Always Beautiful

by Oien, M. K

  Zeppelin was finished with his treatments but had to continue to be monitored for the next couple of months. His doctors were shocked at how resilient he was. His age and maintenance in his health was a huge factor in helping him recover quickly. Looking at him when I first met him, I never would have known he had been sick.

  Of course, he looked slightly different now because of his relapse, but I knew that it wouldn’t be long before he was back to the gym and sporting that disheveled hair. To be honest, I didn’t mind his shaved head look either. It gave him even more of an edge. His personality hadn’t changed at all though. He was still charming and witty and constantly melted my heart with his sweet words.

  I knew that no matter what came next in our lives, we would be together. We had come so far and our bond was so strong that I had no doubts of the future now. We had been through a lot in such a short amount of time. That was always how it was with Zeppelin though; Intense, instant, and consuming. I wouldn’t change it for anything.

  ~June 2013~

  “Where are we going tonight?” I asked Zeppelin as he lay back on my bed, his hands tucked behind his head and his ankles crossed. He was grinning widely at me as I changed into a nicer outfit. It was the beginning of June now, almost exactly a year to the day of when we first met. It was incredible how quickly the time had flown by these last six months. So much had changed yet it felt like nothing had at the same time. I had just completed my first year at medical school and was overjoyed that I had a summer break.

  It had been a crazy school year considering it didn’t start how I had originally planned. I still did well though, even with all of the other things going on in my life and I was proud of myself for that. Zeppelin and I were stronger than ever now and he was making a full recovery. He looked really good now that he could work out again. His hair was the longest it had ever been since I’d known him. It was kind of shaggy and disheveled and flopped onto his forehead.

  He didn’t have the heart to really cut it since losing his hair in the fall. Personally, I liked it on him. He was still handsome to me and downright drool-worthy when he was shirtless and his tattoos shown. My favorite tattoo was the one he got with my name. I often would run my fingers along it and place my lips against the skin on his forearm.

  The doctors had said that the stem cell transplant that they performed worked perfectly and as of February of this year, he was cancer free. He was still required to have follow up appointments every six months for a while in order to stay on top of things, but I had hope that he would remain healthy from here on out. He moved back to Portland and into his apartment in March and we’d been inseparable ever since.

  The only time we didn’t spend together was when I was in school and he was working at my Uncle Eddy’s garage. Zeppelin was working there full time as a mechanic now and Dixon was starting to learn more of the management end of things to take over for my uncle in the next couple of years. Everything seemed to be falling into place.

  Over spring break, I took Zeppelin home with me to Medford and he met my parents for the first time. My mother had fallen in love with him as easily as I had. He got along well with my father too and even helped him work on some stuff in the garage. Over Memorial Weekend, we went to Seattle and stayed at his parent’s house. I was excited to see Kathryn and Henry again on a lot better terms than the last time.

  Kathryn and I had grown incredibly close throughout the last several months and she told me that I was like the daughter she never had. A year ago I never imagined that I would have a boyfriend. I never thought I would have to face the things I’ve faced or grow the way that I have. There were times that I still stuck to my plans and focused hard on achieving my goals. There were also times though where I just relaxed and allowed myself to take things one step at a time.

  Today was one of those days. Zeppelin came over to my apartment dressed in dark jeans and a blue button down shirt that brought out the intense coloring of his eyes. He handed me a bouquet of irises and told me to get dressed up. I had asked him what we were doing, and of course he wouldn’t tell me. So here I was in my room, getting ready for who knew what and trying to ask questions in hopes of getting an idea as to what the plan was.

  I decided to wear a short, green summer dress and sandals. I was standing in front of my closet in only my underwear, reaching for the dress when I felt Zeppelin’s warm hand graze along the base of my neck. He swept my hair to the side over my shoulder and placed his lips against the ink that was now there. My body shivered and warmth spread through me as he kissed the script on my skin.

  “Have I told you I love you today?” He asked quietly. I smiled and turned around to wrap my arms around his neck and kiss his lips. “Yes, at least a hundred times.” I replied between kisses. Zeppelin shook his head. “That’s not nearly enough.” He pulled back from me and held my face as he looked into my eyes. “I love you Angel.” He said. “I love you too.”

  I turned back to my closet and took out my dress. As I slipped it on, my mind went to the day a month ago when I got my own tattoo. I’ve said before that one of my favorite things about Zeppelin was his tattoos and how each held a very special meaning. I was in love with the one he had gotten for me, but the one on his rib stood out for many reasons. I talked to him when I was thinking about getting the same tattoo and he loved the idea.

  He took me to the guy in Seattle who had done the tattoo on his rib that said Always Beautiful. I was a little worried at first because not only was the spot on your back where your neck and shoulders meet a painful spot, but I had never in my life thought about getting a tattoo before. It just wasn’t something I wanted because nothing ever really held much meaning to me before. Once I met Zeppelin and after all we had been through, I knew that I wanted this.

  I loved what Zeppelin had said about that particular tattoo. Life really was always beautiful in some way. Even those times back in the fall when we were apart and I thought I would lose him forever. There would good things that came out of it, like growing close to Kathryn and eventually strengthening Zeppelin and my relationship. Those two words reflected not only Zeppelin, but what he’d been through, what I had been through, and us as a couple.

  After I was dressed and ready, we made our way to Zeppelin’s car and he headed out toward the highway entrance. I had no clue still as to where we were going, but when I was with him, it never really mattered. As long as we were together it would all be fine. He was grinning from ear to ear as we listened to the stereo and he picked up speed on the highway.

  I began to take in the familiar surroundings after about twenty minutes when we were nearly to our destination. I turned and looked at Zeppelin with a huge smile on my face. He stretched his hand out and placed it on my thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze.

  “It was almost a year ago that you thought you could beat me at a race.” He said with a smirk. “I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to lose a bet.” I said. He pulled off at the exit and drove around to the parking lot near Multnomah Falls. “I was so nervous when I brought you here last time. I was worried you wouldn’t like me after really talking to me. I was so careful about what I said because I had to hold back about my cancer. I’m so sorry.” He said as he put the car in park and cut the engine.

  “You don’t have to apologize anymore Zeppelin. I know everything now and I’m so glad that you decided to open up to me and let me in.” I said. Zeppelin leaned his head toward mine and kissed me. “That’s why you’re my angel. I love you Lucky.” He said as he pulled back and opened his car door. He opened my door for me and we walked hand in hand toward the small cottage with the restaurant in it.

  We sat outside one again where we could listen to and view the falls as we ate our dinner. It was emotional to me when I thought about how things might be if I hadn’t pursued Zeppelin like I had last summer. I wouldn’t be where I was now with him and I would probably be sitting alone in my apartment on a Friday night studying or watching a movie alone.

 
; Hannah was right last year when she said that I needed to ease up and live life without over thinking things. There were so many people in my life that I was grateful for because they helped shape me into the person I was now. I wasn’t at all what I expected. No, I was even better.

  After dinner, we left the restaurant and Zeppelin told me there was one more surprise he had for me. I was beginning to think that he was replaying our first date, so I was sure that we were going to the lookout point that he had taken me to afterward the last time. The sun was beginning to sink beneath the mountains as we arrived at that very spot. He parked the car and rolled down his window.

  He glanced at me as he messed with the stereo. “Let’s get out of the car. I want to give you something.” He said softly as Mat Kearney’s Sooner or Later began to play. We both stepped out into the night air and I met him at the front of the GTO. He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me into him, my back to his front as he rested against the car. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my cheek.

  “I think I fell in love with you that night when we were here.” He admitted. “Really?” I asked as I turned my head slightly to look at him. Zeppelin nodded. “I wanted you so bad and then when the moment came and you told me that you wanted me too, I froze.” “I remember.” I said quietly. He had suddenly seemed unsure of himself and was worried that he wouldn’t be good enough.

  “You overwhelmed me by the way you looked at me. I wanted to make sure that you would never forget me.” He said. “You definitely made that impossible. Not only did you take my virginity, but we were outside. Who can forget a first time like that?” I joked. Zeppelin chuckled. “You’re right.” He said. He pushed off the front of the car and turned me around to face him. He bit down on his bottom lip and set his hands on my waist.

  A slow, haunting melody began to play before the husky, soft voice of a woman began singing. “Will you dance with me Angel?” He asked. I smiled at him and nodded. “Of course,” I replied and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. The sound of the woman’s voice began to fade as Zeppelin pulled me closer to him and started singing the lyrics in my ear.

  Our bodies moved together, slow dancing in the darkness with the city’s lights twinkling in the distance. My heart beat an unsteady rhythm and I trembled as the words he sang invaded my ears. The lyrics were so beautiful and so perfect for the moment, for us. I knew that I had heard this song before. It was called Angels by The xx.

  Tears spilled down my cheeks as the song came to an end. Zeppelin’s hand slid up to cup my cheek, his thumb stroking along my skin. “You’re my angel Lucky. You saved me from fear, from doubt, from myself. I’m not the best with words but this song, it says it all.” He bent his head and placed a slow, soft kiss on my lips. Drawing back, his blue eyes pierced me.

  “I shouldn’t have left you. It was wrong for me to selfishly assume that you wouldn’t be affected by it. It killed me to walk away from you. That entire summer, from the moment we met,” Zeppelin furrowed his brow and looked past me for a moment. When his eyes connected with mine again, they were filled with unshed tears.

  “I was never just messing around with you. You were more to me than just someone to pass time with. Like I said, I think I fell for you that first night, out here. I’m sorry if I made you feel like nothing. I’m sorry if you ever doubted how important you are to me Angel.”

  My mouth dropped open and I gasped in shock as Zeppelin slid down to one knee on the pavement below our feet. Both of his hands reached for my left one and a sob broke free from my chest. “I promise to spend every day for the rest of my life, however much time I have, making it up to you Lucille Marie Harris. I want you by my side as long as I live, if you will have me of course.” His lips tilted up in a crooked smile.

  I smiled down at him, swiping at the tears that began to fall uncontrollably. I couldn’t believe this was really happening. I hadn’t expected anything like this at all. I was shaking, I was giddy and nervous and rendered utterly speechless. Zeppelin let go of my hand with one of his and reached into his jeans pocket. Placing a kiss on my hand, he held the small velvet box up and offered it to me. Opening it slowly, my eyes widened at the ring tucked inside.

  It was the most beautiful and unique ring I had ever seen. A Rose Gold band with a matching angel wing rested atop it, next to a sparkling round diamond. The wing was also decorated with smaller brilliant stones. My breath hitched. “Zeppelin…” I started to say. “Marry me Angel?” He asked in a sweet, soft voice. It felt like a dream as I registered the words that just came out of his mouth. Of course I didn’t have to think about his question. There was nowhere in the world I would rather be than with him. It didn’t matter to me if we had a day or a year or a hundred years. Any time with Zeppelin was worth it. I began nodding, “Yes, yes I will marry you!” I shrieked.

  A full, wide grin appeared across his lips and he took the ring out of its box, sliding it on to my finger. The fit was absolutely perfect. He stood up after that and grabbed either side of my face, kissing me hard. “Oh my god, I’ve never been so terrified.” He admitted between kisses. “Thank you Angel, I love you so much.” I couldn’t stop smiling and crying as we continued kissing each other, my hands clinging to his shirt. I wished that I could bottle this feeling and keep it with me forever. “I love you.” I managed to say when we finally pulled our faces away from each other.

  Marrying someone was definitely not what I had planned for myself at now twenty two years old, but that’s just how things were with Zeppelin Rhoades. Fast paced and all consuming. It was impossible to think with him. I had just always acted on instinct and feeling. And right now I was feeling like the luckiest girl in the world.

  Chapter 15

  ~Present Day~

  Zeppelin’s proposal was shocking to me and I didn’t think that it was possible that I could have been happier. We had been through so much in such a short amount of time. When you have a connection with someone, not just physical but emotional, it really doesn’t matter the length of time that you’ve known them or what other people think. Zeppelin Rhoades was my other half, my soul mate and I would go through everything all over again just to keep him.

  Today was the biggest day in both of our lives and though I had been emotional and still was feeling butterflies and trembling, I knew that it was only a matter of minutes now that I would be okay. He wasn’t my fiancé anymore and I wasn’t his. I looked down at the necklace with the engagement ring he had given me a few months ago. Today was the first day that I hadn’t worn it on my ring finger. I took one more look at myself in the mirror and my eyes traveled over the black dress I wore. I chose black because it was a calming color for me and it was unique just like Zeppelin, just like our love for each other.

  I heard a knock on the door and turned to see my father walking in. He wore a huge smile and I could see his eyes misting with tears. I furrowed my brow and shook my head. “Don’t you dare cry dad. You’re going to make me cry.” I ordered as I stepped closer to him. He immediately opened his arms and pulled me in for a hug.

  “You look absolutely stunning Lucy. I can’t believe what a beautiful woman you have become. That kid sure does know how to make you glow.” He said. I giggled and stepped out of my father’s arms. “Love does that to you.” I replied. He nodded. “It sure does kiddo. You’re mother still glows after all this time.” He winked. “Dad, don’t!” I teased with another laugh. He chuckled and wiped at his eyes. “I figured I’d make you laugh instead of cry.”

  “Thanks Dad. I’m sure Hannah is having a fit, wondering if I need my make-up retouched.” I said. My father smiled at me and picked up the bouquet of Irises from the table. “Everyone is ready to go. Are you?” He asked as he handed me the flowers. I took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. “I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.” I said.

  My heart hammered in my chest as I held tightly to my father’s arm. I was shaking like a leaf and I wasn’t quite sure how I was still able to walk. I could hear the low
melody of an instrumental song playing off in the distance behind the closed double doors that were ahead of us. As we got closer to them, I took a deep cleansing breath and my father squeezed my hand that was tucked against his elbow.

  “I’m so proud of you Lucy.” He said. “Your mother and I are incredibly happy for you and for Zeppelin.” He pressed his lips to my temple and I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I took another breath. The music that I had heard drifted to an end and there was a brief pause. My stomach was in complete knots as a new song began to play. The haunting piano melody rang in my ears. I smiled wide as I heard the song and felt more tears forming in my eyes.

  Suddenly, the double doors opened and I lifted my head. The opening lyrics to “All This Time” by One Republic started and my father led me forward slowly. My eyes immediately shifted down the aisle to the brilliant calming sapphire that I knew and loved so dearly.

  Zeppelin’s eyes were misty and he smiled wide as he watched me coming toward him. When the chorus to the song began, he mouthed the lyrics as he sang to me. The smile on my face made my cheeks hurt and a bubble of laughter escaped from my throat. Tears poured out like a faucet.

  This was what happiness felt like. This moment would forever be in my memory. I was absolutely certain that there was no better feeling in the entire world than marrying the love of my life. All of the ups and downs, the tears cried and the laughter, led up to this day.

  Nobody loved me the way that Zeppelin did and my whole life was created for the purpose of loving him. It was the longest walk of my life and I began to feel the urge to run to him and wrap him in my arms. Winking at me, he continued to sing about how all of his life he was waiting for me.

  When we were only a few steps apart, Zeppelin stretched out his arm and offered his hand to me. I loosened the hold from my father and kissed his cheek. I grabbed Zeppelin’s hand as he lowered his head and placed a gentle kiss against my wrist.