She'd thought about it a lot. Not being with Tal was horrible, but being with him and being with Mike was worse. Too many emotions, too many words. She was worried if she saw Tal, if she talked to him in person, it would be over. She would be hopelessly addicted, and she would follow him off the edge of the map, and there would be no going back. And she couldn't do that – she was still tethered to another person.
“Come find me,” he whispered back to her.
“I can't.”
“You can.”
“I won't.”
“You will.”
“Please stop,” she begged.
“I can't stop.
“I'm hanging up,” she threatened.
“Good. After you do that, come find me.”
She hung up.
She paced clear out to the balcony. Then clear back to the front door. Back and forth, chomping on her bottom lip the whole time. He'd told her to be strong – this was the time to prove it. She'd told herself she wouldn't see him again. She would damn well stick to that promise. She owed it to him, even if he didn't realize it was better that way. She owed it to Mike, even if he didn't know it was going on. She owed it to herself, because …
Aw, fuck.
Mischa was in the hallway before she knew what she was doing. She halfway expected him to be out there, but the floor was empty. She would go down to the lobby, see him before he saw her, then she would sneak back up. That was it. She just wanted to see him one last time, burn his image into her brain. That was it, that was all.
Yeah, right.
As she walked to the elevators, she could feel her heart rate increasing. Feel her blood pressure rise. It was like a change in the ionosphere, a drop in the barometric pressure. She felt static electricity coursing through her body, to the ends of her hair. The closer she got, the more electric she felt, and when she hit the down button, there was a static spark big enough to create a tiny bolt of lightning.
This is bad. So bad. So wrong. So bad.
The elevator door immediately slid open, like it had been sitting on her floor. But it wasn't empty.
“I knew you'd find me.”
Tal was leaning against the side of the door, smiling down at her.
“I just … wanted to see you,” she said in a small voice.
“You see me, Misch.”
He yanked her into the elevator, then hit the floor for the lobby. She stared at him in awe, like they were meeting again after a long time apart. He didn't say anything, didn't even touch her, until the doors opened back up. Then he grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the elevator. Out of the hotel. Down the street.
She wasn't sure what was going on, but she went with it. He was walking so quickly, she almost had to run to keep up. They zipped down side streets, hurried down stairs, raced across squares. The farther they got, the more she started hearing things. Music and people, voices and laughing. When the smell of food hit her, she realized he was taking her to the festival. A second later, they came out of an alley and were right in the thick of everything.
“What are we doing?” Mischa laughed, ducking as a man carrying a huge bunch of balloons pushed past her.
“Having fun,” Tal said back, leading her down the street at a more sedate pace.
She knew what he was really doing – it was a distraction. An interference, so they wouldn't have to acknowledge what was really going on. They didn't talk about their situation, about why they couldn't stay away from each other, or why they also couldn't be together, because those words that could break them were still floating in the air. So she followed where he led, traveled in his wake, basked in his presence.
They played games and ordered food, acted like teenagers. He won her a large stuffed tiger, which she turned around and gave to a little girl who had been crying. He got an ice cream cone for her, then held it for her while she licked at it as they walked. They told jokes and laughed and talked. And talked and talked and talked. They didn't touch each other, and they didn't ask any questions. But they talked.
“What a good time!” Misch called out, skipping ahead of him onto a beach. There were a couple groups of people hanging out, a couple fire pits roaring. Tal headed in the opposite direction of them, towards a rocky, craggy end of the beach.
“Yeah, I thought you'd like it,” he chuckled, shoving his hands deep into his pockets.
“The hotel told me there would be booths and parades and stuff, but I was just gonna hang out in my room,” Misch told him, walking in his shadow.
“How lame. I bet you're glad I showed up,” he teased.
It was too close to truth speaking.
They gingerly climbed their way over rocks and discovered a small patch of sand between outcroppings of stone. A mini-beach, as it were. Misch hopped down and ran right into the water. Stood ankle deep and wiggled her feet into the sand.
“Heaven,” she whispered, clasping her hands together on top of her head.
“You're welcome!”
She smirked over her shoulder at Tal before going back to the ocean. It was a clear night and the moon was strong, giving them a lot of light. And on top of that, light was filtering in from the town, so it wasn't completely dark. But the water was inky black as it lapped at her feet. As she stared into it, her thoughts sank down into the depths. It had been a fun night, but what about tomorrow?
Detox is a bitch …
“Tal,” she said his name. Wanted to say it all the time.
“Hmmm?”
“Come stand with me.”
“No thank you.”
“Excuse me!?” Mischa was shocked and turned to look at him. He was standing far enough back that the water wasn't touching him.
“I don't want to get wet,” he explained. She was surprised.
“Seriously? Tal, do you not know how to swim?” she laughed at him. He scowled.
“Of course I can fucking swim. Like a fish. But I don't feel like swimming right now,” he told her.
“Why?”
“I'm wearing clothes, for one.”
“Little miss priss afraid to get her clothing wet?” Misch teased him. He rolled his eyes.
“I've had enough of your sass, lady,” he warned her, but his voice was teasing as well.
“Oooohhh, what're you gonna do about it? Nothing, not while I'm out here and you're over there!” she taunted.
“Don't push me.”
“I can't believe you're actually afraid to get messy!” she laughed at him.
“Shut up.”
“Scaredy cat. Miss priss,” she continued teasing him.
“Someone wants a spanking,” he threatened.
“Oh, please.”
“I'm not kidding.”
“Well, then I better make it worth it,” she said, bending over and reaching her hands into the water, into the sand at her feet.
“Whatever you're thinking, don't,” Tal's voice was actually serious.
“Don't what, Mr. Canaan?” she asked in an innocent voice as she held up huge handfuls of wet sand.
“Don't do it.”
“Oh, I think I have to do it.”
“Don't.”
“Can't stop now.”
“Seriously, Mischa.”
“Oh, I'm deadly serious.”
“If you throw that, I'll -,”
Tal didn't finish, as a double fistful of sand hit him smack in the chest. Misch shrieked, laughing as he looked down at himself. When he looked back up, he was glaring. She kept snorting and laughing and waded backwards, farther into the ocean.
“I couldn't help myself!” she called out to him.
“You're going to regret that,” he sighed as he reached down and pulled off his shoes.
“Probably, but it was so worth it,” she assured him.
“We'll see if you still feel that way in a couple minutes.”
When he began striding into the water, she realized he was serious. She shrieked again and waded deeper, reaching down to grab more ammo. B
efore she could turn to throw it at him, she got a handful of sand chucked at her ass.
Oh, it's on.
They flung sand and water back and forth, laughing and shouting as they circled each other. Tal kept warning her to stop, and she kept throwing more gunk at him. But when she finally chucked a huge pile of sand directly in his face, she pushed him too far.
“Okay, play time is over,” he said in a steely voice as he wiped sand out of his eyes.
Misch turned and ran. Well, ran as well as she could in hip deep water. He was deeper than her, and she figured that would slow him down. But she was wrong. She hadn't made it very far when he tackled her. Full on tackled her. Arms around her waist, throwing all of his weight on top of her. She screamed as they went down and he pulled her under the water.
“Oh my god,” she hacked and coughed when she broke the surface. Her hair was plastered across her face and she couldn't see anything. She went to move forward when her leg was yanked out from under her. She squawked and face planted in the ocean.
“I warned you,” Tal was laughing as he dragged her upright, helping her to stand on her feet.
“You have no mercy,” she coughed, trying to clear the salt water from her lungs while she pushed her hair out of her face.
“Never forget that, baby,” she heard him say, then he smacked her on the ass and brushed past her, heading back to the beach.
Misch chuckled and followed him, straightening out her dress as she went – the same black sun dress she'd been wearing when they'd met. She got right to the edge of the water and stopped to adjust her sandal, which was hanging halfway off her foot.
“You could've drowned me, you know. How do you know I can't -,”
“Babe, look, look, look,” he urged, and when she glanced at him, he was pointing to the sky over her shoulder.
Misch turned around just in time to see a huge firework explode. She gasped as a boom rattled across the beach, followed by a billion little red fires, flying through the air. Another light streaked across the sky, and then a green flower was blossoming within the explosion. She laughed and clapped her hands. She hadn't known there would be fireworks, what a treat. What a way to end the night.
As lights exploded all around them, she looked over her shoulder, smiling at Tal. He wasn't looking at her, he had his head tilted towards the sky, his arms folded across his chest. The different colors washed over his face. Red, green, blue, blue, red. He was in technicolor.
Misch stared at him, then turned to fully face him. Slowly walked towards him as she took in his height. His broad shoulders and black hair. His strong features and long legs. His kindness and caring. His thoughts and his words. So many words unsaid.
He didn't notice her till she was right in front of him, then he did a double take at her. He smiled and went to say something, then stopped. Just stared right back at her, with his heavy black eyes.
I want this night to last forever.
“Why did you come here, Tal?” she asked plainly. Such a simple question. Such a loaded question. He took a deep breath.
“I had to see you, Mischa.”
“What happened to your job?” she pressed.
“I decided you were more important.”
Warmth spread across her chest.
“What am I gonna do with you?” she chuckled.
“I can think of a few things.”
“How long do you have?” her voice was soft.
“Not long,” his voice was equally as soft.
“I only have two days,” she whispered.
“Any time. I want any time with you.”
The fireworks exploded, and her heart pounded, and she knew it was a bad idea. All the decisions she'd made in the last eight years had been bad ones, apparently.
So why not just roll with it?
She ran her fingers across his forehead as green light rained down on them. Down the side of his face while blue light washed over him. Pressed her hand flat against his chest as red light surrounded them.
“Okay.”
She all but leapt on him, pressing her mouth to his. His hands immediately went to her hips, his fingers squeezing. They were in fast forward, flying through time, trying to reach a speed where it wouldn't matter any more. He wrapped an arm around her waist and twisted her around, laid her on the sand. She yanked and pulled at his shirt, ripping it open, all while he pulled her panties over her hips and down her legs. She kicked them away while he undid his belt.
Words were still a danger zone, so they didn't speak. She just wrapped her legs around his waist and he put his hands under her ass, lifting her hips into the air, forcing her back to arch. She worked her hands between them, holding the base of his dick as he invaded her space. Conquered her body.
He kept one hand on her ass and moved the other to her breast. She put her hand over his and squeezed. Cried out as he thrust into her, over and over again. His hand slid out from underneath hers and worked its way over her throat, up her chin, two of his fingers sliding into her mouth. She moaned and wrapped her lips around them, ran her tongue over his skin.
He pulled his hand away abruptly, and before Misch could say anything, they were moving. She yelped as he swung her around, moving them so he was sitting flat, and she was sitting on his lap, her legs still around his waist. She was so impaled on him, she couldn't even think. Couldn't make a sound.
“Look at me.”
She opened her eyes and was reminded of the first time they'd ever had sex. He'd made the same command, told her to keep her eyes open. She nodded her head and began shivering on top of him, something she also hadn't done since that first time.
With his hands guiding her, she worked her hips back slowly, then slid them forward. He moaned and pressed his forehead to hers. His hips began jerking forward, and soon enough they were moving like a finely tuned machine. Like a pair of dancers.
The fireworks exploded around them and Misch pressed her hand to the side of his face as she gasped for air. She wasn't able to fill her lungs, she needed him to breathe for her. He stared straight into her eyes, and his lips were moving, but she couldn't hear anything over the explosions. Over her heart beat.
When her orgasm came, she didn't close her eyes. She shouted and shook and cried out. Called out his name, over and over again. He called back to her, and she finally heard what he was saying, over and over again.
“Please.”
By the time he came, Mischa knew. She knew it wasn't over. Knew two days wasn't long enough. A week wasn't long enough. Another month wasn't long enough. There wasn't enough time for her and Tal. Not nearly. A tear slid down her cheek, quickly followed by another.
“I don't want you to go away,” she whispered, kissing his lips, his jaw, his cheeks.
“Then I won't,” he was panting for air and kissing her back.
“I don't know how to be like this,” she cried quietly.
“Then I'll teach you,” he promised.
Funny how things come full circle.
~Boom Boom Boom~
They spent the night in the suite that was meant for her boss, and they talked. Said the words that were too scary to say before, said the things they felt. The things they wanted. Then they built from there.
“Did you really cut your job short?” Mischa asked, stretching out on her stomach on the bed. Tal was laying on top of the covers next to her, only wearing a pair of boxer briefs.
“Yeah. I was sitting in this room and I just kept thinking, 'I shouldn't be here, I'm not needed here', you know? I'm more of an in-the-field kind of guy, anyway,” he told her.
“Isn't that kind of necessary, to be a photographer? Are you gonna get in trouble?” she wondered out loud. He shook his head.
“No. I said exactly that to them, that I wasn't needed there, why not just let me go, and call me back when I was needed? They said sure. I came straight here,” he said.
“How romantic,” she teased. He snorted.
“No shit.”
&
nbsp; “Ug, never mind, I take it back.”
“Let's go over it again,” he suggested, ignoring her. She cleared her throat.
“Alright.”
“What are you gonna do when he gets here?” Tal asked.
“We're going to go to dinner – I already have reservations. Then we're going to go for a walk on the beach,” Misch went over the plan she'd come up with earlier in the week, before Tal had reappeared.
“Not our beach,” he interrupted.
“No, I wouldn't take him there. We'll walk on the beach, and I'm gonna sit him down and I'm gonna just tell him. I'm gonna make him listen to me, and I'm just gonna tell him,” she said, making a decisive slice with her hand.
“And then?”
“And then, if he's understanding – eventually, obviously – I'll go to the airport with him and say goodbye, then I'll meet you back here.”
“And if he's not 'understanding'?”
“Then I'll apologize as best I can, as much as I can, but I won't … I won't let it deter me. I won't back down,” she said it in as strong a voice as she could muster.
“And then?”
“Then I'll meet you back here, and we'll go to Istanbul, and we'll just see,” she finished.
“We'll see where it goes,” Tal agreed.
“Are we really doing this?” she double checked. He snorted again.
“You better believe it, baby.”
“I wasn't looking for a boyfriend,” she told him.
“Are you kidding? I was just using you for sex, left, right, and sideways. I think I've been brainwashed. That's it, I've changed my mind, the plan is off,” he stated in a loud voice.
She hit him with a pillow.
“But what if this is just like … a rebound relationship?” she voiced her fears.
“Babe, you'd have to be out of your relationship in order to be on the rebound,” he pointed out. She rolled her eyes.
“What if it's cause this is just new and exciting? What if this is just cause I was forbidden fruit to you?” she went on. He reached over and pressed his hand against the back of her thigh.
“You were never forbidden fruit to me – you were just an apple that needed to be plucked,” he told her, and she swatted him in the chest. “And like I told you before, if you can look me in the eye and honestly say this doesn't feel as real as can fuckin' be, that it's just something 'new and exciting' to you, then I'll walk out that door. Never contact you again.”
My Time in the Affair Page 13