by Lea Linnett
So instead, she took a long sip of her drink, hoping that Helik’s chat with Devis was going well.
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Helik toyed with the dials on the side of his wristlet using one bony claw and scanned the hub below him again.
Where the fuck was she?
He’d been waiting for Devis for over an hour already, and he was beginning to think that he wouldn’t be home in time to pounce on Ellie as she walked in the door like he’d hoped.
Devis’ behavior was worrying him. He’d known her since his first day at university, when she’d approached him as he tried to blend into the wall without a care for who he was or who his mother or grandmother might be. She’d always been the more confident one, the one who threw open the doors and ushered him on to the next big idea or project, and with precious few other people in his life, he’d come to rely on her friendship to keep him going. Having her be so distant was… disquieting.
She was one of the few truly good people he knew in the cutthroat morass of levekk society, and he trusted her more than he trusted his own family.
She tended to be coarse, but she would never harm someone. With that in mind, he desperately wanted Ellie’s concerns to be unfounded, but the longer he waited, the less sure he was.
Devis was acting strangely, that much was certain. And strange was the last thing he wanted being associated with his campaign.
He was just about to bring up his list of contacts and call her again when a crested head bobbed up over the balcony, and Devis climbed the stairs to his section, her gaze raking her surroundings.
“Finally,” he muttered to himself, and when the female slumped down into the seat opposite him, his smile was flinty. “You took your time.”
Devis eyed him as she ran a clawed hand over her skull. She was momentarily distracted by one of the staff taking her order, but soon they were alone, and she sighed deeply. “Sorry I’m late, Helik.”
He crossed his arms. He didn’t have to pretend with Devis, not about things like this. “Did you fall off the planet or something? Where have you been for the last two weeks?”
“I’ve been busy. Sorry I took so long to return your calls.”
“That doesn’t answer my question,” he pressed, narrowing his eyes when Devis’ dropped to the table.
“I’ve been… at home. And at work. Meetings, y’know.”
Helik wanted to say he didn’t know, but the knowledge that he hadn’t set foot in his office at Kaan Tower for over a month pulled him up short. It didn’t matter how much work he got done at home; he hadn’t exactly been easy to contact either. “Everything all right with the company?” he asked.
Devis waved a hand, but her eyes were on the crowd below them now. “Yeah, fine. We’re taking on a new client from one of our competitors so things are… hectic.”
He nodded. “And your human?”
She didn’t flinch, but with the way her body froze in place and her eyes went momentarily glassy, she didn’t need to. She rolled her shoulders, visibly trying to relax her posture as she leaned back in her seat, but it was too late. “He’s fine,” she finally managed, glancing at him. “He gets the job done.”
Nope, not good enough. “Roia told me,” Helik continued, unwilling to budge, “that your human had an injury.”
Devis’ eyes widened so imperceptibly that he wouldn’t have caught it under the flashing lights if he hadn’t been watching for it. She wet her lips, and Helik was struck by how the gesture reminded him of Ellie. Of humans. “Yeah, would you believe it?” Devis said, rolling her eyes. “The big guy’s a clumsy one. Maybe humans aren’t meant to grow to his size or something, and they lose fine motor control? I dunno.”
“So he had an accident?”
She nodded, imitating someone falling over with her hands. “Whoop, and over the furniture he went. Hit his head. It was actually kind of funny.” But her grin was muted, and the look in her eyes was anything but amused.
They were interrupted by the hub staff returning with Devis’ order, but once they were out of earshot, Helik couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“You’re supposed to leave the lying to me,” he snapped, drawing her gaze, and he could see the moment her shoulders slumped and her pretense fell to the wayside. “What happened to him?”
Devis opened her mouth, and the hissing, snake-like syllables that she directed at him made him freeze in his chair, suddenly on alert. She was speaking in Levekk Sar, the language of their ancestors, and despite having not used it since his family’s last gathering two years earlier, he understood her instantly.
Levekk Sar was a difficult language, almost unpronounceable for sub-species, and was generally only used in levekk-only or traditional gatherings. In fact, it was frowned upon to speak it in front of sub-species, so for Devis to use it now…
She had something to hide.
“Do you really think I’d hurt the human?” she hissed, and the words cut through the noise of the hub like a blade, for his ears alone. “I’m not like that.”
Helik was so stunned that it took him a moment to reply, but the Levekk Sar words came easily once he started. “I didn’t, no. But you have to admit that his injuries don’t look good.”
“What, for your campaign?”
“Yes, for my campaign!” He leaned forward, tapping a claw against the low table between them. “But more than that. We have a responsibility to keep them safe.”
Devis glared. “I thought you didn’t care about them,” she said, her eyes piercing his.
Helik’s mouth snapped shut. “Of course I care. It’s not all bluster.”
But Devis’ eyes were narrowed. “You’re so interested in what I’ve been doing, but what about you? Roia said you’ve barely left your apartment in weeks.”
“You’ve been talking to Roia but not me?”
“Yes. I went to see you in your shiny new office and you weren’t there. Look,” she hesitated, closing her eyes as if something pained her. “For me to be honest with you, I need you to be honest with me. What is going on with you?”
Helik suddenly felt as if he’d swallowed a block of ice, and its sharp edges were dragging against his throat the whole way down. “What?”
“I know I’ve been off the radar, but you haven’t been much better. Roia’s hardly seen you apart from the progress check and comm calls.” She leaned forward. “Are you okay?”
Helik opened his mouth, but no sound came out. There were razor blades spinning circles in his stomach, and it was as if Devis knew somehow. About Ellie. About what they’d been doing. But it was impossible. Sure, he’d been home a lot, but that didn’t mean anything. He was busy—it was just easier to work from home.
But Devis’ eyes were searching, and he was terrified of what she would find.
“It’s fine,” he hissed, still in Levekk Sar. “Nothing’s going on with me. You’re the one with the beat-up human.”
Devis sat back, her crested brow furrowing. She looked vaguely disappointed. “You haven’t had any more trouble with the press?”
Helik’s insides wobbled. He hadn’t, but why would Devis ask that?
“No.”
Devis crossed her arms. “I know you,” she said, voice so low that he could barely hear it over the noise of the hub. “You’re not being honest with me.” She bit her lip, and Helik was once again reminded of Ellie. “You’re right, I lied about the injury, but it really was an accident,” she said, letting out a deep sigh. “Just trust me when I say I’m keeping it quiet for the human’s sake.”
Helik frowned in increments, the plates of his brow squeezing together. “For the human’s sake?” he echoed, switching back to Trade.
But if she had a reply, he didn’t hear it. He searched her face, and noticed for the first time a thick cut on her lip, and what looked like a few missing scales beneath her jaw. His eyes widened. Now they were both injured? Had the human fought back?
“Your neck,” he murmured, forgetting which language he should b
e using, and Devis’ eyes snapped open. She clapped a hand to her neck, blinking at him in horror, and abruptly stood.
“I have to go,” she said in a rush of Trade, the words sounding rough and harsh after their conversation in Levekk Sar.
“Devis,” he called, but the female was already retreating.
“I’ll call you,” she said in farewell, but Helik doubted it.
Her behavior made no sense. One minute, she talked of the human coarsely; the next, she almost seemed tender. Why would they both have injuries?
He slumped in his seat, feeling less sure of what was going on than before he met with her. His nerves still felt frayed from her questions, so he snatched up his glass, downing the last of his whiskey.
Checking his wristlet, he realized how late it was. Ellie would be home by now, and the thought of sinking into her arms for the night was a welcome reprieve.
But he still had one more meeting that night, in a far darker corner of the Senekkar, and the thought of it consumed his worry over Devis as he swept from the hub. His pulse thrummed in his neck, his wrists, his gut as he walked, his nerves firing like exposed wires.
He was doing this for Ellie, he reminded himself. She wanted to go further, and this would allow that—it wasn’t selfish for him to want to oblige, to hold her close like she obviously wanted. Doubts plagued him, telling him it was nothing more than a frivolous request, gasped between heated breaths, but he knew they were lies.
He retreated into thoughts of her and her warm embrace, drawing on them for strength. They bolstered him as he slunk through the city center and kept his attention focused until he was safely back in his apartment, where her scent greeted him like a pair of waiting arms.
19
A few days later, Helik sat in his office at home, toying nervously with the small case in his hands. He ran his claw along the thin zipper, every notch in the spine-like seam sending a jolt of anxiety through him.
It had only been a week and a half since he and Ellie discussed the idea of a contraceptive, and it was a few days since he’d sought out one of his more unsavory contacts in the darkened streets of the Senekkar. The contact was a pindar with small eyes who grinned lasciviously upon hearing his request, promptly adding a secrecy fee that cost more than any gossip about Helik would ever be worth.
Now, the stuff was finally in his hands, and Helik felt a wave of nausea.
It wasn’t that he didn’t want it—he wanted it more than he’d ever wanted anything—but to finally have the opportunity after so long…
He blew out a shaky breath, clasping the case between his palms.
Pushing himself up from his chair before he could second-guess himself any further, he exited the office and headed for the stairs, his mind carefully blank.
It was still early in the day in the middle of the week, and he could hear Ellie puttering about downstairs. He descended to the lower level, his mind racing, and tried to ignore the slight shake to his fingers.
He found her in one of the guest bedrooms, leaning over the bed in a way that made her short skirt fan out over her rump in an entirely distracting manner, but Helik’s eyes wandered. The room around her was pristine, the surfaces shining and linens neatly adjusted. It had never looked so immaculate. “It looks amazing in here,” he said, suddenly unsure if he’d ever complimented her on her work before now.
She startled, her skirt bouncing and almost giving him a glimpse of her ass, and she whipped around, a pleased smile crossing her face at the sight of him. “Thanks. I didn’t hear you come in.”
“I was being sneaky,” he admitted, although he didn’t mention that he felt more like prey than predator at that moment, tiptoeing through the apartment. “You get the rest of the day off,” he declared, stepping toward her from where he’d been leaning against the door jamb.
“What do you mean?” She ran a hand up his side as he drew in close, her eyes lighting up.
“I mean you and I are going to spend some time together. If you’d like.”
To his delight, she pressed her cheek to his chest, one hand traveling daringly around to caress Helik’s ass. “I’d love that,” she purred. She then seemed to realize he was holding something and raised an eyebrow. “What’s that?”
Helik tried not to let his fear show on his face, as he caught her hand in his. “Come upstairs, and I’ll show you.”
She followed him with wide eyes, but didn’t protest, abandoning her cleaning supplies in the bedroom. Helik’s heartbeat rumbled to life like an engine as they climbed the stairs, and by the time he pushed open the double doors of his bedroom, it was pounding.
He gave in when Ellie pulled him down onto the bed with her, locking her legs around him and pressing their lips together. He kissed her, slowly and deeply, caressing her tongue with long strokes of his own. Her breath hitched when he sucked gently at her lower lip, and her lips were a deep red when he pulled away.
She looked a little lost when he sat up, but she still allowed him to gently pull her upright until they were sitting facing each other on the bed. He reached to the side where he’d discarded the small, black case and placed it carefully between them.
Ellie looked between him and the case. “What is it?”
He took a deep breath, still wondering if it was too late to back out of this. Opening this case felt like a step into uncharted territory that he no longer knew how to traverse.
He opened his mouth to speak but suddenly found the words too difficult to grasp. Instead, he hooked a claw into the zip, gently drawing it around. He forgot to breathe as he opened the lid, revealing its contents.
Ellie’s eyes widened, her mouth parting around a small gasp. “Is that…?”
Helik looked down at the small collection of instruments: a long, cylindrical device, two vials of clear liquid, and two flat disks, each with three needle-like prongs that were half-an-inch in length. “Yeah,” he said past the nervous lump in his throat. “They’re contraceptive shots.”
Ellie gaped down at the instruments, before turning the same expression on him. “You actually got them?” she asked, her tone unreadable.
Helik swallowed. “I did.”
Ellie reached out to touch the strange instruments, but paused halfway, her fingers hovering over them. He couldn’t decipher the look on her face. It could be anything from surprise to fear, and he hated that he couldn’t tell.
She blinked up at him. “So with this, we could…?”
He nodded stiffly. “No risk. No danger.”
Ellie stared at the case, biting her lip, and Helik continued, his words coming out in a rush.
“It lasts for years, and only one of us has to take it. The formula works with the body to suppress reproductive elements—sperm, eggs, whatever it finds. So as long as one of us takes it, the other’s reproductive cells won’t have anything to interact with. I’m happy to—”
“We’ll take it together,” Ellie announced.
Helik froze, doing his best not to splutter. “You don’t have to—”
“I want to.” She looked up at him, and her large blue eyes were full of that fearless determination that made his cock turn rock hard. His human wasn’t afraid of anything—and if she was, then she covered it well. She pushed him past his boundaries, drawing him out of the past and the future and directly into the present. And now she covered his hand with hers, sending a wave of warmth through his body. “We’re in this together,” she said, fierce but soft. “I want us to share every step.”
But still, doubt plagued him. There was something Ellie didn’t know about him, and all of a sudden, the idea of having her go through this without her knowing felt like the worst kind of betrayal.
She reached for the case that now lay between them, and his hand shot out to stop her, his claws wrapping around her wrist.
Wide eyes turned up to him, looking hurt. “W-what?”
He opened his mouth to explain, but his jaw shook, the words dying on his tongue.
�
�Helik?”
He looked down at their connected hands, his grip on her wrist turning slack. “I… haven’t been completely truthful,” he admitted. Ellie’s hand found his, squeezing him tightly.
“What is it?”
He dared to look at her again, searching her eyes, but she only looked confused. He could do this. This was just one brick in the wall; it wouldn’t bring the whole thing crumbling down just yet.
Unless she found it as disgusting as he feared.
“I…” His throat worked, but he pushed past the fear, drawing strength from the feel of her fingers clasped in his. “I haven’t done this in… in over fifteen years.”
Ellie said nothing, her expression blank as she deciphered what he’d said.
“This… You mean sex? Like, all the way sex?”
Helik’s stomach curdled. “Not quite. I mean I haven’t taken a partner at all since I was an adolescent—until you.”
She gasped, her grip tightening on him involuntarily. “Wha—Why?” she asked, voice rising in shock.
Helik winced, steeling himself, because he wasn’t done. “I… couldn’t.” He forced himself to look her in the eye, soaking up all the confusion, all the judgment. “There’s something wrong with me. With the way I am.”
Ellie blinked at him. “What do you mean? Are you sick?”
“No.” He grit his teeth, wishing he could pull a veil around himself, a veneer of confidence, but there was nothing left. “My desires are… wrong. You could line up the most captivating levekk females on CL-32 before me, and I’d still only have eyes for the human who opened the door for them,” he mumbled.
She cocked her head. “I’m… not sure I understand,” she said, uncertainty lacing her tone.
Helik’s insides shriveled, but it was too late to turn back. “Even if I took a female of my own kind to bed I wouldn’t be able to… perform. I’ve tried it.” He drew in a deep breath and held it. “I’m not attracted to them. Or cicarians. Or xylidians. Or anything else.”