by Sarina Bowen
“You don’t, though!” she shrieks. “You don’t learn. They’re never going to one of your team events, ever again.”
These last couple of months it’s been a real struggle to be civil to Kara. I’ve tried to pull out of the rut I’m in with her. But when she lays down the law like this, I know I have to end it right now.
“Enough.” The word is like an anvil dropped onto the floor. “I’m tired of letting you pretend to take the high road. I’m done, Kara.” Several more heads turn in our direction. I don’t want a scene, even if Kara is willing to make one. I lower my voice. “You’re better than this. If I’m such a shitty dad, why are the first words out of your mouth about me? If today was reversed, and I ran in here, the first words out of my mouth would be, ‘Where is Libby?’ But not you, right? You attack me first. You throw down that gauntlet, and you don’t even have time to slow down and let me tell you that Libby is having an x-ray right now.”
My ex-wife gulps, trying to maintain her equilibrium.
Watching her, I feel like my eyes are finally all the way open. “Thing is? You’re not a shitty parent, even though you’re acting like one right now. You’ve been playing this game for so long you’re not even yourself. Blame Matt. Demonize Matt. Try not to think too hard about why you wanted a divorce.”
Her eyes widen, and her cheeks turn bright pink.
“Yeah, I know. We’re going to get to the bottom of that real soon.”
Sensing trouble, Dentist Dan moves closer, his eyes narrowing. “What if you saved the threats for another time?”
I can’t stand the sight of his face right now, and I basically snap. “Are you good at saving things for later?” I ask, equally cold.
He blinks, having no clue where I’m going with the question. But Kara gets it. She never was a stupid woman. Her mouth begins to open and close like a fish’s.
“Tell me this,” I press. “How many Fridays did you take my wife out for a fancy lunch before I even knew I was getting a divorce?”
Dan’s mouth falls open, too. They’re twinsies, as Blake would say. But where Kara has flushed, he pales. “I…I… Uh…” He can’t even string two words together.
I smile, and it isn’t even a little bit friendly. “That’s what I thought. Did you cheat?” I point this question at Kara. “If you want to name all my flaws right here in this waiting room, why don’t we look at yours, too?”
“No!” she gasps.
“Seriously?” My voice rises more than I wish it would. “Not sure I believe that. Who has lunch once a week with a male friend for months and never mentions it? You lied, Kara. Fridays with the grandparents.”
“I…” Her voice is shaky from her tears. “I lied. But it wasn’t like that.”
“What was it like?” I snap. I see Hailey scoop up June and carry her toward the elevators. She gives me a reassuring nod over her shoulder to tell me everything is fine with her. I watch the two of them disappear down the hallway, and it calms me down to see them.
“It was…lunch,” Kara whispers. “We’ll talk about it later.”
“Later? It’s already later. I spent a year and a half thinking our divorce was all my fault. That I’m a shitty guy nobody will ever want. You did that to me.”
She claps a hand over her mouth, and two fat tears roll down her cheeks.
“Meanwhile—you feel so fucking guilty about falling for someone else…” I give her dentist a mean glare, just because I can. “You keep piling the bullshit on me. ’Cause if you stop, you won’t know what to do with your guilt.”
“I’m so sorry.” Her tears are a river now. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“You got a shitty way of showing it,” I say, but the words aren’t cruel. I’m running out of anger very suddenly, the way a car runs out of gas. One minute running strong, the next coughing to a stop.
“Nothing happened between us,” Dan says, deciding to speak up. “I want you to know I didn’t touch…”
“Save it,” I mutter. “You’re both cowards. Could have spared us a lot of trouble by owning up to it in the first place.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Kara babbles.
The set of double doors I’ve been guarding suddenly open and Libby appears, pushed in a wheelchair by a nurse wearing teddy bear scrubs. “Mommy!” Libby yells. “Don’t cry! I’m getting a pink cast. People can write on it with Sharpie. Do we have Sharpies? What’s a Sharpie?”
I watch my ex-wife pull herself together in that freakishly fast way a mother sometimes needs to. She smiles widely and sweeps the heels of both hands across her cheeks. “What color pink?” she asks. “Sharpies are markers and we can buy some on the way home!”
“They had to cut my shirt!” Libby exclaims. “I was very brave.”
“Oh, I think you’re the bravest,” Kara says, and a fresh bunch of tears runs down her face. “Can I come with you when you get your cast?”
“A’course,” Libby says. “Daddy was with me but they wouldn’t let him stay in the x-ray place because of radiators.”
“Radiation,” the nurse says, fighting a smile. “Come right this way, Mrs. Eriksson.”
“I’ll go hang out with June,” I say.
Kara whirls around. “Where is she?”
“With Hailey. Who you need to be nicer to,” I say, even though it’s not the right time. But I’m finally feeling my own power. This woman has had too much control over me for too long.
“We’ll come and find you,” Kara says, looking sheepish.
“I’ll count on it.”
The nurse, Libby, and Kara all disappear behind the double doors again, leaving me with the dentist.
“I just want to say…” he tries.
“Save it,” I snap. “I need to find my kid and my girlfriend.”
I walk away, not caring what he or anyone else thinks. And I go looking for my girls.
Hailey
“He’s really bald,” June says, pointing at the last baby in the row.
“She,” I tell her. “The sign says baby girl. What are we naming this one? It’s your turn to start.”
“Hmm,” June says, and I shift her slightly to give my hip a break. I have to hold her up so she can see into the baby nursery and continue our game. “Jenny.”
“You named someone Jenny already,” I point out. “Her.” I point to a baby in the back row.
“There can be two Jennys,” June points out. “There’s two Ashleys in my pod at school.”
“Hear you. But let’s think of something else for her. She doesn’t look like a Jenny to me.”
“No?” June’s little brow furrows with concentration as she studies the baby. “You’re right. She’s not a Jenny.”
“Yeah. Let’s call her George,” I suggest.
“What?” June yelps, appalled. “That’s a boy’s name.”
“Georgia is a girl’s name.”
“Georgia doesn’t have a hockey team,” June says with mild disgust, causing me to burst out laughing. Once in a while Matt’s girls sound just like him, and it slays me. Every time.
Speak of the devil. Matt appears at the end of the hallway, his phone in hand. I’d texted him where we were, so he wouldn’t worry. Now he smiles at me, and my insides just melt. Not because he’s handsome, though he’s hotter than blazes. But because of the way he looks at me—like we’re sharing a joke and we’re the only two people on Earth who know the punchline.
He looks at me like he loves me.
It’s a huge effort to remember I’m in the middle of a conversation with June. “How about Henrietta?” I offer.
“Nope. Too much like Henry.”
“Anne Marie?”
“Meh.”
“Beelzebub?”
“Hailey!” she giggles.
“Hepzibah? Zebedee?”
“Jeanmarie,” June tries.
“That’s almost like Jenny.”
“Too bad,” June says and I snort with laughter. “Daddy!” she says, catching s
ight of Matt. “We’re naming babies.”
“All right,” he says. “You named ’em all Matt, right?”
“Nope.” June kicks her legs, making it harder for me to hold her.
Matt reaches for his daughter and lifts her in one smooth motion. “They should all be Matts. Even the girls.”
“Daddy—”
“Your real name is Matt. Did you know that? So is your sister’s.” His arm comes around me while he teases his daughter. “We just call you June so we don’t all get confused.”
I lean my head against his shoulder and smile. A thought prods my consciousness as I listen to his deep, masculine voice converse with June. If I had a baby, what names would Matt like? Whoa there, I tell myself. Now is not the time for that.
Now is not even close to the time for that. Moving on.
“How is she?” I ask.
“Getting a pink cast and bossing people around,” he says, kissing my jaw. “Sorry this day became such a sh…” He stops himself.
“Shit show?” June guesses.
He grunts. “Junebug…”
She blinks innocently. “What?”
“It’s okay,” I tell him. Maybe we didn’t have quite the afternoon we bargained for. But I’m weirdly happy and calm these days. I almost don’t recognize myself. “How do you feel about the name Mandy?” I ask June.
She peers through the glass. “I’ll think it over,” she says after a long, serious pause.
We stand there naming babies, and I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be.
Matt takes June to the bathroom a little while later, and it’s then that Kara appears. As she comes closer, she’s looking right at me, and I remember Matt finally spilled the beans about her lunch dates. I’d heard their argument begin, and that’s when I picked up June and put some distance between myself and Kara.
It was fine with me for Matt to tell her. I’d already said so. But I don’t want us to have a showdown in the hospital waiting room right now.
Although I might not have a choice. She’s walking toward me with purpose in her step. She tosses her ridiculously pretty hair. “Hailey,” she says, determination in her voice.
Gulp.
“Thank you for all your help today.”
I blink. Wait, what?
She doesn’t say anything else, so I finally find my voice. “All I did was tag along to the hospital,” I say carelessly.
“No, I mean what you did in the waiting room.” There’s a defeated air to her, but I guess when your ex-husband confronts you about your cheating ways, you’re not exactly going to feel victorious. “You took June to the vending machine when Matt and I were…” She trails off.
“Arguing?” I supply.
She nods weakly. “I really appreciate you doing that. Matt and I try to never raise our voices in front of the girls, but we both sort of lost our cool back there.”
I manage a shrug. “It was no problem. I enjoy hanging out with the girls.”
“And they enjoy hanging out with you,” she answers. When my eyebrows shoot up, she goes on in a grudging tone, as if she really, really doesn’t want to be saying this. “Elizabeth loves the way you braid her hair. And June says you do great voices when you read their bedtime stories.”
Warmth flutters in my belly. I don’t know why, but I like hearing that Matt’s daughters talk about me when they’re with their mother. Not because I’m angling to take Kara’s place, but because it means they view me as part of their family. God, I hope they do. I’ve fallen for those twin girls almost as hard as I’ve fallen for their father.
“Like I said, I like spending time with them.” I glance around the empty corridor. “Where’s your boyfriend?”
Discomfort creases her forehead. “I asked him to leave. There was nothing for him to do here.” Kara hesitates. “I suppose you already know about...?”
She obviously doesn’t want to finish that sentence, and I take pity on her by not forcing it. “I do,” I say carefully.
“I never cheated on him,” she whispers.
I don’t respond.
“Not physically,” she adds. “Dan and I dated in high school, breaking up when we went off to college. I saw him at a reunion and…” She shakes her head. “I didn’t mean for it to happen.” Then she gazes at me with guilt-ridden eyes, and damn it, now I feel more than pity. I feel genuine sympathy.
As the WAGs can attest, not every woman is cut out for the hockey lifestyle. Some, like Katie and Jess and Estrella, are made of steel. They can withstand those long absences because the time apart only makes the times together all the sweeter. Other women, like Kara, grow bitter and jealous and, oftentimes, seek comfort in the wrong places. Or the wrong lunch date.
I don’t think Kara is a malicious woman. I think her guilt drove her to attack and blame Matt because she couldn’t stomach her own actions. But she still hurt him deeply, and damned if I’m going to let her get away with that.
“Emotional affairs are still affairs,” I say quietly.
Her teeth dig into her bottom lip. “I know.”
“You need to talk to Matt about it, Kara. And you need to apologize to him. What happened at the rink today wasn’t his fault. It was an accident, and it could’ve happened to anyone. Libby could break her arm falling from the jungle gym when you take her to the park. In fact…” I pause meaningfully. “Just the other day June told me she took a spill off the monkey bars at preschool. No broken bones, but there could’ve been. Did you lay into her teacher for that?”
Another flicker of guilt passes through her eyes. “You’ve made your point, Hailey.”
“I hope so. Because Matt didn’t deserve the way you reamed him out before.”
“I know.” Shame clings to her tone. “I’m going to apologize to him, I will. I just…” Her gaze drops to her expensive heels. “I don’t know what to say, how I can even explain it.”
“Well, you should figure it out fast…” I jerk my head beyond her shoulder.
She follows my gaze to see Matt striding down the hall with Libby in his arms and June walking beside them.
“Girls!” I say cheerfully. “I know you’re eager to get out of this place, but your mom and dad need to have a quick talk, so why don’t the three of us go down to the cafeteria and pig out on some snacks?”
Kara shoots me an evil look.
“Gluten free,” I add quickly, fighting a smile.
Her shoulders sag once again in defeat. “All right. Girls, go with Hailey. Your dad and I will be right down.”
Matt gently sets Libby on her feet, and I swiftly take each little girl by hand. The look that Matt gives me is laced with misery and a trace of you traitor, but I know I'm doing the right thing by leaving him and the former Mrs. Eriksson alone to work through their shit. Matt and Kara don’t love each other anymore, but they also don’t hate each other. And even if they did, they share two amazing, lovable daughters who deserve two parents that can be civil to each other.
Trust me, as the child of a woman who did nothing but bash my absentee father, I know firsthand what it’s like to have toxic parents.
So I simply give Matt an encouraging smile and lead his daughters toward the elevators.
Twenty-Five
Opposable Thumbs
Matt
“Is that Libby again?”
I can hear the smile in Hailey’s voice as she snuggles close to me. It’s only nine o’clock, but we had a long day and decided to turn in early. Of course, the second we slid under the covers, we forgot about the sleep agenda and went straight to the fucking-each-other’s-brains-out plan. Now we’re warm and naked on my big, comfortable bed, and there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.
“Yeah.” I chuckle at the voice message my daughter just left me—the third one tonight. “She wants to know if Rufus can sign her cast when she’s here next weekend.” I start to type a text. “How do you explain to a four-year-old that dogs don’t have opposable thumbs?”
“Here
, let me.” Hailey sits up, the sheet falling off her slender shoulder. She grabs the phone, types something, and hands it back.
She wrote: “Of course he can!”
I groan out loud. “Way to make promises on my behalf, Hottie. Now I’ve got one week to teach a dog how to use a Sharpie.”
She giggles. “I have faith in you. Besides, you know I can’t ever say no to your kids. They’re too darn sweet.”
I give her a stern look. “Well, you better learn how to say it. If we ever have our own, I can’t be the mean dad all the time because Mommy sucks at discipline.”
Hailey freezes, and I instantly realize what I’d said. Our own. As in, our own kids. Well…wow. I can’t believe my thoughts went there, but I honestly can’t say I mind.
“You…want to have more kids?” she asks slowly.
I sit up too, making sure the bedsheets are covering my junk. This conversation suddenly got a whole lot more serious.
“Yeah, I do.” I decide to up the honesty factor. “At least two more.”
Her dark brows soar. “Two more.”
“Yeah.” Heat creeps up my neck. “I’ve always wanted, ah, four kids.”
“Four kids.”
“Yeah. Or five.”
“Or five.”
“Yeah.” I pretend she’s not staring at me as if I’ve grown a pimp mustache. “I was an only child,” I explain quietly. “And growing up, all I ever wanted was a sibling. Most of my friends had a sibling or two, but this one buddy of mine—Cody—had two older brothers and two younger sisters. Every time I went over to his place for dinner, it was pure chaos.” I can’t help but grin. “I loved it. Always wanted that for myself. Kara and I…” I stop for a second, because it’s awkward to bring up my ex when I’m in bed with another woman.
“We wanted more kids,” I admit. “But we had a tough enough time conceiving the girls, and there were complications during the delivery, so the doc advised Kara not to have any more children. She got her tubes tied a year later.”
“Oh.” Hailey gasps softly. “I had no idea.”
“That’s probably one of the reasons she’s so overprotective of them, because they’re all she has, you know?”