He stops eating and places the spoon down on the table. "Then we don't." There's no emotion in the statement.
"Just like that? We just don't."
"Jessica." His hand snakes towards mine. "Listen to me. Jessica, listen."
I smile at his insistence that I listen. He always does that when he's got something important to say. "I'm listening, Nathan."
"I would never…" He pulls in a heavy breath and squeezes my hand tightly. "I would never do anything with you that you didn't want. Ever."
"You say that but… but I don't know." I don't know. I want to believe him. I wish I could believe him. "I feel like you push me sometimes. You want things I'm not ready for."
"Listen to me." He stands and throws his linen napkin on the table before he kneels down next to me. "Please, Jessica, just hear this one thing."
I stare down at his calm, beautiful blue eyes. His face is unshaven and his hair a mess from the wind. He's so gorgeous. He's more striking than the night I met him. "What?"
"I fucked this up more than once." He bites his bottom lip. "I am going to work every single fucking day of my life to make you want me as much as I want you. I will wait forever for you. Forever, Jessica. Don't doubt that."
I don't respond. I just stare at his face. My heart is telling me that he means it. My head wants to embrace it.
"I love you, Jessica. I fucking love you." He swallows hard just as I see the pool of tears in his left eye. "My life is nothing without you. Nothing. The day you get that will be the happiest day of my life."
I can't handle the emotion in the room. I can feel the weight of it suffocating me. "No. The happiest day of your life will be when you get to come in me without a rubber."
He licks his bottom lip. "That's going to happen sooner than you think."
Chapter 20
"How many women have you fucked in here?" I'm sitting in one of the chairs opposite his desk while he works.
"In here?" He doesn't break his gaze from his laptop screen.
"Christ, you're annoying as fuck sometimes," I tease. "Is that like a lawyer thing?"
"Is what like a lawyer thing?" He reaches for a manila folder on his desk.
"That diverting thing you do." I playfully punch my fist into the folder. "You do it all the time. You ask me the same question I ask you."
"I don't do that." He smirks as he pushes my hand to the side. "That's quite a fist you have there."
"Have you fucked that receptionist?" I nod back towards the area outside his closed office door.
"What?" His head bolts up. I finally have his full attention.
I look directly into his eyes. "Have you banged her in here?"
He furrows his brow as he leans back in his office chair. "You're asking me if I've rammed my dick into my receptionist here in my office?"
"Seriously?" I try not to laugh. "You just did it again."
"I didn't," he says softly. "On both counts."
"She hates me." It sounds as childish leaving my lips as it does when I think about it.
"My receptionist hates you?" He can't hold in his obvious amusement. "That makes you think I banged her?"
"She never says my name correctly." I push my bottom lip out in a fat pout. "She did it again today."
He stands, walks with determined steps around the desk and leans against it. "Jessica." He reaches forward as he drags the pad of his thumb across my bottom lip. "You want to suck me off, don't you?"
I laugh at the no-so-subtle request. "The receptionist, Nathan," I whisper as I run my hand down his pants and trace the outline of his erection.
He slowly pulls the belt out of its loop before the sound of the zipper lowering fills the room. "She has a lisp, Jessica."
***
"I just didn't think I'd have to live here alone without you." I hug Bryce tightly at the doorway to our apartment. "You got engaged so fast."
"I love her a lot, Jess." He reaches to pick up the last of his boxes from the floor. "I'm so excited for this. You're going to come over tomorrow night, right?"
"It's my night off." I remind him and myself. "I'll be there at seven. I'm cooking, so don't touch anything. I'll bring everything I need."
"You just need to talk to her, Jess." He motions towards Rebecca's closed bedroom door. "You two need to have it out with each other. Until you do that, it's always going to be like this."
I nod as I watch him walk through the door and out of my everyday life for good. He's right. Until I talk to Rebecca about what happened with Nathan, things are never going to be right between us. There's no time like the present.
"Did he go?" Her voice startles me enough that I almost lose my balance. I have to wonder if she was listening to the two of us talking about her.
"He's gone," I offer as I finally turn to face her. "You didn't come out to say goodbye."
She shrugs her shoulders. "We weren't close. Not like you and I…"
"I'm still looking for a place." I want her to realize that I was serious when I told her that I'd be moving out too. Every night when I get home after work, I scurry to my room like a timid mouse afraid that the big, bad cat will catch me in its grips.
"You don't have to." She doesn't pull her gaze from the floor. "It would be cool if you stayed. We can look for another roommate."
The offer is touching, albeit completely misplaced. I know that she has to feel the same awkward tension floating through the air every time we happen upon one another. She's gotten surprisingly good at avoiding me at all costs. "I think I need to go."
"I'm sorry about everything, Jess." Her voice cracks slightly. "I was just trying to help."
"You've helped me more than anyone I've ever known." They aren't just words strung together to appease her anxiety. They are real, true and meant with love and affection. "You helped me escape Connecticut and my life with Josh."
"Bryce told me you were thinking of going back." She finally looks at me. "You can't, Jess. It's a hellhole."
I laugh out loud at the description. "It is a hellhole." I nod my head in eager agreement. "I don’t belong there. I don't really belong anywhere right now," I whisper. It's not meant to garner any sympathy from her. It's just how I feel.
"My door is always open." She glides her hand through the air. "My home is yours."
I feel a sense of comfort with the words. "That means a lot."
"Anything I've done is because I want to protect you." She glances at me. "We're going to work at this and get back to being best friends."
"We are best friends." I pull her into a weak embrace. "We'll fix it," I say believing that in time we will.
Chapter 21
"There's a rule that you keep breaking." He's standing in the doorway of the bedroom, his pajama bottoms slung low on his hips. I can just see a few stray hairs poking over the waistband. Even like this in the dim light of the room, he's the most desirable man I'll ever lay eyes on.
"Whatever." I look back down at my tablet. "I need to become a prostitute I think."
"What?"
"I think I need to start turning tricks." That's hooker lingo, right? That's what they call it?
"You're the most fascinating person I've ever met." He's on the bed next to me now. "Where do you come up with all this bullshit that comes out of your mouth?"
"It's like this." I place the tablet on his lap and pull the sheet up to cover my breasts. "I look up apartment listings and on the side are all these advertisements for call girls."
"Call girls?" He glances down at the tablet. "You mean these listings asking for female models?"
"Yes." I nod. "That's code for prostitute." I pull air quotes around the last word for extra added emphasis.
"I'll pay you to fuck me." He pulls the waistband of his pajamas down to reveal his cock. "You name the price. How much is your body worth?"
I wince at the words. We haven't spoke of the bet in weeks. It's become a difficult, and not constant, memory at this point. Suddenly, it's boiling inside of me a
gain. I feel breathless at the reminder.
"Nathan." I push the sheet from my body and bounce to my feet. "I can't. No."
"Jessica. Jesus. Shit." He's on his feet too, racing around the bed. "Please, don't. Fuck, please don't run."
"I can't." I'm clawing at my throat. I feel as though I can't breathe. This must be what it's like to have a panic attack. I saw enough of them firsthand when I was an EMT to know the symptoms. "Nathan." I feel my legs collapsing and I reach for the side of the bed. He scoops me into his arms and lowers me to the floor before I have time to react.
"Jessica." His hands are around me and I'm resting against his chest. "Don't think about it."
"I can't help it." I press my hands to my temple to try and ward off the flood of thoughts. I'm assaulted with the image of my fist jarring into Drew's face, the smell of the bar, and the sound of Nathan's voice when he told me the amount of the bet. "I can't do this," I whimper. "Why did I think I could do this?"
"Jessica." He cradles my naked body in his lap as he leans against the bed. "You know I love you. You feel it."
"No." I shake my head violently from side-to-side. "I don't know."
"You feel it," he whispers in my ear. "Close your eyes, Jessica. Listen to me."
My head is telling my body to bolt from the room. It's pushing on me to race from his arms and this place. It's reminding me that his past is a cloud of secrets and women. There were so many women. My heart is winning. I can't move.
"You were wearing a beautiful dress when I first saw you at the club that night." His breath grazes across my neck. "I watched you walk in through the door. I had just paid my tab. I was getting ready to leave."
I nod. I didn't know that. I thought he was firmly entrenched on a stool at the bar waiting for someone he could take up to his room.
"I felt my knees go weak." He kisses my forehead. "Not weak like bullshit words weak, but really weak. I had to sit down. Do you know why?"
I shake my head against his chest as I feel my breathing slow down. "Tell me why."
"You were looking around the room. I was scared you were there to meet a guy. I was going to fight him for you."
I laugh at the idea. I was so scared that night. So unsure of what I was getting myself into.
"If I'd known you were a prize fighter I'd have gotten you to be my stand-in." I can feel his smile against my cheek. "I knew right then, at that club, that I'd never want anyone else in the world again."
"You're such a liar," I say the words into his chest.
"I don't lie to you, Jessica."
"You don't always tell me the truth either."
"That's different. I'm a lawyer. It's my job."
"You just wanted to fuck me that night." I don't know how else to put it. Our entire relationship began with a conversation about fucking each other.
"I wanted to take you into that room and never let you go." He runs his hand along my thigh. "I wanted to hide you away from the rest of the world so no one would see what I see."
"What do you see?" My breath hitches as the question leaves my lips.
"My everything. My life."
"You just say those things to get laid," I joke.
"I get up every day happy because somewhere in the world, I know you're there too." His voice cracks slightly at the admission. "I can't live without you, Jessica."
"You can," I counter. "You can live without me."
He shakes his head and pulls my body tighter into his. "If you leave me, I'm done. My heart goes with you."
"You said you don't do romantic, Nathan." I look up into his face.
"This isn't romance, Jessica." He pulls my hand to his lips and kisses my palm. "This is me, telling you, what I feel."
I stare at his lips as they touch my skin. "You're being serious?"
"Completely." He reaches down to brush his lips against mine. "I'd die for you, Jessica. I would jump in front of a subway train if it was going to hit you. I'd kill someone for hurting you. "He lowers his head and rubs his cheek against mine. "I'm not good with words. I want to be with you. However you'll have me."
"You know I'm scared of all of it." I don't have to define it. He knows. He's always known.
"I sometimes think about what my life would have been like if I knew you when I was a kid." The corners of his lips jump into a wide smile. "I never would have touched another woman. I never would have looked at anyone else. My heart would have been yours forever."
"You're romantic." I feel tears welling in the corner of my eyes. "You know that you are."
"I know that with you I have no barriers." He glides his hand over my thigh and up to my hip. "I know that I want to spend every moment I have left on this earth right here in this spot with you."
"We can't stay here forever."
"Not here, Jessica." He points to the floor. "Here." His hand grazes over my chest before resting on his own. "In my heart. In your heart."
"No pressure for anything more?" I cock a brow. "We take it slow and easy."
"You're going to marry me one day and we're going to have a baby." The words spill out so fast I have to stop to think about them.
"Nathan." I tap him on his nose. "That's not slow and easy."
"You're right." His lips glide across mine. "We'll take it however fast you want it, but you're moving in."
"Nathan." I try to sound angry but I can't. How can I when he's almost literally opening his chest so I can see what's in his heart and soul?
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. You have so much of your shit here. Clothes, shoes, gum wrappers, magazines." His fingertips brush across my cheek. "We're going to get the rest of your stuff tonight and you're living here. No arguments."
"No arguments," I agree as I pull his arms around me. "What will we do until then?"
"I can think of something." His hand lazily runs between my thighs.
"Nathan." The need is more pressing than it's ever been. If I don't do this now I may never do it.
"Jessica?" He tilts my chin up until I'm looking into his eyes. "What is it?"
"It's just that...I wanted to tell you." Shit, Jessica. It's just three words. You can do this. You feel it. You've felt it since he kissed you at the club. Okay, maybe back then that was lust, but who could blame you? Look at him, just look at his gorgeous face. He loves you. He really truly loves you.
"Jessica?" He repeats my name and I melt a little at the sound of it.
"I love you."
"I know."
"You know?"
"I've always fucking known. You can't keep your goddamn hands off me."
Epilogue
Six months later…
"You're fucking going to marry me, Jessica." He pounds his cock into me from behind as I'm bent over the back of the couch. "You want to feel this every day of your life."
"I don't need a ring for this." I push back, milking his dick with my body. I love the way it feels when he takes me completely, quickly, like this without any barriers at all. "You never should have brought me back here."
"Goddammit." His hand reaches around to grab my breast. "I'm going to shoot my load all over your back."
I pull away harshly and his cock falls from my body. I'm on my knees in an instant and the growl that I receive is reward enough for me. "Turn around." I grab both of his calves, trying to move his strong legs.
"Jessica," his whisper is barely audible. I can't hear anything other than the pounding of my heart as he twists his body to give me exactly what I want.
"Ah, fuck. Yes." He leans back against the couch and twists his hands through my hair. "Just like that, baby."
His words are my fuel and I take his beautiful cock deeper into my mouth. I look up at him. He looks exactly as he did the first night I took him in my mouth. He's still almost fully dressed. His pants are undone, his dress shirt a wrinkled mess and half-unbuttoned. His long eyelashes fluttering closed as I pump the thick root with my hand and suck on the tip. I spread my legs wider, putting m
y entire naked body on display for him.
"Shit, you're fucking gorgeous." He pumps himself harder into my mouth. "You suck cock so good, Jessica. It's so goddamn good."
I stare up at him, lost in his pleasure. I need his release. I need him to give it to me. Even after all this time, I crave his body endlessly. I can't get enough of the way he tastes, the way he smells, the way he feels when he's giving everything to me.
"I'm going to shoot my load right down that beautiful throat."
It's a promise and a threat. He knows I struggle with how much he gives to me. He knows I need and want it all. "Come for me now," I whisper against his cock. "Shoot it into me."
"Christ. Fuck." The words bite through the stillness in the room as he grabs the back of my head with both hands and pumps his desire into my mouth. It seeps out the sides. I can't handle it all.
I feel him soften slightly on my tongue and I lick my lips as he falls from my mouth. "Nathan," I barely whisper his name. "Nathan."
"That was so intense." His long eyelashes are closed. He looks so peaceful. He's gorgeous. He's more beautiful than the first time we were in this room together.
"I have to go." I stand and reach for my dress. He was the one who wanted to recreate this moment so I'm giving him exactly what he asked for.
"Jessica." His firm hand grabs my elbow. "You're not going anywhere."
"I'm leaving." I sigh a bit too heavily while trying to hide my growing amusement. "I left then so I'm out of here now."
"You're running because you know I'm going to propose to you." He traces the pad of his thumb over my now swollen lips. "Don't."
"That's exactly why I'm running, Nathan." I bite the edge of his thumb. "You think it's romantic to drag me back to your fuck pad to propose marriage to me?"
He can't contain the smile that flows over his mouth. "It's sentimental."
"It's not." I pull my dress back over my head. "You need to come up with a better plan than this."
"Can I at least show you the ring?" He reaches into the pocket of his pants to pull out a small, square box.
Pulse - Part Four (The Pulse Series) Page 6