by Lacey Silks
Axel and Nigel shook hands, and we left Coco to her dreams. If I could, I would have adopted her. I was pretty sure anyone would have, because she was too cute to resist.
“What’s going to happen to her? I mean, she doesn’t have a mother.”
“We’re hoping to send her to another zoo, where a surrogate will hopefully accept her and raise her.”
A surrogate. The idea sparked something in my mind, but I let it go before it gave me too much hope.
We left the zoo, turned toward the park, and I felt tears streak down my cheeks.
“Hey, why are you crying?”
I wished I could have blamed it on the hormones. “Because that made me so happy. Life is so precious, isn’t it?”
“It definitely is.” He draped his arm around me, pulling me closer to his side. “Oh, honey. It’s okay.”
“I just don’t know how I can ever thank you enough.”
“Your smile is enough for me. What do you say we take a walk?”
“I’d love to. Can we get some cotton candy?”
“Chloe, we can get anything you’d like.”
Axel walked up to the vendor and purchased a bag of pink fluff, and a bag of chocolate-covered peanuts and some caramel popcorn. We found a spare bench by the pond and Axel pulled out another bag from his inside jacket pocket.
“You’re full of surprises today, aren’t you?”
“I hope so. These are duck pellets, if you’d like to feed them.”
“You’re spoiling me.”
“Nah,” he said, with a wave of his hand. I threw a few pieces of food near the pond where the ducks were hanging out, and then moved to the side and lay down on the bench, resting my head on his lap. I closed my eyes, listening to the sounds. It was a mixture of city and nature, all blending into a comforting tune. Axel raked his fingers through my hair, and I was afraid if he kept that up I would fall asleep.
“Any more surprises for today?
“Just one more.” He lowered his mouth to mine and kissed me. His lips were delicate and careful not to overstep boundaries I wasn’t ready to cross, but also so warm and welcoming that I didn’t want him to stop. When he pulled away, the warmth of his mouth was replaced with a cool breeze. Too excited to see where we were heading next, I finally sat up.
“Come on, you gotta relax.”
“Not when I know there’s another surprise waiting for me.”
“I have a feeling that I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Bingo!”
“Okay, antsy-pants. Let’s go.”
After another ten-minute walk, I thought I saw what Axel had planned for us next. “Is that where we’re going?” I asked.
“Yes. What do you think?”
“I haven’t been on a carousel since I was a child.”
“I was sort of hoping you’d say that. Wanna pick a horse?”
“No, I prefer the sleigh. I wanna sit with you. Together is better.”
“All right.”
I noticed that Axel had been watching me the entire day, taking in my reactions to the zoo animals, observing me while I ate the cotton candy. If he was wondering whether I was forgetting about the sorrow that still owned most of my heart, then he didn’t have to wonder. I would never forget it; but I was beginning to believe that maybe with his help, I would be able to somewhat heal it — maybe leave a special place within it, and someday replace the sadness with the love I had for this child.
As we rode around, my hair whipped against my face. I leaned into him and squeezed his arm with as much gratitude as I could muster. Axel had pampered me today like no one ever had before. He used every trick in the book to help me relax and, even for a moment, help me forget about our loss.
By the time we returned home, it was already dark outside. We both changed into our sweatpants and I made a pot of warm tea. I leaned against the kitchen counter watching him mash avocados with a fork.
“Thank you for a wonderful day. Really, Axel, I needed this more than you know, and I appreciate it beyond what I can express.”
He looked up, giving me that sexy smile of his that made me tingle all over.
“You’re welcome. And I’m happy you got a chance to relax.”
“I loved it. I loved everything about it. Especially your patience with me. I know it’s not easy to deal with… everything, but today, for the first time since I lost the baby, I felt like I could do it. I could really pull through life with you at my side.”
“It was my pleasure, Chloe. I’m a patient man. I’ll be here for you always, no matter what you need. Would you like to watch a movie?”
“That sounds perfect.”
Axel brought in the guacamole dip, chips, and a fruit tray from the kitchen and set them up on the family room table. “What are you drinking?”
For the first time since I’d left home, I realized that I hadn’t had any alcohol.
“Let’s be a little adventurous tonight. Rum and coke?”
“Is that a question, or that’s what you’d like?”
“That’s what I’d like.”
“Okay. Pick a movie, and I’ll be there in a moment.”
I searched through Netflix until I found The Martian. I’d been wanting to see it for a long time, and tonight seemed like the perfect night. Axel sat on the sofa beside me and stretched his legs out in comfort. He covered me with a blanket, put a pillow on his lap, and winked, inviting me over.
I made it through the full movie before releasing the first yawn.
“One more?” Axel asked.
“Sure, but I may pass out.”
“Well, feel free to pass out here if you’d like. I’ll take care of you.”
I had no doubt he would. I didn’t even register which movie he played next. I closed my eyes and succumbed to the tender strokes of his fingers on my arm. He couldn’t have made the day any more perfect, and I wondered what I did to deserve this man. That was the moment I realized just how much he meant to me. He was my everything, and I couldn’t imagine my life without him.
I love you, I whispered in my mind before falling asleep.
Next morning, I woke up in my bed in the guest room. Axel must have carried me upstairs the night before. On one hand, I was grateful; but on the other, part of me wished that I was back in his bedroom.
Chapter 22
The months of January and February passed quickly. Axel took me to Olivier’s for Valentine’s Day. We spent the evening on the couch watching The Notebook before retreating to our separate rooms. I knew that Axel didn’t want to push our relationship forward too quickly because he wasn’t sure about my state of mind — heck, I wasn’t sure about it either – but I did miss the way his hands controlled my body, the way his mouth teased me and his tongue explored me.
The tension between us was growing and I didn’t know what to do to stop it, so I concentrated on work instead. I had a handful of new jobs already completed and a schedule full of new work ahead of me. The project at Olivier’s restaurant was received with praise, and his business was booming more than ever. The new modern-but-cozy look was such a hit with the customers that I’d gotten four more jobs from his referrals: three to decorate presidential suites at luxury hotels and one for a nightclub. That’s where we were tonight, celebrating the re-opening of a posh nightclub called Kissed.
I sat at the bar and ordered a rum and coke.
“It’s on the house,” the bartender said as he passed me the drink. “Kendra said your tab has no limit tonight.”
“Where is she?” I asked. Kendra was the club’s owner who’d hired me after she saw how Olivier’s had been updated.
“Where is she not?” he laughed. “Probably pulling her hair out at how full this place got so quickly.”
I laughed. A full house was definitely better than having an empty venue.
“Cheers.” I clinked my glass with Lana’s. Her hand with the missing pinkie had now healed, but she always tried to keep it out of view. Four fingers te
nded to catch more attention from people than five did, and Lana was definitely not an attention seeker.
“To better times,” she said. “I thought Axel would join us?”
“He must be busy at work.”
“Hmm,”
“What?”
“Nothing, it’s just that he’s seemed stressed the past few weeks.” That look on her face told me that she was expecting an explanation for Axel’s changed attitude, but I sure couldn’t give her one because at home, he was nothing but an angel. That didn’t change the fact that things between us weren’t exactly the way they used to be.
“Yeah, he has.”
“Any idea what it could be?”
“Possibly.”
She crossed over her heart with her fingers. “I promise to keep it to myself. Whatever it is, just get it off your chest.”
I let out a deep breath. If there was anyone that I trusted, it was Lana. She’d take anything I told her to her grave.
“I’ve been staying in the guest bedroom since moving in with him.”
“Wait… are you saying you guys aren’t having sex?”
“I guess so.”
“Well, that explains a lot.”
“What do you mean?”
“What do you mean, what do I mean? That man’s been walking around like he’s carrying a sack of potatoes in his pants. Now I know it’s just blue balls.”
“I’m sure Axel can handle a few weeks without sex.”
“How have you been handling it?”
“I’m horny.” I shrugged. “Not like I haven’t been before.”
While I wanted to find a release, I refrained from touching myself. After the miscarriage, I found it difficult to justify pleasure.
“That just sounds so wrong. You need to get some, honey.”
“I know. It’s just that… well, I lost the baby after we first had sex, and I’m afraid if we get close again, it will remind him of that day. I mean, it didn’t exactly end up romantic.”
“Is that really why you’re not in his bedroom? Because if that’s the only reason, then you need to suck it up and get that man between your legs as soon as possible.”
“I think that’s why, but I’m not an expert.”
“Well, take it from a friend – you both need to get laid, and it needs to happen before he explodes in his pants just from looking at you. Unless you’re not ready.”
“I don’t know. Axel’s been so supportive. Amazing, actually. I never thought he’d have that much patience, but I’m—”
“Afraid?”
“Yes. What if I’m not enough for him? I mean, I may never be able to have children again.”
“Well, you won’t know until you try, right? And if you want my opinion, you’re more than enough. That man is crazy in love with you.”
“I know. Thanks. What about you? Axel’s been praising you almost daily. Anyone special in your life?”
“Not yet.”
“It’s hard to find the right one. What about him?” I elbowed her, pointing to the barman.
“Not quite my type…. but what about her?” she asked, pointing to the end of the bar where a blonde bartender was serving drinks. She was petite and pretty cute.
“Oh, I didn’t know.”
“I don’t exactly advertise that I’m attracted to women.”
“That explains a lot to me too, then.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Why you’ve never been attracted to Axel,” I giggled.
“Oh, yeah. I guess. Even if, you know I would never do that to you.”
“I know. Wait, have you ever checked me out?”
“Don’t take it the wrong way, but you’re not my type.”
“Well, that’s a bummer.”
“You’re disappointed?”
“Sort of.”
We both laughed, and I had just taken another sip when my mood turned sour. Across the dance floor, I saw Axel talking to none other than Kylie. I turned away from them, barely able to control the shaking of my arms.
“Axel’s here. With another woman.”
“Ahm, I don’t think he’s here for her because he’s heading this way. And from what I’ve heard, that other woman is a bitch.”
Apparently Kylie liked to spread her bitchiness all over the city.
“Dance with me.” The request into my ear caused the hairs at the nape of my neck to stand tall. There was only one voice my body would respond to with so much need, and it was Axel’s.
I swiveled on the barstool to face him. His hair was down, with his fresh curls swaying seductively. His eyes were dark tonight, and closed off. Whatever he didn’t want me to see in them, he was hiding well. Tonight, Axel was dressed in a black shirt and matching slacks. His sleeves were half rolled up, showing off his strong forearms and the beautiful tattoo. God, did he ever look hot!
I took his offered hand and followed as he led me to the dance floor without looking back. The song switched to a slower tune. Axel spun me around and brought me to his hard body. I must have had excessive hormones left over from my pregnancy because they all seemed to be controlling me as they swarmed lower and lower, right to the area where my stomach was pressing against his healthy bulge.
I held his hand, my heart beating hard against my chest.
“I didn’t think you were coming,” I said.
“My plans changed. You look stunning, Chloe.”
He was swaying both our bodies to the rhythm. Axel was such a good dancer that I truly didn’t have to do much because he led me like a professional.
“Thank you.”
“The place looks great. I heard Kendra loves it.”
“I hope so. I’ll finally get a chance to work on that other building for you. I can’t believe all the projects I got from Olivier’s recommendations.”
“Whenever you have time. There’s no rush. But I don’t want to talk about business tonight, Chloe.”
“Okay, what do you want to talk about?”
“Us.”
He lowered his mouth to mine and kissed me deeply, stealing my breath. It was one of the most sensual kisses we’d shared, and it reminded me why this man meant so much to me.
“What was that for?”
“I missed you.”
“I missed you too. So, why is Kylie here?”
“Chloe, it’s a coincidence. I was coming to see you when she stopped me to give us her condolences.”
I stopped dancing. “You told her?”
“I didn’t. She was at the hospital, leaving her plastic surgeon’s office, the day it happened. She overheard one of the nurses.”
With a gentle tug at my hip, we resumed the dance.
“Oh. I’m sorry for accusing you.”
“It’s fair enough.”
“Are you mad at me?”
“No, I’m not mad. I’m just… frustrated.”
Axel’s shoulders were tight. Tension was wrapped around his body like an anaconda. He may as well have been wearing a straight-jacket. Was I the one causing his stress? He’d seemed so relaxed when we danced and then again when he kissed me, but now he appeared lost, as if his intentions for tonight had changed.
“Why are you frustrated?”
“I don’t want to burden you with my stuff.”
“First of all, you will burden me, and second of all, you’re not a burden. You’ve been here for me for the past two months, taking care of me. The least I can do is take care of you, so whatever’s on your mind, Axel, spill it.”
He remained quiet.
“Is it me? Is it because I asked about Kylie? Honestly, Axel, I don’t know what it is about her, but she and I just don’t mesh. You remember how rude she was to me, don’t you?”
“I promise you, Kylie’s the last woman on my mind right now.”
I stopped moving again, more worried now than before. “What is it, then?”
“I feel like I’m losing you, and I don’t know how to stop it. Each day I can feel
you slipping away from me, and it petrifies me.”
I didn’t realize that I’d been pushing him away. Had I avoided physical contact — definitely. But I was afraid of getting closer too quickly. I didn’t want to disappoint him.
“We’re here now. Together.” I weaved my fingers with his, deliberate to make a closer connection.
“I want more than this.” He brought me against his body again, “I want you. I want us, but I don’t want to push you too fast.”
“You’re not pushing.”
He lowered his mouth to my ear, never breaking the smooth dance of our bodies, asking, “Then why don’t you share my bed?”
“Axel… I… I don’t really know.”
“Are you afraid I’ll hurt you?”
“No, of course not. I do want you.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Like every minute.”
“So if I asked you to get out of here now, would you?”
“Right now?”
“Yes, right now.”
“I would say, let’s go.”
Was that even me talking? It had to be. I wanted him more than ever. I’d wanted him for weeks, but I hadn’t known how to approach him.
He stopped moving and his chest rose up and down more quickly than before. Axel lifted his hand and snapped his fingers, and a brawny guy showed up at his side. “Get the car to the front.”
“Yes, sir.”
“What happened to Charlie?”
“I gave him a paid week off.”
“Oh, that’s nice.”
“You were right. I have been overworking him.”
“So, who’s this new guy?”
“A temporary replacement.”
Five minutes later, we were on our way home – or at least, that’s where I thought we were going. Axel’s hands were all over me, squeezing my breasts, tugging at my clothes, and sliding down the front of my pants to cup my sex. The feel of him through the fabric was too much and not enough. I felt like I was being touched by a man for the very first time. He was driving me wild, and my body was succumbing to him more with each passing mile. For the life of me I couldn’t remember why I had waited this long to have him ignite my body.