you did.”
Christa looked at me and stopped walking.
“Sometimes you have to throw a bomb on your life just to see what’s what. I wasn’t happy and neither were you. We loved each other but... that wasn’t enough. We’re really different people. Sam probably saw her opportunity and… You know I can’t forgive her, but a part of me can’t blame her either. She’s always been a mess. Always been yearning and searching and trying to find something that isn’t there in people. She attracts drama, and so do you. I got caught up in it and it never felt right. I always felt like I was fighting against a current.”
“You’re not perfect, Rocky,” Christa said.
“Hey, I know I’m not. I downright ignored you sometimes. You were telling me in plain English what you needed and I chose not to give it to you. So... you found it somewhere else.”
“Your work...” Christa said ruefully, “it’s your true love.”
I shook my head. “It was. I’m not so sure it is anymore.”
“Well, I hope for your little friend’s sake you’re right. She’s going to get her heart broken otherwise.”
“I won’t let that happen again.” I stopped and held onto her arm. “Christa.” She looked up at me. “I’m sorry too. I never told you that because of everything that happened at the end. But I am sorry. I did love you. I’m sorry it didn’t feel that way sometimes.”
She nodded. “Thanks, Rocky.” We walked together again in silence. “Is that what you wanted to tell me?” she asked.
I nodded. “I wanted to make peace. I figured it was time.”
“I thought you were going to tell me you were moving back to San Francisco.”
“No, I like it here and my business is doing well.”
“And you have a young hottie that worships the ground you walk on.”
“That too. Though I kind of worship her as well.”
Christa gave me that dramatic roll of her eyes again. “I don’t want to hear about it.”
“She’s pretty amazing,” I said.
Christa looked at my face again. “She must be,” she said and sighed. “I made her look that good, you know.”
“I know you did. Thank you.”
“Is she going to come back to me?”
“Um... I doubt it.”
“I’ll be good. I just want to make sure her intentions are pure,” she said wickedly.
“I doubt they’re that pure,” I joked.
Christa glared at me. “I told you, I don’t want to hear about it.”
“Please! You and Sam show up at my shop constantly. What’s with that?”
“We were worried about you,” she said and for the first time, I realized that in whatever altered universe she lived in, that made sense.
“You two are the last people that could fix me. You need to let me go.”
“That’s what Sam said,” Christa said softly.
“You should listen to her more. Maybe you wouldn’t be where you are right now.”
“It’s not going to last,” she said. “I already know it. It was exciting in the beginning.”
“Because it was wrong and you love drama,” I said bluntly.
“It was exciting because I had both of you and she had both of us. Now we’re left with... what?”
“Same troubles, different woman.”
“I made my bed,” she said.
“That’s very mature of you
, Christa. Maybe you have learned.”
“Oh, shut up,” she said softly and bumped my arm again. “I have some stuff for you at the house.”
“What stuff?”
“Some things you bought. A couple of paintings, your old couch, the bed. It’s all in the basement.”
“I thought you were using it.”
Christa looked at me funny. “Do you think I’d actually have sex on our old bed?” she shuddered to prove her point.
“So the bed gets more respect than I did,” I said. “Well, I don’t want it. Get your brother to haul it away for you.”
“What about the other stuff?”
“You wanted it, it’s yours now.”
She sighed. “Sam said that too.”
“I never thought she’d end up being the reasonable one.”
“She says it’s like your ghost is still in the house.”
“I hate to break it to her but I’m alive and kicking and I have way nicer furniture now.”
“We’re getting a puppy,” she said.
I shook my head. “Bad idea if you’re on the rocks, Christa. Very bad idea.”
“Sam wants one.”
“You hate dogs.”
“I don’t hate dogs. Skip just never liked me.”
I gave her a look. “Can you blame him?”
“I think he knew.”
“Probably. He knows everything.”
She looked off into the distance and sighed.
“Oh shit, don’t tell me you’ve got something to hide already.”
“I don’t and trust me, I won’t be doing that again.”
“Well, if you two break-up, let Sam keep the dog. It’ll be easier than trying to share.”
“That’s sort of what I was thinking,” she said.
“Hey if you’re already planning the end maybe you should just make it happen.”
“You’d love that wouldn’t you?”
“Yes, if I have to be honest. But there’s no point in dragging it out until it gets ugly. I speak from experience.”
I could tell she was trying to stifle a smile.
“Oh shit, you’ve got your big eyes on someone else already,” I said.
“No!”
“Riiiight,” I said not believing a word of it. “You forget, I know you.”
“I have a new client. We have a lot in common.”