"No, I do not. I know that even an ember can burn a forest down and I feel the inferno inside you. You will lay waste to your enemies because you are well suited for this task. Just be sure you don't make ashes of the ones who love you in your wake." Tobias took my cider, gulping it down.
"I'm not following, who are we talking about?" I lied. I knew exactly who he was talking about.
Thomas.
"I suppose his feelings for you were inevitable even if they were unexpected. It's a test, Jax, and he's failing. No Power has fallen. Don't let Thomas be the first."
"I thought there was one who fell."
"Don't make light of the situation, Jax. I've read the texts. I gave you those books to study, remember? Yes, I've heard mumblings of the first to fall being from our sphere. Unfortunately, all records of his time before the darkness have been erased. There hasn't been another. Don't let Thomas walk into darkness. Spending so much time here, with you, has made him long for his humanity. He cannot go back. None of us can. Happiness isn't what awaits him with you."
"I haven't done anything to encourage his feelings for me. I didn't ask him to feel anything."
"This isn't just about him. I can see you've come to care for him. As you care for the Sin Eater. One seems like the obvious choice, the right choice. Safe. I assure you, the opposite is true."
Tobias shot me a telling look before settling my tab and suggesting I go back to the apartment. The angel seemed convinced I'd get into trouble if I stayed on my own. I tried to reassure him, explaining I'd spent the last couple years behind a bar, even pointing out the street smarts he liked so much during my training exercise.
His look said it all. No. He really knew how to be a buzz kill. I excused myself to the ladies room with a promise to go straight home after.
The bathroom hid in a little alcove in the back of the bar. Thomas leaned against the wall, arms folded against his chest, waiting for me to come out. The darkness of the cramped hallway did nothing to hide his disappointment. I didn't need or want another lecture. Not from him. Not after my little chat with Tobias.
"Don't, Thomas. I've been stuck in that apartment for too long. I don't go anywhere except the gym. I just needed to get out. To do something normal."
"What part of this bar is normal? It's full of demons." Thomas uncrossed his arms and pointed in the direction of the crowded tables.
"And angels."
"That just further proves my point, Jax. You could have been attacked. Or worse." He pushed off the wall and stepped in front of me. "Tobias called to tell me you were here. I had to leave my meeting. The Principalities were less than pleased."
"You didn't need to leave. I'm fine. It's neutral ground, right? It's not like I went back to Fells Point or something."
"You could have been taken. We would have had to prove you didn't go willing to the powers above in order to take action. It is a lengthy process and we have lost others this way."
"Thomas, I'm going out there, on the streets, to fight demons. The chances I'll be hurt at some point are pretty high. You're going to have to trust me. I can handle myself. I was doing it before I knew you weren't just some kid from down the block."
Still, the idea that kidnapping was such a questionable offense gave me pause.
"I know that. I do." He raised a hand to my face, stroking his thumb along my cheek. "That knowledge won’t stop me from worrying about you. I want to protect you, to keep you safe."
He moved in, angling his head to kiss me. I pulled back, Tobias's words still ringing in my ears. Don't let him walk into darkness. Thomas thought he wanted me, this world, because he'd been here too long. This brush with humanity made him feel and experience things he hadn't for centuries. He was confused and I couldn't do anything to encourage it.
"Jax, I know you feel something for me. We're around each other every day, all day. It was bound to happen. Please." Pain and disappointment marred his beautiful face. He didn't understand why I'd rejected him.
I cursed Tobias for telling me what would happen if we pursued this. Cursed the situation and Thomas's feelings. The weak and selfish side of me said allowing Thomas to love me would be easier, safer. Of course that was a lie. I didn’t love him the way he loved me. I’d already damned my soul. I wouldn’t so the same to Thomas.
"Can we please talk about this at home? People are starting to stare." I'd watched this sort of scene play out at least three times a week working as a bartender. To be one of the people involved in it was a completely foreign experience to me.
Thomas brushed my hair from my face, his hands coming to rest tenderly on my shoulders before pulling me into an embrace. My arms wrapped around him of their own accord. I wouldn't allow it to go further than this out of fear he’d misunderstand my feelings but it felt good to be in someone’s arms.
Until I caught sight of Dane coming through the front door.
I could see the betrayal in his eyes from across the room. My body went rigid in Thomas's arms. How could one look from Dane reduce me to feeling like an adulterous bitch when we weren't even together?
Thomas sensed something was wrong and released me. He turned, following my line of sight to the entrance. He missed the hurt and anguish on Dane's face. That look was solely for me, he'd share it with no other. All he saw was someone's back as they left the bar. Still, Thomas wasn’t a fool. He recognized the worn black leather duster. He knew who it was and how I used to feel, how I still felt for him.
"The Sin Eater? Because of him? You can't possibly still care for him."
He backed away when I said nothing. "Let's go home. You have your first assignment tomorrow."
Five minutes before, I wanted nothing more than to continue the conversation at home. Suddenly, home was the last place I wanted, my new home anyway. My old place in Fells Point looked pretty damn good right then.
I was an overwhelmed, stressed out, emotional mess entangled with two guys who weren't any good for me. I needed to get back to being the hard ass who didn't get attached to anything or anyone. I wanted to beat the hell out of something until it felt as terrible as I did.
An assignment sounded perfect.
TWENTY
Sitting on a bench across the street from a boarded up Baptist church wasn't my idea of an assignment. I expected, and needed, to be storming a nest of demons, kicking ass and taking names. The powers that be had other plans. Which apparently consisted of watching the church for suspicious activity.
At least I was armed. Thomas had laid a spread of weapons on the kitchen table for me to choose from. He questioned my choice when I slipped the brass knuckles, blessed and engraved with crosses across the points that would make impact with the demon's face, in my pocket. It was unlikely I'd have a need or opportunity to use them but I liked the familiar weight in my pocket, that connection to my old life. Easily concealed and dangerous in a fight, I always had them on me when walking the streets of Baltimore.
He finally stopped questioning me when I picked up a small tactical gun equipped with laser, light, and blessed rounds. I also took a telescoping baton, a switch blade, and two additional mags. I wanted more but concealing what I'd already chosen would be difficult enough. No wonder Dane wore those long leather coats. He probably hid an arsenal in there. I made a note to look into wardrobe options. I'd never been a fashionista; nonetheless if I was going to be a hunter, I needed the right clothes.
Loaded for bear, I sat on the bench and waited for something, anything to happen. Nothing did. I sat there for hours waiting, watching. Twiddling my thumbs. Being told to move on two separate times by different policemen. I noticed an alley on the next block, a good vantage point with better coverage in the shadows. I moved my position and waited. For another hour.
I pulled out my cell phone, which Thomas expressly forbid me from using unless it was a dire emergency. Which it was. I was dying of boredom and needed an immediate evacuation. Nothing had happened since he dropped me off and it seemed clear to me nothing wou
ld.
And then I saw him. Lazarus. Flanked by two other demons on each side, he crossed the street with purpose. Headed right for the church. What was he doing? Demons couldn't go on holy ground. But I'd be damned—again—if they didn't. One of the underlings pulled back a piece of plywood, holding it open for Lazarus to climb through. The demon disappeared into the church. No fire, no explosion, no hissing, swirling vortex to suck the Devil's minions out of a house of God.
Kind of a letdown. I expected a show.
The third demon squeezed in between the wood and the window, following the other two inside. Assuming that was my cue to follow, I tried to keep to the shadows as I ran across the street. Just because I only saw three didn't mean there weren't others lurking nearby. I reached the basement window without sight or sound of anyone or anything else. My demon alarm went off, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up.
With the limited amount of training I'd had, I wasn't overly confident in my skills as a hunter, although I'd gone up against lesser demons before and walked away. Lazarus was stronger, deadlier, and had almost killed me, only they weren't hanging out in a church just for the hell of it. I needed to know what they were up to and I couldn't tell from outside.
It was time to nut up or shut up.
I managed to pull the plywood away without making a sound and was about to slip inside when I felt a presence behind me. I grabbed the gun from the holster on my hip, spun and aimed in one fluid movement, exuding a confidence I didn't feel. I hadn't heard or seen anyone else. Someone or something got the drop on me. Lazarus and his two lackey demons were still inside, busy tearing the place apart looking for whatever they'd come for by the sound of it. I wanted to take them out, but the person or thing outside was the immediate threat.
"Step out of the shadows. Slowly."
I surprised myself with how cool and calm I felt. The little laser fastened to the top of my gun found its mark, locking me on center mass of the target. I could count on one hand how many times I'd fired a weapon. I hadn't even practiced with one since becoming a hunter. Still, the red dot on the chest of my would-be assailant didn't move. I knew what needed to be done. Kill the demons. I resolved myself to do it the moment I stepped out of the apartment.
"Either pull the trigger or put the gun away."
"Dane? What are you doing here?" I kept my gun pointed at him.
"I could ask you the same thing." With his left hand, Dane pushed the gun down, confident I wouldn't shoot him. He took a step closer. "They sent you out here? Alone?"
"I can take care of myself." My tone was sure and steady, willing him to argue. So of course he did.
"I thought for sure your guardian angel would be here to hold your hand your first time out."
"He's not my guardian angel."
"No? What is he to you then? Did you use your wicked ways to convince him to fall, Elioud?" Pain, tinged with anger, darkened his face and deepened his voice into an icy whisper.
"You should know. You've been spying on me. See anything you like, when you're peering in my windows like a peeping Tom?"
"I see the way he looks at you. I can only imagine the things he's said, poisoning you against me."
"Funny, we don't talk about you much. And no one has to poison me against you. You did that all on your own when you betrayed me."
"I didn't know. I told you that. Why is it you'll take everything he says at face value yet you refuse to give me even the slightest benefit of doubt? He knew who she was, who you were. A hell of a lot longer than I did, probably since you were born. Meanwhile he's sleeping under the same roof with you and I'm reduced to watching you from street corners."
He said under the same roof, but I knew he meant in the same bed. After the small glimpse of an embrace the other night, he'd convinced himself that I was sleeping with Thomas. I wanted to quell his fears almost as much as I wanted to exacerbate them. But it wasn't the time—there were still three demons tearing up the church.
"I'm not doing this with you right now, Dane." I whisper-shouted, waving my gun at the window I'd prepared to enter moments before. "We have other things to think about. Like the demons."
"I can't think about anything else. I can't get you out of my head. I've tried, believe me, I've tried. Especially after I told you the truth because I didn't deserve you, probably still don't, except...."
He didn't finish speaking, just closed the distance between us, backing me up against the stone wall and pressed his mouth to mine. I didn't want or mean to kiss him back but I opened my mouth, deepening the kiss, and started to wrap my arms around him. He pulled away before I did, brushing my hair back from my face and tenderly running a hand along my jaw. I turned my head, leaning into his touch even as I cursed myself for wasting so much time avoiding him. His betrayal was no worse than anything Thomas had done and yet I’d wasted so much energy on convincing myself of the opposite when it was fear of the unknown, the instant and unexplained connection I’d felt to Dane that had me so upset.
When his lips touched mine, I knew it was him, it would always be him. The Sin Eater in him was a balm to the sinner in me, his power coiling and caressing the darkest parts of my soul. Dane McDonough was the one.
Ain't life a bitch.
"I just wanted– I needed to do that before we went in there. If one of us got hurt, you know."
"You really are a stalker, aren't you? I should have gotten that restraining order after all." I gave him a little wink to lighten the mood before I turned, bending over to pull the plywood back again, not wanting to think about either of us getting hurt, though the odds were good.
"I couldn't help it. I needed to see you, make sure you were okay."
Truth be told, Dane wasn't wrong about Thomas. I managed to overlook the fact he'd known everything and more than Dane had. Yet I refused to forgive Dane. Because I cared for him. Before we were the Sin Eater and the Elioud, back when we appeared to be just a guy and a girl taking a chance. That was what had made the pain all the worse.
But he was there, just like he said the night I walked away from him. He was on my side, even when he shouldn't be. Even when I'd given him plenty of reasons not to be, by refusing to hear his side and then ignoring him every day afterward.
We were off to a rocky start. Still, I wanted to try.
If we made it past the demons.
And Thomas.
I'd still have to face him, tell him about Dane. I’d allowed the lines to blur during my time living with the angel. I cared for him—not the way Thomas wanted and nothing like the way I felt for Dane. The angel was a safe harbor where the Sin Eater was an all-consuming fire. Tobias's warning came back to me and I wondered if he didn't have something to do with Dane's appearance, a nudge in the right direction. I doubted he'd ever admit it if he had.
Satisfied he'd said his piece and convinced me he wasn't the enemy, Dane took over holding the plywood so I could slip through the opening and into the basement. I landed with a hushed thud, the rubber soles of my combat boots dampening the sound. The room was pitch black, the moonlight seeping in from barely penetrating the darkness the window as Dane lowered himself.
TWENTY-ONE
I switched on the light attached to my gun, casting a small beam in front of us. I wasn't proficient in firearms but I'd seen enough cops, witnessed enough arrests, to know how they hold a weapon. With a firm grip and small sweeping motions, I moved the gun back and forth to ensure our path was clear as we followed the sounds coming from a room somewhere off to our right.
Candlelight flickered beyond a doorway, so I lowered my weapon and switched off the light. The church was a small, solid stone structure. From the looks of it, the area where the demons were concentrated was directly beneath the pulpit. There were more, at least half a dozen more, than the three I'd watched enter before and they were digging, looking for something they believed to be buried beneath the church.
But what? What could they possibly expect to find hidden in the dirt u
nder the old stone floor? And how where they even on holy ground to begin with? I'd have to ask Thomas when I got home. If he was still speaking to me after he saw me with the Sin Eater. I had a feeling he knew what they were looking for and what they thought it would do if they found it. My angel hadn't sent me here for nothing. Whatever it was they were searching for, it was obviously my job to prevent them from finding it.
Dane looked to me, waiting for a cue to move in. He came to help, not take over, and was letting me lead. At least until I said or did something to tip him off that I wasn't entirely ready to be in charge. I didn't make plans, not really. I'd gotten about as far as ‘follow the demons through the window and take them out’. After that, the details were a little fuzzy.
A little more than three to one, not the best odds. There wasn't any backup so we didn't have much choice. I nodded to Dane, signaling him that we were moving in and to follow me. We'd barely taken a step toward the room when Lazarus called my name.
"Jax." The demon dragged out the single syllable in a singsong voice, taunting me like a schoolyard bully.
My breath hitched and my eyes widened as we lost the element of surprise.
"I know you're here, little one. I can smell you. The heady mix of innocence and malevolence that swirls inside you. So delicious." His words caressed me like a lover, warmth pooling inside my body.
Dane grabbed my arm, stopping me from moving closer to the doorway when I hadn't realized I'd stepped forward. His touch grounded me, lent me his strength, and the clarity to realize someone else was in the room.
Lazarus never had the power of persuasion, at least not over me. Of all the demons I'd come across, none of them could compel me. Only one being had ever had that effect on me. The Devil.
Small tremors wracked my body as I fought the urge to go to him, to give in and be with him. No one wanted me as much as he did, not in my entire life. He called to something inside me—the dark, wicked corners of my psyche passed down through two generations of Fallen. The Devil called my name again and his voice fell around me like whispers on silk. I whimpered, sweat dampening my brow and beading down my back as I willed my feet to stay in place. With one shuffle forward of my right foot, I felt my control start to slip.
Payable On Death: A Jax Rhodes Novel, Book One (The Jax Rhodes Series 1) Page 13