by Sonya Bria
I tentatively reached out to take part of this life energy. I could feel the light surrounding me, coursing through me. I noticed then that Ian didn’t have light surrounding him. It surprised me that I wasn’t alarmed. Ian embraced the darkness just as I embraced the light. I understood in that moment what our different purposes were. We were on opposite ends of the spectrum. Being together was disturbing the fragile balance between good and evil, light and dark. It was the classic scenario.
I felt the tears streaming down my face and saw the pain in his eyes too. This is what he didn’t want to tell me. It seemed hopeless for both of us. I opened my eyes. “Ian?” I was overwhelmed with all that we’d just experienced. “You knew this already, didn’t you?” It was more a statement on my part than a question.
“Does it make a difference?” Ian asked defeated.
“It does to me,” I replied sadly.
“Soph, I was selfish; I’m not ready to give you up.”
I was more than frustrated! “It makes sense now,” I said, pacing. “You’ve been trying to tell me goodbye for weeks.” I turned away from him, so he wouldn’t see the despair on my face.
“I’ve been trying to find a way around it all,” Ian said.
“What do your premonitions tell you?” I asked.
“Sophie, it always ends badly,” Ian whispered.
I spun around and angrily replied, “I can’t believe that. I can’t believe that we are given these gifts without a means to change anything!”
“Sophie, it is what it is,” Ian firmly stated.
“I don’t believe it—I won’t,” I said, shaking my head in denial. “The gods wouldn’t be that cruel. It’s not fair,” I wailed in despair.
“Shh, come here,” Ian said, holding out a hand for me. “Look, I’ve had a couple more decades than you to accept this. This is why I went to the guardians. I don’t want this either,” he said, resting his chin on my head.
“I know,” I said, sitting down beside him on the blanket. “I know that I have to make some sort of choice, but between what?” I asked in defeat.
“I honestly don’t know…that part I haven’t figured out,” Ian said, stroking my hair as we failed to address what we both knew—we were running out of time.
CHOICES
I needed to be by myself to try and make sense out of all this new information. “Ian, I need a few moments by myself, do you mind?” I asked. Ian did understand, but he didn’t like me being alone right now. I felt his uneasiness. “I’ll be okay. I’m just going to walk to the clearing by the cliffs.”
“No detours?” Ian quizzed.
“No detours, I promise.”
I made my way through the trees, following the path we’d taken a few days before. Everything was so different now. I saw the world around me for what it was. I saw my part in it, but I still didn’t fully understand why I’d been chosen to be the bearer of this responsibility. Perhaps that was my choice to make? Accept it or not? It sounded simple enough, but I wasn’t sure what that would entail. How would my life be different? Could I really decide all of this in one afternoon?
I touched the leaves on the trees along my way to the clearing. They gave me such a spark—I yearned for this feeling. My senses were more acute now. I couldn’t wait to sit in Grams’s garden and focus on all that grew there too. I wonder if what I’m experiencing is how Grams sees it too. I was eager to find out and discuss this with her. On the other hand, I was angry that Ian hadn’t shared this with me. How were we to face this together if he kept secrets from me? He clearly knew that this was going to happen, but for some reason he didn’t feel like he could tell me. Or was it that he didn’t trust me?
I kicked a stone in my way. I thought we were getting past all that, but apparently not. We desired each other; I could see that clearly. We both felt a pull, a connection between us. Was it merely just the energy around us or something more? I hoped for more, but I didn’t see that happening now after what I’d just experienced. Ian was slowly pulling away from me and taking his thoughts too. He rarely entered my mind to speak with me. I could still sense when he was near, but I couldn’t read his thoughts very clearly anymore. We’d both put up barriers. Mine were to protect my heart, but I wasn’t so sure about Ian.
Up ahead, I could see the clearing and hear the roar of the ocean below. I walked to the rocks overlooking the beach—it was a sight to behold. I gathered my knees up and rested my chin on them. I couldn’t hold the tears back any longer. I didn’t like not being in control of my life. Ian couldn’t leave! What would make him leave? He said that it was my choice; he’d had a premonition…I must do something that led him to believe this. It had to be here somewhere in my mind.
I concentrated on the trees swaying above the bluff. I needed to understand my emotions and why this was occurring. I was aware of the pain, sadness, joy, and love vying for a place in my soul. Yet, I felt my anger overshadowing them all. It was a rage of burning desire. My anger craved power. Did I really crave power? I didn’t think so. True, I felt exhilarated with everything I had discovered, but would I choose to become something other than I was? I trembled with a sudden realization that Ian had tried to protect me all these years from having to make a choice between something good and something bad. Didn’t he freely admit that he’d only prolonged the inevitable? For that I was grateful, but how could I choose between two things that I knew were equally good in their own realms?
I wouldn’t have known such sweetness from Ian if I had not explored the possibilities. I weighed my options. I could see that he viewed himself as nothing more than a demon; he didn’t see light where I saw it in his soul. Yes, I truly believed that he had a soul buried deep beneath the layers of darkness. On the other hand, he was filled with a dark force, one he’d been struggling with for a long, long time. I didn’t want him to suffer—that would kill me.
I suddenly realized it wasn’t my life that was being prolonged, but Ian’s. He’d been fighting to hold on to what little of humanity he could through me. Suppressing the demon while he was with me was actually weakening him and doing more damage. Just like me, he needed to embrace it fully to overcome it. Wasn’t that just what we’d experimented with during meditation?
I fell back on the grass and stared up into the quiet, blue sky. I was supposed to guide him. It made sense; my choice was whether or not I could do it. Could I? Could I create the monster I despised to save the man I knew still existed? Heaven help me, I had to try. I knew then what I needed to do—my choice was made. There would be consequences. I just hoped that I could be strong enough to accept them when the time came.
***
“Do you feel better now?” Ian asked as I entered the kitchen.
“Much better.” I came up and hugged him from behind. “What are you making me for dinner?” I nuzzled his back. “I’m famished.”
Ian flipped an egg over. “Eggs and bacon.”
I loved him; this was going to be so hard. “You read my mind! I love breakfast for dinner. Do you mind if we eat outside?” I asked. “I want to watch the sun set.”
***
Sitting out on the porch, Ian wasn’t really paying attention to the setting sun; he’d lost count of how many he’d seen in his lifetime. He used to crave this time when night came because it was the only way to make sense of the days. Not sleeping had a tendency to become monotonous. Now, he dreaded the night; Sophie slept and the precious moments for bonding were put on hold for another day. Ian was slowly beginning to see the significance of the rising and setting sun—a new dawn or beginning—to correct the wrong. Sophie had taught him that.
She was a sight to behold. Ian wanted to burn this memory of her forever in his mind. Her hair was gently flying about her face from the slight breeze rolling down the mountain, and she constantly tucked it behind one ear. He loved that simple motion. She looked content. There was a natural glow about her that made him want to near and freeze this moment in time somehow. He loved her, but couldn’
t have her. His appetites craved her; her body was so fragrant and intoxicating. The blood that flowed through her, Ian desperately wanted to possess, taste even. It made him ill. He didn’t want to feel that way about Sophie. Not his sweet Sophie.
“A penny for your thoughts?” Sophie asked. She’d been watching him stare intently at her for a while now. “I didn’t want to intrude,” she lied.
“You are beautiful, Sophie. I want to always remember you like this,” Ian simply justified his staring.
Sophie made light of the moment again, deflecting the focus from her. “You mean eating eggs?”
Ian laughed. She was precious. He loved her with all of his heart.
***
It was my last night at the cabin with Ian as we’d already decided that I would go back home tomorrow. This night was important to me. I wanted to remember it always. Change was coming, and it wasn’t something that could be altered or put off any longer. The flow of nature constantly changed from one direction to another. You just had to accept it and learn to work with what you were dealt.
“Will you read to me?” I asked snuggling up to him on the couch by the fire later that night. “Anything in particular?” Ian asked.
“How about one of your favorites,” I suggested. “You do have a favorite, don’t you?”
“I’ve accumulated several favorites over the years,” Ian said as he headed over to the bookcase, “but I’m rather fond of the Irish poets.”
I said dryly, “Can’t imagine why.” I closed my eyes as Ian read about kings, queens, lovers, heartache, and joy. Common themes for the Irish. I was a firm believer now that the natural lilt of his voice should be a requirement for reading Irish lit. The cadences were definitely created for the Irish I mused. It was absolutely wonderful listening to the stories he retold as I sat mesmerized by his side.
“That was wonderful,” I said, feeling more relaxed. “Tell me Ian…did you always enjoy poetry?”
Ian laughed. “No, it’s been a recent pastime.”
I teased, “When you say recent, what do you mean? Ten, Five years ago?”
Ian sat back, amused. “Still trying to figure out when I was born?”
“Yes! Please give me a hint,” I begged.
“Okay, one hint,” Ian relented. “I was alive during the great potato famine in Ireland.”
I said incredulously, “That’s it? Thanks, that was a big help,” I huffed. “So, if I remember right, that was the late 1800s?”
“If you say so,” Ian said, still toying with my request.
“Obviously, you’re not going to give me a straight answer, so another question. Did you have your own family?” This was a topic that we’d never discussed, and I didn’t know if I wanted to know. I didn’t like thinking of him with someone else; he probably had been with dozens of women over the years. Or would it have been female vampires? I didn’t like that thought at all.
Ian was pensive. “No, I didn’t have a family.” That was all he said. Book closed.
“Sorry,” I apologized.
“It’s late,” Ian said. Our conversation was clearly over. I’d stirred something up and was regretting it now. “I’m going to get ready for bed. Will you come stay with me?” I asked tentatively.
Ian didn’t move from the couch. His mood was dark. “I have to go out,” he finally said. “I’ll be up later.”
“Okay,” I said. I turned to say goodnight, but he was already gone. Hunting. I could see it in his thoughts; that made my resolve even stronger. I wouldn’t cause him conflict any longer. I took the opportunity with Ian off hunting to search my mind for Connacher. He was always lurking somewhere…I’d left that little tidbit out. It was why he had such easy access to my dreams recently. If I was going to finally put an end to this, I needed Connacher to pull it off. Okay, that sounded twisted, but necessary. I shivered; I was going to be the bait for Connacher and Ian the hunter…it was what Connacher wanted all along.
FATE
Finding the underbelly of Corvallis was taking more time than I thought. There had to be some sort of shady activity in this college town. I had driven to Corvallis under the pretense of getting some books on reserve from the library for Mrs. Hewitt. That excuse was good enough for Grams. She knew that I spent most of my time at the library studying and was pleased to see me stepping up my game for graduation. I shook my head—I hated lying to Grams, but would she have let me come if I told her I was hunting down an ancient vampire? Seriously, Grams was cool about Ian, but even she had her limits.
“Where would I hang out if I were a vampire?” I said out loud to no one in particular. My instincts told me he was here—biding his time and waiting for me. I shivered at the thought, but I kept my resolve up because I needed to do this for Ian. I hadn’t seen Ian in a day or so. After dropping me off back home, he’d said, “Off hunting. Be back soon.” Granted, sometimes these hunting trips took longer than he’d anticipated, but I finally figured out that when he was brooding, he stayed away from me. I could read his thoughts when he was near—something that he’d figured out too.
I frowned, my brow knit in concentration. Driving around seemed hopeless. I came up to a park, pulled over, and got out. “Well, I’ll just let him come to me,” I said, sitting on the swings. I’d loved to swing as a kid, when things were simpler then. I remembered my mom laughing, picnics in the park, play dates with friends. My childhood had seemed so normal. I searched my memory for any clue that what I was about to do now made any sense. I came up empty.
Lost in thought again, I heard him too late. I jumped off the swing and spun around.
“A little far from home, aren’t we?” Connacher hissed.
“Not further than you,” I quipped back.
“This is an unexpected surprise….you were looking for me,” Connacher said pleased.
“Don’t flatter yourself. I have a proposition for you,” I said in disgust.
Connacher laughed. He looked at me strangely; tilting his white, drawn-out face. I didn’t like to look at him—he really was hideous despite his once-upon-a-time handsomeness. Connacher was trying to figure out my angle. I blocked my mind. Connacher was strong, but I think I held my own and fought him off.
“Cathbad doesn’t give you enough credit,” Connacher finally said, contemplating my new abilities. “You are stronger than when we last met.”
“Yeah, okay, whatever. I’m sure you’ll clue him in.” I was impatient and tense, and I wanted to get this over with. “Do you want to hear what I have to say or not?” I was being more bold than I thought imaginable.
“You’ve piqued my curiosity. I’m interested in knowing what you think you can give me,” Connacher said, twisting a gold ring around his finger.
“I can give you Ian,” I said.
Connacher shrugged, “I don’t want Ian. I want the demon that lies inside. That Ian was marvelous, calculating, and obedient!”
I shuddered. “I can summon the demon inside, but I don’t think he will be ready to serve you so quickly.”
“Ha!” Connacher hissed, “There is much you need to learn about vampires, but, I’m curious, how pray tell will you accomplish it?”
“I’ll give him my blood,” I whispered, “…he won’t be able to resist.”
Connacher was silent. The silence was excruciating. If he weren’t already dead, I’d have thought he’d croaked on the spot. Finally, he nodded in agreement. I’d give him that much; he wasn’t a stupid vampire. He knew when someone was handing him a gift on a silver platter. It was his vanity that I hoped would be his downfall.
“Do we have a deal?” I asked hurriedly.
Connacher tapped a bony finger to his temple. Amused he said, “I’ll play along with your little game. In the end, it doesn’t matter, but it wouldn’t hurt to have some fun along the way.” His idea of fun made me cringe. He was sick and twisted. I couldn’t imagine Ian ever hanging out with this vamp. “When is this to take place?” he questioned.
“You’ll k
now,” I said firmly.
“I don’t doubt it,” Connacher said, but not before rushing to my side and tracing his fingers down my neck. “I can see why Ian is so tormented by you.” I sat perfectly still; I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of my fear. He laughed. “I can smell the fear Sophie—no need to hide it. It’s reeking from your body. Such a delight! No matter, I just wanted to show you how easy it would be for me to take you now and make you mine.”
Before I could react, Connacher disappeared into the shadows of the night. I got home later than anticipated, drumming up in my mind some excuse for Grams on why I was late. Ian’s car was parked on the side street. He was sitting on the porch with a dark and stern look on his face. His eyes were glistening in the dark like those of an owl on the hunt. It made me a little nervous that he was looking at me that way. Had he seen where I’d been? I didn’t think so, but his powers of perception and his blasted premonitions were a lot more refined than mine.
I put on a fake smile. “Hi, you’re back. I missed you,” I said, sitting down beside him. “When did you get here?” It all rushed out at once. Ian didn’t say a word. He was definitely simmering. “What’s the matter?” I stammered. “Did something happen?” I tried again.
Arms folded Ian seethed, “You tell me. How was Connacher? Do you think I’m that stupid that I couldn’t follow you?”
I sighed. The gig was up. “So you did see.” No use lying now. “I must have been too distracted, because I didn’t feel you there,” I began.
“Do you seriously want to die?” Ian began pacing. “I wasn’t anywhere near that I could protect you! I couldn’t drive fast enough to get here.”