I hold back a laugh. Don’t get me wrong, her smartass comments definitely deserve the laugh, but I won’t let her win that easily. “Brylee, either get your ass down here or I’m coming up.”
Despite being so far away, I can still make out her eyes widening in horror. “Fine,” she says, more than happy to keep this little midnight meeting from her parents.
Brylee’s curtain is pulled shut before she disappears from view. Her bedroom light is shut off and then nothing. For all I know, she turned the light off and climbed in bed and is laughing at how easily fooled I was.
After a painstakingly long two minutes, the front door opens and Brylee steps out. The sensor lights by her door come to life, shining down on her and I suck in a breath as I take her in looking like a fucking goddess. She’s beautiful.
Brylee is still in the bridesmaid dress she wore to the wedding and the golden silk falls over her body as though it was made for her. Her hair is up with loose curls falling down around her face and those fucking gorgeous blue eyes…shit. They’re like endless hollows drawing me in.
I push up off my car as she makes her way toward me and I have a vision of what our future could hold, only in this vision, the pathway she’s walking down is an aisle and the golden silk is replaced with white.
Fuck. That might be taking my obsession a little too far.
Brylee finally reaches me after what feels like a lifetime when in reality, it was maybe fifteen seconds. Her chin raises as she looks up at me and I find myself reaching out and taking her hips. “What are you doing here?” she murmurs, looking deeply into my eyes.
I lean back against my car, bringing her with me, but she does her best to keep a little distance between us. “I had to see you,” I tell her. “I couldn’t let you go home without talking this through.”
“Talking what through?” Bry questions, though the distance in her eyes tells me that she knows exactly what I’m referring to. “There’s nothing to talk about, Tyson. I’m going home in the morning.”
“You know just as well as I do that there’s something going on here,” I tell her. “I know you feel it.”
She shakes her head, glancing away and refusing to meet my eyes. “I don’t,” she whispers.
I pull her in tighter, feeling her thighs brush against mine. “You’re lying. I see it, Brylee. When you see me walk through a door, your eyes light up. When you touch me, you bite your bottom lip, and when I touch you, your cheeks flush. When you think I’m not around, you search me out and when I’m not there, you fucking miss me.”
She shakes her head. “Tyson, please. Don’t do this.”
“I have to,” I tell her, hoping she sees my desperation to make this work. “I’m done dancing around the topic. You know how I feel about you, you see it just as clearly as I see you.”
“I…” she says with a cringe, cutting herself off.
I take her chin and gently bring her eyes back to mine, wishing I could pull her into me and kiss her. “You know it, Bry,” I tell her softly. “You know that I’ve been in love with you since that very first touch. I know you feel this. You may not be in love with me, but I know there’s something here.”
Brylee’s hands fall to my wrists and she pushes them down so they fall from her hips. “Don’t do this,” she repeats. “I know where you’re going with this and I just…I can’t.”
“Where do you think I’m going?” I question.
Brylee lets out a broken sigh, dropping her eyes once again. “You were right, I do see it. I’ve always known that you love me, which is part of the reason why I’ve kept a distance. I don’t want you to think this is more than what it is. I don’t want to lead you on and have you thinking there’s a future here when there’s not. It was just sex, Ty.”
Her words sting, but I refuse to believe them. She’s in denial. I know she feels it, I can read her like a book. I push off the side of my car and put myself right in front of her, taking her hips once again. “It’s so much more than just sex, Brylee. I know you want this. We can do it. We can make it work.”
“We can’t,” she says as her eyes fill with tears. “Please, Tyson, just leave it alone.”
“I can’t. I can’t have you get back on that plane tomorrow and not know where we stand. You’re my fucking girl, Bry. I want you in my life. These past few months with you being away and not hearing a fucking word from you have almost killed me. I don’t feel like me without you.”
“This is too much,” she says, stepping back out of my reach. “I can’t do this.”
“Brylee.”
“No,” she cries, letting the tears spill over. “You and me will never work. You don’t think I’ve thought about this? I’ve spent the past year thinking it over. We’re not meant to be together. Our lives are too different. I live three fucking hours away by plane, Ty. I go to Yale and I’m trying to make something of myself. I don’t want to throw that all away for some guy back home who's making his way through the cheerleading squad.”
“Babe, that’s not fair. You can’t hold other chicks against me while you’ve had no intentions of being my girl.”
“I know,” she says with a frustrated groan. “I’m sorry, I just…”
I step into her again, this time keeping my hands off the merchandise. “You’re jealous.”
She looks up at me and shakes her head. “I don’t have the right to be.”
“You do.”
“It will never work,” she whispers, crushing my soul as another tear sails down her cheek. “I’m sorry, Ty, but the answer is no. You were right, I do feel something for you and right now, I have no idea what that is or what it even means, but I can’t. Despite everything, despite this confusion and the way I can’t seem to keep my mind off you, I can’t. I have a clear plan for where I want to go in life and I can’t get there if I let myself get lost in a relationship.”
There’s still indecision in her eyes and I give it my all. “Freckles,” I whisper, taking her shoulder and pulling her into me. She buries her face into my chest as I press a kiss on top of her head. “Just give me a shot,” I beg. “I promise you, we can make this work.”
Brylee goes still as the silence grows extremely loud. “I’m sorry,” she murmurs against my chest, slowly raising her heartbroken gaze to meet mine. “I never intended for this to happen. Can’t we just…I don’t know, keep doing what we were doing and then maybe after…”
“After what?”
“After college.”
I shake my head as I step back, feeling the pain rocket through me as I fear that I might crumble in front of her. “You want me to wait around for four years, not really knowing if you’re mine? No, Bry. That’s not how this works. You’re either all in or you’re out. I’m not going to keep chasing you.”
“But…”
“No, Freckles. I can’t keep going on like this. If you want to make this work, then let’s do it, but if you don’t, then I’m out. Not knowing where I stand with you is fucking torture.” I take a breath, watching as she silently watches me back. “Babe, I’m fucking begging you to put me out of my misery. Give this a shot.”
Her tears begin to fall faster and it kills me that I can’t wipe them away, but nothing could prepare for the way my heart shatters as she takes a step back. “I’m sorry,” she says. “I just…can’t.”
I let out a heavy breath, fearing I’m about to break in front of her. “Then I guess I’m done,” I tell her, walking toward her. I stop right before her and look down as she raises her chin to meet my gaze. Wanting to get this over and done with, I press a kiss to her forehead before pulling away. “Goodbye, Freckles.”
Brylee breaks as I walk away and I hear her struggling to catch her breath, but I need to get out of here. I drop down into my car and take off, feeling like I’ve just lost the biggest part of myself, but I did the right thing. I can’t keep holding onto something if it’s never going to happen, it’s not healthy, and letting her waltz back into my life whenever she feels
like it, probably isn’t going to help.
I definitely did the right thing, but I didn’t realize just how bad it was going to hurt.
I glance up into my rearview mirror just as Brylee falls to her knees with her head sunk into her hands, not giving a shit that she’s probably going to ruin the fine silk of her dress.
My gut is telling me to turn around and hold her until the pain goes away, but instead, I just keep driving, having absolutely no idea where I’m going to go.
Chapter 9
Brylee
Sobs rip through my body, tearing me apart from the inside out. What have I done?
I fall to my knees as I watch his car disappear down the road, feeling like my whole world is driving away, but why? Why does it hurt so bad?
I did the right thing, didn’t I? I had to tell him that it was never going to happen, but I didn’t realize that meant losing him. He looked crushed, I saw his heartbreak before me and I’ve never felt so low. I’d do anything to take it back.
Then I guess I’m done.
I never knew words could cut so deep, and the look on his face…it was horrendous. I fucked up. I shouldn’t have come outside. I should never have answered my phone. I would have gone back to Yale and by the time I visited again, things would have been fine.
Shit. Things are never going to be fine. He’s gone.
Then I guess I’m done.
Those damn words. Why do they keep repeating in my head? I’ve lost him. He’s really never coming back. How stupid could I have been? I’ve always known that he loves me but I never realized just how deep it ran. I was the girl that he just couldn’t move on from, never in my wildest dreams did I expect to be his end game.
I tore him to pieces. I ripped his heart out and stomped all over it while he begged me to reconsider. It wasn’t even two hours ago that I told Arianna that I’d think about it and here I was instantly shutting him down. I didn’t even give him a chance to prove himself, I just shut him down without even thinking about his heart.
He’s never going to talk to me again.
My chest begins to ache as my breathing becomes labored. What am I going to do? I need to make this right. I need to know that he’ll forgive me, but there’s no way in hell he’ll want to have any kind of conversation with me.
In some strange way, I feel like we just broke up, but that’s ridiculous because we were never together to begin with. I’ve spent the last fifteen months with him being the one I search out in a crowded room, he’s the one I think about at night, and he’s the one who makes me feel things no one else has ever made me feel, and in the blink of an eye, it’s all gone.
Maybe he just needs some time and then in a week or two, I could give him a call. No, who am I kidding, this is Tyson Wilder. He’ll spend the night hurting and come tomorrow morning, he’ll put his plan to forget about me into action.
I accused him of being the king of the pussy brigade and while I know he sleeps around; we were never exclusive. I have no claim over his body just as he has none on mine. He’s always been free to screw whoever the hell he wants to screw, but it’s never stopped the thought of it from hurting. Over the past year, I haven’t slept with anyone but him, though that wasn’t on purpose. I haven’t been saving myself for him, just as he clearly hasn’t been doing for me, but the thought of getting naked with someone other than him simply doesn’t appeal to me. I’d hate to think how much pussy he’s going to plow through over the next few months.
I pick myself up off the dirty ground and make my way inside. My dress is ruined from my knees rubbing the silk into the concrete and my tears staining the soft golden fabric. There will be no saving it. It just adds to the growing list of things I’ve fucked up tonight.
I bypass the massive clock in the living room on my way to the stairs and see the time. It’s just past 1 am and I realize that I was out there in the cold night, crying in my front yard for over an hour.
I take myself up to my room and let my ruined dress fall to the ground. I kick it aside, feeling like absolute shit that I’ve allowed such an incredible night to end on such a bad note.
My strapless bra falls to the ground and I find an old shirt to pull over my head. I trudge towards my bed and climb in under the blanket, letting my head crash down to the pillow. His face instantly comes shooting back through my head which brings on another round of tears.
Finding sleep seems like an impossible task. Every time I close my eyes, it’s his face I see, every thought is for him, every breath, every tiny little thing, it’s all for him.
Was he right? Were Arianna’s assumptions correct? Was Carol from the plane onto something?
Maybe I do love him. I honestly don’t know. I’m far too numb to even try working it out, but if I am, I’ve just ruined my chances.
I find my phone in my hand and I look down at the screen to the chain of text messages that we’ve sent each other over the past year and I freeze, completely unsure of what to do. I don’t doubt he’s lying awake in bed, probably lost in his own thoughts and wondering what he did wrong to deserve falling in love with an awful girl like me.
How could I do that to him? He must think I’m some sort of heartless monster.
I start hashing out a text, unsure of what I want to say. Nothing seems good enough. Do I ask him to forgive me? Do I take it all back and tell him I’ll give it a shot? Nothing seems right, or even enough. What can I possibly say to take away his pain?
It takes me only a second to realize that I can’t. Nothing but time will heal these wounds so I send him the one and only thing that could make it just a little bit easier.
Brylee – I’m sorry…
I wait ten minutes and then another and before I know it, an hour passes and nothing has come through. I know Tyson more than anything and I don’t doubt he’s staring at my message, more awake than he’s ever cared to be. With every fiber of my body, I know that he’s seen that text and the fact that he’s chosen not to reply speaks volumes. He wasn’t kidding, he really is done with me.
Tomorrow morning couldn’t come sooner. I’ve never wanted to get on a plane and be further away in my life.
Chapter 10
Tyson
“Yo, dude,” Puck’s voice rings throughout my house as I hear what sounds like a fucking stampede coming in through my front door. “Where the fuck are ya?”
I groan as I sink lower into the couch. Is it too much to ask to just be alone? “Downstairs,” I grumble, feeling bad for wishing he’d fuck off. I hear Puck noisily making his way through my home as he heads for the stairs and I wonder how the hell one guy could be so damn loud.
Puck hits the stairs and rumbles down them, making me look back over my huge fucking couch to check that he didn’t just fall down them, only as I take him in, it’s not Puck’s face that I see, it’s Maxen’s.
What the fuck? I could have sworn it was Puck shouting at me from the front door. I’m just about to question him when Jesse steps in behind him quickly followed by Jackson, Nate, and then finally Puck.
The boys stride forward and make themselves at home in my basement. I fucking love it down here. Two years ago, my parents let me convert it into the ultimate man cave in an effort to keep me home more. It didn’t work in the slightest but I did end up with a fucking epic space down here.
“What’s going on, Ty?” Jesse asks, dropping down on the couch beside me and propping his feet up on the coffee table as Jackson helps himself to the beers in my bar fridge. “Where the fuck have you been? You haven’t been to school in a week and I know you’re not fucking sick.”
I shrug my shoulders. “Been busy,” I grumble, keeping my eyes trained on the T.V.
I feel his stare pierce into me as the boys get comfortable. It takes me all of two seconds to realize that this is some sort of intervention. They’re not fucking stupid. It’s been a week since Bry told me to fuck off and got on a plane and it’s been a week that I’ve been holed up at home, avoiding these motherfuckers at all
costs.
“That’s fucking bullshit,” Nate says from across the room. “Be real with us. What’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
All eyes fall on me as Maxen leans back on the couch and rests his arm along the back. “Is this because Brylee’s gone back to college? What the hell happened there? You realize that you can just pick up the phone and call her if you’re missing her?”
I look around at my friends who are all still watching me. Every single one of them is happy with their girls. They’ve never known this kind of ache, they’ve never had to. Puck just had to look at Courtney and he had her, Jackson worked for a few weeks to prove he wasn’t an asshole and got his girl. Maxen had Brooke, fucked it up and is trying to get her back. Jesse had Kaylah hooked after one night, and Nate? Well, he might be the only one who could relate even just a bit. He somehow managed to convince the chick he’d been tormenting for years to fall in love with him, but it didn’t happen overnight, he had to put the work in and I’m sure some of those hurdles weren’t easy to get over. Yet not one of them had to deal with this.
“Fuck off. You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I tell the group, wondering how far I could get before one of these fuckers tackles me to the floor and forces me to spill my guts.
Everyone seems to look to Jesse for guidance. After all, he’s been my best friend for years, but even now he’s at a loss and that’s not something that happens often. He nudges me with his elbow, forcing me to look over at him. “What’s going on, Tyson? We’re here to help.”
“Come on, man,” I groan, looking away. “I don’t want to talk about this shit.”
Jackson scoffs. “When will you be ready because so far you’ve been hiding out in here for a fucking week.”
“I’m not hiding,” I snap back at him.
“Then what is it? Did something go down with Bry?”
Tyson: Broken Hill Boys (Novella 4) Page 6