The first time viewers knew about Jason was during the second season. I didn’t mention him during season one because I honestly didn’t believe the show would make it to season two. In fact, I think Jason asked me not to mention him! But from the moment I did, people wondered why he wasn’t on the show. Everyone thought he didn’t appear because he didn’t approve of it or didn’t like my castmates. That is simply not true. Jason was and is actually friends with most of them—AND he was the one who encouraged me to do Southern Charm each season. But Jason is a very private person and not everyone wants to be on TV. When people asked me about it, I would joke that Jason is just a normal person and normal people don’t want to be in the spotlight. Does this mean I am calling myself crazy? Absolutely. We all have a bit of an ego. But Jason doesn’t seem to have one, which is part of the reason I love him so much. However, Jason did film the last scene we did on season six (my final season). I think he was a little curious to see how the whole process happened, because the day before he said, “Why don’t I just come with you?” It was a party, so I knew it wouldn’t be anything too deep or drama-filled and would be nothing more than one scene. I figured, Why not? Let’s do it. So Jason came with me. He did refuse to wear a microphone, though.
Besides keeping Jason off Southern Charm, I wasn’t sure if I should keep motherhood off the show, too. I found out I was pregnant before season five, and when we began filming I was already seven months pregnant. I was on the fence about even doing the show, because having a healthy and stress-free pregnancy was so important to me. Jason was actually the one to convince me to do it. He said, “Cam, you can be honest about your experience and it might help other women going through the same thing.” This made a lot of sense to me, and there wound up being several parts of being pregnant on television that were very positive. First, I have a little documentary of the end of my pregnancy that I can always look back on. I hope Palmer thinks it’s cool someday and isn’t totally mortified. That said, when I decided to move forward with filming, I had two caveats: the birth would not be filmed. Of course, production really wanted to film it and my experience, but I just could not imagine having a camera crew in my hospital room. I was barely okay with the idea of Jason seeing a baby emerge from my nether regions. Plus, I did not want any distractions for the doctors in case something went wrong and I needed an emergency C-section. The second caveat was that I would be given at least two weeks camera free after the birth. I knew how important and emotionally delicate the first couple of weeks home with Palmer would be, and I really wanted to have that time privately to bond with her and adjust to becoming a new mother. After a few weeks, I was actually ready to get back to filming and looked forward to it. It gave me a reprieve from being at home with an infant all day. Since I was breastfeeding, though, I could never film without her for more than two hours at a time. My boobs would literally start leaking and I would have to say, “Um, sorry, guys, I have to go now.”
Filming Southern Charm late in my pregnancy was difficult. I was tired, on edge and really had no desire to party or be out late like the rest of the cast. Luckily, the cast and production crew totally understood and did everything in their power to accommodate me. I think production was kind of scared that making me upset could push me into early labor, and they needed me to be around as long as possible to film. LOL. One night, we had a big dinner at Shep’s house that was supposed to begin at 6 P.M. Little-known fact… nothing is EVER on time when you have to deal with a full cast and camera crew. I was always the notoriously early/on-time one. It became a running joke. Anyway, I got to Shep’s house at 6 P.M. expecting to eat shortly thereafter. I was nine months pregnant and ravenous. Dinner didn’t start until about 9 P.M. and about thirty minutes prior, I went to one of the producers and said, “Look, if we don’t eat soon I’m leaving. I have a fully cooked human inside of me.” We finally all sat down, and I don’t think I contributed one word to the conversation because I was too busy shoving food in my face.
Another cool thing about doing Southern Charm was some of the events the cast got to attend. One was BravoCon, which took place for the first time in November of 2019. This three-day convention in New York City featured seventy to eighty cast members from various Bravo shows like The Real Housewives of New York, Beverly Hills, Atlanta and New Jersey; Vanderpump Rules; Married to Medicine; Shahs of Sunset; Top Chef; Project Runway and Below Deck in addition to Southern Charm, and it was insane. I could not believe how many amazing fans came out to see us. I do not see people on reality TV as “celebrities,” and to think of myself as one makes me squirm. But people stood in line for hours to get a picture with us and it really felt like an out-of-body experience. A couple of women told me they named their babies after me and I thought, Oh my God, WHY? It was a very cool experience to feel so much love and see people of all ages and from all walks of life who adored the show. There was everyone from an eighty-two-year-old man named Fred who told me he never missed an episode to a precious eight-year-old girl. (Although I did tell her mother, “She shouldn’t be watching this show.”) It was also cool to meet so many of the other Bravo talent who I had seen on TV. Some were just like I imagined they would be and some were complete assholes. I won’t name names, but let’s just say I was very disappointed by some of their behavior. I watched a couple of the real housewives act as if they were legitimately A-list celebrities. The nicest housewives were Denise Richards and Teddi Mellencamp, and the nicest cast was from Million Dollar Listing.
BravoCon made me see how much reality TV has changed since my time on The Real World. Besides the number of shows and fans, one thing that’s different is that we’re in the age of social media, which is a double-edged sword. In one sense it’s great, because it gives you a platform and you can instantly reach many people with just one post. On the other hand, it can totally consume you with negativity if you let it and, if you have a public account, people can direct message you anything. I was the last cast member on Southern Charm to make my Instagram public. It was private for SO long, and I allowed only close friends and family to follow me. But it came time as a public figure to make it accessible. It comes with the territory. So does the criticism. Around season four of the show, a woman commented on one of my pictures and said, “How can you be married to a doctor and not be able to afford to fix your teeth?” Can you imagine writing that to a total stranger? It actually made me cry and is a comment that I will never forget. I had braces as a kid, but my bottom teeth had shifted. It never bothered me until I read that comment. I couldn’t get it out of my mind and I let it get to me. So much so that I actually went to see a cosmetic dentist to get Invisalign to fix my teeth. Yes, that comment cost me $6,600.
Besides that, I have always tried to have a no-nonsense approach to social media. I don’t delete comments and I don’t block people who say nasty things. In America we have freedom of speech, and quite frankly this is what I signed up for. You have to develop a thick skin. If you expect to go on national television portraying no one other than yourself, there are inevitably going to be people who don’t like you. And that’s okay. I try not to take offense at it. There are people on TV who I don’t like, either (though I’d never tell them that on social media). Yes, negative comments or messages can hurt, but I try to take a step back when I read them and see where the other person is coming from. Sometimes the comments can be warranted. My mantra with social media if you are on a reality show: You don’t like the heat? Get out of the kitchen.
Well, get out of the kitchen is exactly what I did after season six. At that point, I had a child and since becoming a mother, my priorities had changed. I also felt like I was at a different place in my life and I just didn’t fit on the show anymore. It was time to move on. (My mom always said it was smart to leave the party early.) Also, as a society it seems like we are shocked by very little these days. We’ve become numb. Of course, it’s natural to be intrigued by dramatic situations… but the drama on reality TV lately has taken a dark turn
and become something I don’t want to associate myself with anymore. False accusations can be made and nasty rumors can be started for the sake of a “good show.” It just started to feel a bit icky. That said, all in all, Southern Charm was a very positive experience. I would go back and do it all over again.
As far as what is next for me in life, I have no idea. Currently I am primarily focused on being a mom. Real estate has taken a major backseat lately. I’ve never really had a “plan.” I’m pretty certain I am done with reality TV, though. I’ve got two shows under my belt, and at this point I am enjoying a simpler life without a camera in my face. One thing factoring into my decision to leave the show is that this was supposed to be a show about my life, but I wanted to keep Jason and Palmer out of it. As a result of that contradiction, the show started to feel inauthentic. Other cast members gave more of their personal lives and it seemed hypocritical to keep mine private. I know being a mother will be my life’s most important work, and I am finding more and more purpose in it every day.
Conclusion WHAT YOU GAIN AS A MOM (BESIDES BABY WEIGHT)
Having kids feels like that first seventh-grade crush that overwhelms every molecule in your body, but it’s permanent.
—KRISTEN BELL, MOTHER OF TWO
I know I’ve spent a lot of time un-painting the picture-perfect message of motherhood that appears on social media and blogs. Before I got pregnant, I worried about what I’d lose by having a child, and I was right that it wouldn’t be smooth sailing. But what I did NOT realize was how much I would gain besides my beautiful baby girl. Do you want to expand your consciousness? Do you want to learn some life lessons? Well, a kid could help. The Native Americans believe that your children do not belong to you… they are lent to you by the Creator. They believe that they come to this earth as life’s greatest teachers. This makes sense to me because Palmer is probably the most important teacher I’ve ever had. From the moment you get pregnant, you start learning how much you didn’t know beforehand. Here are just a few things you gain:
Selflessness. You come face to face with the reality that it’s no longer about you. I was a pretty selfish person before I had Palmer. And I’ll admit that leading up to my pregnancy, I was kinda tired of myself and starting to feel a little self-absorbed. Well, y’all, that changes FAST, long before you even give birth. Pregnancy is when you have to start making decisions that are not only in your best interest, but also in the best interest of another human being—from what you’re putting in your body to how much exercise you’re doing to getting enough sleep. Palmer has pretty much slapped me in the face and said, “Look, bitch, it’s not about you anymore.” Don’t get me started on the first night I was in the hospital, when the nurses woke me up every two hours to feed her. Wait. What’s happening here? I used to be able to sleep! I used to be able to take long baths and pee by myself, too. But motherhood gets you out of your own head in a good way and forces you to have patience. You don’t want to get up at 3 A.M. because the baby needs to be fed? Ha. Too bad.
The ability to see the world differently. Call it clichéd or cheesy or both, but having a child softened me. It has made me much more vulnerable, shown me the humanity in others and given me more empathy than ever for other people. Especially for single moms. My God, ladies, I BOW DOWN to you! Talk about the hardest job in the world. You will want your child to be a better human than you, and that’s a good thing. Parenthood also pushes your limits. You want to be tough and ignore the GoFundMe asking for cancer treatment help for a three-year-old? Good luck… because you will imagine your own child in that position and want to give as much as you can.
Care and caution. I’m a worrier by nature, but being a mom has left me riddled with a new level of anxiety. I’m very accident prone and clumsy, and once I became a mother, I also got scared. God forbid something happens to me, I’m not going to be there for my child. (Oh, and I don’t want Jason to remarry.) So I drive the speed limit like a little granny and I don’t partake in dangerous activities like skiing. In fact, I’ve become super cautious about everything. I was a major germaphobe BEFORE coronavirus, so I keep sanitizing wipes in my purse and car at all times. I take much more calculated risks than I did before. When we went to Colorado on season six of Southern Charm, a party limo was scheduled to take us from the Denver airport to the Steamboat Springs ski resort. Having lived in Colorado, I knew this drive included long, winding roads and very steep mountain passes. It’s scary enough in a regular car, so I couldn’t believe we were going to attempt this in a party limo with NO seat belts. I flat-out refused to go unless they secured a safer vehicle, so they did. I’m such a buzzkill, I know.
An appreciation for the small moments. My first year of motherhood was one of the hardest times in my life. The expression “the days are long but the years are short” is so freaking true. I spent that first year trying so desperately to cling to my former identity. I was going to hire a nanny in an attempt to fully push myself back into my career. But I just kept thinking, Why am I going to pay someone to do this when I realistically can do it myself? At this point in her life, Palmer is growing and changing so quickly, I just don’t want to miss anything. And I don’t want to regret anything later. This time with my child is so precious and it’s not time you get back, so I want to savor it.
The understanding that control is a mirage. I’m a control freak and I always have been. That therapist I saw before I got pregnant nailed it: my fear of getting pregnant spoke to my control-freak tendencies. Well, having a child teaches you that control is a mirage. I feel like having a child was a lesson presented to me by God, telling me that you have to learn to let go of some control. I’m learning or at least trying to embrace the idea that ultimately what’s meant to be will be. When she was a baby, I spent a lot of time thinking, What if something happens to Palmer? What would I do? At one point, I thought about getting a nanny, but worrying about it literally kept me up at night. What if she put Palmer’s diaper on too tight? What if she cut Palmer’s food in too-big bites and she choked? Would the nanny know how to do the Heimlich maneuver? Would she know how to open the gate for the ambulance? I shared this fear with my mom one day when she stopped by to visit.
“Everybody has those thoughts at some point, but they need to be fleeting little thoughts,” she told me. “You cannot dwell on them or run with them. You need to get them out of your head as soon as you can.” And since I know my mom is always right, I’ve really tried. After all, it’s not healthy or a good use of my time.
Better priorities. Since becoming a mother, my priorities have changed. Among these top priorities are my true friendships. Throughout my life, I have met a LOT of people. I have had friendships come and go, of course, but at this station in my life I would rather have fewer quality friendships than lots of social acquaintances. I’m a hermit for the most part and I don’t consider myself a socialite by any means. In my twenties I was much more of an extrovert, but as I’ve gotten older I would rather sit in a room with a few people or go to a one-on-one lunch than a big shindig or fundraiser. (I loathe schmoozing.) Especially since becoming a mama, I want my friendships to be of quality. I want to be around people I can relate to and who fill my tank instead of those people who I call energy vampires, the ones who make you feel like your spirit is being sucked dry when you’re around them. I have a couple of friends in their seventies that I go to lunch with and friends ten years younger than me, too. I have friends from all socioeconomic backgrounds and belief systems. I am also incredibly lucky to still have the core group of girlfriends that I have known since about the first grade. These are the girls who knew me long before I ever went on reality TV. They have been there through it all and we have always stuck together. We share the common bond of growing up in a small town and no matter how much time passes without seeing each other, we always pick up right where we left off. I call this group of girls my “solid gold friends.” We will ALWAYS be there for one another, and I consider myself very fortunate to have su
ch long-lasting friendships. The two things in common in all of my friendships are that they inspire me and/or make me laugh. I also want to be able to learn from the people I’m friends with.
A new love for your partner. Seeing Jason as a father has been one of the greatest joys of my life. If you question a man’s ability to be a good dad, don’t marry him. Seriously. I never once had any doubts that Jason would be a good father. I think every man secretly hopes for a son, whether he admits it or not. Jason grew up as one of three brothers and has five nephews and one niece. Needless to say, he knows boys better than girls. Jason is also a guy’s guy. He hunts. He fishes. He likes fast cars and heavy machinery. When he first found out he was having a girl, I could tell he was a little nervous. That has all changed. He has flourished in his role as a girl’s dad. When Palmer was about a year old, he admitted that he was actually glad we had a girl instead of a boy. He said, “Cam, I can’t believe it, but being the dad of a girl has forced me to get out of my comfort zone and learn so much.” He treats Palmer with such patience and admiration. He is definitely the softy of the two of us. Palmer is a daddy’s girl ALL the WAY. She WORSHIPS Jason. I’m a second thought once he gets home from work. (Yes, I’m salty about this, but it still warms my heart.) Jason is constantly teaching her things, showing her things. Whereas I will stick her in front of the TV sometimes while I get a chore done, Jason will actually involve her in the things that he does. (Yes… I can learn from him.) One time I came home and my eighteen-month-old was outside waxing a car in the driveway with him. He takes her on evening kayak rides, on trips to Home Depot, to the movies and on countless other adventures. He dances in the kitchen with her and lets her help when he bakes banana bread. (Yes, he bakes… I know, I don’t deserve him.)
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