by Sara Craven
She sighed as she picked up a brush and began rather listlessly to stroke it down the length of her dark copper hair. The only way she could find out, it seemed, would be to allow herself to be taken out by one of U.P.G.’s bright young men and kissed so that she could compare notes. It was not a prospect that held any appeal for her at all.
What she really wanted, she thought quite calmly, was for Logan to kiss her again. She leaned forward, peering at herself intently in the dressing-table mirror, touching her fingers to the softness of her lips, and wondering why a girl’s mouth should be so vulnerable when a man’s was hard and bruising. She began to wish she had emulated many of her contemporaries at school, and had secret romances concealed at peril of expulsion from the staff.
At least now, she would not feel so totally confused and at a loss. She knew all about her body’s biological processes, but very little about its emotional needs, which, she had begun to suspect, were far more complex.
She was quiet at breakfast, causing her father to enquire anxiously whether her headache was still persisting.
‘No, I’m fine,’ she assured him, pushing aside her boiled egg, untasted. ‘Daddy, I’ve been thinking. It’s time I started work–got myself a job.’
Sir Charles touched his table napkin to his lips and laid it to one side.
He said with a hint of impatience, ‘My dear Briony, I thought we agreed that you should spend this year at least working for me–learning how to run this house, and how to act as my hostess.’
‘That’s hardly a fulltime occupation,’ she protested.
‘And I have to find something to do.’ She picked up the silver pot and added more coffee to her cup. She said too casually, ‘My English marks were always good. I was wondering if I couldn’t become a journalist.’
She stole a swift glance at her father and saw his brows had drawn together in a thunderous frown.
‘You can’t be serious,’ he said at last.
‘Why not?’
‘If you need to be enlightened on the point, then I will do so. A newspaper office is no place for any woman, and particularly not for my daughter.’
‘But lots of women work on newspapers.’ she said. ‘Many of them work on your newspapers.’
‘Not at my wish,’ he said coldly. ‘But in these days of sex equality, it’s impossible to exercise any proper discrimination.’
‘Oh, Daddy!’ Briony suddenly didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. ‘You really are appallingly prejudiced! ‘
‘Am I? Perhaps so, but I stand by every word I’ve said. Newspaper reporters are hard–the nature of the job they do makes them so, and whereas a degree of toughness and cynicismis acceptable and excusable in a man, it cannot be so in a girl.’ He folded his newspaper and rose to his feet. ‘I would not wish to see you losing your essential sensitivity, my dear, becoming coarse and uncaring in your attitude. I…’
‘Daddy,’ Briony cut in impatiently, ‘I can’t believe what I’m hearing! You’ve been in the newspaper business all your life, yet you give the impression that you hate it.’
‘Sometimes I do,’ her father said quietly. ‘Particularly I hate what it does to people. I’d hate what it might do to you.’ He glanced at his watch. ‘I must be going now. I have a full day ahead of me.’
And I have an empty one, she thought soberly, as the door closed behind him. She had not been altogether serious in her suggestion that she should become a journalist. It had been more of a passing thought, than a burning ambition, but the idea seemed to gain in attraction as she considered it. Besides, it was time she began to think for herself and plan her life. Many girls whose examination results had not nearly been as good as hers were starting at university, and in some ways she wished she had insisted on going too, but Sir Charles had been so emphatic that he wanted her at home, that it had seemed ungracious to persist. And at that time, the prospect of several more years in academic pursuits had not seemed very alluring.
But her father surely couldn’t expect her to spend all her time sitting round the house twiddling her thumbs.
He knew perfectly well that all the real work was done by Mrs Lambert, with the assistance of a daily help, and that Briony’s place in the scheme of things was a supernumary one. Or did he think she was going to get married almost at once?
Unwillingly she found herself recalling what Logan Adair had said about her choice of a husband, and a sudden image rose in her mind of herself, white-gowned and bridal-veiled, walking up an aisle of a church to where a faceless man awaited her by the altar, waited for her to be handed over to him by her father–untouched by human hand or by life itself.
She felt an hysterical giggle rising in her throat at the thought. Could it be possible to allow oneself to be bored into matrimony–to exchange the dullness of one safe existence for another without even being tempted to taste the danger and adventure of real life?
She pushed her chair back abruptly and stood up. University would have been her first encounter with an unsheltered world, and she had been baulked of that. She could not afford to let another opportunity pass her by.
She would go round to the U.P.G. building and ask Hal Mackenzie of the Courier for a job. He had been very pleasant when she had met him the previous evening, she tried to bolster her confidence, and she had all the requisite qualifications on paper.
Besides, she thought not too hopefully, if she was successful in obtaining a job, however junior, on the most serious and influential paper in the group, perhaps her father would become resigned, or even sympathetic to her aspirations. At least she would make him see she was not merely a cipher with no mind of her own.
She had nothing to lose by trying.
But she was already on her way to the U.P.G. offices when the disturbing thought struck her that she might have a great deal to lose. That by deliberately seeking to place herself in close proximity to Logan Adair, she could well end up by losing her heart.
‘And I did.’ Briony thought in anguish, staring sightlessly into the fire. ‘Oh, God, I did!’
And her tears, slow and heavy, tasted salt upon her trembling mouth.
CHAPTER TWO
SHE cried for some time, sitting hunched in her high-backed chair, her hands pressed to her face. She was crying primarily, she knew, because she was tired and emotionally confused, but some of her tears were for the hopeful, vulnerable child who had thought all she needed to do was stretch out her hand for what she wanted.
She could even smile at the innocent arrogance which had taken her straight to the editor of one of Fleet Street’s leading dailies to ask for a job.
Looking back, she had to admit that Hal Mackenzie had let her down lightly. He had listened quite seriously to her stumbling exposition of why she thought a career in journalism would suit her, and had even made a few notes on the pad in front of him as she talked. He had asked courteously what her shorthand speed was, and had made no comment when she confessed she had never done any. He had lifted a number of closely printed sheets from his in-tray and handed them to her, asking her to go into his secretary’s office next door and produce a news-story from the handout, no more than six paragraphs long.
Briony’s heart sank as she sat before the gleaming electric typewriter and read the mass of words and statistics the handout contained. She was miserably conscious as she handed her finished story to Hal Mackenzie that it would fall far short of the standard required, and saw his brows rise slightly as he read it through.
He put it down on his desk, removed the heavy horn-rimmed glasses he wore and Wiped them carefully on a spotless white handkerchief while an unnerving silence lengthened.
He said at last, ‘Miss Trevor, I’ve a friend in the Midlands who runs a small group of weekly papers. It’s a good training ground, and if I recommended you to him he would give you a chance.’
Briony said, ‘But I thought .. .’ and paused.
Hal Mackenzie said drily, ‘You hoped your relationship with the Chairman would o
pen doors for you at U.P.G. Well, I’m afraid not, even if you’d been incredibly .’ talented, which you’re not. But you could probably learn to be reasonably competent in time, with a sound provincial training behind you. Well, shall I write to my friend on your behalf?’ He waited, watching as the embarrassed flush deepened in her cheeks, then sighed. ‘Miss Trevor, I’m old enough to be your father, so may I give you some sound advice? Don’t read too much into a few moonlight kisses.’
Briony said lamely, ‘I don’t know what you mean.’
‘No?’ His,brows rose. ‘I saw Logan follow you, you know. Fortunately your father didn’t. He’d already made his views on what had happened earlier quite clear.’
‘Mr Mackenzie.’ Briony made a belated grab for the remnants of her poise, ‘it really isn’t what you think .. .’
‘Isn’t it?’ His tone was sceptical. ‘You’re a very lovely girl, Miss Trevor. Believe me, I’m not trying to censure either Logan or yourself. Good God, ‘if I was twenty years younger, I’d probably have tried to beat him to it, no matter who or what your father was. Does he know you’ve come here to ask for a job, incidentally?’
Briony bit her lip. ‘We’ve―discussed it, naturally .. .’
‘In other words, no.’ Mackenzie sighed again. ‘It won’t do, Miss Trevor. I can’t imagine Sir Charles tamely accepting a life in journalism for you. I shall speak frankly to you. He’s a good chairman, but his heart is not in newspapers, the way your grandfather’s was. I often think your father would have been just as happy happier even―making cars, or sewing machines. Something that couldn’t talk back. Sometimes he acts as if journalism was a dirty word.’ He gave her a wry look.
‘And even if he didn’t, I wouldn’t consider passing over some of the good people who apply to me for work in order to give a start to an untrained girl with no particular flair. As it is, I’m afraid your father’s known views would have to weigh with me―plus my own misgivings about your possible motivation.’
‘I hardly think that’s any of your business.’ She felt hot with humiliation.
That’s where you’re wrong.’ He gave her a shrewd look. ‘I like my newspaper to operate efficiently, with my staff giving me their best efforts. That’s why I don’t encourage―personal situations, shall we say? They tend to get in the way in office hours. Sometimes, of course, relationships become established, and I have to accept them. All my staff are adults, after all.’ Briony said coolly, ‘If you’re trying to bestow a paternal warning that Logan Adair has a-relationship with MissWellesley, then please don’t bother. I already know.
I’m sorry to have taken up so much of your time. And there’s no need to write to your friend. I’m sure they need someone with flair―even in the provinces.’ He rose, as she did. ‘You make me sound an insensitive brute, MissTrevor, and I’m sorry. But it wouldn’t work, believe me-oh, for all sorts of reasons. It may seem. a glamorous life from the outside, but it’s hard work and pain with very little room for idealism, whatever pious platitudes we editors may utter from time to time. I think you’re still young enough to have ideals, so why not find yourself a star to hitch your wagon to? And please forgive me for having spoken so frankly on matters which were—not my concern.’
There were tears stinging Briony’s eyes as she hurried across the outer office and out into the corridor, ignoring the embarrassed secretary. She paused for a moment to snatch a pair of dark glasses from her handbag and cram them on to her nose to hide the most visible signs of her discomfiture. There were people waiting at the lift, so she took the stairs down to the ground floor. There was a women’s cloakroom there, and she slipped inside for a few moments, to effect a few repairs to her make-up.
When she was sure she was in complete control once more, she walked out into the reception area and towards the massive glass doors which guarded the main entrance to the building.
And Logan Adair crossed the reception area just in front of her and went out into the street, pausing to hold open the doors for a group of women who were entering.
Briony stood stock still for a minute, hardly able to believe her eyes. To see him so suddenly, and unexpectedly, seemed like a sign, a good omen. If she’d taken the lift, if she hadn’t waited to fix her make-up, then she would have missed him. She hurried to the door and out I on to the pavement. He was just ahead of her waiting to cross the road, flicking the folded newspaper he carried against his leg in slight impatience as he watched the stream of traffic. There was no reason in the world why she shouldn’t approach him, say something light and laughing about coincidences, and it being a small world, but she couldn’t do it, so she held back slightly, and then followed him as he crossed the road. She’d no idea, of course, where he was going. He might even be working on a story, but she didn’t think so. After all, he was in the foreign news department, not the City desk. Far more likely, she thought, glancing at her watch, that he was taking an early lunch. He did not seem to be in any particular hurry, strolling along in the pale sunshine, and Briony had little difficulty in keeping him in sight. Meanwhile a couple of disquieting thoughts occurred to her.
What would she do if he turned and saw her skulking after him, and-which was infinitely worse—what if he was going to keep some lunchtime appointment with Karen Wellesley?
Her heart sank, but her spirits revived miraculously a moment later when Logan turned quite casually into the entrance of a large street-corner pub. After only a moment’s hesitation she followed him. After the brightness of the street, the interior seemed dim. Although it was still relatively early, many of the tables and velvet-covered benches along the walls were already occupied, and an appetisingly savoury smell hung in the air. Briony took a deep breath, then walked up to the bar.
Logan was just turning away, drink in hand, as she reached it. He saw her at once, and recognised her immediately in spite of the dark glasses, and his brows rose with amazed incredulity.
‘Slumming, Miss Trevor?’
‘It hardly looks like a slum to me, Mr. Adair.’ Her voice sounded cool and composed, and she even managed a smile to match.
‘But hardly your usual stamping ground, I would have thought.’ He smiled too, but the cool eyes held a puzzled, almost reflective expression as he studied her. ‘Will you let me buy you a drink?’
‘Thank you.’ She hastily suppressed a feeling of glee.
‘You―you’re not expecting anyone?’
‘No one.’ he said, a touch drily. ‘The house wine is good here, and so is the food-unless you’re going on somewhere for lunch.’ His eyes wandered over the simple chic of the cream wool suit, and the dark green blouse she wore beneath it, all designed to convince Hal Mackenzie of her mature efficiency.
‘I’d heard the food was marvellous.’ she fibbed hastily.
‘That’s why I thought I’d try it.’
‘How word does get around!’ He did not bother to disguise his scepticism. ‘But it isn’t patronised much at Board room level. They have their own dining room, I believe.’ He handed her a menu. ‘I can recommend the shepherd’s pie.’
‘That will be fine.’ She would have sampled boiled wellington boots on his recommendation, she thought dazedly. Logan gave the order to the barmaid, then ushered her to a couple of vacant seats on one of the benches under a long window. The sun poured through the glass, and she was glad to unbutton her jacket and slip it from her shoulders, arching her body slightly. As she did so, Logan’s eyes flickered momentarily over the rounded outline of her breasts, revealed through the fragile silky texture of her blouse.
‘Allow me.’ He helped her with the jacket, and for a second his hand rested on her shoulder and she felt its warmth on her flesh as if she had been naked. She stole a glance at him under her lashes, and saw that his face , looked rather grim as he put her glass of white wine in front of her. She had to stifle the feeling of excited triumph that was beginning to build up inside her. The sophisticated Mr Adair was as aware of her, as she was of him, she told herself i
n delirious unbelief. Almost imperceptibly she edged nearer to him on the bench.
‘Do you smoke?’ He produced a packet of Gauloises and a lighter from the pocket of his brown cord jacket and held them out to her. She shook her head silently.
‘Good girl.’ He sounded lazily amused. ‘All the virtues and none of the vices, which is just as it should be at eighteen. Do you object if I smoke?’
‘Not at all.’ Suddenly tongue-tied, she picked up her wine-glass and sipped, enjoying the cool fragrance of the wine in her dry mouth. She searched around nervously for something to say. ‘Did―did you enjoy the awards party.’
‘Parts of it―very much.’ The amusement was open now, and she felt herself blush. ‘But the awards themselves are pretty meaningless.’
‘Why do you say that?’
‘I don’t need an ornament for my mantelpiece.’ he said.‘I’m rarely at the flat long enough at a stretch to appreciate the fact that I have a mantelpiece anyway. And while the money is welcome, it’s not exactly essential. U.P.G. are quite generous in the matter of salaries, whatever your father’s personal feelings about his staff. I suspect that many awards presentations do more for the self-esteem of the donors than the recipients.’