by Lucy Gordon
‘Oh, yes-deliver them to me, too.’
A brief glance at the paperwork showed Carlo that she had spent about ten times as much on Sol as on herself.
They left the boutique and headed for the coffee bar next door. Carlo seemed thoughtful, and she guessed that he now had a lot to think about.
‘Does that dress really suit me?’ she asked. ‘Or did Sol merely say so to get me to pay for his stuff?’
‘Why would he bother?’ Carlo asked wryly. ‘He knew you were a soft touch, whatever he said.’
‘Well, of course. Don’t be fooled by the fact that he looks grown-up. He’s only twenty-one, and has only just left college. Who’s going to pay his bills if I don’t?’
‘He could get a job and start paying his own way,’ Carlo suggested.
‘He will, but he had to visit his father first.’
‘Fair enough. But does it occur to him to curb his extravagance for your sake?’
‘Why should he? When he sees me book into one of the most expensive hotels in Naples he probably reckons I can afford a few shirts.’
He shrugged. It was a fair point, but he still didn’t like it.
‘Does his father help?’ he asked after a while.
‘His father has three other children by various mothers-the first one born barely a year after we broke up.’
‘So you’ve always worked to support Sol?’
‘I’m his mother.’
‘And some woman is always going to have to be,’ he pointed out, with a touch of grouchiness.
‘What a rotten thing to say!’ she flared. ‘It’s not like you.’
It was true, making him annoyed with himself.
‘Ignore me,’ he said, trying to laugh. ‘I just got a nasty shock when I first saw you together. I thought you had another guy. He looks older than he is.’
‘Twenty-one-I swear it. And I’m thirty-seven,’ she said lightly. ‘Thirty-seven!’
‘Why do you say it like that? As though you were announcing the crack of doom?’
‘We’ve never talked about my age before.’
‘Why should we? There were always more interesting things to do.’
‘But sooner or later you had to know that I was middle-aged-’
‘Middle-aged? Rubbish!’ he said, with a sharp, explosive annoyance that was rare with him. ‘Thirty-seven is nothing.’
‘I suppose it may seem so, if you’re only thirty.’
Suddenly his face softened.
‘You’re a remarkably silly woman-do you know that?’ he asked tenderly.
‘I’ve known it ever since I met you.’
‘And just what does that mean?’
‘A sensible woman would have taken one look at you and fled before you turned her whole life upside down.’
‘So why didn’t you?’ he asked curiously.
‘Maybe I didn’t mind having my life turned upside down? Maybe I wanted it? I might even have said to myself that it didn’t matter what happened later, because what we’d had would be worth it.’
He frowned. ‘But what do you think is going to happen later?’
‘I don’t know, but I’m not looking too far into the future. There’ll be some sadness there somewhere-’
‘You don’t know that-’
‘Yes, I do, because there’s always sadness.’
‘Then we’ll face it together.’
‘I mean after that,’ she said slowly. ‘When it’s over.’
He stared at her. ‘You’re talking about leaving me, aren’t you?’
‘Or you leaving me.’
‘Dio mio! You’re planning our break-up.’
‘I’m not planning it-just trying to be realistic. Seven years is quite a gap, and I know I should have told you before-’
‘Perhaps,’ he murmured. ‘But I wonder exactly when would have been the right moment.’
As he spoke he raised his head, looking at her directly, invoking a hundred memories.
When should she have told him? When they’d lain together in the closeness that was life and death in the same moment? When they’d walked in the dusk, arms entwined, their thoughts on the night ahead? When they’d awoken together in the mornings, sleepy and content?
He didn’t speak, but nor did he need to. The questions were there, unanswerable, like a knife twisting in her heart.
‘We didn’t have to talk about it,’ he said, more gently, ‘because it doesn’t matter. It can’t touch us.’
‘But it has to touch us.’
‘Why? I knew you were older-’
‘Just a little. Not that much older. And, darling, you can’t pretend it didn’t give you a shock. There was a moment back there when you were looking from Sol to me as if you were stunned.’
He stared at her, wondering how two people who loved each other so much could misunderstand each other so deeply. What she said was true. He had been totally stunned, reeling like a man who’d received a shattering blow.
But it wasn’t her age. It had been the moment when he’d seen her in Sol’s arms and thought she’d betrayed him. The extent of his pain had caught him off-guard, almost winding him. Nothing else had ever hurt so much. Nothing else would ever do so again.
It had confronted him with the full truth of his love, of the absolute necessity of his being with her and only her as long as they both lived. He’d thought himself already certain, but for a moment it had been as if she’d been snatched away from him, and he’d stared into a horrifying abyss.
And she thought he was worried about a trifle like her age.
‘It’s true,’ she urged. ‘You need to think about it.’
‘I’m not listening to this,’ he said impatiently. ‘You’re talking nonsense.’
‘All right.’ She made a placating gesture. ‘Let it go.’
His eyes flashed anger. ‘Don’t humour me.’
‘I just don’t want to waste time arguing.’
‘And I don’t want you brooding over it to yourself.’
‘But it’s not just going to vanish-not unless I suddenly lose seven years.’
‘Will you stop talking like that?’ he begged. ‘Thirty-seven is nothing these days. It doesn’t have to bother us unless we let it.’
‘Are you going to wish it away?’ she asked fondly.
He shook his head. ‘I’ll never wish you other than you are.’
‘But one day-you might.’
His response to that was to pull her close and kiss her. There were faint cheers from other customers in the little café, for lovers were always popular.
As they drew apart she smiled and sighed, letting it go at that. Now time must pass while he took in the full enormity of what he’d discovered. Already she guessed that he was beginning to understand, which was why he’d moved to silence her. Then he would realise that a permanent love was impossible, but together they would enjoy their time together while they worked on the series. It all made perfect sense, and one day perhaps it would no longer hurt so much.
The spent that evening, as they had spent others recently: dining in her room before going to bed. Over the food and wine he told her more about his family, preparing her for the next evening.
‘Justin and Evie won’t be there, because they live in England and Evie’s heavily pregnant with twins. But Primo and Olympia will be there, and so will Luke and Minnie, down from Rome for a couple of days.’
He tactfully forbore to mention that he’d had a call from Luke, his adopted brother, now living with Minnie ‘in a state of fatuous bliss’, according to his brother Primo. But since Primo himself had lowered his prickly defences for the sake of the divine Olympia, he was, as Ruggiero had tartly remarked, hardly in a position to talk.
‘The women are in cahoots,’ Luke had warned Carlo darkly. ‘So don’t say you haven’t been warned.’
Carlo had laughed. There was something about a family conspiracy to unite him with Della that filled him with pleasure. If only they knew how little need ther
e was for them to nudge him into matrimony.
The thought of having Sol as a stepson made him pause, but only briefly. He would just have to put up with the young man whom he’d mentally stigmatised as ‘that selfish oaf’.
He found, though, that Della was stubbornly resistant to any suggestion that her darling might not be perfect.
‘What’s he going to do about getting a job?’ he asked mildly.
‘He’ll get one,’ she said, a little too quickly. ‘But I’m not going to hound him when he’s only just left college.’
‘Well, having a degree will help.’
‘Actually, he doesn’t have a degree,’ she admitted reluctantly. ‘He failed his finals.’
Carlo bit back a tart remark about that not coming as any surprise, and merely said mildly, ‘But he can sit them again.’
‘He doesn’t think it’s worth it. He says it’ll be more use to look around and see a bit of the world, find out what really suits him.’
Carlo had heard this argument from lazy dead-beats too often to argue with it now. He merely observed, ‘I had a job even when I was in college. There was a dig just outside town and during the vacations I slaved for hours every day, grubbing away in the earth.’
‘But that’s different,’ she objected. ‘You were doing a job you loved, making a step in your career, making contacts-’
‘At the time it just felt like breaking my back so that the whole financial burden didn’t fall on my parents.’
‘Well, maybe that’s why he won’t go back to college-to save me another year’s fees.’
Her face had a mulish look he hadn’t seen before, and a sudden sense of danger made him pull back. Sol could lead them into discord, and he wouldn’t let that happen.
There was a new intensity in his lovemaking that night, as though he were reminding her of how good it could be between them. He had always been a patient lover, giving her all the time she needed to reach her moment. Now his consideration for her was endless, and the gentleness of his kisses as he lay with her, teasing her to fulfilment, almost made her weep.
‘My love…’ he murmured. ‘My love for ever…’
How could she refuse a man who could make her feel like this? How could she break his heart and her own?
‘Look at me,’ he urged.
He had said it before. He always wanted to meet her eyes when the pleasure overtook them. But tonight it was almost a command, as if he knew the dangerous path her thoughts were taking and wanted to summon her back to him.
‘Look at me,’ he said again.
She did so, and found her gaze held by his as the joy mounted unbearably until they were swept away together.
One of the many reasons she loved him was that when it was over he stayed with her in both body and spirit, not turning away, but resting his head against her until he slept. It was a habit that made her feel valued as nothing else had ever done.
Tonight was no different-except that first he propped himself up on one elbow, looking down on her with worshipful eyes, as though in this way he could hold her to him. In the dim light she could just see that he was smiling.
‘I guess this would be a good time to talk about getting married,’ he said softly.
CHAPTER SIX
MARRIED.
The word shocked her. In her wildest moments she’d never thought of marriage. A short affair, perhaps a long affair, but not for one moment had she thought of him committing to her publicly for life.
‘What did you say?’ she whispered.
‘I want to marry you. Why do you look like that? It can’t come as a surprise.’
‘It does-a little.’
‘When people feel about each other as we do it has to be marriage. You’re the one. I’ve known that from the first. Are you saying that I’m not the one for you?’
‘You know better than that,’ she said, touching his face gently. ‘You’re my love, my only love-now and for ever-’
‘Good. That’s settled then. We’ll tell everyone tomorrow.’
‘No,’ she said quickly. ‘That’s too soon.’
‘But it’s a party, a big family gathering. What could be better than telling them there’s going to be an addition to the family?’
‘Well, this may seem a trifle to you, but actually I haven’t said yes.’
‘Then say it and stop wasting time,’ he said lightly.
It would have been so easy to speak the word he longed to hear and her heart longed to give-especially now. He’d chosen his moment perfectly, for what woman could turn away from a man who had just loved her with such fire and tenderness? Della knew that she couldn’t make herself do that-not now, anyway.
‘Let’s not delay,’ he urged. ‘We know all we need to-’
‘Darling, we know hardly anything about each other.’
‘We know we love each other. What else is there?’
‘In a perfect world, nothing. But, my dearest love, we’re not living in a fantasy,’ she pleaded. ‘We’re grown-up people in the real world, with real lives.’
‘Are you talking that nonsense about your age again? We’re the same age. We were the same age from the moment me met and loved each other, and we will always be the same. Why are you smiling?’
‘I love listening when you say things like that.’
‘But you think they’re just fancy words? Is that it?’
It was partly true, but she didn’t want to admit as much just yet.
‘What will it take to convince you?’ Carlo asked, moving closer in a way that suggested he was preparing for battle.
‘I don’t know. I expect you’ll think of something. You know me so well.’
‘Not as well as I’m going to. Why don’t we-?’
A muffled crash from the corridor outside made him tense and look up, muttering a soft curse as they heard laughter that sounded familiar.
‘He did say he was in the room facing yours, didn’t he?’ Carlo sighed.
‘Yes, but I hadn’t expected him back so soon.’
A female giggle reached them.
‘There’s the explanation,’ Carlo said. ‘He didn’t waste any time, did he?’
‘Don’t tell me you weren’t the same at twenty-one.’
‘Ah, well-never mind that. Hey, where are you going?’ For Della was getting up and pulling on her robe.
‘He might want to talk to me,’ she explained.
‘You mean he’ll want to find out if I’m still here.’ Carlo groaned, climbing reluctantly out of bed and wishing Sol to perdition.
As Carlo had expected, Sol strolled in casually, ready to make himself at home, but his eyes were alert, taking in the sight of his mother in a dressing gown, and Carlo in the day clothes he had hastily resumed.
Della felt blushingly self conscious. She and Sol had never discussed her male friends, but there had been no need. He had never before discovered her in such a compromising position.
‘Just checking that you’re all right,’ he told Della.
‘I’m fine, darling,’ she assured him. ‘But haven’t you left your friend on her own?’
‘Yes, I must go back to her now I’ve said goodnight to you.’
Now you’ve found out what you wanted to know, Carlo thought.
Aloud, he said, ‘She’s welcome to join us at the party tomorrow night.’
‘Yes, that would be nice,’ Sol said easily, rather as though he were conferring a favour.
‘Did you have a good evening?’ Della asked.
‘Fine, thanks. Although she’s an expensive little filly. So many shops stay open late in this town, and she seems to think that I’m made of money.’
‘I wonder how she got that idea?’ Carlo observed, to nobody in particular.
‘But you managed?’ Della said quickly.
‘Yes-except that we came back in a cab, and I don’t have quite enough to pay the fare…’
‘All right,’ she said, taking some money from her bag. ‘Go and give him this.�
��
From the corridor outside came a girl’s voice, calling, ‘Solly-’
‘Coming, sweetheart,’ he called back. Then something seemed to strike him, and he tried to return the money to Della. ‘Mum, I can’t leave her alone. Would you mind-?’
‘Yes, she would,’ Carlo said crossly. ‘Your mother’s not going to get dressed just to save you a journey downstairs. Do it yourself.’
‘Hey, who are you to-?’
‘Don’t waste my time arguing,’ Carlo said, seizing his shoulders and turning Sol to face the door. ‘Go down there and pay the fare. Or else-’
‘Carlo-’ Della was plucking at his arm. ‘There’s no need-’
‘I think there’s every need. Go downstairs, Sol. Now!’
‘Look here-’
‘Clear off!’
Thrusting him out into the corridor, Carlo locked the door behind him and stood with his back to it, daring Della to object.
‘You’re not going to defend his behaviour, are you?’ he asked.
‘No, but-’
‘Expecting you to go down there to run his errands? I don’t think so. What’s so funny?’
Della controlled her laughter long enough to say, ‘But I was only going to call Reception, ask them to pay and put it on my bill. I had no intention of going downstairs.’
Carlo’s face showed his chagrin.
‘I suppose I made a clown of myself?’ he groaned.
‘No, of course not. I think it’s wonderful of you to defend me. Sometimes Sol does go a bit too far.’
‘Only sometimes?’
‘All right, I’ve spoilt him. But for a long time it was just the two of us. Still, I guess I’ve got to learn to let go. He’ll make a success of his life and he won’t need me any more.’
Carlo could have told her that she was worrying about nothing, since Sol had no intension of releasing her from his demands. But he didn’t want to discuss it now. It was better to take her into his arms and forget the world.
Toni Rinucci was waiting for his wife in the doorway of their room.
‘I hope you’re ready to come to bed now,’ he said, as she reached the top of the stairs. ‘You’ve been working all day, and tomorrow you’ll be working again, if I know you.’
‘Of course. Our sons have a birthday, and naturally I wish to celebrate. This will be a special birthday.’