Guarded

by J. D. Rivera

  That pissed me off. Only the outside of my apartment looked bad. I had fixed up the inside and made it look homey. And like hell he would have helped me get a nicer place. I just rolled my eyes and motioned for him to sit on the couch. “What do you want to talk about?” I knew he was up to something.

  “Us. Our divorce,” He said, inching closer to where I was sitting.

  I scooted away from him until I hit the arm of the couch. “What about our divorce? Everything has been said or will be said next Tuesday.”

  “I think we should try again. I’m sorry for the things I’ve said and done. I promise I won’t cheat on you this time.”

  My mouth dropped open. Had he really just said that? Anger took over and forced me to speak. “It’s a little late for that.”

  He leaned over and placed a strand of hair behind my ear and his hand on my cheek. His touch made me want to vomit. “It’s not too late. We still have time. We aren’t divorced yet.”

  I grabbed his hand and yanked it away from me. I stood up. “I’m sorry but you cheated on me every chance you got. I can’t just forgive and forget.”

  He laughed. “And you really think your new boyfriend won’t cheat on you? Come on. Have you looked at his track record? He’ll cheat if he hasn’t already.”

  That pissed me off and I couldn’t contain my anger anymore. I walked over to the door and flung it open. “Get the fuck out now! I’ll see your ass in court.”

  “Okay, Vanessa. Just remember that I offered to be a better husband but you wanted to be fucked over again. Remember that when it comes out in one of those trashy magazines or when you see it firsthand.” As soon as he walked through the doorway, I slammed the door shut.

  I hadn’t felt that angry in a long time. For him to bring up the fact that Jackson would cheat on me was laughable. Shane had cheated on me so many times I couldn’t even count.

  Anger boiled through me as I walked to my bathroom to turn the water on. I was going to enjoy a bubble bath and relax. Forget about Shane, the asshole, and focus on the amazing man whom I had been spending my time with.

  Jackson was everything Shane was not. We may have just met but I could tell that he actually had a heart. He cared about others and wouldn’t harm anyone on purpose. I could feel my body relax as I let the thoughts of him drift in.

  I really wanted to see him but I didn’t want to seem needy. I picked up my phone and called Amanda.

  “Hey you,” she answered.

  “Hey. What are you up to?” I asked as I settled back into the water.

  She sighed. “I’m working. I have a deadline and I can’t leave work until it’s finished.”

  “That sucks. Can I ask you a question, real quick?”

  “You bet. I needed to take a break anyway. My eyes are blurring.”

  “I really want to see Jackson tonight. Do you think I’d seem needy if I went over to his place and surprised him?”

  She giggled. “No, I don’t think so. He’s kinda infatuated with you I think.”

  “Oh my gosh. He is not!”

  “Whatever. Just go over there.”

  I sat up. “Okay, I might. I’ll call you tomorrow and fill you in on Shane and how he dropped by tonight.”

  “What the hell? Yeah, you’re calling me tomorrow!”

  I disconnected the call and threw my phone beside the tub. I eased out, deciding I was going to take a leap and surprise him. I opened the closet door and was hit with nothing. I wanted to scream. If I was going to stop by his house, I wanted to look sexy. Riffling around for a good fifteen minutes, I finally found a cute outfit. Tight jeans, a frilly pink cotton shirt that showed off my curves, and wedge heels.

  An hour or so later, I climbed into Jackson’s car after I had made sure my hair and makeup looked perfect. The few times I had met up with him, it had always been his idea. This being my idea made me feel nervous and I wanted to look good.

  I drove down his street and saw his Range Rover pulling into his drive. I eased up a little and noticed he wasn’t alone. I watched from the opposite side of the street as Jackson and Cynthia Matthews got out of the vehicle. They gave each other a tight embrace and she kissed his cheek. He looked down at her with affection. I wanted to throw up. Shane had been right. He was a cheater and I would forever be the girl whom guys cheated on.

  I looked at my surroundings. I was in his car. I wasn’t going to make a fool out of myself and confront them. We weren’t technically a couple but he had told me he wasn’t going to date anyone else. He knew that I had been burned. I needed to get rid of his car and never see him again. I pulled out my cell phone and eased the car forward.

  Amanda picked up on the third ring. “Hey.”

  “Are you still at work?” I asked.

  “I just got home. What’s up? I thought you were going over to the hot basketball player’s house.”

  “I did and he was on a date with his ex. I didn’t want to interrupt,” I told her in a shaky tone, trying to keep the tears at bay.

  “What?”

  “I pulled up at the same time they did. I watched from across the street as they got out and held each other, then she kissed him.” I took a deep breath, “Can you help me?”

  “I sure can. What do you need?”

  Jackson

  I LOOKED down at Cynthia, then pulled her away from my body after she kissed my cheek. I knew it was innocent but I still didn’t want her to do that.

  “Come on in. I ordered us a pizza. It should be here anytime. Hope that’s okay.” I punched in the code to open the garage door. I hadn’t parked inside because I was hoping Cynthia would leave early and I could drive over to Vanessa’s apartment. I’m sure she probably thought I was a little needy but I didn’t care. I liked her. A lot.

  “Pizza’s fine.”

  We walked up the stairs to the living area. I took a seat on the couch next to her. “So why are you in town again?”

  “A photo shoot. And I wanted to see you,” she said with what was supposed to be a sexy smile. Instead it made me uneasy.

  “I’m always up for seeing friends.” I made sure to emphasize friends.

  “Jackson, I miss you. I think we could make the long distance thing work. Don’t you want to try?”

  Hell no! That’s what I wanted to say but instead I went with, “I’m sorry, Cynthia. I’m kinda seeing someone. I figured you had seen it by now.”

  “I’ve seen it. I just didn’t figure it was serious. Nothing is serious with you,” she snapped.

  I took a deep breath. “Look, I’m sorry. This one is new but I’m serious about this relationship. I need to see where it goes.”

  A noise that sounded like a sob came out of Cynthia and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know whether I should hug her or not. I didn’t want to give her any mixed signals so I opted for a pat on the back.

  After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, I stood up and retrieved my cell phone and car keys from the counter. “I think I should take you to your hotel now,” I told her.

  She nodded. “Yeah that would probably be best. Can you point out the bathroom? I need to clean myself up.”

  A knock on the door let me know that the pizza had arrived. I pointed toward the door of the bathroom and went to get the pizza. I felt like shit. I never wanted to hurt her but I knew that there was absolutely no way I wanted a relationship with her. Vanessa was all I wanted.

  I paid the delivery guy, walked back into the kitchen, and placed the pizza box on the counter as Cynthia came out. She looked sad but she had gotten all of the black makeup off her cheeks. “Ready?” I asked.

  “Yep,” was all she said in reply.

  We walked back to the garage and I punched the button for the door to open. It took me a minute to notice my new car parked next to my Range Rover. Happiness took over at the thought of Vanessa being here. I walked closer to the car, noticing she wasn’t inside or outside the car. Where was she?

  I noticed a piece of paper poked behind one o
f the wipers. I pulled it out and unfolded it.

  Jackson,

  Thanks for letting me borrow your car.

  Take care,

  Vanessa

  What the fuck!?!? She returned my car with a note? I looked over at Cynthia. “I need to make a call,” I said as I threw her the keys to my Range Rover.

  I pulled my cell phone out and called Vanessa’s number. It rang and rang before her voicemail picked up. “Hey, this is Vanessa. Leave a message.”

  “Vanessa, it’s Jackson. You returned my car, which I’m guessing means your car is fixed. Can you tell me why you returned it with a note? I’d really like to talk to you. To see you. Call me back.” I took a deep breath, placing my cell phone back in my pocket. I tried to process what the hell had happened. I had paid that kid good money to break her damn car so bad that it would be cheaper to buy a new one. How had she gotten the money so quickly? Why had she left a note and not talked to me? I couldn’t figure it out, at all.

  I roughly opened my car door and got inside feeling pissed. I looked over at Cynthia and gave her a tight smile. No way was I telling her anything about what had just happened.

  “Are you okay? You seem irritated,” she asked, looking at me cautiously.

  “I’m fine. Where are you staying?”

  She wasn’t staying far from my place and we drove to the hotel in silence. I couldn’t even make polite conversation. I couldn’t figure out where things had gone wrong with Vanessa and I needed her to talk to me and at least end everything face to face like a fucking adult.

  I pulled into the hotel lot, parking in front of the door. I hurried out of the vehicle to the backseat door. Quickly, I pulled Cynthia’s luggage out of the vehicle and handed it to her.

  “It was great seeing you, Cynthia. I’m sorry how things went, though.”

  “It was good seeing you too.” She turned and walked into the hotel.

  I didn’t stay. I couldn’t get in my vehicle fast enough. I pulled out my cell phone, texting Vanessa before putting the car in drive.

  Me: Call me. We need to talk.

  I pulled out into traffic and waited five minutes before calling her again. It rang until it went to voicemail. I threw my phone into the passenger seat and let out a few curse words. I knew I was acting crazy but I didn’t care. I deserved more than a note.

  I pulled up to her apartment complex, noticing her car in the lot. I couldn’t tell by looking at it if it had been fixed or not. I parked my car and ran to her door, knocking hard. My anger was getting the better of me and I knocked again. Nothing.

  I walked back to my car and yanked my cell phone from the passenger seat. I called her again. “Vanessa. We need to talk. I’m at your apartment. Either open the damn door or call me.”

  I waited twenty minutes before leaving without her opening her door or calling me back.

  Vanessa

  KNOCKING AT the door woke me up. I opened my eyes, taking in my surroundings. I was in Amanda’s spare room. The night before flooded my mind. Seeing Jackson with his ex, returning his car, and coming to Amanda’s to seek solace. She had met me around the corner from his brownstone and picked me up after I dropped off his car. Amanda had thought the note might not go over well with him and had suggested I stay at her place. I wasn’t scared of him but I didn’t want to deal with him either. I just wanted to forget him.

  The door creaked open. Amanda was standing in the doorway. “Hey, I’m leaving for work and I wanted to make sure you were okay before I left.”

  I yawned and sat up. “I’m okay. It’s not like we were officially dating or anything. I mean, I may be upset but I really don’t have a right to be upset.”

  She sat down on the bed beside me. “Oh honey. You may not have been official but he gave you every reason to believe he wouldn’t see anyone else.”

  Leaning my head on her shoulder, I replied, “I’ll be fine but do you mind if I stay here today and tonight?”

  “Stay here as long as you want. By the way, your cell phone is on the kitchen counter. I saw the screen light up this morning and I looked. He called and texted you all night and this morning.”

  “He can call all he wants; it’s on silent. What could he possibly say that I don’t already know? I know I have no right to be upset. But it still hurts.”

  “I know and I’m sorry. I really have to get to work though,” She said as she got off the bed. “Bye,” she told me as she walked back through the door.

  “Bye,” I said as I let my head hit the pillow again. I was thankful for my three day weekend. Sleep sounded good.

  I WOKE up a few hours later feeling no more refreshed than I had when I went back to sleep. I had dreamed about Shane and Jackson. I kept dreaming that I would walk into a room to find Jackson sleeping with someone and then another room would have Shane having sex with someone else. Each time they would see me and act like it wasn’t a big deal that I had caught them.

  Walking into the kitchen to get some coffee, I noticed that my cell phone was lit up. I grabbed it off the counter and looked at the screen. Jackson was calling. I debated whether I should answer it or not. If I answered it, I didn’t think I could handle whatever he had to say. I was sure he would make it out to be casual, making me look like a needy pathetic girl. I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears. I just needed a few days to get a handle on my emotions. I pressed the ignore button, placing the phone back on the counter.

  Almost instantly my phone lit up again, this time with a text message.

  Jackson: Can you please just tell me why the note? Why won’t you speak to me?

  I guessed he had no clue that I had seen him with Cynthia. I placed the phone back on the counter and walked to the couch. I sat down and cuddled the pillow. I couldn’t hold the tears back any longer; I let them flow freely. I cried because I was still married to a cheater. I cried because I had believed Jackson when he said he wasn’t dating anyone else. I cried because Shane had been right about Jackson. But mainly I cried because I had let myself hope. Hope that I could actually be in a relationship and not get hurt. I felt like such a fool.

  I cried for what seemed like hours before I was able to calm myself down. I felt better but exhausted. Feeling nasty, I decided to take a shower. Lifting my body off the couch took more effort than it should’ve, but I managed.

  The shower was nice and hot which helped ease my body. Since no one was home, I stayed in there until all the hot water was gone. While toweling off, I heard a knock on the bathroom door.

  “V, you in there?” Amanda asked.

  “Yeah. I just got finished showering,” I said before wrapping a towel around my body.

  “Good. We’re going out tonight. You are going to let loose and have some fun for the first time since high school.”

  Did I feel like going out? Not really, but she had a point. Maybe I did need to just have some fun. “Okay, sounds good.”

  “What?” She asked in a shocked tone.

  I threw my hair in a towel and giggled. “I said, okay. You’re right; I do need to have some fun.”

  A few hours later, I was dressed in the shortest dress I had ever seen. Amanda had dug it out of my closet when she went over to my apartment to grab me some things. I had no idea that I owned such a thing. It must have been a gift from Amanda that I had forgotten about. She assured me that I didn’t look like a whore but that every guy would notice me. I wasn’t really sure if I wanted that. What I wanted was to get drunk and forget my life for a while.

  We had dinner at Texadelphia where we met up with two guys from Amanda’s work named Brett and Roger. She thought of them as brothers and liked taking them with her to clubs in case she got a little too drunk. They always made sure that she was safe.

  I couldn’t help but feel sad because Bolero was right next to Texadelphia. Memories of the first date that Jackson and I had came flooding back. I couldn’t help but remember how that night ended.

  “Vanessa? Vanessa? Hey!” Amanda’s voice
broke into my memories.

  I shook my head slightly to clear my thoughts. “I’m sorry. Did you say something?”

  “For like the last five minutes. Are you okay?” She asked me cautiously, like I might break.

  “I’m okay. I was just remembering something. Are y’all ready to dance?”

  THE CLUB was already packed, being a Friday night. With college being in session, a lot of college students drove to the city to dance. It didn’t really bother me since I wasn’t much older than most of them.

  I scanned the place until I found the bar. Walking over to find a barstool, I decided I was definitely having fun tonight. I wasn’t going to care or think about anyone or anything.

  I glanced at the bartender standing in front of me. “Two shots of Patron, please.”

  “Sure thing darlin’,” he said with a wink. A few seconds later, he placed two shot glasses in front of me. I eyed them for a beat, then thought, “fuck it,” before downing the first shot. It went down easy and I slammed the glass down. Immediately, I picked up the second glass and threw back the shot. Before I had time to consider anything, I had ordered and downed two more shots. I got the bartender’s attention again. “A Tom Collins, please.” I was going to get shit-faced and I didn’t care.

  As soon as he placed the drink on the bar, I threw some cash down that more than covered my tab and tip. Really wasn’t smart since I had no money but I wasn’t going to worry.

  Instead of finding Amanda and her friends, I headed for the dance floor. An Usher song was playing and I began dancing. I felt a warm body behind me grab my hips and pull them closer. I took a glance back, finding a young, attractive blonde guy. He’d be okay to dance with.

  Jackson

  RAY HAD somehow talked me into going out. I didn’t feel like it at all but I also needed to forget about Vanessa. Maybe she was crazy. That had to be it; she was crazy. As much as I wanted to believe that, I knew it was something else. I just wished she would talk to me. Give me five minutes.