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Kade cursed the moment he tried to do a roundhouse kick to the punching bag. His knee almost crumbled under his weight.
“Looking good there, Kade,” Mal said.
He glanced at his friend who was using the bag next to him. Since they had returned the week before, he hadn’t tried to ask Kade anything. Hadn’t accused him or tried to kick his ass. It was making him nervous. His friend was mad. He knew that. But he was holding back.
“I could kick your ass any day of the week.”
Mal scoffed. “You? You’re afraid of a little woman.”
The area of the gym where they stood went silent. Kade glanced around at the other Seals. They were watching them as if a show was about to begin.
He turned back to Mal. “What did you say?”
Mal rolled his shoulders. “You’re afraid of Shannon.”
There were a few whispers as he felt his temper rising. “Did she tell you that?”
“No, but she did call you a pig-headed idiot, or something like that. She didn’t have to tell me. I could see you running away from her.”
“Go fuck yourself.”
“Gladly. If you can stop being a pain in the ass to everyone here.”
Kade glanced around at the crowd that had gathered and realized that some of the guys were shaking their heads. He could feel anger whipping through him, crawling into his head and taking control of his better judgment.
“You itching for a fight?” he asked. He was ready for it, needed it, craved it. He took a step toward him.
“McKade! Dupree!”
They both turned around to find the leader of the group staring at them. Fuck.
“My office, now.”
Without a word between them, they pulled off their gloves and followed the Lieutenant Commander to his office.
“You two want to tell me what the fuck is going on?”
Neither of them said a word.
“I can’t have my men fighting like a bunch of idiots. We’re still trying to piece the group back together, and you two have to act like ten-year-olds on the playground. I really don’t want to do the fucking paperwork involved if I have to discipline. Can you assure me that you will behave like Seals from now on? I would hate to transfer one of you out of here.”
Kade knew without a doubt it would be him. He was trying to recover, and Mal was in working order.
They both nodded.
“Dupree, you can go.”
His friend tossed him a sympathetic look. When the door shut, Markinson said, “Sit.”
Shit, this was going to take a while. They were never offered a seat unless it was going to be a long chat. Still, he did as ordered, fighting the pain that shot through his leg.
“McKade, I know that we don’t do the feeling thing. We’re men, and worse, we’re Seals. But you have got to get the bug that crawled up your ass out of there. From the moment you came back from leave, you have been a pain in the ass. For me, for everyone around you. I thought you would at least be relaxed after a week in New Orleans. You were worse. We’ll be on active status again, and I need to know that I can count on you. The men need to know.”
“I’ll be ready.”
He sighed. “I don’t want to know what you’re feeling, seriously. But, you were closed off for so long, and now you’re bitching at everyone. Yes, I used the word bitching. You got in a fight with Smith because he didn’t load his weapon right. It’s like you’ve lost your center.”
The moment Markinson said it, the image of Shannon came to his mind. She always centered him. Even before they were involved, he could chat with her as a friend and feel his life get back on track. She was the one thing that he needed to make it work, and he had pushed her away. No wonder he’d been acting like a raving lunatic. Without Shannon, he had no compass.
“Are you listening to me?”
He blinked at his commander.
“Uh, yes, sir.”
“I understand what it’s like to lose someone. I was in Fallujah as you know. So…it was bad. But, you have to work through it. Go see a doctor, get some meds.”
Fuck. What a great time to figure out that pushing Shannon away was what had left him screwed up. The mission had been painful, losing his friend bad. It was the worst. Or he thought. Now that he didn’t have Shannon, he didn’t think straight. He couldn’t even work through his emotions.
“Permission to be excused, sir.”
Markinson stopped in midsentence and looked up at him.
“I was talking here, McKade.”
“I understand. I just figured out what I needed to fix something.”
He continued to study Kade. “Okay, but just know I need you one hundred percent by the end of four weeks.”
Kade nodded. “Oh, and I need to take off a week.”
“What? Another one?” he asked, almost shouting.
“I just figured out what I needed.”
“And it takes you a week to fix it?”
“No. It will take me a week to convince her to take me back.”
Understanding filled the commander’s eyes. “You got it. Good luck.”
With more purpose than he’d felt in months, he walked out of the office and walked down the hall. Mal stepped out of the locker room.
“Look, Kade, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have picked that fight with you. Did Markinson bust your ass?”
“No.” He started toward the door. “Can you take me to the airport?”
“Wait. What?”
Kade hurried down the stairs and ignored the chill in the air and pain in his knee. Now that he knew what he wanted to do, where he wanted to be, he needed to get to Shannon now.
“I’m flying to New Orleans.”
“Why?”
“To get on my knees and beg.”
“Shannon isn’t there.”
He stopped in his tracks and looked up at Mal. “Where is she?”
“Hawaii. She left a couple days ago to spend some time with Jocelyn.”
He huffed out a breath. “Okay, I need to move some money around, and then I’m flying to Hawaii.”
Mal shook his head. “Do you know what you’re doing?”
“Yeah, dammit.” He started walking again. “I’m going to get my woman.”
Chapter 12
Shannon sighed as she picked at her food. Chris had been making all her favorite foods, including the Huli Huli chicken and rice she wasn’t eating at the moment. From the moment Kade had left her that morning, she’d hadn’t felt like eating. She still didn’t have an appetite, which was worrisome.
“You need to eat.”
She looked up at her brother, who was studying her as if she were going to fall apart. Okay, so she cried the first three days she was there, but she was done. Sort of. And sure, she hadn’t wanted to talk to any men. Not even Evan, whom she adored.
“I’m just not that hungry.”
He shook his head. “I told Cynthia that you weren’t eating enough.”
“And what did she say?”
“She said I was used to being with a woman who ate enough for five people.”
Jocelyn laughed. “She looks ready to explode.”
“Don’t say that around her. I had to help her get her tennis shoes on yesterday. She cried for an hour.”
She smiled at her brother. “Aw, and you couldn’t take it, you old softie.”
He grimaced then he frowned as his attention was drawn to something behind her. “What the fuck is he doing here?”
Her brother didn’t cuss that much, at least not in front of her. She turned to follow his line of vision and saw Kade.
Her breath tangled in her throat, and her heart started beating so fast she was amazed she didn’t pass out.
He looked wonderful—damn him. He was dressed in his service dress. He freaking looked like freaking Richard Gere. The restaurant had grown quiet. She was sure you didn’t see a Navy Seal in full dress whites march into a local business on a regular
basis in Honolulu.
He was looking around, and just for a second, she thought about slipping down in the booth and hiding. She wasn’t ready to deal with the churning emotions he brought about in her. A moment later, though, he caught sight of her and started in her direction. Lord, he was a sight to see. There was nothing like a Seal on a mission, and apparently, she was his mission.
He strode toward her, every step sending panic racing through her.
“What the hell is he doing here?” she asked more to herself than anyone else.
“I don’t give a damn,” Chris muttered as he stood. “I’m going to kill him.”
She stood up and faced her brother. She loved him with all her heart, but she knew Kade and knew what he could do.
“I can take care of this.”
His frown turned darker. “I don’t want you to.”
“I can handle it. Besides, I do not want to help Cynthia raise that baby because you’re in a wheelchair for the rest of your life.”
“You don’t think I could handle him?” Pure astonishment filled his tone.
“Sure you can. Working behind a stove and running a restaurant gets you in shape to take on a killing machine like a Seal.”
He made a face. “Okay, you have a point.”
She patted his cheek then turned to face Kade.
He stopped within a few feet of her and stared. The moment got awkward as he continued to gaze at her as if she were his salvation. He looked better, rested, and for a moment, she hated him for that. She hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in three weeks, and here he was looking like a million bucks.
She could feel everyone still looking at them. Something had to give, so she did what every Dupree knew how to do. She joked.
“Kind of dressed up for the occasion, Kade?’
He didn’t say anything, but his lips twitched.
She crossed her arms beneath her breasts. “You flew all the way over here to stare at me?”
He shook his head, but his gaze didn’t leave hers. “I came for you.”
Her heart did that little happy dance, but she pushed it away. She didn’t want this, didn’t want to deal with the hurt again. She thought she could, thought she could be patient while he worked himself out, but she realized that she might not be cut out to have a Seal as a lover.
“No.”
He frowned.
“No?”
Poor pitiful Seal.
“Yeah, I said no. Just because you put on a uniform and march into my brother’s restaurant doesn’t mean I’m going to forget everything.”
He glanced around at their audience. “Shouldn’t we talk about this in private?”
“You picked the setting.”
“You tell him, sistah,” someone yelled out.
He grimaced. “I thought we would go for a walk.”
Oh, he looked miserable. Just so miserable. He might love her, but flying across the Pacific didn’t really prove it. She wanted more, she wanted it all. And the only way she could get it was if she knew that he was in it for the long haul, like she was.
“Thinking’s overrated.”
A few more of the customers started catcalling, and his face started to turn pink. Oh, my. He was embarrassed. And there was a tiny, evil part of her that was happy he was.
“I wanted to talk to you about our future.”
“We don’t have one.”
Up until that moment, he had been what she would call docile—for a Seal. Now his eyes turned hard, his jaw flexed. She had to fight the urge to step back away from him. She had never been scared of him, but at the moment, she could easily see his anger.
“Don’t say that.”
Even though she could tell he was angry, she could hear a thread of desperation in his voice. It pricked at the already melting ice that encased her heart.
“You’re the one who ran away.”
He sighed. “I was stupid.”
She wanted to punish him, but since he admitted he was stupid, she would at least be cordial. “From the uniform, I assume you’re going to stay in the military?”
He nodded.
“So you flew over, and that must have been expensive by the way, dressed up in your little white uniform, to tell me you’re staying in the military.”
“I came for you.”
The declaration had a few of the women sighing, and if she were honest with herself, Shannon’s heart did a little flip flop.
“Me? Oh, the person who was trying to fix you?”
His jaw flexed again. “You were right, I was scared. Mainly because my mortality had been in question.”
“We’re all mortal.”
“He is a Seal, Shannon,” her brother said from behind her.
She glanced over her shoulder with narrowed eyes. “Stay out of this, or I’ll tell Cynthia you told me about helping her with her shoes.”
He held up his hands in self-defense.
When she turned back to Kade, she was still frowning. She had to stay mad. It was her only safety from falling for the idiot again.
“As I was saying, that last mission was bad. Really bad. I knew it was, and so did Mal, but we didn’t act fast enough. I…well, I questioned if I was fit to serve.”
Oh, God, he was killing her. He had been like Mal. The only reason he had gotten into the military was to be a Seal. It had been the thing that had driven them, the one thing they identified with the most.
“Just because you had one bad mission doesn’t mean that you should quit. You’re a good Seal.”
He nodded. “Since taking you to bed, I care more about being a good man.”
She couldn’t take this. Her heart was melting, her better judgment flying out the window with the trade winds. If she gave into him, what would she do?
“You are a good man.” Her voice was raw with emotion. She might not be able to take him back, but there was one thing she knew. He was good at his core. Always had been.
He nodded, then bent down on one knee. Several of the women gasped, and there was a patter of applause.
“I love you, Shannon. Will you marry me?”
Panic came first. It took her by the throat and would not let go. She couldn’t speak, couldn’t swallow the lump in her throat. Then on the heels of it came anger. He thought he could propose and everything would be okay.
“No.”
“What did you say?”
“You can’t just come in here with a ring…” When she noticed him grimace, she realized he wasn’t offering her a ring. “You didn’t even bring a ring, you idiot.” She slapped him on the shoulder and went to move past him, but Kade grabbed her by the wrist.
“I thought you’d want to pick one out.”
The moment he touched her, her pulse jumped. Fear had her twisting her arm free. She wasn’t afraid of him, but of what she would do. She couldn’t say yes, deal with the idiot’s moods. Months of waiting for him to come home, then have to joke him out of his stupid bad mood and God, hear him laugh as he hugged her.
Tears stung her eyes. She did not want that. No way.
“No. Stay away.”
He rose to his feet and started after her. She was heading for the door with no idea of where she was going. She left her purse behind, she didn’t have a car, but she just needed to get away.
Her hand was inches from the door when he scooped her up off the floor, then positioned her on his shoulder like a freaking sack of potatoes.
“You know, woman, I had to chase you across the Pacific. I came to apologize, to tell you I love you, to tell you I want to spend my life with you, and what do you do? You say no and run away.”
“Put. Me. Down.”
He apparently heard the threat in her voice and decided to heed the tone. He slowly put her down. She stepped back from him, but put up her hand when he inched closer.
“I promise not to leave. Just…stay there.”
If he was close, she would feel his warmth, take in his scent, and she couldn’t handle tha
t. Her head was already spinning.
“Why are you running?”
The question had her stomach churning. She was running. She wasn’t going to admit it to him.
“I just wanted to get away. I needed some space. I don’t like public declarations.”
He cocked his head, then that slow smile that always melted her bones curved his lips. “You’re afraid.”
“Go to hell.”
She turned to march away, but he caught her and pulled her back against him.
“I’m sorry, baby. So sorry. You didn’t take any cheap shots at me, and I shouldn’t have been so happy about you being scared.”
“I’m not scared.” But even as she said it, she knew she was lying.
“Yeah, you are. It’s okay. This thing we have is scary.”
He turned her gently and cupped her face, wiping away the tears from her cheeks.
“I want to marry you, I want to have babies with you, but know I have to finish my obligation. I have four more years, then I’m out.”
“You’ll stay in more.”
He shook his head. “I love it, really do. But…I love you more. I need you more than I need this. It’s a lot to ask. I’ll be in Virginia, then out in the field. You’ll be in New Orleans. But, we can make this work. I know we can.”
She sighed, her heart just falling down at his feet then. It wasn’t so much of what he said, but the way he said it, and the soft look in his eyes.
“I have to ask again, because, Shannon, without you, being a Seal means nothing to me. I love you. Please, marry me.”
Her vision blurred as another batch of fresh tears filled her eyes. “Oh, Kade, I love you, too. Yes. Yes! I’ll marry you.”
He pulled her into his arms and kissed her as the sound of customer’s applause filled the air.
Epilogue
“What do you have planned?” Shannon asked as Kade took her hand and led her out of the elevator.
“You’re the worst about secrets. I thought you were bad at Christmas.” She could hear the smile in his voice, but she couldn’t see him. He’d blindfolded her downstairs and refused to tell her where they were going. She knew they were still in the hotel where they had their wedding reception, but she wasn’t sure where they were going.
Uniform Desires (Make Mine Military Romance) Page 10