by Rob Loveless
“Andrew,” she finished.
“Yeah,” he said. “And then, along comes Jacob. He’s good-looking and we get along, and he has a job and cares about family too; he’s perfect on paper. He’s a catch—especially compared to some of the crazies I’ve gone out with. So why can’t I feel anything?”
“I think you’re putting too much pressure on yourself to have things work out,” Sophie reasoned. “You’re allowed to go out with someone and not have feelings for them.”
“I know, but…this happens with everyone I go out with. I don’t know if I’m going out with the wrong guys, or if I’m doing something wrong—if I’m not letting myself fall for anyone else.”
“Maybe you just need some time to yourself and avoid dating,” Sophie offered.
“You’re probably right,” Cal concurred. “But whatever I do, I can’t win. If I don’t date, then I wallow at home because I’m single and regret that I took that job and never got to be with Andrew. Or, if I do date, I focus on all the guy’s flaws and ways that he’s not Andrew, and then I’m miserable I’m not with him.”
“I think if you date someone for a while and give it some time, then you’ll be able to forget about Andrew.”
“But I’m afraid I’ll date someone for a while and still won’t have any feelings for them. And I don’t want to lead anyone on.”
“Well, you can’t always worry about that,” Sophie insisted. “Sometimes you have to focus on yourself and your feelings.”
“But I don’t want to be Andrew because that’s exactly what he did,” Cal countered.
“Well don’t be a douchebag, obviously. But you can’t always worry about things working out or someone else’s feelings. You need to pay attention to what feels right to you too.”
“I know,” he said, and then glanced around at several nearby cars.
“So, are you gonna see Jacob again?” Sophie questioned.
“I’m not sure yet,” he admitted with a slight sigh. “This place sucks though. Let’s go check out somewhere else.”
Cal and Sophie drove over to another car dealership about ten minutes down the road. Unlike the last lot, this one possessed a larger assortment of vehicles, ranging from very affordable yet semi-worn cars to pricier, newer models. Cal walked into the office and spoke with a car dealer while Sophie wandered through the lot, scrutinizing the various vehicles.
The car dealer began to walk Cal through his inventory, showcasing models that were in Cal’s budget and with decent mileage. There were several vehicles that appealed to him, both in terms of specifications and appearance. After a while, Cal had set his sights on a modest dark-blue car that was a few years old.
“Hey, Cal,” Sophie called.
“Yeah,” he responded, and began walking toward her.
“I think you should get this one,” she said with a chuckle as she gestured to the vehicle she had been eyeing. It was a sleek midnight-black sports car with tinted windows and luxurious silver rims.
“Ha, I wish,” he replied as he inspected under the hood of the vehicle that appeared to be pristine and well-maintained. “How much is it?”
“Twenty-seven thousand,” Sophie informed him as she read the tag on the vehicle. “It’s two years old and only has thirty thousand miles on it. That’s not a bad price for this.”
“Too bad it’s just a little out of my price range,” he reminded her.
“So? You’ve already paid off your student loans; treat yourself,” she teased.
“Maybe I’ll treat myself in ten years when I’ve got a little bit more of a financial cushion,” Cal reasoned. “Come on. I think I actually did find a car—one I can afford.”
He and Sophie strolled over to the car dealer and arranged to take the dark-blue car out for a test drive. It may not have been as sexy as the sleek sports vehicle, but it drove well and had a polished finish and classy appearance about it that was certainly an upgrade from his last vehicle.
When they returned to the lot, Cal was satisfied with the test drive and was ready to purchase the car. He went back into the office and spoke to the dealer, who informed him that the paperwork for the vehicle was filed at their satellite company in the next town over, and they would need to have it sent to their office from the other location. Since the dealership was going to be closed on Sunday, Cal arranged a time on Monday after work to purchase the vehicle.
While Cal was there, he wrote out a check to place a deposit and then left with Sophie. Car shopping had gone much quicker than anticipated, and since it was just past noon, the two decided to go out to lunch. As Cal drove to their favorite Chinese restaurant, his phone began buzzing in his pocket. He waited until he reached a red traffic light to retrieve it, but by that time the call had already gone to his voicemail, and vibrated once more to notify him that someone had left a message.
“Can you check who it is?” Cal asked as he handed his phone over to Sophie, without glancing at its screen.
Sophie took it and began to listen to the voicemail. When the light turned green, Cal pressed the gas and continued toward the restaurant. He couldn’t identify the muffled voice playing over the voicemail, but in his peripheral vision, he could see Sophie’s face drop.
“Don’t tell me it’s Jacob,” Cal grimaced.
“No, it’s work,” she stated in disbelief. “Something happened; we need to get over there now.”
“Shit,” he swore before he made a quick U-turn and sped toward the gym.
When they arrived, Cal parked right next to the curb, ignoring the “no parking” sign. He and Sophie hurried out of the car and were greeted by emergency vehicles and the owner of the facility.
“This can’t be good,” Sophie said aloud before they reached the gym entrance.
“Hey, guys,” the owner greeted in a grim tone.
“Mr. Banks, what happened?” Cal asked.
“A pipe burst in one of the upstairs locker rooms.”
“How bad is it?” Sophie wondered.
“The locker room was flooded, and some of the equipment below it was damaged,” Mr. Banks informed them. “We’re going to need to tear up the floor upstairs to see how bad the damage is. Plus, all the equipment will need to be assessed to see what needs to be replaced.”
“How long is that going to take?” Cal inquired.
“At least two weeks. We’re closing down the gym till then, and we’ll extend the closure if need be,” he stated. “Don’t worry though. It’ll be counted as paid time off for the employees, and it won’t be deducted from their vacation days. But, Cal, I need your help, and I’m sorry to ask you this on your day off.”
“No worries, what can I do?” he asked.
“Can you work on an email to send out to all the clients, and set up an automated phone message letting them know about the closure?” Mr. Banks requested. “The staff also needs to be informed.”
“Sure thing. I’ll get started on that,” Cal replied.
Just after three o’clock, Cal and Sophie finished notifying clients and employees alike of the gym’s untimely closure. By then, the two friends were too exhausted from a long day of browsing cars and handling a work crisis to go out to eat. Instead, they drove back to Cal’s apartment and then parted ways.
Having not eaten since that morning, Cal was starving and headed into his kitchen to prepare a quick meal. However, as he reached for the fridge, his phone began buzzing once again. He pulled it out from his pocket, in case it was a work-related call, but discovered it was his mother.
“Hey, Mom,” Cal answered, in a somewhat disgruntled voice, before he turned his attention back to the fridge.
“Gee, don’t sound too excited,” Mrs. Adams remarked.
“Sorry, I had a rough day,” he apologized as he retrieved a chicken breast and some vegetables.
“Aw, what’s wrong?”
“My car died on me Monday, so Sophie and I went to look at some cars today, but then we got a call from work and a pipe burst and flooded th
e locker room.”
“What is this? I don’t see you for a week and all this happens?” his mother exclaimed. “How bad is it at the gym?”
“Pretty bad,” Cal grumbled and grabbed a frying pan from the dish rack. “It’s going to be closed for at least two weeks.”
“Oh no! What are you going to do then?” she wondered.
“I don’t know; hang around here, I guess. Mr. Banks is giving paid time off for the closure.”
“That’s good that you’re still getting paid during this,” Mrs. Adams stated.
“Yeah, I guess,” Cal replied. “Mom, I was just getting ready to cook some dinner for myself. Did you need something, or can I call you back to chat when I’m done?”
“Well, I was really calling to see what your plans were next week for Christmas.”
“Oh, um, I’m not sure.”
“You know, Claire and Andrew are coming to stay with us for the whole week leading up to Christmas.”
“Yeah, I remember you saying that,” Cal said as calmly as possible.
“You should stay with us too,” his mother reasoned.
There it is.
“We have the extra guest bedroom, and it would be nice to have the family together,” Mrs. Adams continued. “Plus, I could use the extra help before the rest of our clan comes in for Christmas Day.”
“Well, I don’t know if I can, Mom.”
“Why not? You just said the gym is going to be closed for the next two weeks.”
“But Mr. Banks might need me,” he countered.
“So what will you be doing while you wait for him since he might need you?”
“I don’t know. I’ll just lie low here and…read,” Cal lied.
“You’re going to stay cooped up in your apartment to read for two weeks before Christmas? Cal, that’s not healthy.”
“Mom, I’ve got other things to do—”
“I’m making a nice dinner on Monday for when Claire and Andrew get here—”
“And I’ve got errands to run—”
“It’ll be so nice having everyone together—”
“But, Mom—”
“Okay, I’ll see you next Monday at six. Bye!” His mother hung up, leaving Cal alone in his kitchen which was silent other than the sizzling chicken and vegetables in the frying pan. At twenty-five years old, Cal was still amazed at how his mother was always able to get the last word in.
He turned his attention back to the stove and finished cooking his meal, although his appetite had subsided. The thought of having to be in the same house as Andrew for an entire week caused Cal’s anxiety to spike, leaving his stomach in knots. He set the chicken and vegetables aside and decided to save it for later as his face flushed and his hands shook due to his nerves.
Cal strode to the sink in the bathroom and splashed some cold water on his face. He took a deep breath as he attempted to calm himself. After several moments, his body grew steadier and his complexion returned to normal. Still, he grasped the bathroom counter for support as he took another stabilizing breath.
“You’re okay. You’re okay,” Cal reassured himself, though his stomach continued to churn with anxiety, and his eyes stung like they could form tears. However, he refused to allow a single tear to escape from his gray eyes. He could not allow himself to feel weakened by Andrew again. Instead, he gazed ahead at himself in the mirror. It was funny, since a week ago, he had observed how Andrew’s physical appearance had altered slightly over the past three years. Now that Cal was staring at himself in the mirror, he wondered how much his own appearance had changed.
His medium-length, dark-brown hair was much the same as it had been when he and Andrew had met, but that was the only real similarity. His then slim body was now toned and muscular, and the beard he had been growing throughout the last semester of college had been stripped and replaced by a clean-shaven face. However, inspecting himself in the mirror, Cal realized he hated everything he saw.
He was tired of having the same haircut. He disliked how his smooth complexion created a sense of innocence and youthfulness in his face. He was unsatisfied with how his clothing merely hung on his body as opposed to complementing it. Sophie’s words rang through his ears:
You’re not the same person you were three and a half years ago. You’re not the same scared twenty-one-year-old you were back then. Come on, admit it! You’re hot! It’s his turn to regret the past.
Cal wanted to change. He was bored with his appearance and wanted to create a new version of himself—a better version of himself. He wanted to create a new, desirable image that would make anyone envious. The next time Andrew saw him, Cal wanted to leave him drooling and kicking himself in the ass for letting him get away. The next time Andrew saw him, Cal wouldn’t be a bumbling idiot dressed in his father’s ill-fitting hand-me-downs. No, the next time Andrew saw him, Cal would be a vengeful ghost, haunting his ex with the memories of what could’ve been.
It’s his turn to regret the past.
“Fuck you, Andrew,” Cal spat.
Chapter Eight
Despite the gym’s closure and having two weeks of paid time off, Cal still awoke by six o’clock Monday morning. Even on his usual days off, Cal rarely slept past eight and was more productive by waking up at an earlier hour. Today, however, he had much to accomplish, so he welcomed the annoying chirp of his alarm clock, and he rolled out of bed with ease. That morning marked the commencement of Cal’s transformation, his recreation, and it was a change he was eager to make.
Cal ate a light breakfast, changed into his training shorts and a compression shirt, and drove over to a community gym; he was not going to miss a workout simply because his usual gym was closed. Working out was almost therapeutic for Cal, who believed that exerting himself helped to build a sturdy foundation both physically and emotionally. That morning, though, his workout was much more rewarding.
With every weight Cal lifted, it seemed as though he lifted another emotional weight of Andrew off his chest. With every muscle Cal activated, he felt as though he amplified its growth to better entice Andrew. The thought of his ex groveling after seeing his soon-to-be updated appearance made Cal smile, and it motivated him to push himself through his exercises.
After completing his workout, Cal departed from the gym feeling accomplished and headed home briefly since he still had several errands to run. Cal showered and then—still wrapped in his towel—retrieved his phone to schedule a hair appointment. Usually, he went to the local barbershop down the road, because all he had needed in the past was a quick trim, and the barber was cheap. However, Cal did not want a simple touch-up today. What he needed was a whole new hairstyle.
He searched online for various hair salons in his area. After several minutes, he found a pricier, upscale place with many positive reviews, and he dialed the number. A bubbly receptionist answered after the first ring and searched through her appointment book for an opening. She flipped through several pages and then discovered one of the stylists would be available the next morning shortly after the salon opened. Cal booked the appointment and thanked the receptionist before he hung up.
Then, he called the car dealership he and Sophie had browsed over the weekend. When the salesman answered, Cal asked if he could come in earlier than scheduled to finalize the paperwork for the car, since he no longer had to work. The salesman had no objections, and he and Cal agreed on meeting in an hour. After he ended the call, Cal removed his towel and dressed himself. Upon seeing himself in the mirror, he frowned. Cal was not a bad dresser by any means, but he felt frumpy in his current wardrobe. He decided he would stop at a nearby department store to purchase some new clothes after he was finished at the car dealership.
Just as Cal was about to leave to pick up his car, his phone vibrated; it was Jacob.
Hey handsome! Hope you had a great rest of your weekend! I was wondering if you wanted to grab drinks tonight?
Cal rolled his eyes and shoved the phone in his pocket, without answering. D
espite his conversation with Sophie on Saturday, he was still uncertain about how to handle this situation with Jacob. Cal did not know if he had genuine feelings for him, and he did not want to lead Jacob on. No matter how great Jacob seemed, he could not compare to Andrew and the fact that Cal was attempting to show how much better off he was without Andrew did not help to keep his former flame off his mind. Cal sighed and figured he’d think Jacob’s offer over on his way to the car dealership before he made a decision; he wanted to say yes, but thought he should say no.
When Cal arrived at the lot, he saw the modest, dark-blue car he would be purchasing, which had been parked right next to the dealer’s office. He stepped out of the rental vehicle—which he had arranged to be picked up by the rental company at that location—and was hit with the brisk weather. As Cal crossed the lot toward the office, the sleek, midnight-black sports car caught his eye. He hurried into the office to escape the chill of December and greeted the salesman with a firm handshake before they began the process of completing the necessary paperwork for his new car.
About thirty minutes later, Cal walked out of the dealer’s office with his keys. He stepped into his new vehicle and proudly drove out of the lot, heading toward the mall. However, he did not drive away in the modest blue vehicle. Instead, he had splurged and purchased the sleek, midnight-black sports car with tinted windows and luxurious, silver rims. He knew it might be foolish to have bought a car that was somewhat out of his price range since it was considered a depreciating asset and—being only twenty-five—he was on a budget. However, Cal was never one to spend money in a frivolous manner, and he saved a considerable portion of every paycheck. While he had spent more on this sexy sports car than he had intended, he knew he still had enough money saved to cover his bills for the next year, as well as any other unforeseeable costs that may appear in the immediate future.
Screw being practical, Cal thought giddily as he cruised down the highway toward the mall. Yes, it was important to be frugal, but what good was it to have additional money saved if he wasn’t going to spend some of it?