by Rinelle Grey
Taurian frowned. The Mesmer sleep had extended his life all this time, so it was possible. But… “You can’t enter the Mesmer sleep voluntarily,” he argued.
Mesrian shook her head. “No, you can’t,” she agreed. “But it would only take a small injury, and there were plenty of skirmishes with our dragons in that time, and then if you weren’t woken, you could sleep for years without ageing. He must have woken just often enough to keep tight control of his clan, though we almost convinced them to return to us once.”
The idea was unusual for dragons. Choosing to voluntarily sleep all that time away wasn’t in their normal personality. Then again, nothing Ultrima did had ever been normal. “So he has still aged, just not as much,” Taurian said thoughtfully. “That explains his continued strength. Still, I believe that we could take him if all of us were awake.”
“Do you really think Ultrima is going to fight you alone?” Mesrian demanded. “Of course he can’t win if it was one dragon against six of you. But he will name other dragons as his court and insist they have the right to fight to. Many dragons will die in a straight out confrontation, on both sides, as they did last time. And Ultrima has more numbers than we do.”
Taurian hadn’t had a chance to assess the strength of Ultrima’s clan when he had attacked. He’d been too focused on the battle. And Karla.
A twinge of guilt cramped his side. He’d been too focused on Karla since this started. But that was only because he hadn’t known the rest of his clan was still alive.
If he wasn’t careful, it could cost him his position, his clan, and possibly his life. That thought was like a cold bucket of water on his desire.
No matter what his feelings for Karla were, he couldn’t put her above his responsibility to his people. He had already come far too close to doing so. His stomach sank as he realised that in order to save his clan, he might just have to give her up.
No, there had to be another way. There had to be. Which brought him back to the fact that the only answer was to defeat Ultrima. Then his personal choice of a mate would be irrelevant.
“How many dragons are we talking about?” he asked sharply.
Mesrian shrugged. “I don’t know exact numbers. What I do know is that we have lost nearly fifty dragons in skirmishes in the last three hundred years. He has lost two.”
“Ultrima had far smaller numbers to start with than we did,” Taurian reminded her. “Even given those numbers, we should still have more dragons than he does.”
“As we did last time,” Mesrian said flatly. “We still lost.”
“We didn’t lose,” Taurian said automatically. “We just didn’t win.”
“Is that really any different?”
Of course it was. But Taurian didn’t bother to argue. He was too busy mulling over one inconsistency. Why had Ultrima been able to hold them off three hundred years ago? They had gone into the battle expecting to lose dragons, but to win without great difficulty. Warrian had held Ultrima off in the battle in Sarian’s rooms.
Numbers weren’t the cause either. Ultrima hadn’t even convinced all the lightning dragons to leave with him, and though lightning had been a prolific power, perhaps a little more than one sixth of the clan, it had not been by much. Lightning was a powerful power, no doubt, with fewer weaknesses than the others. Water only intensified it, for example, not like fire, where it neutralised it. Still, they should have been able to defeat them easily.
They hadn’t.
Why?
Was Ultrima cheating somehow? He wouldn’t put it past the sneaky lightning dragon. He’d already proved that he felt no need to play by the rules. If only Taurian could figure out how he was doing it. That could be the key to defeating him once and for all.
He and his brothers and sisters had been so badly injured that they’d entered the Mesmer as soon as they returned from the battle. There had been no time to discuss what had gone wrong. They’d expected to do that, and plan tactics for the next battle, when they awoke.
Now there was only him.
And he needed a way to defeat Ultrima.
He needed to talk to Karla. He needed to see if he had any chance of convincing her to mate with him before he could even consider any other options.
Mostly, he just hoped that she would have some sort of suggestion. An answer to his dilemma that he couldn’t see.
A rumble vibrated his feet through the ground, and his heart beat a little faster. That was a car. Was it the ute? It was impossible to tell through several meters of dirt.
“I shall consider your advice,” he growled. “But first, I have something I need to do.”
He strode out of the lair, not looking back.
Chapter 43
A few dragons looked at Karla strangely as she left the lair, but none attempted to stop her, or even talk to her. Their feelings were clear, just intensifying Karla’s belief that she had to get out of here.
Yet, she couldn’t seem to make her feet hurry as she walked from the entrance to the lair to the ute, parked near the trees. She tried to tell herself it was because of the searing heat. While it certainly didn’t make her inclined to hurry, it was a poor excuse. Especially when she turned back to the lair several times to see if Taurian had noticed her missing and was following her.
She chastised herself for hoping he was.
She was far better off without him. She knew that.
So why couldn’t she convince herself?
She heard the car approaching before she saw it through the trees. A little blue hatchback. For a moment, she was concerned, but when it pulled to a stop beside the ute and Gretchen, her father, Lisa, and Bruce stepped out, she remembered. Gretchen had promised to bring them as soon as the library closed.
She increased her pace towards them, stopping herself looking back to the lair again with great effort. “Hi, everyone,” she called out.
“Hi, Karla,” Gretchen said cheerfully. “How did you know we were arriving?” She looked back at the lair. “Where’s Jayrian?”
Karla shrugged. “He’s still down in the lair. I’m actually on my way out.”
Gretchen stared at her. As did all the others.
“Is something wrong?” her father asked.
“What do you mean, on your way out?” Lisa demanded. “I want to meet some other dragons.” Her voice was suggestive.
Bruce just stared at her silently. Was that understanding in his eyes?
“I did what I set out to do,” Karla said firmly. “Taurian is back with his clan. He doesn’t need me anymore. I have a life of my own to get back to.”
“But…” Gretchen stared at Karla. “I thought you loved him?”
How had Gretchen figured that out? She’d only seen them together for a short while. She couldn’t possibly know that Karla loved Taurian.
The words slammed Karla in the chest. Her? Love Taurian?
She didn’t even want to examine that too closely. “What I felt for Taurian was a product of the Mesmer bond. What I feel for him now is an echo of that magic. Nothing more,” she said firmly, as much to herself as to Gretchen. “It would be a mistake to think it means anything more than that.”
Her father frowned. “Are you sure, Karla? That isn’t what it looked like to me.”
Karla cut him off. “He plainly feels the same. He’s sitting there with all those dragon women, doing just what the elders tell him to do. Since it’s obvious they don’t approve of me, it doesn’t matter how either of us feel. There’s no future for us.”
Her mouth went dry and a lump formed in her throat. Even though she knew it was the truth, apparently admitting it out loud made it worse. As though she could no longer even pretend to deny it.
She wanted to add that there was obviously no future for Jayrian and Gretchen either, given the way the other dragons felt, but she didn’t have the heart to burst her friend’s bubble. Gretchen needed to figure that one out by herself.
But Karla was out of here.
She turned to
wards her father, Bruce, and Lisa. “Why don’t you all come back to England with me for a few weeks? Ultrima will never find us there, and by the time you come back, all this will be long over.”
“I’ll support you, whatever you want to do,” Bruce said readily.
Lisa folded her arms. “I’ll stay here. Those dragons might need my help.”
Good luck with that, Karla thought, but she didn’t say anything. Let Lisa figure out how the dragons felt about humans for herself.
“Dad?”
“I think you need to think about this a bit longer,” her father said, his face troubled. “There’s no rush, is there?”
Karla bit her lip. How could she even begin to explain? How every minute she was around Taurian just made it infinitely harder to walk away from him. That if she left it long enough, she would find it impossible. Not only would she lose herself and her own dreams, but he could never be hers anyway.
“Karla?”
She froze at the sound of Taurian’s voice behind her.
It was too late. She’d hoped to slip away without talking to him, but he had found her. Relief warred with panic in her heart.
She turned around slowly, trying to tell her body not to react.
It was a pointless exercise. She reacted even before she saw him. Her body temperature rose a notch, and considering she was standing in the summer sun, that was saying something. Her heart-rate sped up, and her breathing hitched. He was gorgeous, no denying that.
The lower angle of the sun turned everything to gold, including him. His skin shone, and the sun brought out he highlights in his dark hair. And highlighted the frown on his face. He crossed the distance between them quickly. “Where were you going?”
Karla felt a stab of guilt. She should have told him, but she’d known he’d only try to talk her out of leaving. Probably successfully.
“I’m going home, Taurian,” she said softly. “We both know this isn’t going to work. I have my own life to live, and you have yours. And it looks like it’s already planned out.”
“I haven’t planned anything yet,” Taurian said firmly. “My clan don’t understand that you are more valuable than any life dragon. You’ve helped me through everything since I woke, and I know you can help us through this. You are the only one I want, Karla. Will you mate with me?”
His heartfelt words slammed into her chest, causing her to stumble back. She stared at him. She’d been so certain that he would be swayed by his clan’s insistence on the pairing they had planned for him. She almost was herself.
His intense gaze and determination almost caused her reservations to begin to melt, along with her knees. Why was she surprised? Knowing how passionate he was about everything else, why should it surprise her he would be passionate about mating? He made her feel like she was the only important person in the world, even more important than his clan.
For a moment, she let herself imagine mating with him. And not just the physical part. She imagined waking up beside him each morning, talking to the clan elders, planning a way to defeat Ultrima, caring for his people, and most of all, loving and supporting him no matter whether things failed or succeeded.
Somehow though, even though the picture was perfect when it was just the two of them, she couldn’t imagine his clan accepting her. Not like they would accept Wayrian. The look in their eyes would always be doubt. There would always be a hint of the fact that they felt things would be better if she wasn’t there. He might not care about his clan’s disapproval in this moment, but long term their censure would be a constant weight on the relationship.
That, she could probably live with. She’d never depended on outside acceptance for her choices.
What she couldn’t handle was Taurian feeling that way.
He loved his clan, even though they weren’t even the same people as they had been when he’d left. They were a part of him, an integral part. That much was obvious. Even when he asked her to mate with him, he’d talked about how it would be better for his clan.
She hadn’t realised that until she saw him here. This was his life. An irrefutable part of who he was. She could never separate him from them. If she accepted him, she had to accept this too.
She’d always known that, it was what had held her back from committing. Until now, it hadn’t occurred to her what it would mean for him to choose her.
He knew it. He had to. Yet, it hadn’t held him back at all. If anything, it had made him more determined. Karla’s heart fluttered in her chest, and longing stirred deep inside her. A love that strong, that determined, it could last a lifetime.
But she couldn’t say yes. Her heart ached at the fact that she had to refuse him. Even if her own heart and mind had been in complete agreement, the conflict between her and his clan would tear him apart, and force him to make choices he should never have to make.
Every breath she drew hurt, as though she would never be free of this pain again. She was sure that her heart would never be whole again, but she knew she was making the right decision.
“I’m sorry, Taurian. I can’t,” she said softly. “I can’t take you away from your clan when they need you most. We’ve had a lot of fun, but it’s over now. We both need to stop pretending, and go back to our real lives.”
Karla forced herself to look into his eyes. Suddenly, this was reminiscent of telling Bruce that things were over. Except far harder, because this time it wasn’t just guilt that swamped her, it was real, honest, gut wrenching pain. Almost enough to double her over.
Denial was written all over his face. “No, I won’t let it be over. We can do this, Karla. We’ve already beaten Ultrima together several times, and we can do it again. I’m sure we can. Then the clan will have to accept you as my mate.”
He had this crazy thought that she could help him and his clan, more than this all powerful life dragon that had everyone in awe. But she knew the truth. Escaping from Ultrima and Edtrima had been pure luck. She couldn’t do that on command.
“That was a game of chess, Taurian. I beat him at a game of chess. That’s just a matter of knowing the rules. But I’m not a dragon, I don’t do battles and fights.”
“We beat him at his lair too,” Taurian argued. “If it weren’t for your help, he would have killed me there,” he insisted. There was desperation in his tone. A desperation Karla could understand only too well, because she felt the same thing. But it wasn’t going to work.
She wasn’t a leader. She never had been. And he had to be, whether he wanted to or not.
He was already stepping up to the plate. She could see it in the set of his broad shoulders and the angle of his jaw. He thought he needed her, but what he didn’t know was that he had the ability within himself.
“You will find a way, Taurian. I know you will. I’m only going to get in your way, and distract you from the things you have to do.”
She could see it in his eyes. The understanding of the truth she spoke, even though he didn’t want to believe it. Fire swirled through them, and Karla knew how easy it would to be lost in their depths. She wanted to do anything she could to relieve that pain.
But she made herself stand up straight and not avoid it. At least this time she had no reason to feel ashamed. She was making the right choice—for both of them.
“You need to… to mate with Wayrian. It’s the right thing to do, and you know it.” Karla swallowed, trying to keep the tears at bay. Once he mated with Wayrian, the bond would make them care about each other, wouldn’t it? Taurian’s pain would fade, and he would forget about her.
That wouldn’t help her.
Damn him, she’d been coping just fine until he came out here and found her. She’d even convinced herself that this was for the best, that it was what she wanted. Why did he have to go and ask her to mate with him?
She could see the sadness and acceptance in his eyes, dampening his golden fire into a dull yellow. “I don’t want it to be.” His voice was flat and hollow. “I wish there was some other way.�
�� He caught her hand and held it, the warmth seeping into her.
She wanted to stay like that, holding his hand forever, because she knew that once she let go, it would be over. Then his fire would fade away, and she wasn’t sure she’d ever feel warm again.
None of the others said a word, though Karla could feel their eyes boring into her.
Karla drew in a deep, shaky breath, and let the dream go. Time to move on. “Then it’s better if I go. Then you can do what you have to, without regrets.” There, that was more like it. Her voice was stronger now, more certain. It hid the fact that her heart was breaking.
She hoped.
She could see the indecision warring on Taurian’s face. She understood it, because it was what was happening in her own mind.
There wasn’t anything more to say. She’d told him. Both of them understood now. Karla turned towards her friends, trying to ignore the shocked and concerned looks on their faces. “Let’s get out of here,” she said quietly. “I’ll explain on the way to the airport.”
Movement in the bush to her left distracted her. Surely it wasn’t those damn shadows again? Jayrian had said that once they were gone, they wouldn’t come back.
This wasn’t a shadow. Silver scales flashed gold in the sunlight.
Karla was aware of a movement behind her and spun around just in time to see Taurian transform, his clothes tearing from his body as his scales formed. Gasps of surprise echoed behind her.
Taurian leapt into the air, the wind from his wings rushing over Karla as he flew after the silver dragon.
Karla’s heart beat as though it, too, needed the adrenalin to chase an enemy dragon.
Both of them shot off over the trees at an incredible speed. Karla hadn’t known Taurian could move that fast. She watched, her heart in her throat, as they disappeared out of sight. She should do something, call Taurian’s clan and get them to help him, but she couldn’t make herself move.