Complicated

by M. M. Koenig

  “You still strike me as two idiots that do nothing other than give into your sexual urges, but there’s something more there. Ethan and I talked this morning. It was eye-opening,” Bri responded with ease.

  “It must have been one hell of a conversation.”

  “It was, and I'll take it the grave with me, so don't bother asking.”

  I sighed. “Bri, I don’t want to pick a fight with you, but damn, you’re confusing the hell out of me. Every other day you flip from one side to the other when it comes to Ethan. It’s next to impossible for me to keep up with what your opinion really is, because it changes by the hour.”

  Bri exhaled heavily. “Mia, it’s your situation with Harrison that dictates my opinions. I warned you taking his offer would be disastrous. It’s difficult for me to support anything or anyone that comes out of Ethan’s company with the underlying danger that surrounds you. Unfortunately, that bleeds into my attitude towards him. After this last year, and everything that has happened, put yourself in my shoes. How would you handle matters if I were in a serious mess? It doesn’t help that your stubbornness blinds you from letting the rest of us help you.”

  “Don’t go there. I did this to myself, so I‘ll be the one that fixes it,” I interjected heatedly.

  “The offer is always there. I wish you had a little more faith that we’d be able to find an answer together that could end this nightmare for you,” Bri bit back.

  “Dammit Bri. Drop it! You’re missing the point. For the time being, Harrison isn’t concerned with any of you. I just need to get to this damn meeting – then it’ll be over. I’m not about to do anything else stupid. What the rest of you keep suggesting is just an invitation for more trouble!” I shouted.

  Bri remained silent for a few moments before taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry Mia. I’ll try to be less wishy-washy when it concerns Ethan. He loves you. That’s enough for me. Just try to make a better effort to learn more about him. It might bring you more clarity on how to get out of there.”

  “I’m sorry too. You’re probably right on getting to know more about him. I promise to try harder,” I said stiffly.

  “Trey is waking up. I need to go. Try to behave yourself at work,” Bri replied teasingly.

  I ran my free hand across my face. “I make no promises. Bye Bri.”

  I tossed my phone aside. A loud thud sounded as it collided with the laptop. It bothered me that Ethan had given me it with no explanation, and that he lied to me. I wasn’t at liberty to call him out on it either. My own lies had created enough for us to deal with. Rubbing his face in the one lie I caught him in wouldn’t help us find solid ground with each other. Once we were there, I knew I stood a chance at cracking the mystery behind the man.

  Our amazing morning shifted back into my mind. I zoned out for the remainder of my ride. Exiting my car, the cool breeze floated around me. I inhaled the smells of the rain shower from late last night. There was something about the aroma that lingered after a good storm. The heavens could bring down the worst, but the sins of yesterday had been washed away with the rain, paving the way for a fresh start.

  On my way into the building, a set of firm hands pulled me into one of the cars. The fright attacking my body nearly shut my systems down entirely. I doubted that my heart could handle many more days like this with Ian. It was about to flatline any second. I opened my mouth to scream, but a hand silenced me. I struggled under the tight grasp. The grip loosened enough for me to shift the angle of my body.

  I turned to see Micah. His blonde hair fell into his eyeline and he looked as though he hadn’t changed clothes in a few days. His torn jeans had smudges of dirt across them and his red muscle shirt looked similar. I checked his eyes to see if he was high. He stared back at me, sober as could be. He held his finger to his lips for me to be quiet. I nodded slowly so that he’d let me go. When he released me, I leaned over and slapped him hard across the face.

  “You scared the shit out of me!” I snarled.

  “What the hell did you do that for, Mia? I told you I needed to talk. I can't wait any longer,” Micah shot back.

  The enclosed space wasn’t helping me calm down. His eyes pulled together as his frustration flew to the surface. He looked like he was ready to throttle me at any moment. At least the feeling was mutual. It took everything in me not to strangle him.

  “You never finished the rest of my letter, did you? I gave you a damn important piece of information at the end of it. That’s why I took off. I took a huge risk by passing that name along, only to have you ignore it completely.”

  I was more than angry with him. My face was on fire with the amount of fury coasting through me. Everything about Micah was unpredictable. He broke my heart, disappeared, then reappeared, and I had found nothing but riddles around every corner since his return.

  “What name? Never mind. Forget it. I don't have time to deal with you,” I snapped.

  As I grabbed the handle to get out of the car, Micah pulled me out of sight. I glared at him as we stared at each other, our heads below the dashboard. He was going to need to give me a damn good explanation.

  “I don't want anyone to see us together. It’d be bad for both of us,” Micah said uneasily.

  “So you thought showing up was the best way to keep us out of harm's way? Great thinking Micah,” I sneered.

  He shrugged nonchalantly. I closed my eyes and counted to ten. It pissed me off that I was stuck in a car with him. Before my anger got the better of me, I gave him my attention again.

  “What were you doing with Ian O'Connor?”

  “I'm playing both sides. Listen, I need to get out of here before he knows that I'm talking to you. Finish the letter and meet me at Lockhart’s,” Micah urged.

  “You make absolutely no sense. I thought I knew you!” I screeched.

  Micah paused in his attempt to push me out of the car. It was strange having his hands on me after all this time. My body gave no response to his touch, but my heart was all over the place. It enraged me that he had returned with such an urge to talk. He seemed to go from one extreme to the other, and it exhausted me. His first week back had been nothing but persistence, and then he had followed it with complete silence. Now we were back to his insistence to speak again. I used to understand his every move, but I was as lost as ever trying to figure out the person that had returned. I never knew what version of him to expect anymore, or what cryptic tidbit would roll out of his mouth. Given my circumstances with Harrison, I wanted to avoid drama, but that was all that could be guaranteed with Micah.

  “You’re the only person that knows me,” Micah mouthed almost silently, clearly upset by my outburst.

  I shook my head. “I used to know you. You can’t keep doing this to me. I can’t keep having you pop in and out whenever you feel like it.”

  Micah’s face turned bright red. “You pushed me away. You strung this out Mia – you and your damn stubbornness. You’re the one that refused to hear me out. I left you a letter with answers. You failed to read it. I showed up to talk. You chased me away. I sent texts asking for a chance to explain. You blocked me. If you’re upset, you only have yourself to blame.”

  My temper soared and the pressure was almost enough to make my head explode. I had a strong urge to get it all out. I opened my mouth, but Micah pinched it shut. He poked his head above the dash only to drop it down just as fast. He opened the door handle for me to get out.

  “I don’t have time for this right now Mia. You need to get out or we’re going to have some serious issues. I think we already have more than enough.”

  I scrambled out of the car. By his tone, I knew he was beyond pissed, but something had scared him when he lifted his head. It was all over his body, especially in his trembling hands. It left me more than disturbed. Micah leaned down to remove the panel under the steering wheel. His hands made quick work of the wires and the car revved to life.

  No fucking way. He’s lost his fricken mind. It’s one thing to do
this at night. It’s a whole different game when you heist a vehicle in broad daylight.

  “You’re not stealing this car!”

  Micah motioned to keep it down. I glared daggers at him. I had taken more than enough risks with him over our years together. We were no longer an item. The last thing I needed was to be associated with his criminal tendencies. My prints would be all over the car.

  “I prefer to call it borrowing,” Micah said mischievously.

  “Micah, you can’t fucking take it,” I hissed.

  “Oh, settle down. I'll wipe it clean before I bring it back. No one will know it was gone. What happened to your sense of adventure?” he quipped.

  He shut the door and zipped out of the lot without a look back. I glanced around to see if anyone had seen us. The parking lot was relatively quiet. I rummaged for my phone to check the time. It was a twenty after eight. My heart dropped to my knees as my stomach became a giant abyss. I took my sweet-ass time on my way towards the building. As I swiped my card for clearance, Ethan’s ringtone sounded from my cell.

  “Ethan, I'm sorry. I'm walking in now,” I answered quickly.

  “I'm certain we left at the same time. Unless you hit a detour I wasn't aware of, you better have a damn good explanation,” he fumed.

  “I do. Please remember you love me – even when I piss you off,” I replied lightly.

  “Get your ass in here. I'm very interested in what you have to say,” Ethan barked.

  I cringed while putting my phone back in my purse. I swiped my card again and hurried to his office. It was fairly quiet in the lobby, so my semi-sprint went unnoticed. I entered his office and rested against the closed door. Ethan circled around in his chair with an icy glare. The desk served as a buffer for us. I was all about having those these days. The amount of rage in him sent a healthy dose of fear through me, because I knew it was going to get a lot worse. Ethan tossed his hands in the air, as his eyes demanded that I speak.

  “It's not my fault. Well, maybe it's my fault a little, but I didn't plan on it,” I rambled.

  “Get on with it Mia,” Ethan growled.

  “Micah pulled me aside in the parking lot. I planned on talking to him tomorrow, but he got desperate and showed up here. I'm sorry I didn't tell you when he returned a couple of weeks ago. I've been avoiding dealing with him all together,” I explained hastily.

  Ethan slammed his fists down on the desk before he closed the distance between us in several strides and pinned his hands against my head. I withered at his visible anger and yearned for the buffer again, because this side of him scared the hell out of me. I was also over having men roughly pull me aside or push me against walls. I looked into his eyes, pleading for him to step away. He kept his irate stare on me for several moments before taking a few steps back from me as he loosened his tie.

  “What else are you keeping from me?”

  My eyes fell to the ground. “I was going to tell you Micah came back, but the timing hasn't been right. I haven't wanted to deal with it. I'm not keeping anything else from you.”

  Ethan glared. “How am I ever going to trust you?”

  “I'm sorry Ethan. All I want is your trust. I realize I'm going to have to earn it. I’ll do everything I can to show you that you can trust me. Please believe me,” I begged.

  Ethan stepped further away as his hands ran through his hair. His head circled the room a few times before he focused on me, with plenty of rage still in his eyes. I held my breath in anticipation of him blowing up completely. I really wanted to wrap my arms around him to comfort him with my touch, but I had a strong feeling it’d only make him even angrier.

  “Do you still have feelings for him?”

  “No. My heart belongs to you. I thought I made that clear,” I said, barely above a whisper.

  “I thought you did too, but then you conveniently forget to tell me that your ex-boyfriend is back in town,” Ethan snapped.

  My underlying guilt started to fade as my temper took over. I had opened up to Ethan more than anyone before. No one knew I lacked a single memory of my parents – just him. My life before Chicago remained a mystery to me. He had got nearly every dark secret out of me that I had carried around for the last year, or longer. He didn’t have every detail of my life, but he was damn well privy to the big moments in it.

  “Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to tell you the truth? Do you even understand what that means, given what I've already shared with you? I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Micah, but I won't stand here and be questioned about whether or not I love you,” I shot back.

  Ethan stared at me as an array of emotions flashed across his face. At first I tried to follow them, but there were far too many to index. My eyes fell to the floor again while the rest of me started to deflate with my doubts. I needed to know what he was thinking, because guessing was getting me nowhere. After a few minutes, Ethan closed the distance between us. I avoided looking at him. I wasn’t sure of his next move. Frankly, it could very well be kicking my ass to the curb. His fingers ran along my jaw as he tilted my head up to face him.

  “From this moment forward, I need you to promise you’ll be honest with me – even when it terrifies you. You need to have some faith in me, Mia. I know you love me. I shouldn’t have questioned it. I have a feeling loving one another is never going to be our issue. Our biggest obstacle is going to be whether we’re able to get past our demons and believe in each other,” Ethan murmured, stroking my face tenderly.

  “I don't want anything to linger between us. I'm sorry,” I choked out.

  “You said you plan on talking to Micah later this week. Why?”

  “He's determined to give me his side of the story. I've refused to hear him out, but everyone keeps telling me to get it over with so we can have some closure.”

  “I can't argue with that, since you deserve an explanation.”

  He placed his hand in mine, led us to his desk, and pulled the chair out for me before taking his own. He ran his hand along his mouse to bring his screen to life. He remained engaged in our conversation, but something was off. Given what I had just thrown at him, it was difficult to determine what was dictating his mood.

  “I don't have to go. But if I don’t, he's just going to be a thorn in my side,” I pointed out.

  “No, you should go,” he contended.

  “OK. Micah wants to meet for lunch at Lockhart's tomorrow,” I disclosed, cautiously.

  “Meet with him and be done with it. Just don't keep anything else from me,” Ethan demanded.

  I wanted to argue with his sharp tone, but it wasn’t a battle that I dared to engage in – not when it was my fault that we were walking on eggshells as it was.

  “I won't,” I answered quietly.

  “We should get to work. This morning is slipping by,” Ethan said flatly.

  “Ethan, I'm sorry,” I whispered.

  I fidgeted with my necklace. With the tension between us, I needed something to reaffirm his love. He reached across the desk and subdued my nervous fingers. He placed a kiss along each one before bringing his body above the desk entirely. He ran his nose down mine and let out a soft sigh.

  “I know. Let's get to work.”

  He brought his mouth to mine. His tongue outlined both lips before parting them. I lost myself to the sparks within me as our mouths carried on as one. After a few minutes, he fell back into his chair with his breaths heaving. I rested my elbows on his desk to catch my own. The entire moment nearly made me howl with laughter. The control around here was all but gone, because that kiss had scorched every part of me. If he pushed it further, I would’ve let him have me without hesitation. I brought my head out of my dirty thoughts, grabbed the laptop from the corner of his desk, and turned it on. I hoped the rest of the day would move along without issue, because I was all over the place after these last few hours. Both men had my mind running in different directions.

  We worked in silence for the majority of the day. The morning betw
een us had been so beautiful, but Micah had reared his head and devastated that harmony. I cursed under my breath on more than one occasion during the day just thinking about it. I was really looking forward to the day when I would get some time with Ethan without some damn dark cloud looming over us. A part of me wondered how we had found each another under these circumstances. It was as if there was a cosmic curse around us for falling in love.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Starting Over

  The following days went by in a blur, with the next few weeks flashing by even quicker. I went to Lockhart’s to meet Micah, but he never showed up. I unblocked his number and tried calling him, but it ran to voicemail every time. I asked Trey for his opinion. He was just as flabbergasted by Micah’s odd behavior. Trey attempted to reach him too and came up with the same result. For the time being, Micah had disappeared again. Trey and I settled on the conclusion that Micah would always be unpredictable. It was a half-hearted attempt on both our parts. The reality was that this time seemed different, but there wasn’t much either one of us could do about it.

  Ethan and I didn’t speak of the upcoming meeting after several fights, which had ended in heated romps of passion that didn’t resolve a damn thing. He warned me to push it to aside. I did just that – not wanting to cause him to flip out on me. Ethan also remained tight lipped on his exit strategy. Every time either subject came up, he turned into the angry version of himself that I preferred not having around. He always apologized for blowing up, but it still freaked me out. It made pressing him for the simplest of answers impossible.

  After my last run-in with Ian, Harrison had become as psychotic as ever. It was hit-or-miss whether he’d send a menacing text in my direction. There were some weeks that he went out of his way to make his presence known, while other times he’d be as quiet as a mouse. It made trying to keep a level head to get to the damn finish line more than difficult. I still felt a set of eyes watching my every move, but my paranoia on that front started to become the norm. Constantly being on edge had more or less become my default setting. Ethan made damn sure I was rarely left alone, so that eased some of my hysteria.