by Nalini Singh
The two of them ran across the mountains of the Sierra Nevada and he showed her places she hadn’t known existed, for this was wolf land, Felix’s backyard. When the moon came up, they sat on an outlook and watched it spotlight the world. He was sorry when they had to return because it was time for Desiree to do her security rotation, but as they shifted back into human form and dressed with their backs to one another in an unspoken courtesy, he was happy. And terrified.
Whatever he’d felt as a naive eighteen-year-old, it had been a pale shadow of the emotion now growing inside him. He’d been a boy then. Young and fragile hearted and eager as a puppy. With maturity had come knowledge about himself, as well as an increasing depth of feeling. He no longer bounded like a puppy, had learned to shield himself against hurt, but the way Desiree touched him, the way she treated him . . . it made the puppy want to come out of hiding. Made him want to rub his cheek against her, let her nuzzle at his throat, trust her.
Shivering at the idea of her lush, persuasive mouth on his throat, he’d buttoned his buff-colored shirt halfway when she prowled around to face him, her walk lazily feline. “Let me,” she said and took over the task. “You are so built.”
He blushed, as he seemed to be doing permanently around her. “What I do, the work, it’s physical.”
She petted her hands over his chest after finishing with the buttons. “Oh, I know. I watch your butt when you bend over to haul those big seedling pots around.”
Skin heating even further, Felix dared narrow his eyes, though he could only hold hers for a split second. “Stop teasing me.”
A husky chuckle. “But it’s so much fun.” Petting hands on his chest again. “I love how you blush. Makes me want to bite you.”
His cock grew hard between his legs once more. “I think you need to get bitten,” he muttered, his wolf peeking out from between its paws to see if he’d offended her.
Desiree threw back her head and laughed, the sound wildfire around his senses. “Dare you,” she said afterward, green eyes sparkling.
Felix almost did it, almost trusted her to purr rather than strike out at him, but it was too soon. His wolf froze and so did the man. Sliding her hand into his, Desiree squeezed. “Offer’s open. Anytime you want.”
• • •
Felix couldn’t stop thinking of Desiree’s words, her voice, her scent as he got to work the next morning. She’d kept his hand in hers as they walked back to the others, making her claim on him clear. As a result, he’d been on the receiving end of more than a few winks and wolf whistles since then. It was all good-natured and he managed to hold his own, shooting back a few one-liners himself. That is, until Hawke appeared and angled his head toward the trees in a silent order.
Rising at once, Felix walked to join his alpha in the privacy of the forest. “Is something wrong?”
Hair of silver-gold glittering in the sunlight lancing through the canopy, Hawke said, “I heard Desiree made a move on you.”
Pulse thumping, Felix nodded.
“Are you fine with that?” It was a blunt question. “I know the more dominant leopard females can come on strong—with interpack dating still new, they don’t always read our cues well. If you found it difficult to say no to her, tell me now.”
Felix flushed. “No, it was . . . I wanted it, want her.”
Hawke reached out to grip the side of his face and jaw. “Look at me.”
Unable to refuse a direct order, Felix obeyed his alpha, his wolf sitting stock-still inside him as it stared into the pale blue eyes of the most dangerous predator in the entire region. Hawke could move like lightning in either form, his body a muscled and dangerous machine.
“You really okay?”
“Yes.”
Hawke released his grip. “In that case,” he said as Felix broke the eye contact in shuddering relief, “have fun and try not to get scratched too hard.” Amused words.
Felix felt his lips curve at the memory of the claws that had pricked him through his jeans. He’d liked it, liked that even though he was submissive to her dominant, she didn’t see him as too weak to play with the way she wanted to play with a male. “You’re a good alpha, Hawke,” he said as they walked back, conscious the other man had made specific time in his day to check up on a packmate he’d worried might be in over his head.
Hawke paused, then wrapped an arm around his neck in an affectionate contact between two wolves. “Come on, you might as well put me to work for a half hour while I’m down here.”
That was another thing that made Hawke such a great alpha—he didn’t ever denigrate the work of others in his pack. Felix was nowhere near the power structure, but he was the horticultural expert and, in this arena, Hawke always gave his ideas weight. He’d asked Felix to sit in on the strategy meeting for this section of their territory, had requested he arrive with a plan for replanting. That plan had been discussed in detail, with the alpha and his lieutenants questioning Felix’s decisions and giving him the go-ahead only once he’d satisfied them he knew exactly what he was doing.
Same as they’d do with any other operation that involved the safety of the pack.
No special treatment. No condescension.
Giving Hawke a shovel, he said, “You might want to dig near the juveniles. They turned up to do extra shifts voluntarily. I suspect it’s because they want to flirt away from the maternal females, but still.”
Surprisingly, Hawke scowled when Felix had expected an amused and affectionate grin. “I don’t blame them.” The alpha’s scowl deepened. “Would you believe Nell told me off for kissing Sienna in the corridor?”
Felix couldn’t fight his own grin. “Way I heard it, you were doing more than kissing. Wasn’t there a half-unbuttoned shirt involved?”
Hawke’s bad-tempered growl reverberated through Felix’s bones. “I can’t wait to have ammunition against you. I hope Dezi pounces on you in public.”
The idea made Felix’s entire body go hot. The idea that Dezi might one day pounce on him for more than sex, that she might claim him not only for a night but for forever, it threatened to stagger, to bring him to his knees.
Too soon, warned his wolf, too soon. Pull back.
Felix tried, but he knew it was a losing battle. This was why he hadn’t wanted to get involved with her in the first place—she drew him too strongly, made him want too much. If her leopard decided he wasn’t enough, if she walked away . . . it would hurt. Bad.
• • •
“You and the cute gardener, huh?”
Desiree grinned at Mercy’s sly words as the sentinel climbed up to sit on the little porch off Desiree’s aerie, where Desiree was having a late lunch. The evening before had been her final night shift on this rotation, which meant she now had her nights free to seduce her very cute horticultural expert. “Word travels fast.”
Mercy shrugged, her long red ponytail sliding over the deep green of the scoop-necked tee she’d paired with her jeans. “You know the pack—the information highway has nothing on us.” She glanced at the savory muffin Desiree was devouring. “Is that one of Tammy’s?”
“Yeah. Want one? There’re two more on the table inside.” She’d dropped by the healer’s house on her way home from her shift, hoping to grab a cup of coffee before she crashed for a few hours. It never kept her up, not after a late shift.
As it was, Tamsyn had not only given her coffee but made her scrambled eggs and bacon, then packed the muffins for her to take home. All while cheerfully managing the chaos that came with having to get her twin cubs ready for preschool on her own, since her mate hadn’t yet made it home from a night shift of his own. And that was before another DarkRiver soldier dropped by, a hopeful look on his face.
“Healers are flat-out amazing,” Desiree said to Mercy when the sentinel, who’d popped inside to grab a muffin, returned with one in hand. “She doesn’t blink an eye when
we turn up for breakfast without warning, no matter if it’s two people or ten.”
“Healers love looking after and being surrounded by family.” Mercy took a bite, chewed, swallowed. “Remember that time when Nate took the boys out fishing and the pack thought we’d give Tammy a break and not bother her, give her the day to herself?”
“Man, she was mad.” Desiree had never seen Tamsyn so fired up. “I heard her ask Lucas if the pack would like to kick her heart some more.” Wincing, she shook her head. “I never want to make her mad again.”
They ate in companionable silence for several minutes.
“Don’t get me wrong,” Mercy said when Desiree had almost finished her muffin. “I think Felix is gorgeous and sweet, but you thought this through?”
Desiree put aside her near-empty plate, a sudden knot in her stomach. “My leopard likes him. The human half of me likes him just as much.”
“You know that might not be enough. Unless . . . is this a fling for you both? I didn’t get that vibe from Felix, but—”
“No.” Desiree curled her hands tightly over the edge of the porch. “No, he’s not the fling type.” He was too solid, too stable. “This is the start of a relationship.”
Mercy nodded, face solemn. “I’m not going to interfere. I know what it’s like to fall hard for a wolf.” A grin that made her eyes glow golden. “I just wanted you to know I’m here if you need to unload, or if you need to talk about the possible repercussions or road bumps.”
“Thanks.” Desiree appreciated the offer, aware Mercy understood the instincts of the leopard within her better than most. “The pack stuff—”
“Not an issue,” Mercy interrupted. “After me and Riley, Hawke and Lucas both agreed that the packmates in question can choose their allegiance, and that there’s no reason for either one to change packs if he or she doesn’t want to.”
That took one major worry off Desiree’s mind. She couldn’t imagine not being part of DarkRiver, and Felix was as attached to SnowDancer. “I just . . . I have no desire to hurt him. It would crush me if I did. I’m going into this with my heart wide open.”
Mercy didn’t say anything, but they both knew that wasn’t enough. Because they weren’t human, were changeling, their leopards an integral aspect of their nature. And while Desiree’s leopard liked Felix, enjoyed playing with him, for a dominant leopard female to mate, the leopard had to consider the male its match.
It infuriated Desiree that anyone might ever consider Felix “less” in any way, but she knew her leopard might end up being the worst offender. Because sometimes, the human heart didn’t win. Sometimes the untamed animal within made the choice and that choice could be a ruthless one that tore Felix and Desiree apart.
Chapter 5
Felix didn’t linger at the work site for the first time since the replanting had begun. Driving his trusty old truck to the den, one of the lieutenants in the passenger seat, and the flatbed filled with tired but raucous packmates arguing about the plays in a recent football game, he felt cautiously happy, excited.
Desiree had messaged him earlier that day to ask him out to dinner. It was stupid how happy that made him. Part of him had been prepared to hear from her only at night, in the context of intimate skin privileges. It would’ve been a kick to the gut and he’d have ended things then and there, regardless of how much he wanted her, but it would have also been a painfully expected thing.
A dinner invitation wasn’t.
Leopard females of Desiree’s dominance liked to be chased, or that was what Felix had always believed. He’d been trying to figure out if that meant he could ask her out without stepping on her toes, but she’d beaten him to it and he felt like that damn, vulnerable puppy again. All excited and nervous and—
“Felix, slow down before this old jalopy falls apart.”
Checking the speedometer at Indigo’s drawl, he eased his foot off the accelerator and twisted to glance guiltily through the back window. “Are they okay?” he said, returning his attention to the forest track.
Indigo snorted. “Hard cases, each and every one.” She stretched out her long legs. “Never seen you so eager to leave your babies.”
Felix smiled at the gentle teasing. The seedlings were babies—of the forest, of the land that succored them. “The soldiers on security detail have promised to babysit. Drew said he’d sing them a lullaby.”
Indigo laughed at the reference to her playful mate, her love for Drew an echo in the air. “Tell me. I won’t blab.”
“Do I look like I was born yesterday?”
“I’ll guess, then. It has something to do with the gorgeous Desiree, doesn’t it?” A pause. “You’re blushing, so I declare myself right.”
Felix cursed his inability to keep his cool where Desiree was concerned. “We’re going on a date.”
“Anyplace I know?”
He shrugged, trying not to betray the depth of his excitement. “It’s a surprise.”
“You know what they say about cats and surprises,” Indigo said darkly.
Felix shot her a startled look, conscious she was good friends with Mercy, and realized he’d been had. “Very funny.”
A wicked grin that lit up the vivid purple-blue of her eyes. “Hey, I had to do it.”
He parked in the den garage a few minutes later and though everyone else took off with shouted thanks or quick slaps on the back, Indigo fell in beside him. “Want some advice?”
“No.”
Of course, packmates being packmates, that didn’t stop her. “Dominant or submissive, a woman likes feeling wanted.”
Felix thought of the way Drew had courted Indigo so outrageously, until the entire den had been on tenterhooks waiting to see what the other man would do next. “You liked all the things Drew did?”
“He did drive me a little mad,” Indigo admitted with a slow smile, “but I never wondered if he found me attractive. Something to be said about that.”
Her words circled in Felix’s brain as he showered. It wasn’t that he didn’t know how to make a woman feel good—he did. Only, most of the women he’d dated after returning to the den had been submissives like him. There was no question of hierarchy between them, of who should lead the dance. But that, he thought, didn’t make Indigo any less right.
He dressed carefully in clean jeans and a chocolate-colored shirt that brought out his eyes, according to the young designer who’d gifted it to him after Felix did a show for him gratis. It had horrified Felix’s booker, but Felix had already known he was about to leave the modeling world for good, having been accepted into a horticultural apprenticeship.
Why not go out doing a show for a designer he liked who needed a hand up?
Ready and with several minutes to spare, he ducked out to one of the pack’s two massive greenhouses. Both were concealed from aerial view courtesy of some very clever positioning and creative camouflage that nonetheless didn’t block the sunlight needed by the plants—and Felix was the one in charge of how the greenhouses were utilized. The pack had asked him to take up a position with them after he’d qualified, and he couldn’t have been more delighted to accept. He loved working in SnowDancer territory, loved that everyone came to him for anything to do with plants.
Four years on and he’d been promoted to the head of the horticultural team when his boss retired. Today, at thirty-one, he managed a staff of five, their primary task to make sure SnowDancer had an independent source of fresh fruits and vegetables notwithstanding the season. That self-sufficiency became especially important in winter, when heavy snow could bog down the roads out of the Sierra Nevada and make supply runs difficult.
As for the flowers he and his staff nurtured—they weren’t for the stomach but the heart.
Smiling at the thought of some of the floral requests his team had fulfilled for packmates, he worked quickly to make a special bouquet. This wasn’t
usually his job—he had a teenager on his team who was training as a florist—but he wanted this to come from his own hands . . . his own heart. It took him longer than he’d anticipated and he was a little breathless when he met Dezi just outside the White Zone, where she’d parked her vehicle.
Dressed in black jeans that hugged her legs, paired with black ankle boots and a V-neck red T-shirt made of a silky-looking fabric, she took his breath away. And that was before she shot him a smile that dazzled. “Are those for me?”
He located a few of his brain cells, worked out how to speak. “Yes.” Wanting to kiss that smile into his own mouth, he passed across the bouquet of sweet pea blooms and Chinese hellebore and blackberry lilies. The blackberry lilies glowed with the colors of sunset, the petals dotted with dark spots like those of a leopard.
Touching a petal, he said, “I was late because I was hunting for this one. I wanted the bouquet to be unique and beautiful . . . like you.”
Desiree’s eyes grew wide, her hand pressing to his jaw as she rose on tiptoe to touch her lips to his in a sweetly tender caress. “No one’s ever given me flowers before.”
Man and wolf both stared. “But you should get flowers every day.”
• • •
Desiree found herself lost for words. Men found her exciting, a little wild, strong . . . but no one had ever looked at her as Felix was doing. As if, along with the strength, she was also the pretty, feminine type of woman due flowers as a matter of course. It wasn’t something she’d ever really thought about before, but she had the feeling she could become addicted to getting flowers from this brown-eyed wolf, and most of all to the way he looked at her when he gave them to her.
As if she was the most wonderful thing he’d ever laid eyes on.
Wanting to kiss him senseless, she brushed her fingertips over the velvet and color of the flowers he’d put together just for her, then satisfied her need by taking his hand. “Come on or we’ll miss our reservations.”