by S. J. Bishop
Gwen gaped at me as I folded up the thick wad of documents we’d printed, turned her around, lifted her shirt, and slid them beneath her bra strap just as we heard the front door fly open.
I rushed into the hall, Gwen hot on my heels.
Standing in the doorway of my brother’s apartment was Joey Bones and three other Solanos.
18
Gwen
Four enormous men stood in the shattered doorframe of my sister’s apartment.
The one who’d taken Nikki, Joey Bones, was standing in the front, his gun out and trained on Law, who was standing in front of me calmly, his own hand behind his back on his pistol.
“I see you’ve brought in a friend, Ms. Mathers,” said Joey Bones, speaking to me past Law’s head.
“I’m sure, Joey, that you’re well aware that Ms. Mathers and I are more than friends,” Law said, his voice, deep and calm, settling me. I swallowed, willing my throat to relax and willing myself to breathe. “Just as I’m sure you’re aware of who my uncle is.”
Joey Bones bared his teeth at Law in a frightening imitation of a smile.
“Your lady has something that belongs to the Solanos,” said Joey. “They’ve asked me to collect.”
“I’m aware that Mia Mathers has money that you believe is yours,” said Law. “But right now, we’re not sure where it is. We’re still looking for it. And you can be assured that when we find it, we’ll let you know immediately.”
The men behind Joey were moving now, entering the room. Law circled left, keeping his back to them and herding me with him. I understood. He didn’t want them to see the bulge of the papers at my back.
“That’s not good enough for us…”
“It’s going to have to be. I know you are aware that I am not involved in the Juliano’s business, but I’m family. And Gwen is a friend of the family. You will have to accept our word that we are still looking and will let you know when we find your money. For now, we need you to respect that our families are mourning their loved ones.”
His voice was firm, showing not one flinch of nerves. His hand, where it gripped the butt of his gun through his shirt, was steady.
I watched the Solanos narrow their gaze at him. One of them stepped forward and said something to Joey, who frowned at Law and replied, “You have two days to locate it, and when you do, you’ll contact Tony.”
“Of course.”
My stomach was sinking into my shoes. We shouldn’t be promising the Solanos the money! We should be going to the police.
“Two days,” Joey said again, holding up two fat fingers. Then he turned and gestured, and the three other men turned and walked out of the apartment, leaving the door open behind them.
Law and I stood still while the sounds of their footsteps echoed down the apartment. How we’d managed to avoid nosy neighbors I’ll never understand, but a minute later, we were following the path they took down the stairs and getting into Law’s car.
Law stuck his keys in the ignition, but before he could turn the car to life, I erupted. “How could you?” I said. “How could you promise to give them the money back?!” All of the fear I’d felt upstairs was turning into hysterics.
“Gwen…” said Law, his voice a warning.
“It’s like you can’t help yourself! I want to love you! I want to trust you! And every time I think it’s remotely possible, you go and prove that you’re just as invested in your family as any of the other members are! You’re no better than them! You’re not law abiding! Where the fuck’s your conscience!?!”
“GWEN!” Law roared, his voice flooding the small car with such force that I shrank back against the window.
“Jesus Christ, Gwen, I can’t catch a break!” Law raged. “I’m trying to help you! This isn’t my problem; it’s your problem, and you are hell bent on thumbing your nose at very powerful men and getting yourself killed like your idiot sister did!”
Law was yelling like I’d never heard him yell before. “You can’t be that naïve! The world is not black and white, Gwen, no matter how much you want to view it that way! These things are complicated! If you steal from thieves, you pay the price! Do you want to pay that price, Gwen? FUCK!”
He slammed his hand against the steering wheel, making me jump.
“Nothing I do is good enough for you because of who I am and where I come from! You think you have Daddy Issues, Gwen? At least you know who your father was. He was a scumbag! Terrific. So was mine. But you know what mine taught me? He taught me the value of family. Because my family stepped in for my mother when he left. And they stepped in for me when she passed. Your family disappointed you: fine! But my family has never disappointed me, Gwen! I know who they are, and I know who they’re not, and none of that has any bearing on how they love me!”
His voice cracked on the word love, and I winced.
“That’s right, Gwen. Love is the only thing out there that is black and white. You love someone or you don’t love someone. And if you love someone, you make it work. I loved you. And do you know how you repaid that love? By telling me it wasn’t good enough for you. And here I am trying to help you, and it’s not good enough for you!”
The car was ringing with the force of his yelling, but when he stopped, his silence was even louder. He stared at the leather of the steering wheel as if he might peel it off with his gaze alone.
“Law,” I said, my voice breaking. “That’s not fair!”
“No, Gwen,” Law interrupted. “It’s not fair for you to tell me you loved me and that I let you down. I never did. I was always there for you. I am still here for you…”
He turned to look at me, his eyes blazing with intense fire. “I would walk across fire for you, Gwen. I would face down four armed men with guns. Why is that not enough for you?! Who else do you think is going to love you like that?”
His emotions were raw, and they ripped at me like stones in a hurricane. I reached out and grabbed his hands. “Law, please, it’s not that simple.”
“Oh, now it’s not that simple. It’s not black and white anymore?” His voice was soft, his gaze burning into mine. “Well, which is it, Gwen? Do you need me to give the money to the police? Do you need me to step in front of Solano bullets before you believe that I’m trying to help you?”
“No, Law, please…”
“Do I have to die, like Mia, before you’ll understand that I love you?!”
He moved before I could respond, crushing his lips to mine in a kiss that was as much punishment as it was lust. I don’t know if it was the thought of him dying because of me, or if it was the pain, the accusations, and the fact that he was right. I kissed him back, desperately.
His mouth was fierce, his lips bruising mine, his hands fisting in my shirt, tugging me to him. All that adrenaline from the stand-off in the apartment, all that fear and that rage, was turning into something else, something desperate. Our teeth clashed, and our tongues tangled. I could feel the armrest digging into my hip, and he hauled me across the seat to get better access, his hand diving down the neck of my shirt to grab one of my breasts.
My hands were automatic; one reached down to grab his raging hard cock where it bulged against my thigh. The other hand snaked around his back, trying to hold him closer to me, and it bumped against… his gun.
It was like water doused over a flame. It was like touching a live coal. I leaped back, hitting the steering wheel and setting the horn blasting, startling us both.
Law’s hand fell from me, his hot gaze cooling almost immediately. His lips pressed flat together, his head turned away, and he waited. He waited while I untangled myself, while I slid wordlessly back into my seat and buckled my seatbelt. Then he started the car.
19
Law
The whole incident left me exhausted. Gwen was hot one minute, cold the next – I couldn’t keep up. Why the fuck was I even trying?
Because it’s Gwen.
But wasn’t that the very problem? Maybe it was time to face the tru
th: If Gwen wanted to be with me, she’d be with me. It was time to let this old flame die out. It was time to stop focusing on Gwen and start focusing on Nikki. I’d help Gwen through this latest hurdle, but after that? After that, there was a custody battle to pursue. If Gwen wasn’t going to give up my niece without a fight, then I was going to fight. And now, I had ammunition: Mia. We had a stack of papers that showed Mia was a dishonest thief. Was it possible to use those papers against Gwen?
Part of me couldn’t believe I was considering it.
“Where are we going?” asked Gwen, quietly, after a moment.
“To Sun Life Stadium,” said Law after a moment. “I have practice. Andre is going to drop Nikki off there. His wife will give you a lift back to your mother’s.”
20
Gwen
I’d never gotten a chance to know Law the professional football player. We’d broken up not long after he was drafted. Upset as he was at me, and as terrible as that felt, I had to admit it was kind of incredible driving up to the huge football stadium and parking in the Player’s Only lot.
As we strode toward a set of double doors, I spotted Nikki. She was standing outside with a woman who must have been Kim DeMarco. Kim was as lean as her husband was huge and about five shades darker than Law, with white teeth that blazed in a smile of welcome.
“Hey, boo,” she called to Law as he approached. “You gonna introduce me to your girl?”
Law shook his head. “I’m late,” he said. He leaned down and gave Kim a brusque kiss on the cheek. “Thanks for watching Nikki.”
“Our pleasure,” said Kim, trailing off as Law all but stormed into the building. “She’s a great kid…”
Kim turned to me, looking perplexed. “What’s up his ass?”
I shrugged. “It’s been a long couple of days.”
“Of course,” said Kim. “You must be Gwen. Andre mentioned you were Nikki’s aunt. That you and the Mysterious One have a history.”
Great. So Law had talked about me. I pressed my lips together and tried to smile.
“Listen, honey, I’m happy to give you a lift home, but the kids are at summer camp, and I finally have an afternoon to myself. If you’re game to watch the fellas practice with me for a bit, I’d be happy to take you wherever you need to go after.”
I sighed and looked down at Nikki. “Do you want to go back to grandma’s house?” I asked her. Nikki shook her head.
“Guess we’re with you,” I told Kim.
“Great!” the woman said. “Follow me.” She led us up to the bleachers, high enough above the field that we were inconspicuous. “I love watching them play,” she admitted. “Really gets me going, you know?” She winked at me. “Of course you know. Who hasn’t dreamed about getting Lawrence Henry between the sheets? And you’ve actually done it!”
Kim whistled. “Is he as good as I hear?”
I so didn’t want to talk about this. On the field, the coach was barking inaudible directions, and Dolphins players in practice pads were lining up. I recognized Law immediately, and my heart beat a little harder when he shot off down the field: all muscle and explosive speed.
“He’s a good one – Lawrence,” said Kim. “We’ve known him five years now. You know, the first time I met him, Andre had him babysit! As if we couldn’t afford a sitter. Lawrence showed up at the house with a pizza. The kids loved him immediately. Are you two an item?” Her question was sudden and personal. I closed my eyes, feeling heartbroken for so many reasons. I just wanted to curl up in bed and not leave for a while. “We’re not,” I said.
“Why on earth not?!” Kim demanded. “Honey, just look at that boy move!” Trust me, Kim, I’m looking.
“Ugh, and he’s just one of the good ones. Whatever it is that’s keeping you from locking that down, resolve it quickly before someone else does. Girl!” Kim closed her eyes. “Mmhmm, if I weren’t already married to Andre…”
I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. Law was a good one, but he didn’t consort with good people.
“And he’s going to be a great dad…” Kim continued. “Have you seen him with this one?” She ran a hand through Nikki’s curls. “He loves that little girl to pieces. I know her Daddy passed away in that accident, and that’s a real shame, but she’s not going to lack for love, that one. Not with Lawrence raising her.”
I swear to god, the guilt was going to eat me alive. I couldn’t look at Kim anymore, so I studied the field. Law had taken off his pads and was doing sprints along the forty-yard line while the lineman ran drills.
Kim seemed to appreciate my need for silence because she didn’t say anything again, other than to yell out to Andre a few times (as if he might hear her).
“Come on,” said Kim after a few of the player’s began to trickle off the field. “They’ll be in the weight room. I want to say bye to the Hubby.”
We got to the weight room, and Nikki spotted Law laid out on the trainer’s bench. She broke away from my grasp and ran over to him. I watched, helplessly, as she clung to his arm and stood awkwardly, waiting for a good moment to run over and grab her.
But a few of Law’s teammates had noticed the little girl and had come over. I waited fifteen minutes before it was clear that Nikki wasn’t going to let Law go.
Law looked around and spotted me near the door. He sat up, lifted Nikki into his arms, and walked over to me.
“She wants to spend the night at my place,” he said, his voice distant and impersonal. “If you’d like to spend the night in my guest bedroom, that’s fine. It’s probably safer for you both at the Topaz than it is at your mother’s house.”
I nodded. I wasn’t sure if he was right or not, but I didn’t want to be by myself. And I didn’t want to be with my mother.
“There’s a game room upstairs,” Law said. “You can take her up there. I’ll come and get you when I’m done.”
God. He wouldn’t even look me in the face.
Inhaling through my nose, I nodded and went to go tell Kim that I didn’t need a ride after all.
21
Law
Nikki fell asleep during the drive back home, and not even her heavy breathing could break the tension of the silence. Gwen looked troubled, upset. Good. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one feeling like shit.
When I parked in the garage and unbuckled Nikki, Gwen looked like she wanted to say something, but as we strode into the building, she held her peace.
Nikki stayed asleep on the elevator ride up to my apartment, but when I laid her down on the large guest bed, she woke up.
Spotting Gwen over in the doorway, Nikki asked, “Mama?”
I watched Gwen’s face crumble a moment before reassembling itself into an encouraging smile.
“No, sweetie,” I said quietly. “That’s Auntie Gwen.”
Nikki’s face went through a quick transformation: realization, followed by disappointment, and then understanding. She started wailing.
“I want my mama!” the little girl screamed, breaking my heart.
“Hey, Nik, it’s okay Nik,” I said, picking her back up and holding her.
“Where’s Mama?! Where’s Daddy?!”
“Shhh, sweetie!” Gwen rushed up, her arms out to take Nikki.
“No!” Nikki screamed, struggling in my arms to get away from Gwen. “Not you! I want Mama!”
“It’s okay, sweetie,” I crooned in her ear. What was it Gwen had told her? “Mama and Daddy are with the angels. They’re watching you right now; they see you, and they love you…” Nikki screamed and sobbed. Gwen went to get a tissue and tried to wipe at Nikki’s nose, but the little girl screamed louder.
“I don’t want you!” she screamed at Gwen.
Gwen stepped back and let me rock Nikki until her sobs sounded more forced. She was overtired. She needed to sleep.
“Do you want to watch a movie?” I asked her.
Nikki nodded.
“Beauty and the Beast,” suggested Gwen. Then to me, she said, “You have On Demand?�
�
“I do.” Thank god.
So Gwen went out in the living room to set up the movie, and I walked Nikki around the apartment before settling onto the couch next to Gwen. I tried to set Nikki between us, but she didn’t want to let go, so I held her until she settled down.
As the opening music began and Nikki’s eyes glued to the screen, I set her down and she curled up, putting her head on my lap and her feet on Gwen’s.
Gwen took off Nikki’s shoes and held her toes. She looked close to crying, herself. It had been a tense few days.
It turned out that the movie was a great way to calm everyone down. Halfway through, I relaxed and swung my arm over the couch, accidently brushing Gwen’s shoulders with my fingers. I was shocked when she didn’t move, when she seemed to move even closer to me, shifting Nikki to do so. So I left my fingers there, and after a while, she reached up to hold my hand. I closed my eyes. I wasn’t sure how much more of this I could take: This was how I’d always imagined Gwen and me when I used to envision us as a family.
I couldn’t stop the hope that wound its way through my chest. I could feel Gwen’s eyes on me when she thought I wasn’t paying attention.
I opened my mouth, ready to try one last time. Gwen, I love you. Can’t we find a way to mediate these issues? We belong together. We could give Nikki the life her parents would have wanted her to have.
The phone rang. Loudly.
On my lap, Nikki stirred but didn’t wake up. I slid out from under her and grabbed the phone on the side table.
“Henry,” I said curtly. There was no caller ID, and I had a feeling I knew who it was.
“Lawrence,” said the voice on the other end. A cool, light tenor. “I’m glad you’re awake at this hour.”
We’d only met once, a few years before, at one of Uncle Joe’s restaurants. “Mr. Solano,” I acknowledged. Tony Solano rarely took care of money matters himself. If he needed to deal with someone, he sent one of his boys. And yet here he was, calling me.