I’m awoken to fingertips running around my face and through my drowsiness I see the one person I have had on my mind constantly - Jace.
“You’re here,” I muse sleepily and grin as my eyes become heavy. I don’t care why he is here, or how he found out because right now he is. Nothing else matters for the moment.
“Of course I am,” he tells me honestly and leans in to kiss my forehead. “Get some rest, I’m not going anywhere.”
I barely hear his final words, but I feel him lie down beside me and pull me in close.
Chapter Thirteen
Well, this is awkward. I'm sitting on my couch with Jace on one side of me and Eli to the other in the armchair. They won't talk and I feel like if I do I'm focusing on one more than the other. Instead, I’ve taken to looking either straight ahead or looking between them.
Sitting here now, I see how different they are. Jace is a dusky blonde, his hair a messy mop. He only styles it when he has a big meeting or he’s out to impress. Other than that, he keeps it misplaced and sexy – true sex hair. It makes me want to run my hands through it. Eli, however, is your all essential tall, dark, and handsome male. He’s six foot four, dark haired - which he keeps neat and styled most days - and even though I don’t feel for him what I do for Jace, I cannot deny how gorgeous he is.
Even their personalities are stark different - jealousy aside. Even though Jace is overconfident and stoic, he can be loving and cuddly all at once. He knows what to say and what to do when I think no one can. Eli treats me like one of the guys. He knows how to comfort me, but he doesn’t offer it like Jace does. I cannot imagine him laying with me for hours when I’m sick, or snuggling in front of a chick flick. I tried it once and within ten minutes the DVD was switched for a more action filled genre.
I look down as I see movement beside me and see Jace reaching out for me. He takes my hand and I know the golden silence around us is about to shatter. He’s been so patient since we woke up and he and Eli have been amicable. I know what’s to come and I know full well I cannot simply deny him answers. He knows the bare basics, so he is going to want me to fill in the gaps that Eli made when explaining what happened.
"So you were in there for nearly twenty hours and she made no hint at letting you out?" Jace asks me and I just shrugged. I didn't know anything until it happened, so asking me is pointless. "She does realize she can be thrown into a cell for force imprisonment?"
I snort at that. "You think she cares?" I look to him incredulously. "She wanted me punished and she got that from doing this. There's nothing else to it. She did the one thing she wanted and that's the bottom line."
"Why did you wind up there?" He asks the all-important, million dollar question and my heart thrashes fiercely within me.
Jace's question pierces right through me and I can feel my lips pulling into a tight, straight line. He can't know. He can't know. He can't know. The mantra is on repeat, distracting me from finding an adequate lie.
"You didn't." His voice is nothing more than a gasp and it's so full of horror I cringe. “How could you go against my one request, Joely? How?” he quizzes and I can’t find the answers. How do I? He asked me to do my job and he would forgive me whatever. But some sins I just couldn’t commit to. “I know your job, that’s why I told you to do what you had to! I know what happens in that club, Joely! How could you be so stupid?”
“I wasn’t being stupid,” I reply submissively as he stands up. “I wasn’t thinking straight. I hesitated and I had the wrong client. He wasn’t forgiving or patient like you were, Jace. He even told me he wasn’t before he hit that damn button.” I was going to remain strong, but I can’t. I’m weakened when it comes to Jace. It becomes so abundantly clear with every passing day we share together. And if I’m honest, I don’t care. I created such impenetrable walls around me that I was emotionally secluded, but Jace came in and made me a better person, a better Viper Girl. He made me feel more than emptiness. I only understand it more when we have crossfires like this.
“No, it was stupid, because I told you while we were on Fire Island that I wanted you to do anything. I told you that I didn’t care. You need to keep your head on straight or you risk tripping up.” I can see he’s seething, the veins on his neck are showing up horribly and his face is reddening. “Joely, I don’t want to get calls like this. You need to stop being so damn independent and selfless and keep with the program!”
“Hey, man,” Eli intervenes, taking a brisk step forward. “She made one mistake, give her a break! I don’t know what the terms and conditions of your relationship are, but seriously, she had a moment of thinking about you and you make her feel like the enemy. You’re lucky to have her!”
“I know I am!” Jace argues back. “But I don’t want her winding up there because of me! That’s why I’m angry. I asked for one thing to be done and she didn’t do it.”
I begin to cry. This time my sobs happen. Those ones I promised I wouldn’t cry come tumbling out and it’s all Jace’s fault. His disappointment fuelled outrage broke me down more than Clara ever could. I feel his hands on me and I smack him away. I don’t want to deal with his comfort because his outburst has hit me hard.
“You don’t see it, do you?” I ask him rhetorically. My tears continue to fall, but my grief is exchanged for fury. I need him to see what I did and why I did it and if I have to yell it at him, I will. “I did it because I love you!” I scream at him, trying to make him see some sense. “I listened to you. I told myself you’d forgive me and you’d understand, but I couldn’t listen to what was really going on in my head.” I focus myself on him, hoping he’ll really hear me out on this one. “The whole idea of cheating on you made me feel sick. I didn’t want to live like that, I can’t! You can tell me until you’re blue in the face that you don’t care, but you aren’t the one that will have to lie there and take it! That’s me!” I see my words hit him, wounding him passionately. “So tell me, Jace, can you really bear the thought of another man touching me, kissing me, fucking me?” I ask him, my words are just spat out as if they burn my lips. “Can you deal with loving me after that? Can you deal with knowing that you fell in love with someone else’s property?” I continue to question him, waiting for a reaction. “Can you really love a whore?”
As my final question falls onto him, he reacts. He races forward, putting his arms out he grabs me by my biceps. I’m trapped in his vice-like grasp and I can’t escape. I can feel Eli’s unease begin to grow, but he doesn’t make an attempt to help me. He clearly understands the motives that are fuelling Jace right now.
“You dare call yourself that again and I will leave and never look back,” Jace speaks quietly. His voice is low and although it’s calm, he speaks through clenched jaws. “Don’t even think I’m joking, Joely. I hate how you view yourself. I hate how warped you see my love for you. I hate what that club has done to you! I hate it all,” he cuts himself off, anger bubbling away ferociously. “But I don’t hate you.” His final sentence is softer, calmer, more enduring to hear. “I could never hate you.”
As his words cool off, his grip loosens and I slump a little. I forgot how spent I felt until now and allow my head to drop a little. I do doubt him when I’m confronted with other men who want me, need me, and request me. When I am there, in my room, with someone that isn’t Jace, my mind is racing cruelly on the thought of my actions lowering Jace’s opinion of me. I don’t want to lose him, I don’t want to risk it, but I feel like every day is a test. I’m just waiting for my life to come crumbling down around me.
“I didn’t think you could,” I mumble unconvincingly. “But don’t tell me I let you down.” I bow my head, my tears coming back. “I did it because I love you so damn much, Jace. You might tell me you want me to do my job, and I might agree to do it, but when you told me you loved me, you gave me your heart and I am well aware of what will break it more.” I now look back up to him, I feel coy with admittance, but this needs to be said. “And going against one rule isn�
��t going to do that.”
“You’re right.” He’s finally honest with me and I can tell he is just by the tone of his voice and the way he’s holding me close to him.
“But the thought of you hurt in anyway does kill me,” Jace warns me and I just nod my head and whisper that I know. I don’t want this argument to continue, I just want to move on. When he pulls me to his body, his arms wrapping around me tight, I realize I’m forgiven. I snake my arms around his neck and just inhale his scent for a moment before resting my head to his shoulder.
When I look over Jace’s shoulder, I see Eli has silently excused himself to the kitchen. He looks to me and I can see the hint of sadness to his eye and I know that’s my fault by loving Jace. When he gives me a quick wink I realize that he doesn’t begrudge me having this.
***
I slip into the bath, and in the silence of the bathroom, a part of me regrets leaving Eli with Jace. It's a cold move on my behalf - leaving the guy who loves me with the guy I love. I know I had a bath only a few hours ago, but this is my only way of finding peace. Here I can shut myself away and pray that if Jace comes in, he is cooler and calmer. If not, I can flick my wrist and send him off out.
I might be a martyr, but I’m one that’s wholeheartedly in love. Nothing will change that. I thought the club would kill me, but I have never felt a surge of passion for one person like this before. I now know love is darker and fiercer than anyone can imagine. You can’t make it up, you have to wait until you’re firmly caught in its grasp to be able to relay to someone what being in love is. It’s hard work and enduring. It’s consuming and painful. It’s an amalgamation of so many negatives and positives they collide into a kaleidoscope of colors that mesmerize and capture you, making you its victim. The way my heart beats feels different to when I first set foot in New York. It’s rhythmic and beautiful and something I know to cherish.
I hear the door click open and I don’t look, I continue to lie among my thoughts and feelings instead of looking to who I know came in. I continue running my finger up the side of the bath while my head lies upon my shoulder.
"You're too thoughtful," he says on approach. He doesn't ask to enter, he knows I won't deny him. "I thought maybe you might have been sucked down the drain or something." He briefly jokes and I let a tiny bubble of laughter out. It's broken the ice and I look to him. "I am truly sorry for everything."
"I know, but don’t be. You were right," I reply softly and reach for his hand. The moment I have it I thread my fingers with his and just add to the intimacy between us. "I understand where you were coming from, but I don't regret turning that client down." I take a steady breath and look to him, I hold his gaze and continue, "He won't be the last. I just need to get more convincing over why I can't do a job with them."
"I don't want you disappointing Delvine. I don't need to worry she's onto you, or to us."
I smile weakly and sit up straighter in the bath. "I think she's always been onto me. She had me down from that first day. I think she's being nice to lure me into a false sense of security." Now I begin to smile wickedly. Just now, I wasn't sure of anything, but this, what's toying on my mind, I am sure of. "I am going to wow at the masquerade ball. I know you will get jealous, but it's my way of getting Clara to believe that nothing suspicious is going on. I will do my usual with my clients, but I will focus on new ones." I then giggle at myself. "I can try to be the belle of the ball." I joke lightly with him, every hiccup of laughter is more desperate in hoping Jace agrees to this plan.
"You always are," he tells me as he shifts onto his knees beside the bath and sits closer to me. "I won't like someone touching what is mine, but I am willing to help where I can." This time he takes my hand and raises it, kissing my knuckles softly before placing them back down onto the porcelain of the bath.
He sits back down beside the tub, a little further away. In doing so he releases my hand only, allowing his arm to hang over the side so that his fingertips play with the surface of the water. I just lay here watching him, finally at peace. This moment is tranquil, almost spiritual. I don’t need words or outlandish actions. I just need the silence and Jace, both combined, both just settled with me. It then dawns on me that I needed this quietness more than I needed Jace turning up. I needed it to be able to just recover.
“I now know why no one talks about that place,” I begin to say, not mentioning the pit, but apparently I don’t need to when I see the interest peak across Jace’s expression. “I have never been so cold in my life. Not even when I was living on the streets when I first got here.” I close my eyes for a second. “And when I got dragged out, Clara had a riding crop and I saw what happened to Ellie all over again.” I shake my head, not allowing the support to suppress me again. “If it hadn’t been for Eli, I dread to think what would have happened.”
“I owe him,” Jace remarks, the comment escapes within his breath. He’s sincere over what Eli did for me. He realizes that he got me out of there a lot sooner than I would have had he not burst into the room. “I really do. He saved you.” He then sighs and I know something is weighing on his mind. “I know he loves you, Joely. A blind man couldn’t miss it. He’s crazy about you.”
I sit up in the bath, the water sloshing around me and I lean forward, my wet palm coming up to meet his face. “I don’t care.” I watch as Jace looks to me, disbelief marring his beautiful gaze. “I know how Eli feels about me. I’ve known since day one, but I don’t see my life with him.” I run the pad of my thumb over his check, it’s a subconscious move aided by the moment. “When I close my eyes, it’s not him I imagine waiting for me on my wedding day. He isn’t the man that wakes me up with kisses every morning and, Jace, he isn’t my hardest goodbye. You are.”
I pull him in closer to me and seal my words with a kiss. I don’t know what other words can be exchanged here, but I wanted my little speech to end with the intimacy we share. Our kisses mean so many different things at so many different times, but this one is one of the sincerest I have ever issued. It’s just one of many I want to give for the rest of my life.
As we pull away, my forehead pushes against him. “It’s always going to be you, Jace. No one else.”
“Good,” he whispers back and this time his hands come up to my face. “Because it’s always going to be you.”
***
I hear a knock on the door and immediately both Eli and I look to Jace. He sits frozen, like we all do.
“Bedroom,” I whisper as I finally stand to get ready to answer the door.
“Joely!” Brianna’s voice rings through the door. “I wanted to check up on you, girlie!”
I watch as Jace scatters into my bedroom, shutting the door softly behind him. With him now out of the way, Eli and I can allow Brianna into the room without raising suspicions. I go to race to the door to not leave Brianna there any longer, but Eli grabs my hand and spins me back to him.
“Go and lie down,” Eli commands me and nods to the couch. “We have to make out that you’re unwell remember?” Eli reminds me and I gulp and nod. “Just grab the blanket and wrap up. I’ve got this.” He gives me a wink and heads over to the door.
I do as he says and he doesn’t move until I’m on the couch covered up snugly. The moment he opens the door, Brianna forces her way in, giving him her best sensual smirk. She’s always had a thing for Eli, so I’m not surprised.
“Ouch, you do look a sight for sore eyes,” she teases me relentlessly instead of giving me a proper hello.
“Thanks,” I feebly reply, playing the part right. “What’s got you so happy?” I ask and force myself to sit up. I then watch as her face ignites wildly and she reaches into her bag. She slowly - and rather dramatically in true Brianna form - pulls out three invitations to show us. I see a hint of gold and pink on them with gold writing on a black backing. Traditional Viper Room invitations.
"We have been cordially invited to the masquerade ball of the year," Brianna begins to state and then her face lights up even
brighter than before. "Actually, I think it's the ball of the century!" She hands Eli his and then rushes to my side to hand me mine. “We have five days to get an outfit and the most extravagant mask possible. Those are Clara’s words. Eli, you only need a black eye mask, she wants all attention on the girls.”
“As always,” Eli chortles and points to me. “You going to be up for this?”
“Saturday party?” I ask and cock an eyebrow. “I’m up for that, but she’s certainly picked up her pace,” I finish my comment with a slight bit of confusion.
“She did,” Brianna agrees. “Apparently she wants to showcase us more frequently and she wants to mix the club up. New client and girl matches. She’s also hoping for some new girls.”
I feel a swirl of anxiety at the thought of new girls. After my failed attempt to pleasure a man I’m worried I’ll be replaced. I don’t want to be the bad girl out of the group. I would be the mockery of the club.
“She told me to drag you shopping Thursday.” Brianna then looks uneasy as she gazes at me and it sends my skin crawling, like she knows something I don’t. “If you’re better.”
“I’ll be better,” I admonish, sure of myself and my health. “Just for you.”
“Just how you should be, girl,” she playfully chastises me and then her expression begins to morph into an excitable stance. "Right!" Brianna suddenly pipes up. "I have a hot date tonight! Keep that invite safe and write me into your diary! We all have a party to be ready for! Clara mentioned the salon coming to one of our apartments and the cars picking us all up from there."
I nod. There’s no point saying anything else. Clara’s given her orders, we just have to fit into them all. Brianna then embraces me tightly and leaves me all in a quick movement. I guess my offish behavior is good for fooling everyone that I’m unwell. But really my mind is on Jace. I look over to the door to see Eli opening the door for Brianna to leave and she quickly does.
Saturdays at the Viper Rooms Page 14