How had I failed so completely? Thomas continued to evolve into a dark angel and Dane was dying. The two most influential forces in my life were leaving me and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
Tobias embraced his brother, each saying the other’s name before separating with a firm pat on the back. Words, spoken too softly for me to hear and in the old angelic language, were exchanged before they bowed their heads in prayer. They were saying goodbye. Tobias, still able to ascend, would leave purgatory and Thomas would not. I didn't need to understand what they said to know what was happening. The angel who had watched me since I was a child, who brought me into the world of a hunter, had condemned himself to a similar fate as the one he'd offered me a way out of.
Tobias picked Dane up off the ground, cradling him as easily as a baby despite his size. He nodded when I asked for a moment with Thomas and carried my Sin Eater closer to the edge of the boundary where I'd crossed over. Neither of us wanted Dane's last breath to be on this side of the line. His soul might return here before descending even further, at least his body would rest in the mortal realm.
Thomas didn't take one step, making me close the distance between us. His arms wrapped firmly around his midsection weren't the deterrent he hoped they'd be. It was painfully obvious he didn't want me to see him this way, for my memories of him to be tainted with darkness, except the sin that darkened his features only made him more beautiful to me. I threw my arms around him, his rigid body softening under my touch. Neither of us said anything, especially not goodbye. That felt too permanent and I knew our paths would cross again.
"Jax, we need to go. I can't hold the doorway open for long." Tobias stepped over the invisible line, the air rippling as he displaced time and energy to travel between the parallel planes.
The dry, hot winds picked up again, coating everything in a fresh layer of rust and dirt. Thomas opened his wings, shielding me from the gritty blast of air burning my eyes and throat as he ushered me closer to the rift in reality Tobias created. Without looking back, because I knew he wouldn't want me to, I left the shelter of Thomas's wings and stepped through to the other side.
A few demons loitering on the sidewalk outside of the bar scurried back inside when they caught sight of me. They knew where and with whom I'd been. The fact that I'd not only survived but made it back terrified them. I hadn't done it alone. In fact, I'd pretty much made a fucking mess, yet I was still alive. And that meant things hadn't gone according to their master’s plan.
Tobias and Dane were nowhere in sight. Panic gripped my heart. Every instinct told me to tear the street apart, beat every demon within reach until they told me where I could find them. Only a couple minutes had passed between our crossings. How could they have disappeared? Where did they go? Dane had so little time left, moments that I didn't want to miss. If he had to leave me, I wanted every second, until the last breath left his body.
My heart more than broke. It had been ripped from my chest and run over a cheese grater until nothing remained except a pile of shredded emotions heaped on a plate with a side of pain and suffering. Pressing my fist into my chest were my heart used to live, I tried to rub away the ache.
A large hand gripped my shoulder from behind. Instincts kicked into high gear, overriding everything else and giving my mind a welcome reprieve from the sensation of bitter loneliness I was drowning in. My hand clasped over his and I shifted my weight using an aikido move to flip my attacker and gain the advantage. Joseph hit the ground with a thud.
"I take it you're still upset with me about the seventh level demon during your training." The angel picked himself up, dusting off his shirt and pants.
His resemblance to Thomas was as uncomfortable as it was reassuring. He couldn't possibly know what happened. He wouldn't be speaking to me if he did. He needed to hear it. And I should have been the one to do it, but I couldn't bring myself to say the words. A doppelganger of the friend I'd lost—ruined, in fact—stood before me. It was selfish and wrong. I didn't care. The need for something familiar, something safe and good, overrode everything else. Especially the burden of telling Joseph I was the downfall of his brother.
His arms were the harbor I needed and I stepped into them, wrapping them around me as the cadence of his heart calmed my nerves. Joseph had never been the touchy-feely type. His talents as an angel didn't lie in compassion but in combat, which made the cocoon of his wings around me that much more meaningful, delaying me from telling the truth about Thomas even further.
"He's asking for you."
"What? Thomas?" It hadn't occurred to me before, to stay with him in the barren wasteland between Heaven and Hell. Living in the void suddenly didn't sound so bad.
"No, Jax. Not all is lost with Thomas. He'll remain in Purgatory for eternity, that part is true, but he hasn't fallen. Not completely, anyway. Nothing will take away the darkness he absorbed from the Sin Eater, nevertheless, he sacrificed himself and that act was enough to prevent damnation. He'll fulfill a new and necessary role of gate keeper, ushering souls that do not belong there to their proper destination and ensuring the balance is kept. So things that shouldn't happen, don't."
Of course he meant me, as if my being there was somehow my fault. He couldn't help ruining the fortress of solitude I'd found inside his wings with one of his hidden barbs. The next words out of his mouth stopped me from saying anything about it.
"Dane is asking for you."
"Dane?" He was awake and wondering where I was, why I wasn't by his side. He needed me and I wasn't there. "Take me to him."
"Hold on tight. You may experience some discomfort."
By that, I assumed he meant air sickness– that we'd be flying to wherever Dane was. You know what they say about assuming.
The floor rushed up to meet me and I welcomed the cool sensation of tile against my flushed skin. Pushing up on hands and knees, fighting the dry heaves was a losing battle. My empty stomach felt like it'd been through the ringer and was trying to turn itself inside out right there on the hospital floor.
"It'll pass. Happens to everyone their first time." Joseph helped me up, pointing to a room at the end of the hall on the left.
More than one nurse did a double take as I passed by looking like I'd been mining for rust. A trail of fine dust in my wake completed the look. Tobias sat guard outside his room, his arms folded across his chest, head leaning against the wall. He looked every bit the badass and nothing like the fashionably dressed librarian I'd met a few months ago. A smile broke out across his face when he caught sight of me walking down the hall. He stood, yanking me into a hug, sending little puffs of dust into the air.
"You can't go in there like that." The woman's voice was as unfamiliar as it was authoritative.
Tobias released me and I turned to see just who exactly had materialized behind me. The nurse wore a pink scrub shirt with black Wonder Woman symbols on it and a pair of matching black pants. Small in stature, she made up for every inch she lacked in height with attitude. Her wiry salt and pepper hair was pulled back in a tight bun and I got the distinct impression she'd choke me out with her stethoscope if I as much as stepped foot in Dane's room.
"Jax, this is Kimmie, Dane's nurse. Kimmie, this is Jax. The Jax, the one he's been muttering about in his sleep." Tobias introduced us. His emphasis on my name wasn't lost on me.
"I thought that was just nonsense from the fever." The look in her eyes spoke volumes. She knew who I was. Dane had said more than just my name. "I don't care if she's God almighty. Mister McDonough is suffering from an injury to his lung and fighting off an infection. If he breathes in that," she paused to figure out what exactly covered my hair and clothes, "Whatever you've got all over you, it could cause reactive respiratory disease which requires hours of nebulizer treatments. He's made excellent progress in his recovery and I won't have you going in there looking and smelling like a pig pen and causing a setback."
"You got any extra scrubs lying around I could borrow?" The nurse igno
red me, rolling her vitals cart into Dane's room and closing the door behind her. I couldn't make out exactly what she said to him, but the cadence of her voice and her temperament in general seemed to improve when she was alone with the Sin Eater. He'd been busy gaining admirers since he came back from Purgatory. "How many days since you crossed over?"
"Four." Tobias winced when he spoke, almost hesitating to tell me because he knew how upset I'd be. "There's no way to stop it or predict it. Time moves differently there. I wish I could tell you something more, but I honestly don't know why." He shoved me into an unoccupied room across from Dane's and turned on the light, rummaging through the drawers where the hospital stored supplies and extra bedding. "Get in the shower."
"You better have something for me to wear when I get out. And it better cover my ass. And keep watch, don't let anyone catch us."
"Just hurry up. I'm an angel, not a magician."
"You work miracles, don't you? That's sort of like magic." The spray of water drowned out whatever witty comeback Tobias fired my way. Being just across the hall from Dane and knowing he was going to be alright boosted my spirits.
Showered, shampooed and wrapped in a towel in record time, Tobias waited for me on the foot of the hospital bed holding one of those horrible hospital gowns.
"It was all I could find."
"Your ass." I could tell by the look on his face there were other options. He'd just selected this one to give me a hard time.
"Actually, it'll be your ass."
"Is that anyway for an angel to behave?"
He pulled a pair of generic sea green scrubs out from under the covers, smoothing the blankets back after tossing me the clothes. Without wasting another second, I went back into the bathroom and changed, opting for commando since the rust and dirt penetrated my clothes. After throwing my hair in a quick knot, I went back across the hall, listening at the door for the little bully nurse who'd developed a crush on my boyfriend. If she only knew what we did for a living, she might go back to chasing surgeons in the cafeteria. After deeming it all clear, I went in, only to find little Miss Bedside Manner sitting in the chair next to Dane's bed holding his hand while he slept.
One of two things were about to happen. And both of them involved her requiring her own room and several casts.
Clearing my throat to get her attention, I gave her a look that had her releasing Dane's hand and vacating the chair in one swift movement. She was out of the room before I reached the side of the bed. Dane's hand felt clammy and warm from the fever ravaging his body. His eyes opened as soon as my hand wrapped around his, recognizing me from just a touch.
"You made it out." The words scratched their way out of his throat.
"Shhssh." Grabbing the styrofoam cup off the tray, I placed the straw in his mouth, reassuring him that I was fine and telling him not to talk as he drank the water.
"I thought it was the Spear. I thought I was going to lose you." Dane ignored my plea to spare his voice.
"I don't want to lose you, either. And jumping in front of a spear is pretty much a guarantee that will happen. He figured it out, Dane. How much you mean to me. And he won't stop. He'll just keep coming for you to hurt me."
"I know what you're thinking and you can forget it. If you were laying here instead of me, would you walk away?" He watched me mull that over for a moment, confident he knew what my answer would be.
So of course I didn't answer. I figured it was really one of those rhetorical questions anyway. Dane scooted over, his back pressed against the bed rail, a bead of sweat on his brow from the effort to make room on the bed for me. Lowering the safety rail on my side, I crawled in beside him, careful to keep my weight off his chest.
"I'm not going anywhere, Jax. So you're just going to have to get used to having me around all the time and not being alone."
"You mean ever?"
He pinched my arm for teasing him and gave me a soft peck on the cheek. The thing was, as much as I loved the idea of having him around all the time, and I couldn't imagine my life without him, I was terrified. I'd never been so attached to another person, so comfortable and secure. Willing to risk it all, even my heart, for him. It was easy to make promises, for both of us, however there was no way to know what the future held. Except, of course, for more fighting. And more demons.
My heart pumped erratically. The beeps and whirs of the machines were a reminder of how fragile we were, even with the semi-indestructible gifts we'd been given. A spear to the heart was still a spear to the heart. He could have died. Because of me.
"Stop it. Stop thinking. I know what's going on inside that head of yours, Jax." He wrapped an arm around me, his fevered skin hot against me even through the scrubs, and placed his hand on my heart. "I know you're afraid. So am I, just try to remember we're in this together."
The evil nurse returned with the doctor in tow, making one last round before shift change before my irrational fears caused me to say or do something we'd both regret. Like end things before the demons killed him. The doctor drilled me with a stare, ordering me out of the bed without saying a word. Dane winced as I pushed myself out of the bed.
My guilty conscious got the better of me as I watched the doctor remove the bandage and examine his stitches. The doctor shifted his gaze to me for a moment, a question poised on his lips. Questions I couldn't answer, that he probably wouldn't believe even if I did.
"I'm going to go find Tobias. I'll be right back." I looked back before slipping out into the hall, half-expecting to see bloody hand prints on the sheets. He was there because of me after all—his blood was literally on my hands.
"He'll be fine. Joseph felt it best to bring him to a hospital for the sutures in the left ventricle, despite my protests that we could have tended to his wounds at home." The angel sat in a chair in the hall two doors down from Dane's room, looking up when he heard the door click closed behind me. He'd studied my expression and body language as I walked toward him. "It's a setback, certainly, but it’s nothing we can't handle."
"Dane almost dying is more than a setback. They'll try again, he's walking around with a target on his back. Because of me."
"Because he chooses to be with you. Because he believes you're worth it and believes stopping the Watchers from being released is worth it. Whatever the cost. He's more durable than you think. You don't live as long as he has by being weak. You need him. As much as he needs you. Don't let misplaced guilt or fear convince you otherwise."
"I hate hospitals."
"He'll be home before you know it."
The doctor, finished with his examination, left the room. The nurse lagged behind so I decided to give her some much needed motivation. Tobias was right. So was Dane. I forced back my fears and went back to his room. I ushered the smitten nurse out into the hall with a little more force than was probably necessary, but honestly, the woman couldn't take a hint. Dane's smile when I pulled the chair closer to the bed and sat down was all the reassurance I needed. He was worth the risk of losing my heart.
THIRTY-TWO
"You ready?"
"As I'll ever be."
It'd been a little over a month since Dane's release from the hospital. We'd spent every day working on regaining his strength and speed. With a century's worth of sin removed, he bounced back faster than expected, though I'd be willing to bet Tobias's rancid smelling salves and bitter teas had something to do with it as well.
The portals were still open and demons were slipping through every day, although thankfully not at the rate they were before Dane almost died. We weren't the only ones regrouping. The Devil reevaluated his plans, making adjustments for Dane's survival and my strengthened resolve. So he tried a new tactic.
There'd been an increase in violence, in a city that already had too much of it. Twenty shootings in twenty-four hours. He increased his ranks block by block, yet our assignment remained the same.
Take out the portals. Find the Spear. Prevent Tartarus from being unlocked and the Watcher
s from being unleashed.
No problem. All in a day’s work.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Payable On Death: A Jax Rhodes Novel, Book One (The Jax Rhodes Series 1) Page 21