I did. I really did. But I didn’t want to seem too overeager. I feared it would send the wrong message. With my brain completely out of control, I had to control what I said. “It’s nice.”
Noah snorted. “‘Nice,’ he said. “Charlie, you haven’t stopped smiling since we walked in the door downstairs. You like this place, just admit it.”
I turned to him and crossed my arms. “So what if I do?”
“Why are you getting defensive?”
“I’m not.”
“You are. You crossed your arms and the smile disappeared. Why?”
Why indeed? I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Maybe it was because I really did like the building. I could see the restaurant below being a complete success. I could see myself living here with Noah, knowing full well that it was entirely too soon to entertain any of those ideas. The very fact that I was angered me. Those thoughts, those feelings, were things I couldn’t control. But I couldn’t stop the visions in my head, pictures of things I wished to be.
Noah stood in front of me expectantly. He was waiting for an answer, but I didn’t want to say everything that was running through my head. Instead, I said, “I don’t want to be disappointed. I don’t want to fail.”
Okay, maybe that was too close to the truth, but it applied to not only him and me, but also the building. The previous ones we’d looked at had been complete disappointments. But this one was singing to me.
Noah reached out and touched my crossed arms. “I can understand that. But here’s the thing. I assume you’ve made your first restaurant a success. You wouldn’t be looking to expand if it wasn’t. Am I wrong?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“Then I have no doubt you’ll make this one a success as well. I mean, this building is in a perfect spot. The stadium is two blocks away. So is the convention center and Huntington Center. Think of all the people that come down here for just the games and concerts.”
“I want it to be gay inclusive.” It had been something I had been thinking about since I decided I wanted to expand.
“Meaning?”
“I want people to know that we accept everyone. But I don’t want it to be exclusively gay. I want the straight couples to come in knowing that we also have a gay clientele, but also that a gay couple can come in for dinner and not have to be afraid of holding hands. I want to be able to bridge the gap between the two cultures so that everyone can see they have nothing to fear from the other.”
He took me by my arms and stared directly into my eyes. “I have no doubt you could do exactly that. Like I said, think about the location, think about the space. You’re right next to a gay bar, too, so that’ll help with what you want this place to be.”
“How can you be so sure? You barely know me.”
“Because I don’t think you’ve changed all that much, if I’m being perfectly honest. You always had a good head on your shoulders. You were tenacious. If you saw something you wanted, you went after it.”
“Except for you.”
If I’d slapped him, I probably would have gotten the same reaction. He took a step back without breaking eye contact. “You don’t know about everything that was going on at the time.”
“I probably don’t. But I still lost you just the same.”
“Because of me, not because of you.”
“So you’re saying I made that decision with only part of the information?”
“Yes.”
“Then tell me.”
He sighed. “Not here. Not now.”
“Right. This isn’t the time or place. I get it. But you can’t tell me there was more and not tell me what it was.”
“You’re right. But, please, later. I promise. For now, you have a decision to make that has nothing to do with me.”
If only that were true. But the more I stood there, in the middle of the master bedroom with him, the more those mental pictures of us together popped into my head. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, he was as much a part of my decision as the restaurant itself. I hated that he was having this effect on me, while simultaneously reveling in it. Because it seemed I was having as much of an effect on him as he was on me.
“Fine. Let’s get back to Patty. She has some paperwork to start.”
I’d known from the beginning that I should have told Charlie about Nicholas. I’d had every opportunity but couldn’t bring myself to do it. Not just yet. Too many things from my time with Charlie were intermingled with Nicholas, not the least of which was my own shame. Had I been honest with Charlie about what was really going on, maybe things would have turned out differently. There was so much pressure on me back then that I had used Charlie as my safe refuge, and I had known even then that it wasn’t fair of me. But then he gave me his ultimatum and it scared me for all the reasons I had already given him and more. My life at the time was already up in the air, and Nicholas is a direct result of that.
No, it would be better if I told Charlie everything, including my secret shame, when I had the time to fully explain. Standing in the middle of an empty building that he was thinking about buying wasn’t the right time. But I owed it to him. If he and I had any kind of chance, I had to come clean. At that moment, the word “if” was the biggest word in the English language.
I knew it was too soon to be thinking about any kind of future with Charlie, but it was automatic; something I couldn’t control. There had always been something about him that drew me to him. No matter how much time had passed, it was still there, pulling me in. It was a strange dichotomy, really, to have so many years pass without seeing him, yet feeling as if no time had passed at all. I was having a difficult time reconciling.
While Charlie spoke to Patty, I excused myself and went outside. I slid my phone from my back pocket and fired off a text to Thomas and Ethan.
-He found a building.
Thomas:
-Awesome.
Ethan:
-Where?
-About two blocks from the new stadium.
Thomas:
-Perfect.
Ethan:
-You had nothing to do with his decision, I take it.
-I don’t think so.
-He seemed really nervous about making it.
Thomas:
-It’s a big decision to make. Lots of money to lose.
Ethan:
-Or maybe he wasn’t sure if he wanted to see your ugly ass again.
-I highly doubt I had anything to do with his decision, asshole.
Thomas:
-I call bullshit.
Ethan
-Me too.
Thomas:
-We saw you two this morning, remember?
-I don’t see how that has anything to do with this.
Ethan:
-Whether he admits it or not, you had something to do with his decision.
-Now I’m calling bullshit.
Thomas:
-Case of beer says we’re right.
Ethan:
-A case each.
-Whatever. Gotta run.
-See you two losers at the reunion. Don’t forget your matching ties.
I pocketed my cell and went back into the building. Patty and Charlie were just wrapping up their discussion and walking out the door.
“Call me at the office on Monday,” she said. “We’ll get the ball rolling then.”
Charlie shook her hand. She turned to me and extended the same hand. “Nice meeting you, Noah. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you soon,” she said, flashing me a knowing smirk.
Maybe Thomas and Ethan were right. Maybe there was something between Charlie and me that other people could see.
After shaking my hand, she left.
As soon as Patty was gone, Charlie turned to me and asked, “What time is it?”
I pulled my cell phone back out of my pocket and turned the screen on. “Almost five thirty.”
“Fuck, we’ve gotta get back to the hotel. I didn’t think we’d be gone this long.”
“Did you really think it would go quickly? How long did it take you to find the building your current restaurant’s in?”
Charlie simply scowled at me, which only made me laugh.
“Seriously, what’s the rush?” I questioned.
“The reunion starts at seven and we both need to get ready. I know how long it take me to get ready, and I assume you’re going to spend more time on yourself than you did this morning.”
“Hey, that hurt.”
Charlie looked me up and down before saying, “I hope you packed something other than a t-shirt and blue jeans for this thing.”
“And if I didn’t?”
“I won’t be seen dead near you.” But he said it with a grin.
“When did you become so bitchy?”
“Always. I just hid it well.”
“Apparently,” I said, taking him by the arm and leading him away from the building. “Let’s get you dolled up, Princess.”
“And you say I’m the bitchy one.”
I smirked back at him. “Never said I wasn’t.”
The reunion was being held in the same hotel we were staying at, in a ballroom on the tenth floor. Charlie and I had gotten ready in his room, barely getting in each other’s way. There was a short debacle when it came time for each of us to use the mirror, but other than that, there was no bloodshed.
We rode the elevator up in relative silence. Charlie looked absolutely gorgeous in his tight-fitting blue suit. I, on the other hand, had decided on the generic black suit. One of the things I’d learned playing ball, both in high school and the short time I did it in college, was to have a nice, basic suit always at the ready. You couldn’t go wrong with basic black. Charlie’s, on the other hand, made him stand out. And it matched the color of his eyes wonderfully. I wondered if he did that on purpose.
I knew I was nervous and had to assume he was as well. Thomas had texted me shortly after getting back to Charlie’s room that he and Ethan would meet us at the reunion to give Charlie and me more “privacy.” I would have been okay with the simple text, but then he sent the emoji of the okay sign, the eggplant, and a wide grin.
Asshole.
Bon Jovi’s “Bad Medicine” hit us full force the moment we exited the elevator. I groaned, knowing full well that the dance floor would be packed with former fellow classmates dancing badly to the song. Don’t get me wrong, I love the song just as much as anyone else, but I would hardly call it dance-worthy, no matter how many beers I had in me. Why other people thought they could, or even should try dancing to it was beyond me.
My senses were assaulted even further the moment Charlie opened the ballroom doors. The room was dark with the exception of blindingly bright strobe lights. A giant disco ball rotated from the ceiling, throwing more beams of light. Fluorescent streamers hung from the ceiling. Tables were set up along the walls with finger foods of every variety. The DJ booth was tucked into the back, right corner, and a gaudy display of all of the school’s athletic achievements from that year stood in the back left corner. Between the two was a giant banner that proclaimed, “Welcome, Class of 1989.” Seeing those words made me feel older than I normally did.
Directly at the entrance was a long table with a green and gold tablecloth, with three women seated behind. In front of each one was a stack of “Hello, My Name Is” labels.
“Last name?” the one in the center asked.
I gave her mine and she directed me to the woman to her left, who handed me mine. She asked the same of Charlie, then filed through her own stack, handing Charlie his. We made our way into the ballroom, and Charlie stopped abruptly. He held up the label, saying, “I guess we should put these on.”
“Do mine?” I asked, holding up my label. “If I do it, it won’t be straight.”
He grinned at that, taking the label from me then handing me his. I peeled the label from its backing and gently applied it to the lapel of his jacket, rubbing it to ensure it stayed in place. He looked down as if he were inspecting my work. “I don’t think you have a problem passing for straight.”
“Oh, the man’s got jokes.”
His grin widened. He repeated my process, peeling the label off and placing it onto my lapel, directly over my heart. I’d swear I could feel the heat from his hand as he gently applied the label, sending my heartbeat racing. Did his hand linger just a moment too long, or was I imagining things?
A bar was situated on either side of the entrance, and I made a beeline for one, immediately feeling the need for a beer. Charlie followed without a word. Once it was our turn, I ordered then turned to him. “Want anything?”
“Um…” He looked around like he was gauging the crowd, then continued with, “I need something stronger than gin to get through this, but that’s what I’ll start with.”
“So, gin and tonic.”
He nodded. “But only if they have good gin, not that cheap shit.”
“Your high-class tendencies are showing again. What do you consider good gin?”
He sighed heavily. “Do you remember nothing from last night?”
The feeling of holding you in my arms as we fell asleep. “Bombay?”
“Yes, please,” he said with a child-like grin.
I ordered his gin and tonic. Then, as an afterthought, added, “With a slice of lime.” I had remembered from the previous night that he liked his drink that way. Why, was beyond me. I couldn’t stand limes. Probably one reason I never liked Corona.
The bartender handed me Charlie’s drink, and I passed it to him. His grin was still there, making my insides do a little jump. If asking for a slice of lime brought that smile out in him, I would do it as often as possible.
Charlie stuck the straw in his mouth and sucked down the drink in record time.
“Hey,” I said, “slow down, killer.”
Ignoring me, he set the empty glass onto the bar. “Another,” he instructed the bartender.
“Is that really a good idea?”
He glared at me before saying, “You have no idea how fucked up my nerves are at the moment.”
“Why? What do you have to be nervous about?”
“You can’t be seriously asking me that question right now.”
“Um…I am. What am I missing?”
“Unlike you, Mr. Hot Shot Jock, I never won any popularity contests. In fact, I was practically invisible during my entire high school career.”
He was right, of course. I barely remembered seeing him hanging out with anyone. I, on the other hand, wasn’t lacking in the friends department. Sure, most of them weren’t really friends, simply kids that hung out with me because they thought it would help their status to be seen with me. But I did have a couple, the prime examples of which were Thomas and Ethan. But, while I’d enjoyed the perks that came along with being a star high school athlete, I also craved the anonymity Charlie seemed to loathe. Maybe if I’d had a lower profile, I could have dealt better with all of the issues at home instead of pretending they didn’t exist. Maybe I would have been able to come out far sooner than I did. And maybe, just maybe, things wouldn’t have ended between Charlie and me the way that they did.
“I get it,” I started. “I really do. But you’re here with me now.”
“So completely unlike high school.”
He was right about that. No one knew that Charlie and I even knew each other let alone that we had any kind of relationship.
“How do you plan on explaining all of this?” he asked.
“Why should I have to? It’s really no one’s business what I do in my personal life.”
“Just make sure you’re not that defensive when people ask.”
“You’re assuming that I’m embarrassed to be seen with you.”
He turned his head and looked away, signaling that I had touched a nerve.
I gently took him by the chin and turned him so he was facing me. “I’m not, if that’s what you’re afraid of. In fact, I’m honored and humbled that you’ve even given me
the time of day after everything that happened. No one in their right mind would ever be embarrassed to be seen with you. And fuck the ones that are because they don’t know you.”
“You barely do.”
“You’re right. But I don’t think you’ve changed that much over the last thirty years, at least not at the core of who you are.”
“Seriously, Noah. You’re going all Dr. Phil on me.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Maybe. But I learned a long time ago how to tell the difference between real, authentic people, and those that just want to use you. The people that you matter to the most will stand with you as you go through hell. The rest will run for the hills.”
“Thomas and Ethan?” he asked.
I nodded. “Thomas and Ethan. I know they may not have made the best impression on you this morning.”
“No, that’s the weird thing. Even with all the ribbing they were giving, I could see how close you three were. Like, there was a comfort level with you guys that made me kind of…jealous.”
“Jealous.”
“Well, maybe jealous isn’t the right word. Maybe more like envious. You guys seem to have this…brotherhood, a comradery. And, if I’m being honest, it’s kind of frightening.”
He had my interest piqued. I didn’t see us as frightening. But, I had to admit, I also couldn’t see us from the outside. “How so?”
“Like, okay, imagine taking someone home to meet your parents. Imagine how scary that would be. You’re afraid of saying the wrong thing and being judged. You’re afraid of breaking out into a sweat, or accidently blowing a huge fart.”
I had to laugh, only because the visual that last bit conjured, of Charlie meeting Thomas and Ethan for the first time, and Charlie having gas, was just too rich. If he only knew what a few beers did to the both of them. But maybe that was his point. I did know what those beers did because I had been there when it happened. Repeatedly. I’d never considered the idea that a close friendship like the one I shared with those two could be something that would intimidate someone just coming into it. Especially someone like Charlie, who had spent his entire high school career on the fringes. As near as I could tell, that hadn’t changed either.
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