by K. I. Lynn
“You just what?”
Fuck. Does she understand how hard this is for me right now? “I need to know I’ll have you someday.” My brain can’t even begin to imagine an entire life without her. Never could. I just fooled myself into thinking it was possible once.
I watch her, trying to read what’s going through her mind.
And I get nothing but her pain.
Kira starts heading into her room. Against my will, I make no move to reach out for her.
At her door, she stops. “Let me know if you need help unloading your car.” She walks into her room and closes the door.
May 25th, 2015
The bell rings, signaling the great escape. The stampede funneling through the classroom door is greater than usual. Then again, only nine school days remain, and an hour and a half of world history review has everyone crawling the walls.
“Boo!” Ashley pops up behind me as I pull my phone from my back pocket.
“Hey! How was Spanish?”
“Muy boring,” she says with a sigh, then turns to me, her blue eyes sparkling with mischief. “Did Lyn tell you what she’s doing?”
I shake my head. “No, she wasn’t in class.”
Her eyebrows shoot up. “Really? Where, oh where, is my little sister? And whose face is she sucking?” She pulls out her phone, typing away.
I wake my own up, turning the screen on and seeing why my ass was vibrating all morning long.
Six text messages.
Over the last few months I got used to tons of messages per day, and today was no different. My daily dose of annoyance from Brayden.
Though he isn’t the only sender, and I check out Jenna’s first.
Sam is sooooo hot. I would seriously jump him.
Followed by,
What party are we going to this weekend? Maybe he’ll go.
And then . . .
What are you doing? Answer me!
I shake my head. Study hall must have been extremely boring.
The next is from Austin, and I find myself hesitating to open it. I haven’t forgiven him, and the whole explosion the day Brayden moved home still makes me sick.
Hi. How’s your day? Did you hear about AJ Henricks party next month? It’s costume. I want to take you. Let me know.
I sigh and back out of the message, deciding to worry about it later, because there are two more messages waiting for me and they might make me go crazy and tell Austin yes.
Hey, baby. Did a little manscaping today. What do you think?
I stop walking, stop breathing, even stop thinking. My jaw is slack, and I could be drooling. Because attached to Brayden’s message is a picture that has my blood pumping, thighs clenching, and clit twitching.
I’m a pile of goo in the middle of the hallway, forced to lean on the bay of lockers next to me for support.
It starts with his sexy smirk that drives me crazy, even though I don’t want it to, and is nothing but hard, smooth, taut chest and abs. He’s wearing a red hoodie. It’s covering up one of his huge pecs, but that doesn’t matter, it’s a tease, making me want to see it all. What’s showing trails all the way to the bottom of his abs, down to his very low-slung grey sweatpants. So low, the base of his dick is almost showing. The hoodie is open at the bottom, highlighting his V.
The V!
A sound I can’t identify leaves me at the sight of a highlight and definite shadow in his sweatpants.
His cock.
Oh, holy fuck, his cock.
Missing you, if you couldn’t tell. ;)
The head is hanging low and long, perfectly outlined.
He’s hard. For me.
My mouth is dry, hands shaking, pussy pulsing. I’m a fucking mess.
“Yo, Kira, are you okay?” Ashley’s hand waves in front of my face, and I blink at her. “Girl, what is it?”
She moves to look at my phone and I snap it close to my chest, making her eyes pop open in surprise.
“Kira, show me.”
“No.”
Her gaze narrows, then she leans forward and snatches the phone from my hand, turning away before I can grab it back.
“Ashley!” I reach for it, but it’s too late.
Her eyes are glued to the screen, just as I’m sure mine were.
“Oh, my God.” She glances up at me, then back down at the screen. “I think I just came.”
My body goes rigid, and I grab the phone back as an unwanted rage boils in me.
Ashley’s whole face is in shock. “I think I may have to switch to team Brayden.”
“Shhh!” I hush her, grabbing her arm as I drag her into the bathroom.
I need a minute to calm down, to collect myself. The bell goes off, and I don’t care that I’m late to calculus.
I had to tell my girls some of what was going on after what happened over my birthday, but I didn’t tell them everything, all the crap that’s gone on over the years, so I told them he asked me out. That alone caused them to form sides. Jenna and Marilyn are team Brayden, while Ashley makes up team Austin.
“Seriously, girl, you need to have that hot-as-fuck male specimen, if just for scientific research.”
“Research?”
“Yeah. See how many times that beast can make you come, and report to us so we can live vicariously in your bliss.”
Fuck. Bliss.
I hate to admit that she’s probably right. It’s bad enough my body betrays me every time I’m near him, even just hearing his voice.
I don’t want him . . . but I do. Scratch this itch that takes over and forget who I am, forget about the world.
Fuck him out of my system and be done with him.
“That would be bad.”
“No, it would be good. Very good.” Her eyes soften and she takes my hand. “Look, I know there’s a lot of baggage between you two, even without you saying it. It’s obvious. And while I’m still totally team Austin, what’s wrong with a hate fuck with Brayden?”
I shake my head. “You’re terrible.”
“No, I’m right.” She steps back toward the door. “Come on, let’s get to class. We can talk about it later. I’m sure Marilyn and Jenna want to weigh in.”
I let out a groan and step forward. The last thing I want is all of their opinions, let alone allowing them all to view the picture. I’ll never get my phone back, and I also don’t want anyone else seeing something that was for me alone.
“Wait.” I hold my phone up high, hitting the camera function and selfie my response with a middle finger just for him. It’s sitting in my cleavage, thanks to the angle. Oh, well.
With my response out, we head to class. It’s only five minutes in when I slip into my seat and lean over to my neighbor, Thomas. “What did I miss?”
He smiles and hands me a stapled stack of papers. “Review. I grabbed you a copy.”
“Thank you!”
As I turn back, my phone buzzes and a message pops up on the screen.
I’m more than happy to fuck those tits, baby.
I sigh and change my phone over to silent before slipping it back in my pocket. Brayden being home is not a good thing. Three hundred miles away was bad enough, but now? My skin itches, my heart races, and the attraction is overpowering.
When I get home he’ll be across the hall, a few feet from me, and no Ryan to shield me because my rat of a brother abandoned me for a girl.
Not that I fault Ryan for it, but I do like to tease him about it. Years of back and forth with Dana and they’re finally together. I know him, and that despite what he’s put off, he loves her.
I stare down at the Calculus review. Only a few more days and school’s out, and I can’t wait to be done. Then again, that leaves me home alone with Brayden.
Lord, give me strength to stave off this lust.
May 27th, 2015
The words in front of me blur. Not because I’m tired, but because my attention once again wanders.
I shake my head, trying to refocus. It’s exhausting to figh
t this raging curiosity badgering my mind.
Is he partying right now?
Come on—of course he is. It’s his twenty-first birthday. Ryan and Dana invited me to go with them. I declined, of course.
They said they were taking him out for dinner and then drinks.
As per Ryan and Brayden’s usual status in quo, I’m assuming that drinks is code for “partying their asses off.”
Whatever. I’m used to it. It’s not like I was tempted to go or anything.
I uncap my highlighter and set back into it.
Blurs. Nonsense. Some more blurs.
I’m not getting shit done.
Aggravated, I drop the highlighter onto my French workbook. My final is on Friday. I started out French late, but my plan is to continue in college and be fluent in two years tops.
Jenna and the twins are also studying their asses off, but none of them are in French, so they aren’t available to offer me any kind of distraction.
Not that studying a foreign language is actually doing anything. I thought it’d be enough to help me forget. Clearly, I was wrong.
I chew on my thumbnail and stare at my dark computer screen.
Just one look. A single peek and my curiosity will go away, right?
I drag my laptop closer and turn it on. Approximately thirty seconds later, I find myself on Facebook, pulling up a profile I haven’t checked in forever.
Brayden Hunt.
Amid what has to be close to a thousand birthday posts, I see a picture that Ryan posted and tagged. It’s just him, Dana, and Brayden in the picture. They seem to be at some bar.
The picture is totally different from what I expected to see. They seem to just be chilling instead of hardcore partying. The caption reads: “Had a blast with my boy on his twenty-first.”
Had?
The picture was posted almost two hours ago.
So, the party is over? Ryan and Dana probably went off to do their own thing then.
Brayden . . . I refuse to think about it. In the back of my head, I know what he’s most likely doing right now.
It hurts to think that.
Fuck! It actually still hurts.
Footsteps sound out, coming up the stairs.
Wait. Mom and Steve are supposed to be gone until tomorrow. They’ve been going out on more getaways lately. A desperate attempt to save their failing marriage.
Curious, I get up and open the door to my room.
Brayden stops just outside his bedroom door, fingers on the buttons of his black dress shirt.
He’d been midway through unbuttoning it.
My eyes slide down the length of him, pausing on the bared skin of his chest. I should look away. At the very least, be more discreet.
I can’t. His smooth skin calls to me. If it was up to me, I’d lick every part of his chest, then move lower.
“Kira.” His voice is strained. Probably because I’m eye-fucking him shamelessly.
I swallow and look up into his eyes. “What are you doing home?”
A smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth. “What? I can’t come home early on my birthday?”
That smirk of his is too fucking sexy. Paired with that black, half-buttoned shirt and those black dress pants, he’s one fine looking man.
Holy shit. It’s official—the little boy I met so many years ago is now legally a man.
I look away, throat tight, and jerk my shoulder in a shrug. “I figured you’d want to party all night since it’s your twenty-first.”
“Nah.”
My head jerks back in his direction. “Nah?”
He shrugs and throws me this adorable little smile.
I cross my arms and repeat my question. “Why are you here?”
“The one thing I truly wanted for my birthday wasn’t there.” He looks straight into my eyes as he says it.
I inhale sharply, trying to hide it, trying to ignore everything I feel. I can’t ask him what he really wants because I’m afraid I already know the answer to that.
He lifts his hand and runs his fingers through his hair. It’s a slow movement. Almost deliberate.
My eyes lock on the inside of his wrist.
For the last few weeks, he’s been walking around wearing that leather cuff. The one that drove me insane, made me want to rip it off so I could sink my teeth into the inside of his wrist.
There’s something on the inside of his wrist all right, and it’s not my teeth marks.
It’s ink. A tattoo.
A dark, gray adorable cat. But it’s not the cat itself that shocks the breath out of me.
I only see it for a few seconds, and I’m standing at least five feet away from him, but I still make out the cat’s eyes.
The unique color of those eyes.
A color both I and my brother share.
One last smile from Brayden. “Goodnight, Kitty.” Turning, he walks into his room and slowly closes the door.
He doesn’t lock it.
The urge to follow him into his room leaves me shaking. I don’t know how I manage to get back into my room, but when I do, I make sure I lock the door, hoping it’ll be enough to deter me.
To keep me inside.
To stop me from going to him as my body so desperately wants.
June 6th, 2015
Black squares fly through the air. Burgundy tassels twirl around.
I wish I had a camera on me to snap a picture of our caps against the brilliant blue sky. It’s beautiful, the moment electric.
Everyone is screaming, including me, jumping up and down. Excitement streams through the crowd, and down the way Jenna pushes her way toward me. Her arms wrap around me and we bounce together, giggling.
“We did it!” Her smile is blinding, and I know my own matches.
“Yes!”
I turn back to the sea of family members, searching out my own clan. I spot Mom first, camera in hand, beaming with pride. Steve is beside her, talking to someone, and Ryan is on her other side with Dana wrapped around his arm.
Next to them I know is Brayden before I even get there, because I can almost feel his stare boring into me. I’m surprised to find a relaxed smile on his face. It makes my stomach flip and confuses me more.
I didn’t want him to come, but getting Brayden Hunt to not do something is a skill I have yet to master.
“Come on, let’s go find Marilyn and Ashley.” Jenna grabs my hand and pulls us through the crowd.
Hugs find us on our way as classmates say goodbye, and I realize it may be the last time I see some of them. After a few minutes we finally break out into the walkway and right into Ashley and Marilyn.
More squealing and hugs and jumping before we make our way to our parents.
“I can’t wait for tonight!” Jenna says.
“You’re just hoping to hook up with Sam,” I say with a wag of my eyebrows.
“I hear he’s endowed.” Ashley grins, causing Jenna to fan herself.
“Kira!” Mom calls out.
I stop and take a step away. “Gotta go. I’ll see you in a couple of hours.”
“Want us to pick you up?” Marilyn asks. “Or is Brayden taking you?”
Ugh. Bringing him up makes me almost wish I’d kept quiet that there was anything between us.
“No. Austin is, right?” Ashley winks at me.
Jenna sighs. “Lucky girl.”
“Lucky?”
Marilyn rolls her eyes. “Kira, you have two of the hottest guys our school has seen chasing you.”
“Sshhh!” I hush them. The devil’s ears are perking up. I can tell by the way his stupid face is lighting up.
They giggle and make their way out while I squeeze through.
When I reach my family, Mom is almost in tears, Ryan trying to console her, while Steve shakes his head.
“I’m okay.” She beams at me, her bottom lip quivering as she reaches for me and pulls me into her arms. “I’m so proud of you.”
Ryan ruffles my hair. “Good job, kid.”
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I slap at him, but I can’t connect thanks to Mom’s iron grip. “Jerk!”
Mom finally lets go, and I try and fix the rats nest he’s created. Ryan laughs and I swat at his stomach, hitting hard. He grabs my wrist and pulls me until I collide with his chest for a hard hug. My feet leave the ground as he picks me up.
“Congrats, baby sis. Love you.”
I should beat on him to let me go, but I’ve missed this, missed him, my brother. “Love you, too.”
There’s a familiar chuckle beside me as he sets me back down that makes me tingle.
Fucker.
I turn to Brayden, unable to stop myself. His green eyes are bright, almost sparkling.
“Congratulations.”
I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “Thanks.”
I’m almost clear of touching him, but when he steps forward, arms open, I grimace inside. Not wanting to cause a scene, I allow his arms to circle me. It’s brief, his restraint obvious in the tension of his muscles, but it’s more than enough to cause my heart to speed up.
“What are your plans tonight?” Mom asks as we turn toward the parking lot.
“There’s a party.”
I promised Mom we’d have a family dinner. Though to me family is her, Ryan, and I’ll add in Dana. Steve’s not my dad, and even though I’ve lived with him for three years, we’ve never gotten very close.
Then there’s Brayden, the complicated thorn in my side.
Thankfully dinner goes off without complication. A.k.a. Brayden behaved himself.
When we pull into the driveway, I jump out and run upstairs to change. I kick the door behind me and grab the hem of my dress to pull it above my head and toss it in the hamper.
“Is Austin going to be there?” Brayden asks from the door, scaring the crap out of me.
“Jesus!” I whip my head around as I nearly jump out of my skin.
As his tongue swipes across his lips, I realize I’m only wearing a strapless bra and a thong. Oh well. I don’t even bother to cover myself.
“Shut the door, asshole!”
His eyes darken, and he steps in and starts to close the door.
I narrow my gaze on him and stomp forward. “That’s not what I meant.” I push on his chest until he’s back in the hallway and slam the door in his face.