by Nikki Sloane
“With what?”
I’d swear the temperature in the room climbed a thousand degrees. He was so handsome in the golden light of the room. “He’s offered to train me to become like him. A Dom.”
“Holy shit.” Beneath the table, I crossed my legs. It wasn’t that much of a stretch, was it? Kyle already took command in the bedroom, but from what I understood, there was more to it than just that.
“Is that what you want?” I asked. “Would you like being responsible for someone else?”
“The right person?” His voice was like gravel, and I felt it all the way down to my toes. “Yes.”
I couldn’t breathe. His gaze drilled into me and a noise sounded in my head. It could have been an airhorn celebrating, or the warning sound a submarine makes when it dives. Either worked. I felt elated and anxious at the same instance.
His expression was unreadable. “Does that scare you?”
“No, I . . .” I wasn’t sure how to feel about it. If I was honest with myself, I liked when he told me what to do. He’d always had a dominant personality, starting years ago with him demanding my phone number at the university bookstore. Even tonight, he’d taken command, and there’d been a freedom in that. “I’m interested in why it appeals to you.”
He considered his answer but seemed to go with something simple. “I like being in charge.” He knocked back his drink and set it on the table. “Pushing you to new limits is exciting.”
My mouth went dry. “So, I’d be your submissive?”
He went wooden, not realizing his mistake until it was pointed out. He didn’t even seem to be breathing.
I didn’t want to watch him suffer needlessly, and tried to be brave. “I’m not sure I’d say no to the idea.”
Okay, he definitely wasn’t breathing now. His eyes were as big as the appetizer plates the server set down before us. Kyle waited until the guy was gone before blinking, and then gradually return to life. “Say that again?”
“Why? You heard me the first time.”
Putting it out there was shockingly liberating. I’d spent a lot of nights wondering what it’d be like to be a submissive. To have another person focused on me, and push me to explore new things. To improve. And the thought of Kyle being my Dom? It was so hot, my skin felt like it was sunburned.
“Ruby.” His voice was heavy, yet filled with hope. “Tell me you’re serious.”
It was madness, but it was certainly one way to move past our current arrangement. “I am.”
The air shifted around us and everything in the restaurant faded away. It was just us. Could he hear the heart pounding in my chest?
Kyle reached across the table and trapped my hand beneath his large one, his fingers curling around my palm. It was a simple touch, but felt more sexual than anything else. Like his hand was wrapped completely around my naked body. Touching me everywhere. Owning me.
It made me weak with desire.
My voice stumbled through the thick fog of lust. “W-W-We need to talk—”
His hand tightened and surprise painted his expression.
I’d had a stutter growing up. Always the first consonant, worst on the W, but sometimes it would also present on a long S. I’d worked hard to correct it, and by the time I hit college, it was virtually gone. Only stressful situations brought it out.
Public speaking was one, which was an enormous hurdle to overcome. Being a full-time trial lawyer was never in the cards for me, but I still had to get over my fear so the stutter wouldn’t be an issue if I had a case that went before a jury.
Kyle knew all about my stutter, because he’d helped me get through it.
There’d been times where we’d be eating lunch in the union hall between our classes, and he’d force me to go up to a table of strangers. I could talk about anything, even how I thought it was stupid what he was making me do. He didn’t care, as long as I spoke.
It turned into a game after the initial rocky attempts, and then the game became fun. Sometimes I made up elaborate stories about Kyle just to embarrass him. The first time I’d talked to a table of strangers for five minutes without a single stumble, he’d grinned so wide I thought his face was going to explode. No, fuck that. I’d worried I was going to explode. It may have been the moment I realized I was in love with him.
I hadn’t stuttered in years.
Kyle’s face skewed with concern and his voice was soothing. “It’s okay. There’s nothing to be nervous about.”
“I’m not.” I shook my head, frustrated with myself. The worst part was speaking after the stutter. Worrying it would continue almost always made it happen, so I forced myself not to overthink. “I don’t know where that came from.”
He searched my face, and hesitated before proceeding. “All right. You were saying?”
“We need to talk about,” I said, pleased the stutter was gone, “how this will change our partnership.”
“I don’t think it would change much. We’re already exclusive, discussed limits, and agreed to be honest with each other.”
His casual avoidance struck a nerve and my excitement flagged. “Don’t think,” I said coolly, “I don’t know what you’re doing.”
“What am I doing?”
“Avoiding discussion of the terms you laid down in the last paragraph.”
His arrogant look was infuriating. “Which terms are those?”
“Don’t.” My voice was filled with so much warning, it sobered him. “Just because you don’t have any, doesn’t mean you get to treat my feelings like they’re a game.”
It was a bit unfair, but how I felt. He looked offended. “I have feelings.”
“Yeah?” I tossed his words back at him. “Prove it.”
His shoulders straightened and his expression fell until he looked like he might be ill.
As I waited for him to find a response, my annoyance grew to dangerous levels. He thought I’d give him my submission and expect nothing in return? And he was typically quick with words. Why was it so hard for him to just say what he wanted? It made me suspect everything he said was calculated.
“I’m willing to talk about how I feel,” he said finally, “but I’m going to need you to do it first.”
Seriously? More evidence this was a game to him, and I wasn’t going to play it.
“Okay, fine. I already apologized for the lies I left on the voicemail message. And I’m sorry for whatever I said when I was so drunk I didn’t even realize I was sleeping on a bunch of coat hangers on my sister’s floor.” Anger threatened to overtake me, but I shoved it down. “You knew I was wasted, and yet you never called me back. Do I wish we’d both done things differently? Sure. But what do you expect me to do other than say I’m sorry and try to move forward?”
This was his opening to now apologize for his mistakes.
Instead, he stared at me like he was trying to decide if he should select me from a jury pool.
I’d done my part, and his silence was infuriating. I shot to my feet so fast, I bumped the table and our silverware rattled. “Forget it. I just remembered I have plans to be somewhere else.”
“Sit down.”
It was the dark tone and my knees went soft, but the rest of me stayed strong. “No. I can’t do this anymore if it’s not leading somewhere.”
He stood, bringing us face to face. “You want it to?”
Hadn’t I just told him I did? He’d trapped me. Forced and manipulated me into revealing my feelings and breaching his stupid agreement. I thought I wanted his dominance, but not if it was going to be like this.
“Yes,” I said. Of course I wanted more. At least, I had until fifteen seconds ago. Anger burned up my throat as I pushed the question at him. “W-W-Why the hell don’t you?”
His mouth dropped open. No sound came out at all.
Oh, fuck this. I couldn’t deal with more of his silence when I needed him to not leave me hanging. I ripped my coat off the back of my chair, grabbed my purse, and fled from him, wishing I could
hurry away from the stuttered sentence just as easily.
Chapter
THIRTY-ONE
Kyle’s voice called after me, asking me to wait, but I tugged my jacket on as I went down the stairs. It was crowded in the bar on the first floor, and I weaved my way through to the entrance.
My emotions were a swirling disaster. This week with him had been amazing. Not just the sex and the new experiences, but the everyday moments, too. The quiet discussions post-sex. Waking up beside him and stealing sips of his coffee.
The temperature outside was above freezing, but it was still offensively cold. I skittered across the gritty pavement in my heels, heading up the sidewalk. I could try for an Uber, but a cab would be faster . . . assuming I could find one.
I had to take careful, deliberate steps as I headed for the end of the block. Had I known Celeste was only a few blocks from his apartment, I would have worn different shoes. After picking me up this evening, he’d parked in his building’s garage and we’d walked over.
There weren’t any cabs on this street right now. Should I head toward the shopping center? I glanced back the way I came, only to see Kyle barreling out of the restaurant, still putting one arm into the sleeve of his long coat.
“Ruby,” he yelled. “Just wait a minute.”
I stood on the sidewalk, shivering in the cold as he hurried toward me. My first thought was to flee, but as I’d technically already done that, I’d stand and fight. His expression was pure determination, and my pulse quickened with every step he took. He came like a guided missile, and when he reached me, his hands closed around my waist, locking me in place.
He used the weapon of his mouth, slamming his over mine, taking without permission. I tried to squirm away. “No.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so fucking sorry I took off after the voicemail.” His lips were firm and urgent, and there was a hint of tongue. Just enough to drug me into letting the kiss continue. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you the next morning. I know I should have.” It was as if he needed to keep kissing me to get his words out. “I’m sorry I was five years late telling you the truth.”
His apology leveled me. His strong arms were the only thing keeping me upright.
“And I’m sorry I struggle to put how I feel into words. I’ve never been good at that.” He mumbled it against my lips. “But I want what you want.”
The world was spinning so fast, it was going to fling me off. “You want more? A relationship?”
“I want all of it.”
There was a sharp pain in my chest, as if my broken heart was trying to put itself back together.
“I promise,” he said, “this thing between us is going somewhere.” His kiss migrated across my jawline, heading toward my ear. When it reached its destination, he uttered it with his breath hot on my neck. “Right now, it’s going back to my place.”
I was too distracted to protest when his arm looped through mine and he urged me down the sidewalk toward his building. I had to hang on tightly, because my legs turned to rubber bands. His statement how he wanted all of it buzzed in my ears.
Yet this was more communicating than we’d ever done, and I worried the magic was going to wear off the second we stepped inside his apartment.
“I should have known,” I blurted out, “you weren’t the kind of guy who’d run out on me like that.”
He pulled to a stop. The tip of his nose and the edges of his ears had turned pink from the cold, and his hair fluttered in the wind, but he didn’t seem to notice any of it. His intense gaze went straight into my core.
“And I should have known you were lying about the guy.” His breath was visible in the cold and danced in the wind. “It wasn’t news to me that when you get upset, you sometimes lose your head.” His deep voice echoed down the empty street. “If you’ll let me, I’d like to help.”
I gave a tight laugh. “You’re going to try to control the part of me that’s uncontrollable? Good luck.”
“I’m serious.”
“So am I. You think I haven’t tried to get my shit under control?”
We went on the move again and hustled through a crosswalk. It felt like as we got closer to his apartment, the faster he went.
“Kyle. Where’s the fire?” Besides the one in my pants. “Some of us are wearing shoes that prohibit jogging.”
He ignored my question. We flew into the lobby of his building, onto the elevator, and then we were headed up. He stared at our reflection in the dull chrome doors, not saying a word, his expression blank.
What was he plotting in that brain of his? “What are you thinking about?”
“How quickly I can get inside you.”
I couldn’t hold back the smile. Why did his place have to be all the way at the end of the building? We raced down the hall, and as soon as we were inside his apartment, we tore at each other’s clothes. The coats and shoes came off first, discarded by the door. I pushed his sport coat off and tossed it onto a chair as we moved toward his bedroom, our kiss only breaking when he tugged off my top in one clean jerk.
We left our clothes like a trail of breadcrumbs, ending with our underwear beside the bed. Our mouths crashed together as we fell on top of the mattress, a tangle of limbs and naked skin.
We both seemed eager to act on our feelings. I was pulled on top of him, straddling his lap. Kyle’s mouth found my breasts and sucked, while his fingers stroked between my legs. His dick was hard, and nudged where I was damp and aching.
“Fuck me,” I said. “I need you.”
He groaned in approval, and pushed his hips up, sliding inside me while his hands guided me down, all the way until our connection was complete.
I sat up on him, enjoying the sensation when he was fully seated inside me. “Oh . . . God, I love your dick.”
“You’ve mentioned that.”
I echoed our conversation from New Year’s Eve. “I feel strongly about it. It bears repeating.”
He grinned and grabbed my hips as he began to move, thrusting into me. I was on top, but even in this position, he wanted to be the one in charge.
I rocked back and forth, and then pounded my body down on him. God, it felt so good. His palms worked up to my breasts, and his lust-heavy gaze alternated between his hands and my eyes. He stared at me as if I were unbelievable, and I understood.
I couldn’t believe it, either. He was mine again. We were together. It was like I’d tucked my volatile emotions for him away into cold storage, but a single spark was all that was needed to send the whole thing up in flames.
It burst from me as a passionate wave. I launched forward, clasping my hands on his face, and poured everything I had into my kiss. His arms banded tight around my back. Behind my eyelids, my eyes were wet with tears, but I refused to let them escape.
We were drowning in each other, gasping for air, yet I moved faster on him. Need swelled and consumed, forcing everything else away. All that remained was the desire to lose control. To give it over to this man, and trust him to take care of it.
We moved so fast, the bed squeaked and shook. The headboard knocked against the wall, and our loud moans competed with the sound. My thighs burned from the exertion, and my breasts crushed against his hard chest, but I couldn’t stop. Never wanted to.
He slid a hand between our bodies, searching. When the pads of his fingers found my clit, it was a white-hot shock of pleasure.
“Oh, oh, oh . . .” The crescendo built, the song of my approaching orgasm so loud, it was deafening.
Bliss rocketed through me. It fired along every nerve ending, catapulting me into oblivion. Kyle gasped as my body tightened on him, and then he followed me. The muscles of his chest hardened and shook, and we rocked together in our mutual climax, fusing our mouths together.
It was . . . intense.
I was shattered and whole at the same time, loving the way his strong arms were wrapped around me. Holding me as we came down off our high. My head dropped down and I pressed m
y forehead against his collarbone, shuddering through my orgasm’s aftershocks with closed eyes. Kyle stroked a hand over the back of my head, smoothing away my hair, and he let out a long, relaxed sigh.
I was supposed to climb off him, but didn’t.
Even as his erection flagged and his climax dripped out of me, I stayed. There was no desire to leave as he delivered his languid kiss and stroked his tongue against mine. I couldn’t even leave if I wanted to. His arms were steel bars, caging me against his body.
Time was irrelevant.
Eventually he shifted us so we were on our sides. I stretched and rolled away from him, but backed my body up against his heated one, wordlessly demanding he spoon me. All this week I’d tried to keep my distance after the sex, but now everything was different. I bit back my moan of satisfaction when his arm slipped around me.
I was still hungry since my tantrum at the restaurant had forced us to skip dinner, and we had a lot to talk about, but the emotions had taken their toll and left me exhausted. I was safe, warm, and happy beside Kyle. His slow, even breathing was gradually lulling me to sleep.
“You still awake?” he whispered.
I was, but right on the cusp of drifting off. If I spoke, it’d wake me up, and a little nap wasn’t going to hurt us. I’d recharge for thirty minutes and then be better prepared to discuss everything.
“Ruby?”
His voice was soft, like a final effort to see if I was awake. I could barely hear him. I slipped further toward sleep.
He let out a hesitant breath. “I love you.”
I’d never jolted so hard in my life.
The words reverberated through me as I rolled over to stare at him. Everything went still. My eyes were so wide, I could only imagine what I looked like.
His face was shock, which quickly turned to horror. He scrambled up off the bed, moving away like both it and I were on fire. He grabbed his boxers off the floor and yanked them on.
“You love me?” I gasped.
“No, I don’t!” He blurted it out, his face contorting into an expression of embarrassment a split second before his feet pounded on the floor and he thundered from the room.