Willing Surrender

by Hole, Carrie

  Reina: Thank you for the flowers, now stop making me crazy!

  James: Flowers make you crazy?

  Reina: Very funny. Your notes make me crazy.

  James: Everything about you makes me crazy.

  Reina: Not helpful.

  James: Helpful wasn’t what I was going for.

  Reina: What are you going for?

  James: You, of course.

  Reina: You’re incorrigible.

  James: I’m determined.

  Reina: Ugh. I have work to do.

  James: If you say so.

  Reina: Seriously...not funny.

  Their conversation hadn’t improved her mood any. If anything, she could imagine him laughing at her, dimples and all. The thought made her smile and grumble at the same time. What the hell am I going to do about that man? She spent the day trying to organize and concentrate. She contacted clients with ideas and deadlines. She drank coffee, soothed herself with ice cream, and lazed around daydreaming. She couldn’t even bring herself to watch television because what she would normally binge watch was James’ show. Damn it.

  The next couple of days were much of the same; her desire overriding her brain. By Friday, she sat with her coffee waiting for a knock at the door. If patterns repeated, she could expect some new torture being delivered. By late afternoon she’d determined nothing was coming; she wasn’t sure if she was disappointed or relieved. Deciding to walk to The Coffee Spot she opened the door, only to be surprised by the postman.

  “Holy crap, you just scared the hell out of me,” she laughed at herself.

  “Sorry ma’am. I have a delivery for…”

  She interrupted him, “Yep, I’ll sign for it.”

  She took the box inside and opened it. Her heartbeat became slightly erratic as she saw what was in it. A small box was nestled on top of four black satin scarves, no note. She wasn’t the most experienced person, but she could think of various uses for multiple scarves, none of them included leaving the house. She opened the small box, inside was another cuff style bracelet. This one had pave diamonds all the way around, with an open diamond circle in the middle. It looked to be a solid piece, but there were hidden hinges around the circle that opened so you could slip it on. Reina put the bracelet back in the box and took a step back. I think I need to sit down. She sat on the couch, phone in hand, trying to remember how to breathe. She decided to text before he called.

  Reina: Stop sending jewelry.

  James: I’m not always very good at doing what I’m told.

  Reina: Cute. Not certain I need so many scarves.

  James: Bring them with you.

  Reina: I’m not planning on going anywhere.

  The phone rang, making her jump. Fuck. “Hello?”

  “Hello Reina.”

  “Where is it you think I’m going?”

  “Come visit me.”

  “You want me to come to Canada? Yeah right,” she scoffed.

  “Why not?”

  “James, I have work to do.”

  “You can bring it with you.”

  “That’s an unfair tactic.”

  “It’s a realistic suggestion. Honestly, I have to leave early and work long days. You’ll have time.”

  “You want me to just come hang around your house while you work.”

  “I want to be in a hurry to get back.”

  “How long are we talking here?”

  “As long as you want to be here...”

  Her heart was beating in her throat. “James, how many women have come to stay with you?”

  “Reina, you’re the only woman I’ve ever invited.”

  “Why? Why me?”

  “Because your needs are the match to mine.”

  “I don’t know what you mean,” she practically whispered.

  “You know exactly what I mean.” When she didn’t respond he continued, “Reina, I need to see you.”

  There was a tension and longing in his voice that mirrored her own. It made her body hum like a tuning fork and pulled her like a magnet. “I’ll think about it,” she finally answered, hanging up before he could addle her further. Her world had tilted once again, and she was standing on a precipice. This was nothing like taking an island vacation in a rental house. He’d offered her what she wanted most, while asking her to walk willingly into the lion’s den.

  She tossed and turned all night. Finally, concluding that sleep wasn’t going to happen, she got up and made coffee. She was still sitting at the table when Amy rolled out around 9am.

  Amy looked at her sideways, “What are you doing up?”

  “Couldn’t sleep.”

  “How long have you been up?”

  “I don’t know, since maybe 6am.”

  “Are you sick,” she teased.

  “Yes.”

  Amy sat down across from her. “What’s going on,” she asked, obviously concerned.

  “James wants me to go to Canada.”

  Amy raised her eyebrows, “For how long.”

  Reina let out a small laugh, “I don’t know.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “There’s obviously a strong connection between the two of you.”

  “Yeah, but this seems like a big decision. I don’t know. I feel like if I go there I’m agreeing to give him my heart.”

  “Reina, it would seem as if he’s already there. I say you should go, see where it leads. You’ll never know if you don’t go; you’ll always wonder.”

  “That’s just it. Before him I didn’t know, now I can’t forget.”

  “You should follow your heart, Reina. You already know what you want, so stop trying to convince yourself otherwise. Besides, it’s about time you use that passport.”

  “We’re going to need more coffee,” Reina sighed.

  Because of the time difference she waited a few more hours to call. She knew a text wouldn’t do it, so she didn’t even try. He answered on the second ring.

  “Hello Reina,” he answered. There was a subtle tightness to his voice; he was worried about what she was going to say and the realization eased her.

  “Yes.”

  “Yes?”

  “Yes, I will visit.”

  He heaved a relieved sigh, “Do you have a passport?”

  “Yes. I’ve always kept it current in case Amy and I went on an adventure, ironic that this will be the first time I’ve used it.”

  “I’ll make arrangements for Monday, if that’s Ok for you.”

  “Yes, Monday is good. Still low maintenance, I pack light.”

  “Bring as much as you’d like.”

  “James, can I ask you a random question?”

  “Of course,” he answered.

  “What’s my ringtone?”

  He laughed, “It’s ‘Take Me to Church’ by Hozier”

  Although he couldn’t see it, she blushed. “I guess I’ll talk to you soon then.”

  “Even better, I will see you soon.”

  “Yes,” she replied, hanging up. Then she laid down for a nap, and slept better than she had in weeks.

  Chapter 14

  Reina was finally nearing her destination. They’d taken off around 6pm her time. She’d been on the flight for nearly 7 hours, including a stop for gas, and she’d be arriving around 9pm. As if being on the jet alone weren’t strange enough, the time change was disconcerting. Luckily, she’d slept most of the day to compensate, but the flight had been a bit tedious. She’d spent time working on her newest design project, listened to music, played games on her phone and drank coffee. Surprisingly, she wasn’t nervous, but that was most likely due to the feeling of being suspended in time. As they were almost to the airport she received a text from James.

  James: I’m sorry, I can’t make it to the airport. I’m closer to the house so I’ll meet you there.

  Reina: Ok, no worries.

  Ironic how his message was both a torment and a reprieve; she didn’t have to face him ye
t, but couldn’t wait to see him. A car was waiting for her at the airport and soon she was watching the city lights pass by. She decided to text Amy.

  Reina: Any last minute advice?

  Amy: Follow your heart. Don’t get in your own way.

  Reina: Hearts are unreliable.

  Amy: I’m giving you the stern face right now.

  Reina: Ha ha ha I’ll try.

  On the twenty minute drive Reina fiddled with her bracelets. When she'd made the decision to visit she’d put on the second one. She had gone from not wearing jewelry to bands of cool metal rubbing her skin. They continuously reminded her of James’ warm fingers around her wrists, which she was certain, had been his intent. Although it was a foreign sensation she admitted to herself that she liked it, reveled in it actually. His dominance brought her to a height of passion she hadn’t known existed, and the aftermath soothed her mind like nothing ever had. Considering that her mind was almost never quiet, the feeling was quite addictive. As they entered a long curved driveway she noticed a large Tudor style home surrounded by trees and shrubbery, but what drew her attention was James exiting his car and walking towards them. She opened the door and stepped out as he approached, heart beating out of her chest. She smiled at him then ducked her head and bit the inside of her lip before looking back into his eyes. He stepped in close to her, his hand coming to her face, and she was mesmerized.

  “It’s good to see you,” he said, voice sultry.

  “Yes,” she replied, brain refusing to function properly. It’s good to be seen, she thought. When she looked into his eyes it felt like he saw into her center. He saw all the shadows she hid from the world; he saw the desires she hid from herself. She reached her lips towards his. “Kiss me,” she whispered.

  He grazed his lips across hers teasingly, making her body tremble. He gave her small nipping kisses already making her think “more’. He looked in her eyes a moment then shook his head with a small laugh as she smiled at him. He took her hand and led her toward the house.

  “Come on. I’ll give you a tour before you start trouble.”

  “I do not start trouble.”

  “You are trouble.” He looked over his shoulder, shaking his head again.

  “Says the big bad wolf,” she replied playfully.

  He pulled her to the front of him and backed her to the doorframe. Her eyes danced with merriment as she licked her lips. His eyes then his thumb followed the movement. Her breathing became shallow when he leaned in as if to kiss her, but he stopped before he reached her lips.

  “Trouble,” he murmured, taking a step back before she could pull him in. He opened the door and gestured inside.

  “If you say so,” she giggled as she stepped in.

  Through the door was a small hallway, with a coat closet to the right. Beyond the hallway was a small vestibule with multiple exits. To the right was a doorway to another hallway, to the right of that was a small nook with a table and chair next to an ascending stairway. Directly ahead was a doorway, which he led her through first. The walls were creams, whites, and tans, all with a multitude of windows; the floors were a light oak with earth-toned carpets in various places. The first room was a living area with a fireplace, leather couch, and matching recliners. Beyond that was a large sunroom with floor to ceiling windows, a sliding glass door leading to the large in-ground pool, tables, and comfortable furnishings; to the left was a doorway to a formal style dining room. The dining area had a dark walnut table large enough to seat eight and a matching sideboard.

  “I don’t really use this room,” he laughed.

  They went back to the beginning and took the hallway that opened to a much more open area. There were sliding glass doors and windows looking out over a well-manicured backyard. To the left was a large entertainment room. The main wall held a huge flat screen T.V. surrounded by shelves of movies and books, two dark brown leather couches completed the room. Slightly to the right was a small dining table beneath a window and to the right of that was the kitchen, which was beautiful. The floor was dark swirled tile; the cabinets and island were a light oak gorgeously off-set with black marble counters, and stainless steel appliances.

  James watched her, gauging her reactions, but she was concentrating too hard on not hyperventilating to notice. Being surrounded by his masculine domain was both slightly overwhelming and oddly comforting, completely confusing her senses. As if feeling her trepidation he closed the distance between them and rubbed his thumb across her lips.

  “Do you like it,” he asked.

  She nodded. I like it when you touch me, she thought.

  He could see in her eyes when her mind had switched gears. “Are you ready to see the upstairs?”

  “Yes,” she responded, biting her lip. He chuckled at her and led her to the staircase.

  The quarter turn staircase was covered in plush cream carpet, had two small landings, and an oak banister. At the top of the stairs was the main bedroom suite, a bedroom made into an office on the right, and a hallway to the left. He guided her down the hallway first. There were two bedrooms made into guest rooms, one made into a home gym, and the last was empty. When they walked back to the master suite he gestured her forward, waiting in the doorway while she got her bearings. The suite was literally a few small rooms together. On the right side of the door was a fireplace, to the right of that the bathroom, followed by a small nook with a walnut desk and shelves built into the wall. The bathroom was all swirled cream marble with a walk-in shower to the right, an oak vanity with marble top and double gold sinks, a top lit mirror of the same length, and a jacuzzi tub at the end. On the left side of the suite was a walk-in closet, beside that another nook with a walnut table and plush chair. The middle of the room was open and airy, the walls were cream and the beige carpet was incredibly soft. Beyond the nooks on either side was almost a completely separate room. The king-size four poster bed was also walnut with intricately carved posts and balusters. Set against three large windows it was masculine, intimidating and made her heart beat way too fast. On each side of the windows was a door leading out to the balcony, which spanned almost an entire side of the house with a view of the river and far off mountains. Blushing she turned back towards James. He eyed her intently then crossed the room, took her hand, and led her towards the closet. Her bag was somehow already sitting just inside the closet door. On either side were sections with areas to hang clothes, each section with its own set of drawers beneath, and shoe racks along the back wall. Directly inside the door, on the right, was an empty section.

  “You can put your things here if you like,” James told her.

  She looked at him sideways, “Is this section always empty?”

  “No, I made space for you,” he chuckled.

  “You made space for me in your closet?”

  “Reina, this house isn’t exactly lacking in space. It’s only a closet.”

  “Uh huh,” she muttered.

  “Look, I’m going to take a quick shower while you breathe through your closet anxiety.”

  “Oh that’s funny,” she replied sarcastically. He was already walking away laughing under his breath. Ironically, she was slightly anxious about the cleared closet space. What the hell is wrong with me? It’s just a place to put clothes, she unconvincingly told herself. Part of her was panicked about being completely surrounded by him, the other side of her wanted to roll around on the bed inhaling his scent. Seriously, get ahold of yourself, she thought. She heard the shower running and decided she needed to put her clothes someplace, so in the closet they went.

  Reina was admiring the scroll work on the bedposts when James strolled out of the bathroom in a towel. She enjoyed the view of his back as he walked towards the closet.

  “Are you hungry,” he asked over his shoulder.

  The question was innocent enough, it just happened to go to the wrong receptors in her brain. When she didn’t respond he turned around. She unconsciously licked her lips, not completely processing that he
was looking at her, until her eyes had traveled up his body, gaze meeting his. She bit the inside of her lip as his eyes instantly turned predatory. He prowled toward her, causing her heart to race in anticipation. He stopped before their bodies touched, but close enough that she had to look up at him.

  “Are you hungry Reina,” he asked, in a quietly commanding voice.

  Her gaze flicked to his lips, her body instinctively angling towards his, before meeting his eyes again. He watched her and waited, body tense.

  “Yes,” she replied boldly.

  He didn’t hurry. His thumb skimmed her jaw until his hand wrapped around the back of her neck, but he only teased her with his lips. Impatient, she wrapped an arm around his waist, the other around his shoulder, as she leaned into him. His hand slid into her hair tilting her head back, but he still didn’t kiss her. His stubble brushed against her as he gave little bites down her neck. He worked his way back up, lips skimming her jaw. He stopped with his lips hovering above hers. She pulled to get closer.

  “Please kiss me,” she whispered.

  He nipped then licked her bottom lip. As her frustration grew, she pulled harder against his hold on her hair, but he simply tightened his hold. He brushed his lips across hers lightly.

  “Say that you’re mine,” he murmured.

  “James,” she pleaded.

  His lips claimed hers, searing her, branding her heart. She craved more, couldn’t get enough. She wanted to wrap her body around his and melt into him. In a haze her clothes were on the floor and she was tumbled onto the bed. Her hands were free to roam his body while his mouth was on her breasts, sucking, licking, and biting. Her body bowed when his thumb skimmed her clit, slipped into her wetness, and circled back around. She’d been on edge for weeks, she was more than ready. She wrapped her legs around him as he entered her, but he continued to set the pace. His hands slid up her arms, pinning her wrists above her head, pushing her bracelets towards her hands. He drugged her with kisses while bringing her close to the edge, then pulling back and slowing the pace. She struggled to get closer, to find release. She was panting, whimpering his name, when he finally had mercy on her. He released her wrists using one arm for support; the other hand grabbed her hip. Her fingers dug into his shoulders, body arching, as he brought her careening over the edge. The intense pleasure coursed through her, leaving waves of bliss in its wake.